by Katy Winter
Then she sensed another emotion that made her give an incoherent gasp and clamp her hand to her mouth. Her other hand went slack on the reins. Her body lurched to one side. Sagi quickly grasped the bridle and pulled the horse to a halt, calling out loudly and sharply for a stop. She was instantly off her mount, hands reaching for Soji. She pulled her ungently from the horse, stretched the girl out on the ground between the horse's hooves, then knelt, unplugging a waterskin from a bag she wore slung over a shoulder. Ignoring the confusion around her, Sagi lifted Soji's head and made the girl drink. Soji's eyes were wide. Sagi understood. Very gently, she sat beside Soji and drew the limp blond head into her lap. A hand held one of Soji's.
Sagi looked up to see Setoni hold the hand of a little girl whose dark eyes were fixed on her mother. Setoni squatted. Jonqi promptly ran to Sagi and tried to crawl into her lap beside her mother. The older woman made it possible and the little girl sat, staring silently down at her mother's face.
"A seeing?" asked the healer, in a neutral voice. Sagi nodded.
"I've lost her for the moment, but she'll come back."
"Of course," murmured Setoni, kneeling beside Soji's head. "She'll speak when she's ready, just as she always does. I wonder if it's Luton again?" Soji's lips moved.
"What is it, child?" asked Sagi. "Can you tell us what you see?" There was an inarticulate response at first and then clarity came to pale eyes.
"Luton," Soji replied in a firmer voice.
"Take me with you, child," said Setoni calmly. The girl tried to clutch at him but his hold steadied her. "Now, Soji, take me with you."
There was a long silence. Soji's eyes closed. Setoni's face was a mask of concentration, his eyes fixed to the girl's and his body erect and poised for any need. Soji shook so violently Sagi had to put the little girl to one side so she could keep Soji still.
"I'm here, child," she said softly. "Sagi's here."
"It's Setoni with you, Soji," whispered the healer. "Let go your fear, child. He can't harm you, even though he seems so close."
"Who?" demanded Sagi, her eyes piercing and cool.
"Soji!" reiterated Setoni in a sterner voice. As if she'd just heard him, Soji coughed. "Soji," he murmured again, only this time more gently. "Open your eyes and be with us." His composure had a soothing effect because the blue eyes opened to look directly into the healer's. "Good girl," approved Setoni. "Now, child, look at me and let me read exactly what happened." Though Soji gave a shudder, Sagi saw subdued submission. She obeyed.
When Setoni blinked he gave a deep reflective sigh, almost of relief Sagi thought, her eyes switching from the girl lying restfully still, to the healer whose eyes were intense and full of pathos. When Setoni got to his feet and brushed a hand across his eyes, Sagi noticed the hand was quite unsteady. He glanced at her with a faint smile. Sagi wasn't fooled, but made no comment. It was the steppe way. Setoni sighed again.
"She's seen Luton again, but you know that." Sagi nodded sharply. "The young man, as far as I can glean from pressing Soji very hard, moves north with a warrior lord called Kher. Didn't Soji tell us Kher was with Luton in Chika?" Sagi nodded again.
"Where's Luton going?" she asked coolly. Setoni looked back down at Soji.
"She doesn't know, but my guess is he's been sent north to the warlord. What frightened her wasn't Luton."
"I guessed that much," responded Sagi, lifting Soji so that the girl lay more comfortably. Setoni transferred his gaze to the unmoving figure. "Her seeing tells us much, doesn't it?"
"Yes," replied Setoni absently. "What frightened her," he went on, "is she had a seeing of the Keep - there she sensed a surge of fury from Blach about Jonqi. His flare of rage was ungovernable and she sensed what his revenge would be." The healer licked dry lips. "Gods," he whispered. "Not only that, I picked up Blach's rage at having to send his apprentice north, before the sorcerer had him ready for whatever purpose Luton's meant to serve. The boy's been so..." The healer's voice trailed off. He fell silent. He got abruptly to his feet and began to pace to and fro in some turbulence of mind. Sagi watched him, pursing her lips in thought.
"Soji?" she asked at last. Setoni came to a halt beside her.
"She isn't harmed, Sagi," he assured her, "but it was a vivid and frightening seeing. She needs a brief rest, though how she can here I simply don't know."
