Since it’s graduation weekend, every bar we hit is loaded with people. It’s becoming increasingly harder to get drinks and Declan is having a hard time holding onto me in the crowds. After about an hour, he asks me if we can go home. I say yes and we say our good-byes.
When we get to my house, Declan slumps down on the sofa with his head in his hands.
“What’s wrong?” I ask softly.
“Those crowds made me nervous. I couldn’t keep my eye on you like I wanted to. My stomach was in knots the whole time.”
“Declan, Christie’s in jail. I’m not a target anymore. We’re in exactly the same place we were before she kidnapped me. You don’t need to worry anymore. We’re just a normal couple. You have to stop looking over your shoulder and thinking I’m in trouble.”
“That’s just it, Raven; I can’t. I’ve tried. It’s easier some days more than others, but things are different now.” Resignation radiates in his voice and I have a feeling we aren’t just talking about my kidnapping anymore.
“Declan, look at me. What are you talking about?” He still won’t look at me and I start to panic. He keeps his gaze to the floor even when I pull on his shoulders to get him to face me.
He sighs against his hands and finally looks me in the eyes. “Raven, I’m so fucking confused by what’s happening; I can’t see straight!”
“Let’s start from the beginning; talk to me. You’re not making sense.”
“Sayge has been given this awesome opportunity and I can’t even get excited because I’m so scared of what might happen to you.”
“What are you saying?”
“Nate, Blake, and Cooper came over a few days ago to talk about the summer tour. This is important to them- to us- and they know my head isn’t in the game. This is the chance we’ve been waiting for. Jay already has a small label looking at us. If we do well in the first few shows, there’s a chance they’ll give us a contract to cover recording an album. The marketing team would jump in with Knight’s Dream and push for more shows after the summer. This is our big shot.”
“Dec, this is all good news. What’s the problem?”
“You, you’re the problem.”
I didn’t expect this answer. Wow! “Me?”
“Yeah, the guys need me to be one hundred percent and I can’t concentrate because I’m always worried about you. If I ask you to come, I can’t guarantee your safety. They’ve asked me not to bring you along.”
“They asked you not to invite your fiancé along with you for a six-week tour that could be your big break?” I can’t hide the hurt in my voice. “What did you tell them?”
He doesn’t say anything. He just stares at me and I know his answer.
“You aren’t going to ask me to come are you, Declan?”
He doesn’t say anything; he lies back against the couch and focuses on the ceiling. I wait him out and he finally looks at me. “I don’t think I can. This is not about me anymore.”
“What the fuck does that mean? What happened to nothing ever coming between us and you doing anything for me? Was all that bullshit? Why are we even having this conversation?”
“For fuck’s sake, Raven! This isn’t about planning a surprise party or changing a gig at The Steamroom so we can go to a concert! This is about our future. This is our chance at the big time. Opportunities like this don’t just come along every day. Sayge has a real shot here and I owe it to the guys. They’re like brothers to me. I can’t let them down.”
“What about letting me down? What exactly are you saying here, Declan? You know I would never ever ask you to go against your band, or choose between your friends and me. I thought we were stronger than this.”
“Do you even understand how I feel about this? I fucking love you! I’ve been sick trying to find a way to talk to you about this. I…”
“Bullshit! What else is going on? This isn’t about just my security because if that was the case, my dad would have someone available to watch me immediately. I’ll give you one more chance to tell me what the FUCK IS GOING ON?!”
I hit a nerve; his body completely deflates. “Jay and the marketing team want me to appear single and unattached. They think the band’s appeal will increase based on our looks and sound. The lead singer being engaged to an MBA student in his hometown isn’t edgy enough. They say it makes us look more ‘boy next door’ than ‘rock and roll newcomers.’”
OH MY GOD! Not only is Declan leaving for the summer without me, but he’s going to hide our engagement too.
“Declan, did you agree to this? Oh my God, are you going to hook up with random chicks in every city to create a bad boy image? ” This can’t be happening. Today started out so normal.
“Listen to me; I AM NOT hooking up with anyone! I promised you once and I still mean it. You are the only one for me. I fucking love you! It’s just for a few months. I need you to believe me.”
“Why would you even agree to this? What am I supposed to tell the people that think we’re engaged- our friends- my family? What about that, Declan?”
“Tell them the truth. This is a ploy for marketing. What am I supposed to do, Raven? I’m thrown in a corner here. Jay sidelined the guys and told them his plan before he spoke to me. They agreed to convince me this was the best thing for us. I don’t agree, but what can I do?”
“I can’t believe this. I thought the guys and I were friends. I fucking talk to Jay every damn day. How can they be so two-faced? What did I ever do to them? You’re not yourself right now. Please tell me you’re delusional and are having a momentary lapse in judgment.”
He stays quiet.
“You do know that this changes our relationship, right? If you go forward with this whole plan to leave me behind and pretend to be single while you shoot to stardom, I won’t be waiting in the wings silently. I want you to be successful, Declan. I want Sayge to sell out at auditoriums and stages everywhere. I want to be by your side through your triumphs and cheer you on as your partner. If you choose to do this, I can’t promise I’ll be here at the end of the summer waiting for you.”
