by H, Caity
Ty waved as we walked over. It had become routine almost, and it was starting to drive me insane. He’d wave, say something to whatever group he was with, and then jog over to talk. But it was never about soccer, or school; it was always about Honeybee. I understood more and more each day why he told people that his cousin was off limits. Having to listen to Ty ramble on about Honeybee was draining in every sense of the word.
“Hey,” he greeted, stopping in front of us. “You boys ready?” he had a large grin on his face.
Desmond nodded, slapping me on the back. “The first game against Westview is in two days, I’m so ready.”
I rubbed my eyes. “Is it possible to rest up for a week beforehand?” I received a few laughs in response. It wasn’t the response I wanted, but it was the one I’d expected.
Ty grinned and then said, “I invited Olivia to the game.”
“So? She goes to Westview,” I replied, but then his words connected and I understood what he meant. “Oh.”
From the way he talked, they were already an item. She hadn’t said much about it, but maybe that kind of conversation would be awkward. Maybe she knew that and was trying to be nice, but if she was dating him officially, didn’t I deserve to at least be notified?
He nodded, grinning as he said, “Yep. Maybe it’s wrong to date the enemy, and stupid to hope she’ll cheer for me, but I figured what the heck? It can’t hurt anything to have another hot lady in the crowd.”
I could feel the temperature of my body raising. He’d invite Honeybee to a game. Honeybee. My Honeybee.
For weeks he’d been going on about her, calling and talking to her all the time. Then he would relay everything to me and Desmond, like I really cared to know what he thought about my best friend. Now he was inviting her to the game, as what? The girl he went on dates with, or as his girlfriend?
What if I was there to witness the way he held her? The mental image alone of him holding her in his arms was enough to make my stomach turn.
Shaking my head, I said, “It’s kind creepy. You’re what, twenty-one, twenty-two? And you’re hardcore hitting on an eighteen year old.”
Ty raised an eyebrow at me, glancing at Desmond. “I’m sorry? She’s legal, what’s it matter how old she is? Three years difference isn’t that bad, anyways.” He laughed, waving away my words.
I wasn’t about to admit my argument was pretty weak. “Legal or not, she’s still naïve. She doesn’t get that you’re not in it for the long haul.”
“Says who?” he countered with a smirk.
I really wanted to hit him.
Desmond set a hand on my shoulder. “He’s overprotective of her. Don’t mind him.” He chuckled, it was forced, and then dragged me away.
I wrenched myself out of his grip. “I’m not overprotective. You know I’m right,” I watched Ty as he rejoined the group. “He doesn’t care about her.”
Desmond ran a hand over his face, groaning as he did. “You can’t know that, Lex. He might really care about her.”
“He doesn’t. The guy’s just in it for himself. He could care less about Honeybee and her feelings.” I groaned, running my hands through my hair. “She’s too naïve to be dating college guys.”
“She’s not the problem,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “You are.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, sure. My supposed love for her, right? Listen, she can date whoever she wants as long as they’re not complete jerks.” She’d been hurt enough as it was, and I didn’t want to let it happen again if I could help it.
“This is becoming really old really fast.” The glare in his eyes burned. His fists were tight, and his arms were tense, like he was trying really hard not to hit me.
“What?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
He gestured to me, waving his hand toward the field and Ty. “This. You. Honeybee.” I tried to interrupt, but he shook his head and kept going. “Lex, you've had a thousand chances to make a move and you haven’t. Yet, the second she starts to slip away from you, to move on, you pull her right back and fight like hell to make her stay. Why is that?”
“I don’t do that,” I said and rolled my eyes. “I just don’t want her to fall for someone who isn't worthy of her.”
He scoffed, shaking his head as he turned away from me. “Sure. You’re just stalling until you work up enough courage to be honest with yourself and then her.”
“Why does everyone think they know what I'm feeling?”
Desmond’s laughter was mocking. “Because you’re so easy to read!”
