As I walk through the house, I don’t expect Declan to be in the kitchen drinking a beer. I try to act unaffected by him, so I grab a bottle of water and turn towards my room. I wave to him and retreat.
When I get to the edge of the kitchen, he says, “Sparkle, please talk to me.”
“Okay, what do you want me to say?”
“You could start with telling me why you look like you’ve been hit with a water hose?”
“I went dancing with Finn and Gabe. I’m headed to the shower now. Do you have your key, or do you want me to lock up after you?”
“I have my key; I let myself in once I knew the girls went to bed. I talked to Abbi and she said you were out.”
“So if they’re asleep, why did you come by?”
“To talk to you. Why didn’t you come to The Steamroom tonight?”
“I had plans with the guys and I wanted to dance. “
“You can dance at The Steamroom.”
I remain silent.
“Raven, are you avoiding me?”
“Not at all, I’m just busy. School started and I’m working on a project with my mom for a local charity. I have tomorrow off so I went out tonight. No big deal.”
“I haven’t heard from you in weeks and I begged my sisters to get you there tonight. Then they show up and tell me you didn’t want to come. The last time I saw you, I thought I was taking you home and we were going to talk. What the fuck?”
“What the fuck? You want to know what the fuck? I come to your show after you practically beg me. Then I show up and some bleach blonde Band Bunny is all over you. Then she practically fucks you in front of me and you don’t even push her off. I’m there the whole night and I never saw you again. And just to let you know, you haven’t contacted me in three weeks.”
I’m practically seething by this point. Who does he think he is? I don’t have a lot of experience, but I know I’m not putting up with this shit. I lived with Robbie, Finn, Max, and tons of other alpha males all throughout my life. Declan Collins is not going to walk all over me and now is the time to let him know that.
“Are you fucking Finn?”
“Are you kidding me? No!”
“Are you fucking Gabe, Tripp, Jimi, or anyone else?”
You have got to be kidding me! I’m going to explode. How dare he?
“Are you fucking Sami?”
He stares at me. His jaw is locked and his eyes are intense. He keeps up the stare down until I think he’s not going to answer me.
“I was, not now.”
Well, at least I know. It doesn’t hurt any less, but at least I know.
He slugs back half of his beer, “Your turn, which one are you fucking? I saw you dancing at The Steamroom. I’ve seen how guys size you up. Those guys may say they’re your friends, but I bet they’re jacking off to you.”
I thought I could do this with class, but he just pissed me off beyond belief. I’m not sure why I do it, but it’s now or never.
I walk right over and get in his face, “No Declan, I’m not fucking them because I am not fucking anyone. Never have. And those guys are not jacking off to me because that would go against the code. My brother would kill them. I’ve been off limits since I was six years old. So you can kiss my ass.”
I turn and walk to my room without another glance at him.
*****
The next day is uneventful and I decide to have a movie marathon tonight. It’s Abbi and Ella’s night with their dad and Finn’s going out with some guys.
Since I walked out on Declan last night, I haven’t been able to think of anything else. I can’t quite understand why he’s gotten under my skin. I’m pretty tough when it comes to guys. I’ve had a few boyfriends, but no one has ever ignited me like he does. When I think back to the few kisses and words we shared, I feel ridiculous. Even his sisters warned me that he’s not relationship material. What was I thinking when I went to his show? Just because he invited me, didn’t mean he meant anything by it. I’m an idiot.
Now Declan knows I’m a virgin and probably thinks I’m some inexperienced girl that can’t get laid. I’ve remained a virgin by my own choice. I believe in the whole romance and relationship thing. I will not make a fool of myself anymore. When he’s around, I’ll make myself scarce and act like nothing ever happened. Maybe Abbi and Ella will go with me tomorrow to have drinks and then we can see if Damon is working.
That’s a great idea! I pick up my phone to text Abbi before I lose my nerve.
Me: Abbi- u & E wanna go get drinks and Italian tomorrow night?
She immediately responds
Abbi: Sounds great! Are we looking for a hot Italian bartender?
