I can.
Then my eyes connect with Cooper, and my resolve crumbles in pieces all around me.
He sits at a table with his band mates, but he doesn’t have a tray of food and he doesn’t seem to be a part of their conversation. His eyes are on the cafeteria doors, and when he sees me, he sits up straighter and his eyes lock on mine like they will never let go.
I feel around blindly for the wall that I spent the weekend building around myself, but it’s was gone. I am defenseless. Or I would have been, if it weren’t for Luka.
He guides me firmly to our table with Dara and Brandon, and pull out a chair that sits me facing away from Cooper. He earns another grateful smile.
Dara looks at me with understanding in her smile.
“Halfway through the day, Cam,” she reminds me. I nod. Then Dara’s eyes widen at something she sees behind me. Please, don’t let Cooper be coming over to our table. My heart can’t take it, and I’m sure what Luka would do.
“What?” I demand.
“Nothing,” she replies, sliding her eyes back to my face. She would be the worst poker player on the planet.
I look at Brandon, because I know he doesn’t know how to do anything but tell the complete truth. “What’s she looking at?”
He answers promptly. “Lilly just walked in.”
Dara curses and elbows him. He shrugs.
“I wasn’t going to lie to the girl,” he says.
I start to turn around, and Luka places his hand on my arm.
“Don’t, Cam.” His eyes plead with mine.
My mind knows he’s right, but my body continues to turn in spite of it. A body will betray a girl every time. I catch sight of that luxurious dark hair leaning over Cooper’s chair. I quickly turn back around and stare straight ahead, my breath coming fast and hard.
A few months ago, Cooper Goode and Lilly Brewer weren’t even here. I just need to channel those days and pretend they don’t exist.
“You know what, Cam?” Luka asks. “I have an idea.”
“What?” I reply, trying to will my body to continue facing straight ahead.
“Let’s get out of here.”
“You mean ditch?”
“Yeah. You need a mental health day, and I’m going to give it to you.”
I look questioningly at Dara.
She nods enthusiastically. “Go. Get out of here.”
Luka stands and holds out his hand. I think about Lilly and Cooper having lunch together behind me, and the decision is made. I stand up and put my hand in Luka’s. He squeezes it and leads me toward the cafeteria doors.
As I pass Cooper’s table, our eyes meet briefly. I’m relieved to see that Lilly isn’t sitting with him.
Why isn’t she?
Has she gone to get her lunch? He starts to get up, but I keep walking with my hand firmly grasped in Luka’s.
I tell myself I don’t want him to come after me, and I’m able to embrace the lie as I leave the building with Luka.
Cooper
No, no, o.
I watch her leave with him, and a red haze settles comfortably over my vision. I don’t care what sport he plays or how big he is. She’s mine. I start to get up, but my band mate, Hunter, forcefully pushes me back down.
“Now’s not the time, man,” he says through his teeth. “We don’t want to have to fight the whole basketball team with you.”
I pound my fist on the table. “Dude. I can’t do this. I can’t just sit and watch her slip away into his waiting arms. I texted her all weekend, and she didn’t return a single one. I have to talk to her.”
“I know how you feel,” he answers. “It would be driving me crazy if it were me. But you can’t do it while she’s with Luka Caliper. Trust me, he’ll block every move you make.”
He’s right. I pull out my phone and text Cam. Again.
Cooper: don’t do this, Cam. you have to talk to me.
I stare at my phone, willing it to buzz.
It does.
Camryn: No.
My sunken heart rises a couple of inches. She answered me! It was a no, but she answered. If she’s answering me, there’s a chance.
Cooper: please Cam. don’t go with him. i need to explain.
I wait.
Camryn: I can’t do this Cooper. I need space. Please leave me alone.
Those words almost break me. I slammed my fist into the table again. Then I type back furiously. Because the second I give up on her is the moment I lose her. And that’s not going to happen
Cooper: after i explain, if you still want me to leave you alone I will.
I don’t know if I can keep that promise to her, but I need to get her to talk to me alone.
Camryn: I am going out with Luka now. Will text you later.
I hate the thought that she’s going anywhere with Luka. It tears my insides apart. What was she thinking, anyway? It’s only halfway through the school day. But she gave me a yes. That’s all I need.
Damn Lilly Brewer. When I’d pushed her away after the pep rally, I’d told her never to touch me again. The memory flooded back into my head.
“What the hell are you doing?” I’d shouted at her.
“What I’m meant to do,” she’d answered mysteriously.
“I don’t know what the hell you think is going on here, but I’m not interested. Like, at all. I’m taken!”
“By that black girl who’s running back into the school? Cam, right?” She pointed behind me, and giggled.
I’d whirled around just in time to see Cam disappear into the building. I’d cursed and launched myself after her, forgetting Lilly even existed.
She laughed behind me. “Too late, Cooper. You’re on your way to me. You just don’t know it yet!”
What had she meant? I didn’t want her. Not even close. And then she’d decided to stop by my table on her way into the cafeteria, like I wanted her anywhere near me. Especially with Cam in the vicinity.