"What's wrong?" asked a deep quiet voice. Sagi and Setoni turned their heads in unison, to see Asok regarding Soji imperturbably.
"A seeing," explained Sagi.
"Is she hurt?" asked the calm voice.
"No, merely confused," replied Setoni. "She needs rest."
"I see." Looking round him at the precipices that hemmed them in, Asok stroked his beard, then he stooped and gathered Soji in strong arms. "Follow," he threw at Setoni and Sagi.
Setoni swept Jonqi up onto his shoulder and walked after Asok, who weaved his way between men and horses with a quiet word every so often to someone in his path. Asok kept moving for a few minutes, before the healer saw the man headed towards an area where the gorge widened to a level piece of land overhung by a large outcropping. The steppeman strode towards it slowly, his movements fluid and unhurried. He seemed unaware of the girl he carried. Setoni thought, for the umpteenth time, that he'd never seen Asok ruffled or baffled by any situation with which he was confronted.
Asok carefully leaned Soji against the rock, just as her eyes opened and met his placid gaze. A hand went to her mouth in the gesture she always made when she was disturbed.
"Don't fret, child," Asok said quietly. "When a seeing comes we're meant to learn from it. It's a gift." His calmness was reassuring, so Soji nodded. "Well and good, child," the deep voice went on. "After you've rested, we'll go on." She nodded again, her eyes following Asok when he turned and left.
Taking Jonqi from Setoni, Sagi crouched beside Soji.
"The healer came with me."
"Yes, child, I know. He's gone to be with Asok." Soji stared across at the older woman.
"I tried to stay with you as you taught me, Sagi."
"I know that, too, child. You've learned much since you've been with us but control of sight takes a very long time. You mustn't demand so much of yourself and try to let your talent evolve as it will. Let be now, child, and rest."
~~~
Asok didn't comment on Soji's seeing until much later in the day. Since the steppeman asked Setoni to stay with him until camp was struck, the healer was forewarned. His respect for Asok's perception was profound - he knew he had some uncomfortable moments to face once he was alone with the steppeman and wondered idly if he could obey the Mishtok. Asok gave nothing away. He merely conversed amiably on a wide range of topics. He was always calm and reflective, his eyes alert. As he rode next to Asok, Setoni gave an inward sigh because the moment of truth came near.
They came out of the gorge onto a plateau that overlooked a deep sward of green tundra sweeping for miles into the distance. The way down looked rocky and precipitous, with few footholds for riders. There was scrub and brush interspersed with exposed decayed roots of trees long gone, and small thickets of stunted hucklethorns that slashed anyone unwise enough to go near them. Their thorns were inches long and venomously vicious.
The body of riders milled on the huge plateau, all dismounting and standing staring into the distance. Soji could see relief on the faces, and when she, too, reached the plateau, she could see why - though the plains swept far away she knew the land was familiar to these people. Crossing this terrain would cause them no problems whatsoever.
And beyond this tundra, Soji knew the mountains lurked. Before the riders could reach the south-eastern fringes of the Shadowlands, they had to ascend the highest mountains on Ambros that split the eastern Shadowlands from the rest of central and southern Ambros. It was a formidable barrier. Though Soji couldn't see them, that thought sent a shiver crawling over her.
Carefully she lifted Jonqi down and set the little girl on her feet. When a small hand crep
t into hers, Soji looked down to see big dark eyes stare up at her and briefly saw Luton, except these eyes were calm and contented. Soji ruffled the soft dark curls that she refused to let anyone cut.
"Well then, my little daughter," she said softly. "Are you hungry?" The dark head nodded and Soji turned at the laugh behind her.
"The child always eats well, doesn't she, unlike the mother?" Soji saw Asok stare intently down at the child.
"Yes," murmured Soji.
She'd been brought up by dominant men, indulged as a child certainly, but was quite unused to men who had authority through a simple gesture, a movement, or a single word. Asok's calm assertiveness unnerved her. Soji was also aware her life was totally dependent on this man and recognised, too, that Jonqi's future rested entirely in his hands. So, out of a childhood ingrained habit, she bent her head while he stood there, his gaze travelling from Jonqi with her hand clasped in her mother's, to Soji with bowed head.