Me: Maybe
Abbi: It’s about time! C U 2morrow!
Hah! Fuck you Declan Collins. I won’t be played!
I pour myself a large glass of wine and start Magic Mike. Just as the music starts, I hear the backdoor open. At first I think Abbi or Ella has come home, but then I remember we were just texting. Surely Abbi would have mentioned it if she was coming home. I reluctantly get off the sofa with my phone in my hand in case I need to call 911. I immediately stop. Declan is standing in my kitchen unloading Chinese Food. His hair’s damp. And when he turns to face me, I notice his ring in his lip. He looks edible. My mouth starts to water.
He looks me up and down and slowly smiles. “You look incredible, Raven.”
Shitballs! I forgot that I’m wearing short shorts and a cami. There’s no doubt my nipples are poking through the top.
“What’re you doing here?”
“I know my sisters are at Dad’s house tonight.”
“So? Is this becoming a pattern with you?”
“I didn’t like how we left things last night and I wanted a chance to talk to you. Well actually, let me rephrase, I didn’t like how you walked out on me last night and I wanted to talk to you.”
I stare at him, not sure what we have to talk about.
“I was a dick last night and I came to apologize. I was out of line.”
“Wow, okay. That’s nice, but you could’ve called.”
“Not the same as seeing you in person. I needed to see you.”
“I’m not sure what to say to that, Declan. I’m not sure I even want to respond. I show up at 2:30 in the morning at my home and you basically accuse me of sleeping with a group of guys that have been my friends forever. Then once again, you ask about Finn when I have repeatedly told you we’re not together. You go hot then cold on me and I’m not sure where I stand. A few weeks ago, you stepped into my bedroom and asked me to come and watch your band. Then you give me the hottest fucking kiss in history. The next time I see you there’s a bimbo hanging off your arm trying to fuck you in public.” I keep going. “I appreciate your apology for being a ‘dick’, but I’m not sure why you needed to see me.”
One minute he’s unloading food and the next he’s in my face. He grasps the back of my neck with both hands and pulls me as close to him as possible. “Hottest fucking kiss in history, huh? Let’s see if we can re-create that.”
Then he’s kissing me. At first it’s gentle as he nibbles on my lips trying to gain access. When I relent slightly, he goes all in. His tongue thrusts into my mouth with ferocity and he takes all he can. I hear a slight whimper and realize it’s me. I forget all about why I’m pissed and lean all the way into him. I raise one hand to run through his hair and use the other hand to hold myself up. I grab onto his bicep and hold tight. Before I know what’s happening, he’s slipping his hands down to my hips and urging me to latch my legs around his hips.
As soon as he lifts me, he moves to the counter and sets me down. He doesn’t stop kissing me. I feel the lip ring and it turns me on even more. I shift and start to run my hands down his chest. He pauses for a minute, but then starts to run his hands up my sides to the underside of my breasts. I tingle all over. I’m not sure if you can have an orgasm from just a tender touch, but I’m close.
He stops his han
ds from roaming and slowly ends our kiss. He nibbles on my lower lip and looks into my eyes. I still have my legs wrapped around his waist even though I’m seated on the counter top.
“Fuck,” he hisses as he continues to stare into my eyes. “That was the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever felt. I’ve missed that electrifying feeling over the last three weeks. Please tell me you forgive me for being an asshole.”
I come back down from my high and realize I’m still hanging on. I make a move to unwrap my legs and he tightens his hold.
“No, don’t move. Please, just sit with me like this for a few more minutes. I need you to listen to me.”
I slowly nod my head. I’ve lost all my nerve in his arms.
“Raven, I’m an asshole and I don’t deserve anything from you. You’re smart, sweet, sexy as hell, and incredibly gorgeous. I thought about staying away, but you draw me back. I know I have a sordid past that makes you hesitant to give in, but I’m asking you, give me a chance? Please give this a chance.”
I finally find my voice, “Give what a chance, Declan? What are you asking?”
“Do I have to spell it out for you?”