I heave a frustrated sigh and sit back in my chair. I’m not going to be able to make it through the rest of the day here without her. Time to blow school off for the day. I push back my chair and bid goodbye to my band mates.
“You gonna be at practice later?” Hunter asks.
“Don’t count on it,” I toss over my shoulder as I walk away.
Chapter 18
Distraction
Camryn
“So, where to?” I ask Luka.
“Today is about you. So I thought we’d go to the beach.”
“Luka, it’s not exactly beach weather,” I say, frowning.
“There’re other things we can do at the beach that don’t involve getting in the water. Trust me.”
I trust Luka, implicitly. So we hop in his SUV and start driving toward the oceanfront.
He cuts his eyes toward me as he drives. His big hands take up so much more real estate on a steering wheel than mine do, and I watch them in fascination.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“I’m confused,” I admit. “I finally answered a text from Cooper a little while ago.”
I see the little muscle in his jaw clench and unclench. Once, twice. Then he lets out a breath and glances at me.
“And?”
“And he wants a chance to explain. And all I can think about is what Brandon said about giving him the benefit of the doubt. At least giving him the chance to explain himself.”
“I might murder Brandon,” he mutters. “I don’t really get that though, Cam. We all have eyes and we all saw what we saw. He was kissing another girl. What kind of explanation can he possibly have that will make the hurt from that go away?” Luka speaks through gritted teeth.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I’m not going into it with an expectation of him explaining the incident away. I just…I don’t know. I want to think better than this of him. Is that stupid?”
“No,” he answers. “Nothing you do is stupid, Princess. When are you going to talk to him?”
He maneuvers
the car into a parallel meter spot on the street.
“I don’t know yet. I told him I’d text him after I spent a nice, relaxing day with you.”
Luka grins. “You told him you were with me?”
“Well, he saw us leaving school together. I couldn’t exactly hide it, could I?”
“Nope,” he says. “I bet he’s going crazy. And maybe it’s petty. But that makes me very, very happy.”
He gets out of the car and walks around to my side, opening my door.
“Come on,” he instructs. “We have some relaxing to do.”
We walk along the nearly empty sidewalk, peering into shop windows as we pass. This time of year, tourist season is over and the once-busy streets are quiet and melancholy. Living in a tourist town in the winter is depressing. We stroll down Ocean Avenue together in a comfortable silence.
Luka doesn’t reach for my hand, and I’m glad because I don’t want to have to hurt his feelings all over again. I’m sure what’s going to happen with Cooper and me. But I’m not going to jump into anything with Luka because I miss my boyfriend. He was right the night of Cooper and Lilly’s kiss. I’m not ready for that yet.
I may never be. Not when Cooper takes my heart with him wherever he goes.
We stop outside a pizza restaurant almost involuntarily. The aroma wafting under our noses makes my mouth water: tomato sauce, oregano, and dough baking in a fired brick oven.
“Yum,” I say hungrily.
“You’re hungry?” Luka asks. “You didn’t get to finish your lunch, did you?”
I shake my head and he pulls me inside.
“Lunch is on me then, “ he says. “Let’s get a pizza.”
Once seated, with our large sausage and pepperoni order in, we sit and sip our drinks, staring out at the sidewalk and the beach beyond.
“I love living here,” I admit. “But I can’t wait to leave it and chase my dreams in the big city.”
He grins. “That’s exactly what I picture you doing. Have you applied to colleges yet?”
“Yeah, only in New York. If I don’t get into one, oh well. I’ll just work and go to auditions. That’s what I really want to do, anyway.” I sip my Sprite.
“You, not get into a college? Please. You’re brilliant. They’ll just have to take one look at your transcripts to realize that.”
“What about you, Luka? I know you have scholarship offers. When’s the big announcement of who you’re signing with?”
He rolls his eyes. “Big announcement, huh? I don’t see why everyone cares. Brandon and I are going to the same school. We know that much. So we’ll make the announcement together in a few weeks.”
“That’s so exciting! I can’t wait to hear what you decide.”
“Yeah,” he says. His face falls. “It’s going to be pretty awful though, not having you around next year.”
“I haven’t been around the past few years, either.”
“No,” he answers. “That’s not true. We haven’t been hanging out until this year, but I always knew you were around. And I always got to carry around the hope that one day I’d have you in my life.”
“We’ll keep in touch,” I promise. Our server brings our check, and Luka hands her a very big bill before getting up from his seat. I would offer to split the check, but I know it’s pointless.
“You’re damn right, we will.”
We walk outside, heading lazily in the direction of his Mercedes.
“You ready to head back to reality?” he asks. “Because if you’re not, I’ll be glad to keep you busy the rest of the day.”
“No, I’m ready,” I answer truthfully. “No reason to keep reality waiting. It always catches up to you eventually.”
After settling in the passenger seat of the car, I pull out my phone to text Cooper.
Camryn: You going to Sarah’s party this weekend?
I don’t have to wait long. He texts back right away.
Cooper: i’ll be there if you’re there. I only want to be where you are, cam.
I exhale. Even his typed words make my heart flutter.
Camryn: I’ll be there.
Cooper: you want to talk then? It’ll be hard to wait that long.