I looked away from him, noting the looks the rest of the team occasionally shot our way. Desmond didn’t really have an inside voice; they could hear him lecturing me on love. At least Ty seemed to be distracted, or he was pretending not to hear what we were fighting about.
“It's a wonder she hasn't figured it out already,” he muttered.
I ground my teeth. “There is nothing to figure out. We. Are. Friends. Nothing more, okay? I don't know what your problem is, or why everyone thinks we're supposed to be together, but we're not okay? Why can't you guys just move on?
“We'll move on when you do,” he shot back with a glare. “And seeing how angry you are at the idea of her going out with another guy, it seems clear that you haven't.”
Coach Richard’s walked onto the field and blew his whistle. Practice was starting. Everyone started to converge around him. I moved to follow them, but Desmond wasn’t done ripping me a new one just yet. He grabbed my arm and held me back, barely blinking as I turned to glare at him.
“Suck it up and be honest about your motivations. You're not going to have endless chances, because one day she will move on. She'll find someone who loves her without the mind games or childish jealousy. And when that day comes, if it's not you, you're going to wish you had listened to everyone you're mad at right now.” Without another word he let me go and stormed over to the field
His words shouldn’t have scared me. They shouldn’t have done anything, but his last sentence? It made my legs wobble and stomach flop.
Sixteen: Win Some, Lose Some
The first big game against Westview was here, and the entire team was ready. We’d gone over drills, we’d stretched and worked out and it felt like my entire body was vibrating in anticipation.
The bleachers were full of people decked out in school colors. Bartlow had gold and black on, Westview wore blues and brown. For the most part they sat on opposite sides, but there was some intermingling going on, too.
I didn’t know where Honeybee was, but she’d text me to say she was coming. She’d probably text Desmond and Ty, too.
I couldn’t get Desmond’s lecture out of my head. He was wrong, of course. I knew he was. I didn’t have feelings for her, couldn’t. But it didn’t stop his words from replaying over and over again in my brain.
“Have you seen Olivia?” Ty asked as he skidded to a stop beside us. “I can’t tell anyone apart.”
I shook my head. “I haven’t seen her. But, Desmond disappeared a few minutes ago. Maybe he saw her.” He’d run off toward the bleachers, racing up through the crowds of yellow and black. I’d lost him in the blur of color.
“Right, okay,” Ty said. “Hey.” He looked up and slapped my shoulder. “You ready? Game one against Westview. Maybe next time you’ll be on the field with me.”
I smirked. “Yeah, probably not.”
“I could always put in a good word for you with Coach.”
It had come to the point where I didn’t know if Ty was being friendly for my sake or because he was hoping I’d tell Honeybee about what a great person he was. I generally just assumed that when he was overly nice it was because he wanted to score brownie points with Honeybee.
With a shake of my head I said, “No. If I’m going to play in a game I need to do it on my own. No favors.”
With a shrug, he said, “Suit yourself. Desmond would’ve taken me up on my offer without even hesitating.”
It was true.
Desmond was soccer, and he would’ve done pretty much anything to get in good with Coach and the alphas.
“If you haven’t figured it out already, I’m not exactly Desmond.”
He grinned, waving as he raced off down the field toward the rest of our teammates.
I turned and saw Pete charging over with a few of the other guys. The Westview mascot was making its way down the field, dressed in our team’s colors with a jersey. As soon as the crowd spotted him, there was an uproar of cheers and boos. I grinned. Our crowd was louder than Westview’s.
“Who’s in the suit?” I asked as Pete stopped beside me.
He smirked, looking from the crowd to the mascot again. “What other red shirt do you know that would jump at the chance?” he laughed, slapping me on the back. “Desmond.”
Of course it was Desmond.
He drop kicked a soccer ball and sent it flying toward the crowd, cheering when one of our own caught it.
