“You know I can get in anyway,” Chase called out, and James grunted. Chase could have got in without all the noise, but James was glad he hadn’t. He didn’t want to think about how he’d have reacted if he’d woken up and found someone, even Chase, in the room with him. Maybe he’d have done fine, but he was more afraid he’d have freaked out and wailed and curled into a shivering, quivering ball.
He could live without that humiliation.
James wiped sweaty palms on his probably stinky PJ’s then started unlocking the door. By the time he got the final lock undone he’d managed to wrangle his temper under control and thought he’d be able to pull off acting normal. If he could remember what that was.
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Except, as soon as he opened the door, he realised he’d failed to take into account how shitty he must look after another bad night, and he hadn’t thought about how he must smell like stale sweat and fear—because if anyone could detect such a scent, it’d be Chase.
Chase’s bright eyes narrowed as he stepped inside. James wanted to hide from that knowing stare, but forced himself to keep his limbs loose and a half-smile on his face. And if Chase’s eyes narrowed any more, he’d be glaring at James through his eyelids. James crossed his arms over his chest before he could stop himself.
“What?” he bit out as he shoved the door shut with his foot. He uncrossed his arms long enough to lock the locks, then he fought an internal battle to settle his hands at his hips rather than taking that defensive pose again.
Chase merely stared at him for another moment. “You look like you’ve had a rough night, James.” He said it so softly, his voice laced with so much concern, it made James’ eyes burn.
He turned away before he did something embarrassing, like beg Chase to hold him while he cried like a baby. “Haven’t had any coffee yet,” was the only excuse he could come up with. “You woke me up.”
“James…”
A bare on his shoulder made him tense before he could stop himself. He tried to play it off, act like he hadn’t flinched, and hoped it didn’t look like he was running to the coffee pot. It wasn’t that he couldn’t stand to be touched—Chase had hugged him, touched him like a caring friend would, but James always saw those touches coming. It unnerved him to be touched without knowing it was going to happen—and he wasn’t going there. This was supposed to be his sunny, warm, happy morning, damn it.
Chase moved up beside him and this time, when his fingers brushed over James’
shoulder, it didn’t startle him. Still, James kept his gaze trained on the filters that didn’t seem to want to separate. At the rate his fumbling fingers were going, he’d end up with half a dozen of the filters in the pot and there’d be a hell of a mess to clean up.
“I’ve got it, James,” Chase said as he eased the filters out of James’ grasp. “Go on and shower, or whatever you need to do. I’ll make the coffee and get something going for breakfast. Go on,” he added when James only stood staring at his hands, as if all the answers to his fucked up problems were buried there in his fingerprints. Chase nudged him gently www.total-e-bound.com
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and James finally grumbled, muttering about pushy friends, but Chase’s bossy attitude wasn’t really that bad, and honestly, it felt kind of good to have someone fuss at him, someone who was really concerned with what was best for him and not trying to rake in the big bucks by fucking with his head.
“Yeah, that’s what they were doing,” James mumbled to himself as he pulled the bathroom door shut. That had to be it, because there was no other reason he could think of for that so-called clinic to have kept him there, doped to the damned gills. No doubt his folks had paid a pretty penny to keep him there, thinking he was getting the excellent care his fragile mind needed. “Whatever.”
James stripped out of his PJ’s, leaving them on the floor. Once he’d pissed and washed his hands, he moved over to the sink and grimaced at his reflection. He had that pale redhead’s skin, with just a few very tawny freckles over the bridge of his nose. But his normally milky skin had a sallow look to it, tinting it almost green, and the circles under his eyes, while setting off the green of his irises, really made him look like someone had clocked him good. He wasn’t even going to look any further than that. Bathing himself was a horrible chore because it turned his stomach to feel the ridges of his collar bones, ribs and hips. He wasn’t just thin, he was skeletal and he hated it.
Every time he washed himself, a wave of fury would rear up in him, threatening to have him screaming and putting a fist through the wall. He hated what he’d become, hated the way he looked, and if he could gain back the weight he’d lost, he would, but food held little appeal and trying to force too much of it down was generally counterproductive since it then came right back up. It pissed him off that it wasn’t just his head that was messed up.
Even knowing that he’d eventually be able to eat, if he learned to cope with what had happened, didn’t help, because right now he couldn’t ever see getting to such a place.
Couldn’t see untangling the mass of fear and pain and hatred and rage that bubbled and throbbed inside him.
Couldn’t see ever having his life back again. As he stood in the shower, trying to ignore the way his body felt beneath his hands, he shoved the fury down and instead let the tears he’d held back fall.
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Chapter Three
The need to see James was like an unscratchable itch under Glenn’s skin. Because of it, he actually took extra precautions on making his way down to Texas—and he was glad he did. This was too important to screw up, and the car that had been tailing him, Glenn had found out with a quick phone call, belonged to a private investigator hired by James’ parents.