“That would be a good idea since I want to hear exactly what you’re asking.”
“Shit, woman. What I’m asking is that you give me a shot with you- as in a relationship. I want to take you on dates. I want you to come to my shows and sit in the front where I can stare at you as I perform. I want to take you to yoga on Saturday mornings and bring you home. I want all the guys to know you have a man.”
My mouth drops open and it takes a minute for me to form words. “You want all of that? With me? We haven’t spent that much time together. You don’t even know that much about me. And it sounds a little possessive that you want people to know I have a man.”
“That’s why I’m asking you to give me a chance. I want to get to know you. I want to spend time with you- a lot of time. I’m spellbound by you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I know I’m not good enough for you, but I want to try. Can you give me that?”
“This is completely unexpected, Declan. You’ve taken me by surprise.”
“It’s unexpected, but is it unwanted?”
I realize what he’s asking. I’ve spent the last eighteen hours thinking about him constantly. He’s consumed my thoughts and his touch ignites my body. I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t want to let it go.
“No, it’s not unwanted. I can give you a chance, but we move forward with caution. I don’t mean we have to go at a snail’s pace, but I don’t want to jump into anything too quickly. I want complete honesty between us and I will not tolerate being the other woman. I won’t be walked all over.”
His eyes become liquid and his mouth moves up at the corners. “I can do caution, honesty, and slow. But you need to know, I won’t tolerate being the other guy either. I’ll work on my jealously with Finn and his roommates, but no one else, Raven. You’re too sexy for your own good and I can only handle so much.”
“Okay, Declan, we can give this a chance.”
He kisses me quickly on the lips, “Can we eat now?”
I jump down and get some plates. “Sure,” I say as I smile at him.
*****
“How did you know my two favorite choices?” I ask him as I shove the eggroll into my mouth.
“The first night we met, you ordered your Shrimp Fried Rice, but then shared the Cashew Chicken with Finn. I thought maybe you would share with me.” He shrugs his shoulders as he starts to eat.
“Are these your favorites too? Do you even like them?”
“I wanted to make you happy. I was a total jackass.”
I don’t say much as we finish dinner. He tells me how busy he has been with the band the last few weeks. It sounds like he and Cooper are taking on a larger roles trying to market the band to larger venues. The Steamroom brings in a decent college crowd, but Nashville is a music hotspot and there are several areas for growth and publicity. Sayge agreed to play Thursday and Saturday nights at The Steamroom, but different venues and more exposure would reach a greater audience.
I tell him about my schedule and some extra stuff I’ve been doing. I started taking modern dance class on Monday nights at this little studio I found around the corner from campus. I had grown up dancing, but I quit last spring when Finn and Robbie came home from Iraq. I was finishing Emory and wanted to be home on the weekends as much as possible. He listens to me as he cleans up the leftovers and we move to the living room.
“Um, Declan, I was starting a movie when you broke in earlier. I’m not sure if it is the kind of movie you would be interested in.”
He raises his eyebrows, “What movie?”
Magic Mike.
“Your plans tonight were to sit around and watch a movie about male strippers by yourself?”
“Yes.”
“Well, don’t let me stop you. Let’s restart it.”
I bite my lip. I’m already hot and worked up from him. There’s no way I can sit next to him during this movie. “Let’s choose something else.”
“Why? Are you embarrassed?”
I think about lying, but I don’t have it in me. I know my face is pink and I’m still biting my lips as I try to hide my obvious discomfort. “Yes, I think it would be awkward. Why don’t you pick something or we can talk some more.” Talking is the last thing I want to do, but I can’t tell him that I want to wrap myself around him again.
He stares at me for a few minutes, not saying anything. The room gets hot and I know he knows what I’m thinking. He finally speaks, “Why don’t we watch something on TV, maybe an On-Demand series or something.”
“Perfect! I’m going to grab a drink. You can pick. Would you like anything?”
He shouts ‘beer’ as I walk into the other room. I have to calm my nerves before I go back in there.
