I didn’t know how to be anything else.
I poured coffee from a pot Gabe had left for me, from a coffee maker built into the backsplash in the kitchen, and turned on the TV. The morning news droned around me as I toasted a bagel, slathered it with cream cheese, and settled in to eat. And to think.
At the moment, I was … for lack of a better word, stuck. At least with my money and clothes arriving, thanks to Gabe’s demand, I’d feel more like myself, more in control of myself and my life. Then I could set about pondering what I wanted to do with my life.
The last time I’d been on my own and at a crossroads, I’d set out for New York City, to Parsons School of Design on a scholarship. It had led to an internship and, ultimately, a job after graduation at Lisa Stern Designs, a one-woman design firm that catered to various types of clientele, from home renovations to the occasional country club overhaul. I’d been hungry to learn, to work, but I’d also yearned for love and a relationship where I contributed and was a valued, equal partner.
That had been my one weakness, one Lance had homed in on. Before I knew it, I’d swapped a smart set of dreams for less practical ones he’d destroyed. And though I should be over that need, the yearning for family and the need to belong still lived inside me. However, I needed to be intelligent, and this time, I would be.
I sipped my coffee and sighed in pleasure at the perfect-tasting brew just as Gabe’s home phone rang. One ring, and an answering machine picked up. Next thing I heard was an older woman’s voice over the phone line.
“Good morning, Mr. Dare, this is Amelia. I won’t be able to make it in to clean today, after all. I have a family emergency, but in all likelihood, I can get there tomorrow. I hope this doesn’t cause you too much of an inconvenience. I’ll have the spare room taken care of first thing in the morning. Only call me back if the timing doesn’t work for you.”
Cleaning. I wrinkled my nose. The apartment itself was pristine, as if it had been professionally sanitized just yesterday, so I couldn’t imagine Gabe being upset his cleaning woman had cancelled. Then again, if he needed that spare room taken care of today, that was something I could do. Making myself useful around here would feel good, since I was already worried about taking advantage.
A quick search in the cabinets and pantry turned up cleaning supplies, but before I lugged everything into the spare room, the door to which had been closed yesterday, I figured I’d peek and see just what it needed.
I walked down the hallway, turned the knob, and let myself in. The bed was unmade, the sheets rumpled, pillows dented and haphazardly strewn around. Who had slept in here? I stepped farther into the room, noting the furnishing was starker than Lucy’s room, less warm and welcoming, the only furniture a king-sized four-poster bed, nightstands, and an armoire. No television. No clock or iPod holder. No pictures on the walls. I eased past the bed, which boasted black satin sheets and comforter, taking it all in.
I inhaled, and Gabe’s cologne surrounded me. I looked into the bathroom, finding it, too, needed cleaning. There were towels on the floor, a toothbrush and open toothpaste on the vanity.
A glance down showed me everything I needed to know and wished I hadn’t seen. Plastic condom wrappers in the garbage can.
My stomach heaved, and my heart stupidly squeezed in my chest. I didn’t know how long I stood there staring, trying to make sense of this man I didn’t know.
He’d made sure to keep me out of this room, and now I knew why. He’d had sex in this room. Recently. The evidence forced me to confront the ugly truth. No sooner had he rescued me from the police station than he’d decided to let Naomi go.
I’d known, of course, but I’d been too thrown by the events of the night to process the cold, methodical reality. He’d had no problem dumping the woman he’d currently been involved with, the decision made in an instant. What did it say about his heart, or lack of one?
Having been on the receiving end of being cheated on, I didn’t like knowing Gabe was essentially capable of the same thing. Or, if not cheating, so easily walking away from a relationship he was in.
I eased out of the room and headed for the other side of the apartment and paused in front of the master bedroom where Gabe slept. Yet he obviously fucked in the other room clear across the way. That was brutal.