"And are you recovered now, child?" he asked mildly.
Soji answered quietly, "I thank you, yes." She felt Asok's hand under her chin and reluctantly met the placid and unfathomable eyes that regarded her.
"You mustn't be afraid of me, child," he was saying. "Clearly you were meant to come to us, as was the child. Be assured I wouldn't hurt either of you. Can you try to believe that?" Soji saw a smile touch the gray eyes. She nodded, aware his eyes still searched hers. "I've seen your fear for seasons now, girl. Am I so threatening to you and your daughter?" Tears came involuntarily to the blue eyes. When Soji tried to respond and then shook her head, Asok calmly wiped the tears from thin cheeks, his eyes holding compassion as well as understanding. "You've been badly abused, Soji. I won't permit anyone to cause you pain." Soji sniffed. "Am I so very different from your own people?" he asked gently. Soji nodded instantly.
"Yes," she whispered. Asok still held her chin.
"How?" His voice was unthreatening.
"They are aggressive in a way you are not. They dominate others and take what they want. As a woman in Churchik society, I would belong to a warrior who may decide to use me as he willed. If I was one of your people taken alive I'd have suffered dearly by now." She gestured helplessly when Asok let her go, his thoughtful gaze still dwelling on her face. She looked up unexpectedly. "Our people lack control," she said, as if this just came to her. "We are ruled by passions. We have no balance." The words that followed were a faint whisper. "We are a violent and cruel people, are we not? Look what we did to Luton." She felt Asok touch her head.
"Not all of you, child. Not all Churchik are that way. Your race is warlike and that's what the warlord and others have fostered. It's a sad end to any race to be as your people are, and they've done so much irreparable harm to Ambros. But no one can blame you for what your warriors have done in the name of conquest and empire."
"I watch you," murmured Soji. "Sagi shows me how different we are." There was a pause, then Soji lifted her blond head and looked up at Asok again, saying very quietly, "I can never go back, can I?" Asok regarded the blond head.
"Do you wish to?" A tremor shook Soji and her voice when she answered was unsteady.
"My death sentence lasts as long as I do, and Tago -." She quivered. "Even if my sentence was commuted, I could not go to a Churchik man now."
"Then clearly you can't go back. What I asked you, child, is this; do you wish to go back?"
"No!" The vehemence in her voice startled even Soji. It surprised Asok. His eyes were reflective.
"Then perhaps, child, you should be consider life with us," he said very gently. Soji looked up tentatively. "Sagi will take care of you and Jonqi -," Asok paused infinitesimally, "- for as long as you wish. Setoni and she will continue to teach you." Asok glanced down at her. "You have my blessing if you choose to mate among us, Soji."
He was gone on the words. Soji stared speechlessly after him, only coming back to awareness when she felt the tug on her hand from Jonqi.
~~~
Soji thought long and hard about Asok's words. They kept coming to mind while they travelled. She'd learned to speak little, because among these people it wasn't necessary and she'd never been a garrulous person. As the days passed and they crossed the tundra at an easy pace, Soji became increasingly preoccupied. Few noticed anything different about her, except Sagi. Of an evening, Soji's eyes wandered wistfully in the direction of the steppemen who sat cross-legged and laughing over their food and later squabbled amicably over their games. They were inveterate gamblers. She was too shy to approach.
She found these folk relaxed and as one with their environment. Her earlier fear of them, after her meeting with the mountain patrol, had given way to an understanding of why they'd so willingly taken Jonqi and why they'd finally taken her. She was told Sagi 'saw' a small child a cycle earlier, as well as a younger picture of herself, so very unlike the thin boy the patrol found. She didn't need to be reminded that here, seers were revered.
Nor did Soji see any woman taken unwillingly among the steppefolk, who treated them as equals and not subordinate, as she was taught to be. Soji realised early on that Asok and Sagi were mated, that Asokin was their son and that they had other children who were older. She was intrigued they didn't have a formal marriage in the way of her kind, but accepted the steppe way was probably more natural. She watched the girls and boys as they came to maturity and then reached adulthood, the rituals highly sensual and erotic. She couldn't know how like Samar this was. Matings were no less so, the celebrations attendant on these festivities quite spontaneous. There were feasts around seasons and Soji learned to revere nature as much as the steppefolk did.