When I get back with our drinks, he’s settled in the middle of the sofa with the remote in hand. He chose “Modern Family.” “I thought we could start from the first one available and work our way through.”
“Declan, it’ll take a while to get all the way through, maybe even weeks. That’s the whole last season.”
“That’s what I’m counting on.” He grins up at me and I decide I love this plan.
Chapter 11
A Bunch of Firsts
I feel a chill against my back as my legs shift. I’m in a daze, but realize I’m being lifted. I raise my head and see Declan carrying me towards my room. The last thing I remember is falling asleep against his chest while watching episode three of “Modern Family.” The TV is off and our drinks are gone. I also see the door is locked from the inside and the red light from the alarm is on.
“Declan, the alarm is already set. Don’t you want me to walk you out?”
“I’m not leaving yet. I thought I would stay a little while longer and sleep in one of the girls’ rooms.”
I like his answer, but instantly start to panic about being under the same roof with him alone. All he has to do is give me a look and I’m gooey all over. I’m not confident with my own willpower. Even though I haven’t had sex, I still have physical needs and he’s testing them to their limits. I need to stop this now. “Sorry I fell asleep on you. I can walk to my room.”
He stops midstride and looks down at me. He leans in a bit and, in the same motion, turns my whole body so I’m straddling him. He looks right into my eyes and lowers his gaze to my lips. I stare at his lip ring and lightly lick my lower lip. I can practically feel the ring biting into me as he devours my mouth.
“Sparkle, if you keep fucking licking your lips, I won’t be responsible for how bruised they are tomorrow.”
My belly flips and I feel tingling all the way to my toes. I continue to gape, but I find my voice. “I like your lip ring. It’s a complete turn on for me.”
I’m not embarrassed at all; the chemistry I feel between us is mutual. He has me in his arms and I can feel his erection against my inner thigh. I mo
ve slightly and he hisses.
“I’m going to take you into your bedroom now and I need you to promise me something. Promise me you’re going to help me with self-control. I only planned on laying you under the covers, but now I think I need a goodnight kiss. Can you help me with that?”
I nod, but keep my eyes on his lip ring.
He walks me into my room and lowers me to the bed gently, which means he has to bend all the way forward. He’s so close to my face that I can feel his breath on my mouth. I unhook my legs from around his waist and shift slightly. Without breaking our connection, he reaches over and turns on the bedside lamp, lightly illuminating us.
He moves right back and settles his knees on the ground. He’s still taller than me, but I can almost meet him at eye level without having to strain. I straighten up as much as possible and he lowers his chin. Finally, our lips meet with the softest touch. With no shame, I heave up and slam my mouth over his. I silently beg for him to part his lips and he does. This is no longer a soft goodnight kiss. His hands are framing my face and I’m clawing into his hair, taking what he gives me and vise-versa. Both of us are moving our mouths in sync and I feel him start to retreat. He whispers something in my mouth, but I don’t hear a thing. As he moves away, I nip on the ring just to remind him how much I like it. He groans.
“Jesus Christ, every fucking time we kiss, I feel it. Do you?”
I nod my head and slowly run my hands through his hair, trying to calm the mess I created. He’s still gorgeous. “Stay with me tonight. You can sleep in here. I promise not to challenge your self-control, but I want to lie next to you. I’m not sure I can take it if you’re sleeping down the hall all night. I only have so much control myself.”
A sleepy grin crosses his face. “Okay, let me run and get something to sleep in. I’ll change and meet you back here in a few.”
He starts to move, but I grab him and plant a small peck on his lips. “I look forward to it.”
It only takes me a few minutes to brush my teeth and get into my pajama shorts. I figure he has already seen my cami so no need to change. I run a brush through my hair and inspect myself one more time, then go to the bedroom. I walk in and see Declan has already moved under the sheets and has them pulled up to his waist. I almost faint at the sight of him shirtless with his tattoos on display. He has a solid chest, tight abs, and that famous V that leads into his pants. I’ve never seen anything so tempting in my life. He turns me on so much more than physically. Emotionally, I’m charged up.
Surrendering Page 7
