by J Lerman
‘Okay.’ I hear Marc breathing. ‘I wish I could be with you. I wish I could touch you. I know it’s impossible right now.’
I feel tears coming. ‘I wish I could be with you too.’
‘I can’t come into the college,’ says Marc. ‘There are photographers all around the gates. You’re safe inside – we have excellent security – but don’t leave until I tell you to.’
‘Okay.’
Chapter 74
I eat dinner in the meal hall that night with Tom and Tanya, and tell them about the latest twist in my situation.
‘We know,’ Tanya says. ‘We both got contacted on Facebook this afternoon by reporters asking us to sell stories.’
‘Oh no.’ I put my head in my hands.
‘I take it that means you don’t want your apple crumble,’ says Tom.
‘Take it,’ I say.
‘Isn’t that a good thing, though?’ says Tom, spooning up my pudding. ‘I mean, don’t you want your relationship to be out in the open? And now it sort of forces the issue, don’t you think?’
‘Yes,’ I agree. ‘It does. It forces it one way or the other. Have a public relationship and be followed by reporters for my entire time at college. Maybe have my reputation ruined. Or walk away from Marc forever.’
‘Tough call,’ says Tanya. She looks over at Cecile and Ryan, suddenly. ‘What are you two staring at?’
They both smirk, and look back at their desserts.
‘I’m guessing reporters got in touch with them too,’ I say. ‘Oh great.’
‘It’ll all come out in the wash, love,’ says Tom. ‘Tomorrow’s chip wrappings, isn’t that what they say?’
‘We don’t wrap chips in newspaper anymore,’ says Tanya. ‘It’s unhygienic.’
‘Yes, yes, but you know what I mean,’ says Tom. ‘Are you really going to walk away from someone you love, because you’re scared about what the public are going to say about you? This is your life, for Christ’s sake. You’re the only one living it, so who cares what people say?’
‘It’s not just that, though,’ says Tanya. ‘If she’s going to be an actress, her public profile is very important. Reputations are everything in this business. If people see her in a certain light, it might be difficult for her to get work.’
‘That works the other way, too,’ says Tom. ‘Notorious actors get more work than unknown ones. Anyway, I think it’ll all blow over. And Sophia’s such an amazing actress that when people see her perform they’re not going to care about anything they’ve read.’
‘That’s if anyone will give her a part,’ Tanya points out.
Chapter 75
It turns very cold that evening, and I switch on all the radiators in my room, and light a fire in the grate, burning logs and twigs I’ve found in the woods. It makes the room feel cosy, and I get into bed and watch the flames dancing in the darkness.
My head hurts. There’s so much to think about, and the truth is, neither I nor anyone else know the answers. No one knows exactly how things will turn out, no matter what choice I make. There’s good and bad with either decision.
The worst of it right now is that I can’t see Marc. And that hurts. Being without him is painful.
I watch the fire for a long time.
Around midnight, I hear a tap on the French windows that makes me jump. I get up and go to the balcony. On the concrete, I see a white stone clatter to a stop. There’s another tap, and this time I see a stone hit the French window.
I go to the balcony and open the glass doors. A rush of cold air comes in, and I shiver in my pyjamas. The college is dark and quiet, and smells like earth and trees.
Down on the ground, I see a tall figure looking up at my window. His white face is alight in the moonlight, and his lips are red and bruised looking.
‘Marc?’ I whisper.
‘Sophia,’ Marc calls up.
My heart shudders.
‘What are you doing here?’ I say. ‘How did you get in without being seen?’
Marc smiles. ‘I have my ways. Can I come up?’
I throw my arms around myself to stop me from shivering. ‘How can you? If I come down and let you in, some of the other students might hear.’
Marc puts his foot to the wall and climbs the metal drainpipe. He jumps up each bracket until he’s inches away from the balcony. Then he springs across in one swift, easy movement, swinging himself over the rail.
‘Romeo, Romeo,’ I say.
Marc scoops me up and carries me inside, rubbing my arms to warm me up and kicking the glass doors closed behind us.
It’s dark in my room, but the fire embers create a warm glow. He holds me tight in his arms and kisses me. Then he puts me on the bed and lays beside me, propping himself up on his elbow.
‘It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.’ He smiles that devilish, beautiful Marc Blackwell smile. ‘I thought if things were going to end, they couldn’t end without me seeing you one last time.’
‘Who says things are going to end?’ I ask.
‘I just had a hunch,’ he says, ‘that you might have had enough of me. My drama. The challenges that come with me.’
‘Not yet,’ I say, looking into his eyes. ‘Maybe it’s you who’s had enough of me.’
‘Never.’
‘I’m glad.’
He kisses me and I melt into the bed. Then he makes love to me, moving slowly, looking into my eyes.
‘I want to let go now,’ he tells me, moving deeper. ‘I want to let go with you.’
‘You can,’ I say. ‘I want you to. It’s what I want more than anything.’
He moves faster, his blue eyes growing softer. He holds my face in his hands, and his breathing gets quicker.
‘Oh God,’ he says. ‘Oh God, Sophia. Yes. Oh yes.’
He explodes inside me, looking deep into my eyes, his eyelids fluttering and his lips falling open.
I don’t look away. I can’t. I feel like I’m seeing right into his soul. And it’s beautiful.
Marc falls onto me, and whispers in my ear: ‘I need to know. Are we’re going to do this? Or am I going to have to get over you?’
I look into his blue eyes, so full of emotion – power, strength and fear – and I know I made my decision months ago. ‘Yes,’ I say. ‘We’re going to do this.’
‘You’re sure?’ he says.
‘Yes.’
‘I love you.’ He strokes my hair. ‘It’s still taking me by surprise. But I’m learning.’
‘Me too,’ I say.
‘In the morning then,’ he says. ‘We’ll leave the college together. Hand in hand. Let them take their photographs.’
‘Okay,’ I say, feeling his arms slide around me. ‘Okay, tomorrow. First thing.’
We fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms, our foreheads touching.
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Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Chapter 68
Chapter 69
Chapter 70
Chapter 71
Chapter 72
Chapter 73
Chapter 74
Chapter 75
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