I want to fuck you, kitten. But when I do, it won’t be about gratitude. And it will be on my terms. I shivered, my knees nearly buckling at the memory of his seductive voice, the scent of his masculine, woodsy cologne, and his touch that ripped every one of my defenses to shreds. How easily I’d nearly succumbed.
Thank God that room had brought me back to reality, I thought, as panic set in. I needed air. Needed to breathe and think, clear of this apartment, where everything reminded me of the Gabe he’d shown me so far. How long before I saw the other side? The way I’d finally seen Lance’s other side?
I patted my pockets, making sure I had my money on me before hitting Lucy’s room to grab my flip-flops, slide them onto my feet, and make my way out the door. As it slammed shut behind me, I realized I was now locked out of the apartment. I had no key to get back in until Gabe returned.
But did I want to go back? To the Gabe who I’d just learned was capable of cutting off his feelings so easily? Because for all that I told myself I didn’t want another relationship, I knew better than to think I could stay here and eventually not surrender to Gabriel Dare.
Chapter Five
Isabelle: Lost in Time
I spent the day at the public library. Between the Internet and access to the New York Times, I began a job search. Although it had been awhile since I’d been employed, I did have a degree from Parsons and a previous employer who’d appreciated my work.
Although I’d definitely call Lisa, my old boss, on Monday, for now, the best I could do was make a list of impressive interior designers. I culled names I’d seen in magazines or had met through people in Lance’s crowd, moving on to magazines and listings there. Finally, there was nothing more I could do until the workweek began.
I bought hotdogs from a street vendor for lunch, picked up a paperback at a nearby bookstore, and settled under a tree to read. Yeah, I know I was supposed to take some time and think, but I didn’t like the way my thoughts were leading me, the yearning to go back to Gabe. How could I be so drawn to a man I didn’t know? And why, oh why did I want to learn more? Getting lost in a book made more sense than racking my brain for answers I just didn’t have.
By four p.m., my stomach was grumbling, I was tired and cranky, and after a day with a book, I’d come to the realization that there was no shame in not having figured out my life’s plan after a mere twenty-four hours. It’s not like I knew ahead of time I would be leaving my home for the unknown. At least now I was in a better position than if I’d woken up at a cheap motel with even less money in my pocket. And I decided I was through running away from my problems. Which meant I’d better head back and deal with the man who was causing the hodgepodge of feelings swirling in my gut.
I walked back to the sprawling apartment building and stopped by the doorman, who was not the same man who’d been on duty last night.
“Can I help you?” he asked.
“Is Mr. Dare in?”
“You must be Ms. Masters. He’s been calling down every few minutes asking if you’d returned yet.”
My eyes opened wide. It never dawned on me that Gabe would be concerned. It should have, but I was too thrown by … well, everything. I bit down on my lip. “Please call up and tell him I’m on my way?”
He smiled, treating me to a kindly look that made me think he was a father or a grandfather. Someone who also cared about people. Someone unlike my own parents. And on that unpleasant thought, I headed for the elevator, holding my breath, suddenly nervous.
The elevator doors opened, and I was stunned to find him waiting in the darkened, moody hallway, arm braced on the doorframe. He wore dark jeans and a long-sleeved, collared shirt, white, unbuttoned enou
gh to tempt yet still give him that in-control, dangerously sexy air. His dark brown hair was tousled, as if he’d run his fingers through it in frustration more than a few times.
His eyes lit on me, and in that instant, longing caught in my throat, along with a healthy dose of wariness. Because no matter what I felt when I laid eyes on him, this morning’s hard truths hadn’t changed. And though I’d returned, I needed to understand what was going on between us before I could stay.
I stepped out and paused in front of him.
“You’re okay.” The words came out a mix of anger and relief.
I swallowed hard. “Yes.”
“And how should I have known? You’ve been gone since early this morning.” He stepped forward then stopped himself, visibly holding himself back from me.
I winced. “I suppose I should have left you a note, but—”
“Yes, you should have.”