Being followed had caused a small glitch in Glenn’s plans, but only a small one. It’d been relatively easy to arrange for his sister Veronica to leave her brother-in-law Bob’s car at the Walmart automotive department to get new tires. Bob had been trying to sell the SUV, which worked out perfectly for Glenn. He’d never particularly cared for Bob, but the Tahoe was nice, without too many miles on it. And it wasn’t in Glenn’s name.
Glenn had left his own car in the parking lot after slipping in the front entrance and exiting the side of the building once the Tahoe’s tires had been replaced. He barely resisted the temptation to wave at the PI slouched in his little car not fifteen feet from where Glenn had parked. The guy definitely could have used some lessons in stealth.
Glenn drove pretty much straight through, only stopping for naps at the occasional rest area. He couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d done since he’d fallen for James. He’d risked his career and was damn lucky to have gotten his retirement, all because he felt something for a man who had cringed every time Glenn had been around him.
Whether it was years of repressed need that had pushed Glenn to take such a risk, or just James himself, Glenn wasn’t quite sure. He was afraid and exhilarated to think it was probably the last one. There’d been other men Glenn could have fucked, maybe even had a relationship with, but none of them had ever been so irresistible. None of them had been worth pushing himself out of the shell he’d surrounded himself with.
And it was hard, so very hard, to think of coming out after hiding for so long. What would people have thought at his work? What would his family think? Glenn wished he couldn’t imagine, but he could. To say co-workers and family members would be shocked would be an understatement. At least Veronica supported him. She’d listened to him, then promptly told him it was about time. Glenn hadn’t asked, his sister had always known him www.total-e-bound.com
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better than he
knew himself, it seemed. His family was generally pretty liberal, so Glenn hoped they’d be as accepting as Veronica had been.
He still wondered why it was James that drew him so, but maybe he was
overanalysing. Surely he wasn’t the first man to be snared by a pair of beautiful eyes, or, what came across in his file at least, by a beautiful soul. James wasn’t some money-hungry lawyer like so many people joked about. Actually, most of the attorneys Glenn had met, even those defending assholes Glenn wanted to see behind bars, were pretty decent people. They were no worse or no better than anyone else.
But James had taken in a young man he’d found beaten and given him a stability that likely saved Chase from ending up in prison. And James had turned on his boss at the law firm when he had found out what the man was doing, what he was allowing his son to do.
The cost to James had been close to soul-crushing, yet he still had that spark… There were other things, like the volunteer work James had done at the youth shelter, and pro bono cases he took, and just so many things that all called to something inside Glenn, and when he’d looked into those eyes, seen the terror there in that room where James had been held, it had pierced Glenn more painfully than the wound he’d suffered. He’d been injured himself before he’d been able to reach James then, and Glenn hadn’t been able to get the man’s expression out of his head even as he’d laid bleeding on the floor.
Now here he was, driving across the country just to…to what? He didn’t know, but his gut churned and his heart beat faster with each mile he drove, and Glenn never once considered turning the Tahoe around.
By the time he reached the outskirts of the town James was living in, he was exhausted, his nerves were clanking together like a handful of bolts in a blender, he looked worse than he felt, and he didn’t particularly smell good. He’d have to find a room and get cleaned up, and as much as he hated to, he should probably get some sleep so he wasn’t an incoherent blathering fool.
Red and blues lit up and flashed in his rear view. Fuck. Fuck! Glenn contemplated gassing it for a half a second, which told him he really was on a mental meltdown and he definitely needed sleep. He eased the car over onto the shoulder and put it in park as he watched a huge cop get out of the vehicle behind him. What’s that saying? Everything’s bigger in Texas? Holy shit!
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Glenn closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and prayed he’d be able to talk his way out of this mess.
Xavier hung up the phone and looked at Chase as he walked into the living room.
“Looks like Shearing’s here. It’s really good to have a friend on the police force that’s aware of what’s happened with James. Les saw the out-of-state plates while he was on duty. He pulled Shearing over and said he had to threaten to arrest him just to get Shearing to show his ID. Seems Shearing was afraid of someone tracking him here.”
Chase stopped beside the couch and pressed a hand to his chest. “Was someone following him?” Les—Officer Stanton—wouldn’t want that. His lover Adam had been a victim of the same sick fuck who’d had James kidnapped in the first place. No way would Les let trouble come to town.
“I don’t know,” Xavier said as he reached for Chase. “Les only got that out of him after convincing Shearing we’re all on the same side. He sent Shearing to the Holiday Inn off the interstate. Les said Shearing just checked in.”
“So, why are we here?” Chase asked as he let himself be pulled down beside Xavier.
Xavier shrugged. “I didn’t know if we should go over there or what. I imagine Shearing will show up here sometime soon.”
“I don’t want to spring him on James, that might upset him,” Chase pointed out. “And I want to talk to Shearing, find out why he gave Les shit about showing his ID. I’m thinking he’s probably right to be afraid someone is following him. James’ parents aren’t the kind of people to just let their son go missing, even if that’s what he wants.”
