Reece’s eyes narrow. “And how do you know this?”
“They questioned Evan before me and brought him back. Your mom came with him and told him what I just told you.”
We stand around unsure what to do, and Jo finally breaks the silence. “After what just happened with Julia and the entire day, we’re tired. I say we try to get some sleep and maybe they’ll let Julia go see him tomorrow and talk some sense into him.”
Reece nods his approval and disappears down the hall.
Jo and I share a bed, and even though I’m exhausted, I have trouble falling asleep. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold onto my sanity, and I’m not sure what to do about it. But looming even larger is the fact that Evan is destined to die unless I can figure out a way to get him to spill his secrets. But even as I think this, I know he’ll take them to his grave.
Chapter Nineteen
I walk to Evan’s cell, my stomach in knots. They’ve allowed me to visit him after Reece put in the request. I think they hope I’ll be able to reason with him, but I know that once Evan has made up his mind, there’s little chance of changing it. After all, that’s how he made his way through the portal to my world—once he realized I was alive, nothing would stop him from finding me.
He sits on his cot, facing the opposite wall when the guard opens the door for me. He looks up as I enter, and fear and panic wash over his face. Jumping to his feet, he grabs the bars. “Why is she here? She doesn’t know anything!”
I cover his hand with my own. “Evan, it’s okay. I’m just here to see you.”
Closing his eyes, he leans his forehead against the bars, releasing an exhale. “Thank God.”
The guard unlocks the door to Evan’s cell and opens it, then waits.
I walk through the opening, ignoring the anxiety that brews inside my gut. I’m not locked in here permanently. I can leave, but Evan can’t. Unless I can convince him to cooperate.
The guard closes me in and then leaves.
I throw my arms around Evan’s neck and bury my face into his chest. He holds me for several seconds before he pulls me away to look me over. “Are you okay? Have they hurt you?”
I grab both of his cheeks, checking him over to make sure he’s all right. “I’m fine. You’re the one in trouble.”
His face lowers and when his lips find mine, I tighten my hold on him. There’s something about him that makes me feel whole and safe. I nearly laugh at the ridiculousness of my thought. He’s held behind bars against his will, yet he makes me feel safe. Then again, how can he not? He’s here because he’s trying to protect me and my world.
His mouth crushes mine as though he’s trying to claim me. My fingers twine in his hair, and I pull him closer, needing to know that he’s safe and alive. Even if it’s just for now.
His fingers skim my throat, touching my stitches. Jerking back, he looks at my neck and then back into my eyes. “I put you in danger again.”
“Evan, it doesn’t matter where we are, there’s no guarantee I’ll be safe.” I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his. “We’re here now, Evan. We’re both here right now, alive and in each other’s arms.”
“If anything happens to you…” His eyes are glassy and his voice breaks. His mouth finds mine again. I taste his desperation and fear. My own terror blends with his and we cling to each other in the dingy jail cell.
His hands slide up my back, pressing me against his chest.
This is why I fight to survive. This boy and the love he gives me. My life is a chaotic mess, a hurricane of violence and terror, yet he’s my anchor through it all. The one person who will give everything to keep me safe, even his life.
“I love you, Evan.”
His breath exhales on my cheek and his arms pull me closer. “I love you too, and that’s why I have to protect you.” He brushes kisses along my cheek. “I’ve been so worried about you. What happened when they took you away?”
“Mrs. Collins questioned me, then they locked us in an apartment.”
“The three of you?”
I nod. “Jo told us they’re only giving you a couple of days to tell them what they want to know.”
His face pales and he nods.
I pull him toward the cot and sit next to him. “What do they want to know that you won’t tell them? You said you came here because you thought maybe they could help me get home. What if I don’t want to go home? What if I want to stay here with you?”
He closes his eyes. “Julia.”
“I want to be with you, Evan, wherever that is. If it’s here, so be it. If it’s my world, then I want you to come with me. I need you. You. My home is where you are, not what world I live in.”
“Do you mean it? That you want to be with me no matter where we are?”
I nod with a soft smile. “Yes. I mean it.”
He brushes the hair from my face, fierce determination filling his eyes. “You have to go home, Jules. Julia’s memories are slowly taking over your own. I’m worried they’ll replace yours. I love you, Jules. I don’t want to lose you. The only way I know how to fix this is to send you home. Have you had any more episodes?”
I look down and nod, embarrassed. While I realize I have no control over my memory slips, I’m still not proud of it.
He wraps an arm around my back. “What happened?”
“Her memories completely took over. I had no idea who I really was or where I was from. I thought I was her.”
“How long did it last?”
“I’m not sure. At least five minutes. Maybe ten or fifteen.”
He stiffens and his hand stops. “That long?”
I nod.
“What triggered it?”
“Reece.” I whisper.
He inhales and leans his head on mine. “That must have been scary.”
He has to wonder what happened or what specifically triggered the incident, but he doesn’t ask, and I love him even more.
“I have to get you home, Jules. Soon.”
“We both know that’s impossible. You’re trapped here, and we don’t have the black box. How am I going to get home?”