Camryn: I know. Until then…seashell
Cooper
Seashell. She needs me to bring her back to reality. She’s feeling overwhelmed and anxious. It’s driving me crazy that she won’t let me be there to talk her through this. Until Friday night rolls around, I’m helpless in this situation.
I’m not one to accept helpless normally, or to use it as an excuse. I’ve been dealt an unfortunate hand all of my life, and I always take things into my own hands. I took care of my mom when I could. I kept my grades up in school. I worked so I could afford my own wheels.
Basically, everything I have, I have because I’d come up with a way to get it myself. I’m not going to be able to just turn that off.
I try to imagine how I’d feel if I’d seen Cam kissing Luka. Red-hot rage boils up in my blood, and I have to take deep breaths to settle my blood pressure. It wouldn’t feel good, that’s for damn sure. So imagining how she’s feeling makes me itch to go to her and explain everything. Explain that I don’t want Lilly and I never wanted that kiss.
All I want is Camryn. I want her in every way.
I love her. And she doesn’t even know it.
I pick up my phone, staring at it glistening silver in my hands. I want to text her and let her know how I’m feeling. Let her know that she can tell me how she’s feeling.
I lay back on my bed, groaning. That isn’t what she wants. She wants some space to think. But she’s already spent the day with Luka today, and the week is young. What if he moves in on her while she’s decompressing?
I sit straight up again, infuriated. No. That isn’t going to happen. I’ll make sure of it.
I grab my keys and fly down the stairs. Texting Hunter, I ask for the information I currently need.
***
I wait on the doorstep of the house that is just as big as my aunt’s. Wondering what it would have been like to grow up with all of this. It’s hard to imagine just being handed everything your whole life. I had exactly the opposite.
One of the double doors opens, swinging wide, and Luka stands just over the threshold.
You better have a damn good reason to be standing on my doorstep right now,” he growls, stepping out onto the step into my personal space.
“I want to talk to you. About my girl,” I answer just as aggressively.
Luka might be bigger than me, but he doesn’t scare me. At all. He grew up privileged and blessed his whole life, and I have a feeling it made him soft.
Me? Not so much.
I push past him and stride into the grand, marble-tiled foyer. I turn around and see him standing by the open doors, a snarl on his face.
“Your girl? You forfeited that right as soon as you cheated on her, you asshole.”
I blink. “I didn’t cheat on her.”
“The hell you didn’t! We all saw you. The minute Cam decided to put her trust and her faith in you, you screwed up. I told her that would happen, and you did me the favor of proving me right.”
“You don’t know shit,” I answer. “You think you do, but you don’t. I didn’t kiss Lilly. She kissed me, and I pushed her away almost immediately.”
His arms, which had been crossed over his chest, drop down to his sides. He opens his mouth as if to speak, and then closes it again. He believes me.
“I’m in love with Camryn. Do you realize that? We had a misunderstanding. We will get past it. I think you know that. There’s no stopping what Cam and I have, no standing in-between us. So you can stop trying to get in my way, dude, and just be a friend to her. And I don’t mean a friend with benefits.”
Anger flashes in his eyes. “I don’t think of her that way. She’s more than that to me.”
“Doesn’t mater. You. Won’t. Make. A. Move. Not while she’s hurting, not while I haven’t ev
en had a chance to talk to her. I won’t have it. Do you understand?”
“I hear what you’re saying. You can talk to her until you’re blue in the face, but she’s not an idiot. She’ll see through you. You may think you love her, but I can see it clearly. You’re hiding things from her. She doesn’t really know you yet. And when she does, she’ll drop you. Believe that.”
I’m done here. I’m not getting through to him, but at least he knows how I feel, and that I’ll do something about it if he moves in on Cam.
“Remember what I said,” I spit, walking to the door and flinging it open. “Leave my girl alone.”
With that task done, I head back to my house to finish up my homework for the night and think about how I’m going to get Camryn to listen to me this weekend.
And take me back.
Chapter 19
Answers
Camryn
I don’t know what Cooper Goode has done to me, but getting through the week has been pure torture. I’ve seen Cooper and Lilly at school every day. The odd thing was, I haven’t been watching them together. It doesn’t seem like they have anything to do with each other. I want to know why. I’m not in their way anymore.
I pull up to Dara’s mid-size suburban home and get out of my car, duffle bag in hand. Tonight is Sarah’s annual birthday bash. The cold air whips around my face as I walk to Dara’s door. Winter has arrived, and even in our beachy town that means frigid temperatures. Dara’s father lets me in and directs me up to her room.
“You know where it is,” he says with a smile.
I had always envied Dara her father. He’s warm and loving, and totally dedicated to their family. Dara and her brother Zach are both lucky to have him. I knew that better than anyone.
I barge into her room, where shes standing in front of her mirror applying thick eyeliner.
“I’m going for the smoky-eyed look tonight,” she says.
“I don’t even know why I’m going to this thing,” I sigh.
“Um, because we’ve gone every year since we were thirteen when she started having them? You’re not going to let a breakup railroad your whole life, Cam. I won’t let you, and neither will Luka.”
Color Blind Page 14