“What are you saying, Raven? Are you breaking our engagement because I agreed to play along for my band’s success? You can’t give us six weeks to prove ourselves and make a name for ourselves? You know there will never be anyone but you. I owe it to these guys.” This is the second time he said that.
There it is; he’s already decided. He’s leaving me behind and touring as a single man. My heart breaks. I feel the torment in his voice as he tells me his final decision, but I never thought we we’d be in this position in the first place. I don’t say anything; I nod my head in agreement.
He picks me up and carries me to bed. He holds me all night, trying to heal the hurt. But for me, there’s no going back.
Chapter 41
Believe in Us
To say things have been strained between Declan and I is an understatement. Over the past month, I’ve kept up appearances as normal, but I was struggling. I refused to go anywhere near Nate, Blake, Cooper, or Jay. I skipped the last few weeks at The Steamroom. The guys quickly figured out that I knew what happened and they tried repeatedly to get in touch with me. I ignored their phone calls and texts. I even snuck out of the house when they showed up at Declan’s. Declan didn’t interfere because he knew the position he put me in. Abbi and Ella knew something was wrong and they finally approach me. I was in my room packing a bag for a week in Atlanta when they barged in.
“Enough already, spill.” Ella demands.
I can’t hold back my emotions; I drop to my bed and start bawling. They both hold me close until I calm down enough to tell them the story. They’re furious. I’ve never seen Abbi this upset.
“That fucking bastard! All of them are fucking bastards! I can’t wait until I see them again. They better hope I’ve calmed down.” Abbi paces across the room.
“Don’t worry about it; I see the logic in the plan. It’s my heart that can’t see past the hurt.”
“
Raven, what are you going to do?”
“Well, for starters, I’m going to Atlanta this week to help Charlie pack her stuff and move back here.”
“Then what?” Ella prompts.
“Then, I’m not sure. I’m thinking about taking a summer job but the details aren’t finalized.”
“Are you going to break the engagement?”
“I’m not sure about that either. My heart says no. There’s a part of me that’s waiting for Declan to tell me he’s changed his mind. I keep hoping he’ll walk in here and tell me he’s a major fuck-up and screw what everyone else thinks.”
They nod.
“You know, it’s been hard enough trying to get past the Christie thing. Finn still isn’t the same and Declan went off the deep end. I was trying my best to move forward and go back to being normal. Then when he told me he was encouraged to do this by the people I thought were my friends, I was devastated.”
I finish packing my bag. They sit with me and try to lighten the mood, but there’s a dark cloud in the room. I hug them both and promise to call when I get there.
I haven’t told Declan I’m leaving so I drive to his house to say good-bye. Jay and Cooper are on the front porch when I arrive so I back out and keep driving. Fuck them! My phone starts ringing, but I ignore it. I don’t stop until I get into Georgia. I send a quick text to Declan letting him know that I’ll be back in a week. My phone immediately buzzes back, but I turn it off.
When I get to Kendall, Harper, and Charlie’s apartment, they’re all there waiting on me. Each of them has received a call from Declan. Declan demanded to know where they lived, but they refused to tell him. They know what happened and they’re the only ones, besides my parents, that know my summer plans.
Kendall’s phone rings and she says it’s Finn calling. She answers it and hands the phone to me after saying hi to him.
“Hey.”
“Baby Girl, you wanna tell me why Declan is blowing up my phone and demanding that I trace your phone to find out where you are?”
“My life sucks?”
“So should I give him that information?”
“No, just tell him I’m fine. I’ll call him tomorrow.”
“What’s going on now?” He sounds concerned. My Finn is always worried about me and my fucking problems.
Instead of hiding the situation from him, I tell him everything. He listens to me while I cry through the story and then I tell him about my plans to leave after the Bonnaroo show. Even though it’s going to rip my heart out, I’m going to the show. My dad’s made arrangements to get me in and out with transportation going directly to the airport. This could go two different ways.
One, Declan decides this crazy idea is bullshit and tells the band, Jay, and the Marketing team to fuck off. He claims me publicly and I spend seven weeks in Europe as an engaged woman. Or two, he sticks with his plan and I spend seven weeks in Europe nursing a broken engagement. The ball’s in his court.
Finn listens through the whole story quietly. When I’m done, he tells me he’ll meet us in Atlanta at the end of the week and help drive Charlie’s U-Haul to her parents. Charlie jumps on the phone to thank him and we hang up.
It’s Saturday night and we decide to go to our favorite neighborhood bar. I spoke to my parents earlier to let them know I was safe and that I haven’t turned my phone back on. Abbi calls Harper several times, trying to gauge my mood. Harper finally gets irritated enough to tell her we’re getting drunk and to quit calling. The bartender knows us well and keeps the drinks coming all night. Kendall has to help me get ready for bed when we got home and I pass out immediately.
*****
The next few days were uneventful. It was great to get away from all the drama I left behind in Nashville. I finally call Declan on Wednesday night. Nate answers his phone and it sounds like they’re at a party.
“May I speak to Declan?”
“Yeah, who’s this?” He must not have looked at the caller ID when he answered.