I looked down, chastened, hating it and yet … oddly affected by his mix of emotions. Because that meant he still cared? Desired me?
Was that what I wanted?
I thrust my fingers into my tangled hair. “I’m sorry if you thought—”
“You have no idea what I was thinking.” He gestured inside his apartment with a flick of his wrist.
Even as a part of me rebelled at his command, I strode past him, head high, acknowledging the part of me that was pleased he’d been concerned. When was the last time anyone had thought about my welfare?
He slammed the door shut behind him before turning back to face me. “Do you want to know what went through my mind?”
I swallowed hard. “Of course.”
“Let’s see. First, I thought Daltry had come by. I wondered if you’d changed your mind and left with him,” Gabe bit out.
Oh, Gabe. “I wouldn’t just pick up and leave after you’ve been so kind.”
“I thought we’d gone over this. I’m not kind,” he said in a tone meant to convince me.
He failed.
“Well, to me you are.” And suddenly it didn’t matter what he’d done to Naomi; I was different. He treated me better. Or was I deluding myself as I’d done with Lance? My stomach tumbled at the thought. “Do you want to know where I’ve been?” I asked.
“Go on.”
I breathed out, elaborating on my day. “First I went to the public library so I could look through job listings and newspapers. I made lists and planned calls for Monday. Then I spent the day in the park. Reading. And thinking.”
“By any chance, did that thinking include whether or not you should stay with me?”
I nodded.
He reached out and nabbed my hand, linking his big fingers through mine, tightening incrementally. His closeness eased some of the lingering tension, and my shoulders lowered as I allowed myself to relax beneath his touch. With a tug, he pulled me closer, invading my personal space, nuzzling his chin in my hair.
I closed my eyes and sighed, and when I breathed in, the expensive cologne I’d come to associate with him wrapped around me and lit me up from the inside out, like a firecracker with an ever-shortening fuse. I squeezed my thighs together to alleviate the ache that both excited and unnerved me at the same time.
“Don’t leave.” He turned me to face him.
My heart sped up in my chest. I should want to run, not wrap myself around him and never let go.
“I need you to say it.” His grip on me tightened.
With his jaw clenched and his eyes imploring, I answered from the heart. “I won’t.” I tried not to panic at the commitment that statement implied and reassured myself that I’d find a job and make this new situation work. Whatever it meant for us, that would have to play itself out.
When stark relief etched his handsome face, I knew I’d pleased him, and a corresponding sense of peace settled inside of me, making me wonder—what was this unspoken thing between us? I didn’t understand it.
I wanted more even as I fought against the sensations because they threatened me—more accurately, they threatened the sense of independence I’d told myself I needed.
Gabe slid his hand through my hair, tugging until I responded with a whimper. Okay, I clearly liked that dominating side of him. It was something I’d never experienced before but obviously responded to. Something else to think about later, I thought. Another facet of myself to explore when the opportunity arose.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he informed me. “And this has nothing to do with gratitude,” he muttered and sealed his mouth over mine.
Holding me firmly, he slid his tongue over my lips once, twice, demanding entry. As if I’d deny him. Just the touch of his tongue set off fireworks inside me, and I responded to everything about the man. Everything he took, I wanted to give. Everything he provided, I craved more of. He must have understood because his tongue tangled with mine, tasting the far reaches of my mouth, sucking, pulling, learning every part of me, while I turned to liquid at each slip and glide, every thrust and parry.
This was being kissed. It was being told that I mattered. Even the way he sank his hand into my hair and held on let me know that, as much as he was dominating me, he yearned for me too. He needed the connection between us as badly as I did. The intensity was furious, fast and sudden, but I needed it, and somehow he sensed as much. My nipples puckered tight, beading until they were begging for Gabe’s touch. His kiss held a direct line to my sex. But physical responses aside, the emotional yielding inside me explained so much more, screaming for me to believe that I could trust this man. A virtual stranger in so many ways, yet my body knew him already. Why else would worry flee from my mind, a foggy, blessed euphoria taking its place?