His hand tightens around my waist. “I’m working on it.”
“We need to figure out how to get you out of this cell. What can you tell them to get out?”
He shakes his head. “I can’t tell them what I know. They want to use it for the same reasons that the UR does. Reece idealized the rebels because his mother feeds him stories about how the rebels are fighting for the greater good. But it turns out they’re the greater good. They’re no better than the United Regions. We can’t trust them.”
Evan is confirming what I already know. But if he doesn’t tell them, he’s condemning himself to death.
He picks up my hand. “We need to start thinking about a Plan B.”
“What are you saying?”
He gives me a grim smile. “I’m saying we need to consider the possibility that you won’t go home. We need to focus on how to save your memories. I should have been coming up with one all along, but I was sure this would work.” He shakes his head. “Stupid.”
“Evan. I need you. Don’t you see? If something happens to you, I’ll be alone here. Please don’t leave me alone.” The last part sounds desperate and needy, but I don’t care.
“No, Jules. You won’t be alone. You’ll have Reece. And Jo.”
“I’ll have Jo, but it won’t be the same thing as you. And Reece…he doesn’t love me. He loves the other Julia.” And she loves him. If I stay with Reece, I’ll lose myself completely.
His face is level with mine, inches away, and he whispers, “Jules, the other night, when you got attacked. You were right. I didn’t leave you alone to search the area. I was working on something.”
“What?”
He leans into my ear, his breath tickling my neck. “A new box.” I start to pull away, but he holds me to his chest, his mouth still next to my ear. “I finished it the other night. Right before I heard the gunsho
ts and ran back to you. I think it can take you home.”
My stomach drops to my feet. “But…how? Where did you get the supplies to make it?”
“I’d brought some in my bag when we took you to the road. In case there was a problem with the box. I found some others in the attic of that house when you went to Deacon City. I worked on it before Reece came back and while Reece was exploring. When we started traveling, I worked on it at night when you were sleeping.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“If you knew before you were questioned, you’d be in here with me, then I would have been forced to tell them to protect you.”
“Don’t we need the spot in the road?” I whisper.
“I don’t know. I haven’t had a chance to test it yet, but it’s ready.”
The possibilities tumble in my head.
“But we can’t let them have it, Jules. That’s why I’m here. They think I’m capable of creating one and I flunked a lie detector test when I said I couldn’t duplicate it. They won’t let me leave until I produce a new one.”
My fingers dig into his shoulders. “Then give them the box, Evan.”
“No.” He pulls me back and searches my eyes. “No. I can’t put your world at risk.”
“But—”
He shakes his head then hugs me again. “You have to promise me that you won’t tell anyone I have it.”
Telling them he has it could mean his freedom, but he trusts me to keep his secret. “Tell me what you want me to do.”
“I need you to keep it safe. You have to hide it and make sure no one gets it.”
“Okay.” I sit back and nod. “Where is it?”
He lowers his face to mine and whispers, “It’s in your bag.”
“What?” My mouth drops. “How? I never saw it.”
“I hid it in there after we left the campsite. Have they given you back your bag yet?”
“They brought our bags to us this morning.”
“It’s inside your ivory sweater. If it’s still there. It doesn’t look like a black box anymore so I hope they didn’t realize what it was.”
The answer to our problems is within my reach. How can I use it to save him?
The door to the holding cell opens and Reece’s mother enters, a stern look on her face.
“Evan, I must say I’m disappointed that you’re still here. I’d expect this type of irresponsible behavior from Reece, but not you. You’re much too sensible for this.”
Evan wraps an arm around my back. “I’m sorry. I can’t help you. Mrs. Collins.”
“Our tests say otherwise.” She turns her attention to me. “Were you able to talk some sense into him, Julia?”
Evan stiffens. “She asked me if I could help you, and I told her I didn’t know anything.”
She smiles, but it’s cold. “Has Julia lost the capacity to speak?”
Evan stands and moves in front of the bars. “Leave Julia out of it. I went and found her and dragged her back here. She doesn’t know anything.”
“I’m not sure you realize the implications of you showing up in our front yard, Evan. You were caught spying. You’re the son of the head scientist of the United Regions. It looks suspicious, don’t you think? Perhaps you’re exploiting your friendship with Reece to get access to our compound?”
I turn to her, my anger flashing as I stand. “We’re here because we helped Reece find you, and you know it. What kind of mother leaves her son for some political cause? You broke his heart.”
Her shoulders tense. “What could you possibly know about it? You just arrived in this world a few weeks ago. You don’t even know Reece.”
A memory flashes in my head: Reece giving me his mother’s clothes to wear. His sadness and his pain. I take small comfort that it’s my own. “I know him better than you think.”
Indecision flickers in her eyes before anger replaces it. “You are in no position to question me. I can make sure you both are deemed traitors to our cause and executed.”
Evan jumps to react, but I grab his hand and squeeze. “Can you live with our blood on your hands? What will you tell your son? He knows the truth. Will he forgive you? Do you even care?”