The young she saw matured quickly and became quite independent at an early age, the boys and girls leaving their parents to live in communal obtusas by the time they were six or seven cycles. Already she noticed that Asokin, who was barely ten cycles, lived with the bachelor men and was trained in fighting skills.
Soji wondered, this evening, as she looked down at Jonqi curled up in her lap with her eyes peacefully closed, how Jonqi would adapt to that life, and then thought that when the child was six cycles she'd be just another steppe child. That made Soji feel content - Jonqi wouldn't be a Churchik child with Churchik values and attitudes.
She was three cycles and growing fast. The child was tall for her age, but so slender she looked delicate, though she was tough and very healthy. The eyes were her father's black, the long curling lashes reminiscent of Luton, as was the dark, thick hair that shone with regular brushing. She looked remarkably like Myme Chlo at the same age and the resemblance would become more marked as she got older.
Only a season before, Jonqi startled everyone by talking fluently, no infant talk and no stumbling over words. It was as if Jonqi skipped that stage of childhood entirely. She still seldom spoke, her eyes watching and missing nothing, but now Soji's lingering doubts about the child's abilities were set at rest. The child read effortlessly. It was with curiosity that Setoni studied the little bent head when Jonqi was with him, while she carefully and slowly read out loud. He felt this little girl was highly unusual and would need to be carefully watched.
Tonight Soji had eaten and now contemplated nothing in particular. Her seeing was more ordered and she could trace her sight more easily these days. Her visions of Luton increased. She knew where he was as he made his way northwards. It was through these constant and increasingly sharp visions, which now sometimes included conversations, that the Mishtok could keep Yarilo informed of Luton. Soji even curled up at Asok's feet so she could recount for him what she'd seen. She felt new contentment.
As she often did, she glanced over at the young men sitting comfortably beyond the fire she was close to and encountered a quick glance, not for the first time, from one of them. His name was Leontok. He was a tall steppeman, with a quiet, reflective demeanour and Soji judged he was in his twenty cycles. She thought he was kin to Asok and Sagi. When she blushed, he smiled at her and instinctively she responded, the smile lighti
ng her eyes and transforming her.
Then she looked away. She was afraid of Asok's suggestion, because she was wary of being hurt again, yet she desperately wanted to be as one with these people. Soji gave a small sigh. She drank. She set the cup on the ground, gently shifted the sleeping child to the ground beside her and lifted some weaving from beside her, applying herself half-heartedly.
"A deep sigh suggests a restless heart, child," observed Sagi quietly beside her. "Is that so?" Soji's shook her head.
"No, Sagi, I am not restless. I am as content as I can remember."
Sagi saw the clear exchange between Leontok and Soji and her perceptive glance took in the flushed cheeks.
"Are you thinking about what Asok said to you some time ago, child? You're deeply thoughtful tonight." Soji concentrated on her weaving for a minute, then when she spoke she was hesitant.
"I know he thinks my life should be with you and your people, Sagi. He knows, as you do, that I can never go back. Nor do I want to." Soji shivered, despite the proximity of the fire.
"So, child? What's the problem?"
"I would like to live among you. Sagi, I am Churchik, daughter of one of the warlord's most senior and cruellest warriors. It is just that - Sagi, who would wish to choose such a one as me?"
Sagi immediately put her arms round the slight shoulders. Once Soji was willowy at fourteen cycles, but after her experience with Luton she'd become painfully thin. Her subsequent illness left her frail. Sagi felt she clasped a wisp.
"Why shouldn't they, child?" she asked softly.
"I told you. I am Churchik, daughter of one of the warlord's most senior and fiercest warrior lords. I have a child. I used a man and then killed him, and I am in marri to another warrior. My child is a sorcerer's daughter." Soji's voice became a broken whisper. "I have nothing to offer a decent man, Sagi." Sagi's grip tightened.
"Shall I tell you how we see you, child?" Soji shook her head. Sagi spoke quietly and calmly. "I see a young woman, hurt beyond belief. She's tall in the southern way but so frail the wind could take her from us in a single puff. She has silky blond hair unknown among us and her eyes are soft and blue. Her skin is pale, unlike ours.