He broke the kiss but didn’t release me, instead dragged his lips over my jaw and down to where my shoulder met my neck and slid his tongue over my skin. I trembled as he found an erogenous zone I hadn’t realized I possessed. Cream coated my panties. Though I should be embarrassed at my easy acquiescence, it felt too good, desire melding into a whirlpool of burning need. A hard nip of my skin startled me into awareness, the sting of pain taking me by surprise, and I yelped out loud. Before I could struggle against him, a shock of ecstasy pulled me back into the vortex, reaching downward to my full, damp pussy.
Shaking, I crawled closer, finding his rock-hard erection behind a denim barrier, awaiting me. I needed him so badly. Could come so easily. I trembled and moaned. “Oh God.”
“No, Iz. Just me.” His breath was hot in my ear, and even his deep chuckle sent shooting sparks of awareness through me. “I want to fuck you right now. I want to slide into you when I’m completely bare. Feel your hot walls pulse around me until I come inside you and you feel everything I can give you.”
Holy mother. Knees knocking, body shaking, only Gabe’s hold on the back of my neck and the way he braced an arm around my waist kept me standing.
“Is that what you want, kitten?”
I moaned my assent. “Yes. Yes, take me now.”
A masculine groan shuddered through him. “My bedroom,” he muttered, his grip tightening.
That one word cleared my head enough for me to remember the other room in the house, the one with the rumpled sheets, the scent of sex, and the condoms in the trash that had sent me running.
“No. I can’t.”
Gabe lifted his head and stared into my eyes, disbelief flashing in the smoldering depths. He didn’t ask for an explanation, but I heard the silent demand anyway.
“Not like this.” I repeated his reason for not kissing me earlier, although his explanation for stopping was very different from mine now.
Again, he waited, as if he were entitled to an explanation but wouldn’t demean himself to ask.
I swallowed over the lump lodged in the back of my throat. “I heard your housekeeper cancel on the answering machine and thought I could help you out by cleaning since she couldn’t. She promised you she’d take care of the other room,” I said in a rush. “The one with the closed door. So I … went in and s
aw … everything.”
His eyes darkened in anger.
Because I’d crossed that threshold where I didn’t belong? Lance’s triggers had been far less. “I wasn’t snooping. I was trying to help.”
“Fuck.” He looked away.
His reaction hurt, and I braced myself for the lecture to come.
Without warning, his grip on me eased. I looked up to find him staring down at me, his gaze unexpectedly soft. “Don’t ever be afraid of me, Isabelle. I’m not him.” His calming voice soothed me.
I nodded and realized I was shaking, that fear had indeed taken me over. “Yelling was Lance’s preferred form of communication. That or complete disdain followed by deafening silence.” Which had left me feeling as bereft and as alone as I’d been as a child.
“Anything more?” he asked through gritted teeth.
“No,” I assured him. “Lance knew how to wound without touching.”
A muscle worked in his jaw. “My anger wasn’t at you.” He soothed me with caring strokes of his fingers over my throat and neck. “It was at myself. That there was anything in that room for you to find.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t exist to you then. But I’m coming off a long-term, bad relationship. So bad it would be a mistake to just jump into something now. We don’t really know each other.” I blushed, knowing how immature and naive I must sound, and yet I meant every word.
I might be moving in, allowing myself to rely on him based on an innate feeling of trust I had never felt for anyone before, not even Lance at his most gracious and charming. But sleeping with him was something else entirely.
He brushed my hair off my cheek, his touch warming me where I’d been cold. “I wouldn’t cheat on you.”
“But Naomi—”
“I didn’t cheat on her either.”
“No, you broke it off as if it meant nothing. As if she meant nothing.” My teeth bit into my bottom lip. “And if you could do that to her, you could do it to me just as easily.” When he got bored. Or realized I wasn’t as interesting as he apparently found me now.
Dare to Surrender Page 4