She takes several steps closer then stops and smiles again. “Think carefully what you do, Evan. It affects more than just you.” She turns to leave. “You have twenty-four hours to change your mind or suffer the consequences.”
“What does that mean?”
She stares at me. “I told you to be careful who you chose, Julia.” Her glance shifts to Evan. “What are you willing to lose, Evan?”
“What does that mean?” Evan shouts.
“Julia, you have a few minutes before the guards return to take you back to your holding area.”
The door closes behind her and Evan’s voice breaks, “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not.” My resolve hardens. “Now we need a plan before they take me away.”
“I won’t let them hurt you, Jules. I’ll tell them everything before I let them hurt you.”
I look up into his guilt-stricken face. “Don’t you see? They’re counting on that. That’s why they brought me in here. To drive home the stakes.” I sigh in frustration. This was all part of Mrs. Collins’s plan to break Evan. And I fell right into it. “Don’t tell them, Evan. If they want it that desperately, they want it for evil. We both know that. You can’t let them have the box. We can’t let them have it.”
Tears fill his eyes. “I won’t let them hurt you, Jules. I won’t.”
My lips brush his, gentle kisses to show him everything will be okay, even though we both know it may not be. If I have learned anything in all of this, it’s that we have no guarantees for tomorrow. Only what we have in this moment is sure.
And I’m taking this moment.
The door opens again and a guard walks in.
I wrap my arms around Evan’s neck and kiss him fiercely. “Don’t give up. I’ll come back when I can.”
He nods and gives me one last kiss as the guard opens the cell. Evan takes my hand, and I walk to the opening, our hands linked, our arms extended.
I’m not sure if I can let him go.
He releases first. “Go. Talk to Reece.”
The guard leads me away, and I’m left to wonder what he means by that. Does he want me to tell Reece about the box? I’m not sure that I can.
Jo and Reece wait for me in the apartment and jump off the old sofa when the door opens.
“Is he okay?” Reece asks.
“Why don’t you ask your mother?” I sound hateful and at the moment, I don’t care.
“They won’t really hurt him.” Worry fills his eyes. “It’s just a precaution.”
“Which is why they’ve threatened to do something to me.”
“What?” Terror washes over his face.
Jo begins to pace.
Reece sits on the sofa, grasping his head with his hands. “They just want the information that Evan has. They want access to other universes.”
“And did you ever stop to think about why?”
He looks up, rage filling his eyes. “We’re at war, Julia. If the UR has information and technology that we don’t, then we need to know it.”
“We? You’re already one of them?”
Exasperation floods his face. “You knew I was the night I stuffed you in the hole in my closet. Why is this a surprise to you?”
“Evan is your friend. You brought him here. This is on you, Reece!”
Jo stands back and watches us.
Reece clenches his fists at his sides. “He’s always known where he was going. He knew who these people are.”
“He was looking for help. For me. To send me home.”
His shakes his head. “If he loves you so much, then why is he so eager to send you away?”
I gasp in shock and hurt.
“Reece,” Jo warns.
“You don’t have an answer, do you?”
Tears flood my eyes. “I do, but you�
�re too stubborn and selfish to understand it. He’s doing it to save me. I’m losing myself to her, and you know it.”
He doesn’t answer and I know.
I know.
He doesn’t want me to go home. If I don’t go home, I’ll eventually become her. Reece is biding his time and waiting.
Jo’s eyes widen as understanding hits her too.
I take several deep breaths, forcing myself to calm down. Even though the memories in my head scream for release, desperate to be with him. “Reece, think about this. I’m not her.”
He looks away and rubs the back of his neck. “We have to face the truth. He won’t send you home, Julia. And if he really wanted to, he’d give my mother the information she wants so the scientists here could do it. We have to face the possibility that you’re stuck here.”
I want to preserve Evan’s honor and tell Reece that Evan has duplicated the box, but after Reece’s revelations, I don’t dare.
He reaches for my hand, then stops. “Look, I helped get you into this mess too. I’ll do everything I can to keep them from hurting you. I swear. But Evan’s the one who holds the cards right now.”
Reece doesn’t add that if I lose myself, I’ll become the person he’s wanted for months. Possibly years. The person I keep slipping into, then ripping away from him. I step toward him and a wariness pinches his face. I stare into his eyes, trying to find the Reece I know. He’s in there, trapped behind the pain and jealousy. “Think about what you’re doing, Reece.”
He groans. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Any of it. Every time I try to dig out of this hole we’ve made, the deeper we get. Maybe it’s time to throw in the towel and accept things the way they are. We’re here with the rebels. They’ll take us in. It’s time to stop running.”
“But what about me?” Even as I ask it, I wonder if it’s fair to ask him to put himself in danger for me any more than he already has.
A calmness washes over him, his anger fading. “I told you that I won’t let them hurt you. I mean that. And I promise that I’ll help you every way I can to get home, but I won’t lie. I’ve thought about what happens if you can’t go. If you stay and she takes over. I want to save you, Julia, but if I can’t…”
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