“All right,” Xavier sighed. “Do we tell James, considering how he was this morning?”
Chase swallowed as pain flickered in his eyes. “I don’t…maybe not yet? Not until we talk to Shearing, make sure he knows he can’t just come storming over here for James.”
Xavier’s lips curled up into a smile even though the discussion was serious. “Are you going to go all mama on Shearing and grill him on his intentions?”
Chase snorted and smacked Xavier’s shoulder. “Yes, you shit, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. That, and make sure he didn’t lead anyone to James.”
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Glenn groaned as he tipped his head down and let the hot water pound at his sore neck and back. He’d tensed up so much dealing with that big cop, he was surprised he was able to move. He needed to get cleaned up, then it was a toss-up, food or sleep. Glenn was leaning towards sleep. Even if he ate after he showered, he’d just be hungry again when he woke up. Seemed easier to skip the food for now. He soaped up the washcloth and started scrubbing away the grime from the road trip. Travelling always made him feel nappy, even if he flew somewhere. A couple of days in the Tahoe without showering was just gross. No matter how tired he was, he couldn’t go to sleep feeling like that.
And his cock apparently wasn’t as tired as the rest of him, since it swelled and bobbed like a puppy begging for a treat. Glenn growled as he glared down at it. He’d always thought women had it easier when it came to being aroused, and surely their pussies were more reasonable than a dick. Glenn barely had the energy to scrub himself off, and yet he had a painfully hard erection that showed no signs of flagging. Oh well, I should sleep like the dead once I take care of this.
Goosebumps pebbled his skin while he fisted his dick loosely. He dropped the washcloth and grabbed the small bottle of conditioner. After uncapping it with his teeth, Glenn scooted out of the streaming water and dumped a dollop of the creamy stuff on his cock. He smeared the conditioner around with several slow strokes. His pinky bumped his balls, and Glenn cupped them with his other hand, rolling them gently before pulling at them. His legs wobbled as pleasure flushed his skin and warmed his insides. It would have been better to do this in bed, but then he’d have had to get up and shower again. Glenn locked his knees and started stroking his cock, tightening his grip. He rolled and pushed at his balls, then released them to reach behind himself. Glenn slid his fingers between his ass cheeks, moaning and trembling when he brushed over his puckered skin. He hitched one foot up onto the side of the tub and didn’t hesitate, pushing two digits in roughly, the burn and stretch sending a hundred small aches out from his hole. He moaned and began pumping both hands faster, working his dick almost frantically as he stretched his opening.
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The friction there, without lube to ease the way, sent fiery sparks of pleasure to his balls and up his spine.
Glenn huffed and he wished he had more hands, or…no, he wished he had James here, biting and plucking at his nipples. The little nubs burned and throbbed, begging for touches Glenn couldn’t give them. He tightened his hold on his dick, jerking it harshly as he fitted a third finger in his ass. Glenn didn’t give in to this desire often, but when he did it seemed like he couldn’t get enough, couldn’t fill his ass the way it needed to be filled. He tried to push in deeper, but couldn’t quite manage it.
Almost sobbing with need, Glenn tried to fit a fourth one in, but the lack of lube and the position and his sheer desperation all combined to thwart his attempt. He gripped his dick even harder, fucking his fist mercilessly, driven by a consuming need for release. His breath skittered and his muscles clenched when he speared his slit with a fingernail. Glenn twisted his other hand around, finally making it possible fir hum to brush over his
gland, and a strangled cry was torn from him as his balls snapped up. Cum spurted from his dick, splattered his hand and belly, dribbling to the tub floor as his ring clenched around his knuckles.
Shaking, gasping, Glenn eased his fingers from his ass. He hissed as the abused tissues flared and burned, yet he revelled in the feeling of being stretched, of almost having been filled like he needed to be. Glenn could only imagine what it would be like to have James bend him over and fuck him until he couldn’t walk, to have that deep pounding he craved.
He couldn’t, however, imagine doing the same to James, because the man just seemed too wounded to be taken like that. In all of Glenn’s fantasies, it’d been James taking control, fucking Glenn’s mouth or ass or hand, spraying his cum onto Glenn and marking him in the most basic way. Or base, to some people, but the idea of James covering him in spunk turned Glenn on in a way he couldn’t describe.
And I must be beyond exhausted to be thinking like this. Glenn tried, he really did, to keep his fantasies buried. He was afraid of the strength of them, and afraid he might never get to have anything from them. James had never given him the slightest hint he was interested, had, indeed, seemed borderline terrified of Glenn at times. Maybe that was why he could only think of letting James have him.
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Huffing at his own confusing thoughts, Glenn rinsed the spunk off his skin then turned the shower off. He stepped out and towelled the water off half-assed, then stumbled towards the bathroom door only to very nearly keel over when he pulled it open.
Although, why he was surprised to find Chase and Xavier lounging on his bed like they’d rented the room themselves, was beyond him.
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