There was something so perfect about the energy of a soccer game. The crowd was buzzing, the players jumping up and down as they waited for the game to really begin. It was one of the best parts about playing, or even being at a game. That energy, the crowd and the emotion, it was one of the reasons I loved soccer so much. In my life, I hadn’t found something that really matched it.
Definitely a night to remember.
The whistle blew and the players started to converge to the field. I stayed back, wearing my jersey with pride even though I probably wouldn’t see field time during the game. Desmond ran over, the head of the costume tucked underneath his arm. His face was red and he was breathing hard, a grin stretched from ear to ear.
“Did Ty ask, or did you just volunteer?” I asked, glancing sideways at him. His grin gave away the answer. “Maybe you could wear our mascot next time,” I said.
I tried again to find Honeybee in the crowd. In her school colors, she’d blend in with everyone else. She should’ve dyed her hair some unnatural color, too. Maybe then we’d always be able to spot each other.
Shaking my head, I focused on the game. I could look around for her at the end of the game. Until then, I planned on enjoying the game and everything that entailed.
***
My heart was hammering against my chest as the time ticked down. With a point separating the winner from the loser, all we had to do for the next thirty seconds was stop them from getting another goal.
Desmond was jumping up and down, the mascot suit discarded on the bench behind us. We’d get them their mascot back after the game. I wasn’t sure where our own mascot had disappeared to, but I didn’t really care. We were ten seconds from winning.
As the timer sounded, the crowd erupted and I cheered with them. We shouted and screamed, charging across the field until we met up with the players on the field. There was a huge circle of Bartlow players on the field, screaming out our victory. The rush of a win couldn’t be beaten
The field slowly became a pool of players and other Bartlow students. Everyone was smiling and high-fiving each other, hollering at the top of their lungs. My grin felt permanent.
I looked around for Honeybee, but didn’t see her. Desmond was talking to some girls I didn’t know, Ty was talking to some of the other guys near the edge of the field.
I started walking that way.
I was almost to Ty when I saw her. Off and on throughout the entire game I had looked for my best friend, and the first person she ran to wasn’t me. It wasn’t Desmond. It was Ty. I wanted to believe that it was just because he was the first person she saw that she knew. But I doubted that was the reason, more so when I saw the way her eyes smiled at him.
Honeybee ran to Ty and flung her arms around him. He laughed, holding her close as he spun her around. She was smiling at him, eyes crinkled at the sides. She looked so happy, and it made me sick.
That was the moment everything connected. Desmond made sense. Ryan made sense. My brain and heart could finally agree on what I felt. That clarity changed everything. I could finally see what I’d been blinded to for so long.
She wasn’t supposed to be with Ty. She was supposed to be with me.
When Ty leaned close and kissed her, it felt like someone had shoved a knife into my chest. I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t look away. My eyes were stuck, glued, to the scene before me. I could see the way she smiled against his mouth.
The knife only twisted, pushing deeper.
“Lex,” Desmond said, coming up beside me. I couldn’t respond. And I didn’t have to when he saw Honeybee and Ty engaged in a lip lock. The rest of the team cheered and hollered at the two of them, but I wanted to throw up.
I shook myself and pushed past Desmond, ignoring the way he called my name, and heading straight to the locker rooms. Hiding was weak, but it was the only thing I could think of to do.
I didn’t look when I passed Honeybee and Ty. I didn’t look when she said my name. I focused really hard on not paying her any attention when she said my name again, louder this time. And I nearly had a panic attack when she came after me.
“For crying out loud, I know you’re not deaf!” she muttered, pulling me around to face her. She had a smile on her face, eyes crinkled in mirth. She looked so innocently happy and I had to stop myself from yelling at her with everyone around. It would be childish and immature of me. Even if I really wanted to.
My eyes didn’t meet hers. “I need to get changed, can we talk later?” I asked, intending to find a reason to be busy later.
She frowned and continued to follow me even as I walked toward the locker rooms.
“You’re not allowed in here, Bee,” I told her, not turning around as I spoke.