“Nate, it’s Raven. Where’s Declan?”
“Holy shit.” There are muffled sounds and I swear I hear a girl’s voice beside the phone. “Raven, please talk to me.”
“Nate, I have nothing to say to you. Where’s Declan?”
“He’ll be right here.”
“If he’s too busy to take my calls, just tell him I called.” I hang up sick. Charlie texts Blake to see what’s going on and if he’s with Nate and Declan.
Blake responds and tells us Jay planned a gathering at The Steamroom. Abbi sends me a message that when she and Jimi showed up, Declan was practically passed out on the couch. They took him home when he started babbling incoherently.
By Friday, Charlie’s almost all packed so we spend some time lounging by the pool. Finn arrives in the early afternoon and surprises me by bringing Abbi and Jimi along. We spend the rest of the day packing the U-Haul with all of Charlie’s stuff. Then we head to The Highlands for dinner.
When we return to the girls’ apartment, all of us are exhausted. There’s one less bed than normal since we loaded Charlie’s furniture. Kendall gives Abbi and Jimi her room and sleeps with Harper. Finn, Charlie, and I take the living room. Charlie claims the sofa by falling asleep first, so I set up a pallet for Finn and me. Finn surprises me by pulling me close to him and holding me tight. He’s giving me his support without saying any words and I sob into his chest. He’s been so distant since my kidnapping and I realize in this moment how much I’ve missed him. I really want to talk about why he’s been keeping his distance, but now is not the time. I let him hold me.
We head back to Nashville the next morning. Originally, Charlie was going to try to drive the U-Haul, but we realized quickly that Finn was the better choice for driving it. After unloading her stuff in her parents’ garage and saying good-bye to Charlie, we leave to go home. Finn promises to call me tomorrow and Jimi and him take off. Abbi rides home with me.
Declan’s truck is in our driveway when we arrive home and I reluctantly pull in. I find him waiting for me in my room. I don’t even look at him as I start to unpack.
“Are you even going to speak to me?”
“What do you want me to say? I’m still waiting for a call back from Wednesday night.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Didn’t Nate tell you that I called, or were y’all too busy with the party?”
He comes around the bed and pulls me to him. “No, I didn’t get the message. I got pretty drunk on Wednesday trying to erase the pain of being left for a week with no notice from my fucking fiancé.”
“I planned to tell you, but when I got to your house, I saw the band was there and I didn’t want to talk to them.”
“Are you going to avoid the guys and Jay forever? They feel like shit already.”
I shrug, not wanting to waste my words on those traitors.
“Well, it’s going to be hard to ignore them tonight.”
“Won’t be hard for me; I won’t be around them.”
“Aren’t you coming to our last show?”
“Yeah, I’m coming; I wouldn’t miss it.” I’m going to The Steamroom for Sayge’s last show before their summer tour, but I have no plans to hang out backstage.
“Thanks, Sparkle. I need you there.” He kisses me gently and I let myself get swept away. When he lays me down on the bed and starts removing my clothes, I don’t protest. One week from today might be the end of my relationship with Declan and I want to soak up every last touch I can.
*****
True to my word, I go to the show, but do not step foot backstage beforehand. I dance with the girls up-front so Declan knows I’m there the whole time. When they end their second set, he jumps off the stage and attacks me. His mouth is all over mine and his arms lift me to him so he can carry me through the crowd. He stays with me during the whole break, making sure not to let anyone interrupt our alone time. When he goes back to finish the show, he deposits me directly in front of him. Ella smiles at us,
hoping this is the first step in him changing his mind.
Sayge performs two encores before finally closing their show. Declan thanks everyone and reminds them about Bonnaroo next Saturday. Instead of heading backstage to the band room, he sits on the edge of the stage and situates me between his thighs. I lean into him, beaming with pride.
“You were great tonight.”
“Thanks, it helped that you were right up-front the whole time. You ready to go, or do you want to hang out for awhile?”
“I’m ready to go home- your home.”
He laces our fingers together and drags me backstage before I can protest. The room’s crowded so I’m able to avoid the guys. I tell Abbi I’m spending the night at Declan’s and she gives me a hopeful smile. I feel awful keeping my summer plans from her. I decide to tell her and Ella tomorrow. I need to start packing anyway so I won’t be able to hide my plans much longer.
I’m almost out the door when I feel arms wrap around my middle and tugging me backwards. I don’t have to see him to know Nate’s hugging me. I stiffen and he notices.
“Please don’t be like this, Raven. Haven’t you avoided us long enough? You gotta know where we’re coming from.”
He sets me down. I turn and glare at him icily. I see Blake, Cooper, and Jay gathering around us. Declan’s across the room and as soon as his eyes meet mine, he knows I’m furious. He’s talking to the owner of the bar. I can tell he’s trying to wrap up the conversation.
“I have nothing to say to any of you. Tell Declan I’ll meet him at the truck.” I ignore their calls after me and walk out.
*****
“Declan, I need to tell you something.” I’m lying on his chest after a mini-sex marathon. I’m not sure how he’s going to handle the news. “I’ve been offered a summer job and I accepted.”
Surrendering Page 38