She scoffed. “When has that ever kept you out of places?” she asked, her footsteps echoing as she raced to catch up with me. “Lex, what’s wrong? You won the game. You’re supposed to be happy.”
“It’s not like I helped them win,” I replied, running a hand through my hair. She needed to stay outside. She wasn’t supposed to be in the locker rooms, and we were almost there.
When I walked in, I glanced around hoping someone would be naked and scare Honeybee back outside. Unfortunately, the locker room was empty when we walked in. The lack of sounds coming from the showers suggested no one was in there, either.
I tried not to let my disappointment show.
I walked further inside, moving to my locker. “The rest of the team will be in here soon.” I pulled off my jersey, tossing it inside as I started to work on my shin guards. “You should get going. They’re not shy.” I leveled a glare at her so she would understand what I meant.
She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, giving me a glare of her own. “I know they aren’t,” she muttered. “Would you stop trying to get rid of me and just tell me what’s–”
I turned away from her, tossing my shin guards into the dark gold locker as I said, “I didn’t realize you and Ty were official.” A groan sounded behind me, and I wished I’d just kept my mouth shut.
“Are you serious?” she asked. “That’s why you’re mad? Because Ty kissed me without your permission?” She grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, shoving me back against the lockers.
I tried not to be turned on by her sudden display of aggression. It was difficult.
“You barely know the guy!” I scoffed, stepping closer.
“It’s not like I just met him!” she snapped, eyes like daggers. “He is nice and considerate. He knows what he wants and he goes after it. And I like him. Deal with it.”
Part of me wanted to yell at her, and the other part wanted to kiss her and prove that he was wrong for her. I chose to get angry. It wasn’t a good idea, either.
“Deal with it? Is that how friends treat each other?” I asked, shaking my head, turning back to the lockers. “I always thought friends did things differently.” I yanked my shirt on as I met her glare, it was darker than it had been before.
“I don’t know. You treated me like crap for most of high school
.”
“That’s low,” my voice was barely audible. Her words struck me like a blow to the gut. It was hard to believe that this was the same girl who had played in the waves with me only a few weeks ago. She was so different in this moment.
“It’s the truth,” she seethed, pushing me again. I stumbled back against the locker, wishing more than anything that someone would walk through those double doors.
“Sometimes I don’t get you. You’re all sweet and kind, and then you turn into this person that will turn my mistakes against me,” I muttered, shaking in my anger.
“What can I say? You bring out the best in me,” she spat, eyes narrowed.
“The feelings mutual,” I assured her, narrowing my glare.
“Oh, really?” she asked, feigning surprise with her wide eyes. “Are you kind and sweet when I’m not around? I wish I could see that side of you. Unfortunately I’m stuck with this. The arrogant, I-know-what’s-best, jerk that thinks I need his permission to kiss someone.”
“Is it such a terrible thing that I don’t want you to fall for someone who might break your heart?” I asked, genuinely concerned. I didn’t want her to fall for a jerk.
In the blink of an eye an air of defeat swallowed her whole. Her entire body seemed to slump, as if I’d struck a nerve and taken away whatever power she’d had before.
She shook her head, turning as she moved toward the doors. She looked over her shoulder before she said, “I fell for you, didn’t I? I’d like to think I’ve learned since then.”
“What?”
Her words paralyzed me. Fell for me? Me? No. I shook my head, she was lying. It was wrong.
A sad smile fell onto her lips. And as she spoke, I listened, trying desperately to hear the humor or sarcasm, the hints of a joking tone. But there was none to be found. She was telling the truth.
I snapped out of it, taking her hand before she could get too far away. “Olivia, wait.”
She muttered under her breath and pulled her hand away. Her eyes met mine. They were still angry, still burning, but it was more. Her eyes burned and broke at the same time, in between wanting to scream and wanting to cry, like she’d finally reached her breaking point and I was the reason.
