“Are you asking if Luka and I hooked up after our fight?”
“Yeah,” he admits.
“No,” I answer, simply.
He looks relieved, and I laugh. “You really think I could forget about you that quickly and move on?”
He rubs his chin, where a light dusting of stubble has taken up residence. “I wasn’t sure, Cam. I thought you never wanted to talk to me again. I thought I wasn’t going to get the chance to explain that I wanted nothing to do with Lilly Brewer. Nothing. Since I got here, I’ve done nothing but think of you and how to win you over. When I finally did that, I realized that I had been waiting for you every day of my life before. I think I knew I loved you the minute you said “yes” to me. I would never kiss another girl. Not when time stands still when I’m sitting here with you.
“I will never find this kind of fulfillment anywhere else. Every breath that enters my lungs fuels me for another step toward you. I’m always going to be looking for you, wanting you, needing you, waiting for you. That’s not going away, Cam. Ever.”
After his speech, I’m breathless. With every word he says, my heart expands a little more. My feelings mirror his. All the waiting I have done, looking for happiness through my dance, through the friendship I have with Dara, through anything really, has led me to the moment in life when I finally met Cooper. The fact that he can feel it too literally forces the breath out of my lungs.
I slide over on the couch until I’m sitting in his lap.
“I love you,” I whisper in his ear.
He looks at me, shock registering on his face. Then he kisses me, and my world rights itself again. His lips linger on mine long enough to cement the love we share, and bind us together, wrapped up inside of it.
Just like that.
***
“So you’re taking him back? Just like that?” Luka glowers at me from across the table. The angry heat rolls off of him and drifts across the table in my direction. I wince as I accept it.
“It’s not exactly ‘just like that,’ Luka. He finally had a chance to explain, and it turned out that the kiss wasn’t even his fault.”
I agreed to meet Dara, Brandon, and Luka for lunch today. We sit in a back booth at the restaurant, and the conversation centers, of course, on last night’s crazy events.
“So why was Lilly hanging around y’all last night, then?” Luka demands.
“That, I’m not sure,” I admit. “She was saying some insane things. About how Cooper was royalty or something.”
Brandon takes a swig of his Coke. “Royalty? Like, the Prince of England or something?”
“Somehow, I don’t think she meant that kind of royalty. She was hinting that she knew where Cooper came from or something like that.”
Dara’s brow furrows. “Have you met his parents?”
I shake my head. “Nope. His dad is dead, and I guess his mom is still in Maryland until she gets some stuff straight. She was here the weekend the band performed at the club, but I didn’t get to meet her that night.”
I’m uncomfortable talking about Cooper’s family situation when he isn’t here. I’m unsure how much he wants everyone to know, but I know he wouldn’t want me spreading around all of his family drama. Even though he isn’t the only one with crazy family stuff.
“And you don’t think that’s a red flag?” Luka’s eyes narrow, and his dreadlocks fly around his head as he shakes it agitatedly.
“I haven’t met your dad, either,” I point out.
Dara and Brandon exchange a glance, and then Dara begins talking about winter break and everyone’s plans.
After lunch, I walk out into the cold winter sunshine with my friends. Dara and Brandon are walking arm in arm, and heading toward Brandon’s Jeep.
Luka tugs on my arm, and I turn to face him. His eyes are so sad that tears instantly well up in mine as I reflect his evident pain.
“I have to let you go, don’t I?” he asks softly.
“Luka—“ I begin. My throat chokes and closes. I can’t continue.
I don’t know why I’m so conflicted where Luka is concerned. Of course he should let me go. I’m totally, hopelessly in love with Cooper. Nothing is going to change that; no amount of pleading from Luka will make any sort of difference.
So why do I feel like I’m losing something?
“Don’t cry, Cam. I don’t mean I’m not going to be there for you if you need me, because I always will. I just mean that I have to stop waiting around for you to come to your senses about Cooper. You want him, not me. So I’m just saying, I’m going to accept that. Very reluctantly.”
I sigh, and wrap my arms around his waist. “I appreciate your friendship. I have for the past few months, and I don’t know now what I’d do without it. I’m sorry things couldn’t be different.”
“Tell me something before we table this,” he pleads, his eyes soft and liquid chocolate.
“Anything.”
“If you’d never met Cooper, if he hadn’t come to town this year…”
“It would have been you, Luka,” I say, without hesitation. Another tear rolls down my cheek, and he wipes it away with a thumb.
His eyes melt, and he hugs me long and hard. “See you after winter break, Cam.”
Chapter 21
Ready
Over winter break, I spend as much time with Cooper as possible. The dance studio has the same schedule as the school system, so my evenings are blissfully free to spend with him.
We take advantage.
When he isn’t practicing with Fire and Glory, we’re together. He has dinner with my mom and me, and I think he really has won her over by the end of the week.
When I first met Cooper, I thought of him as a Fallen Angel, a bad boy. But I was wrong. He’s full of light, like a heavenly angel. That’s how I think of him, like he has an invisible halo around his head. When he’s sitting next to me, I can feel the goodness radiating off of him, and I don’t even think he knows how uplifting he is for me.
The last night before break ends, we’re sitting on my couch watching T.V. My mom is at work as usual, but she left us a casserole for dinner.
“So when do I get to meet your mom?” I ask him pointedly. “You’ve practically spent the whole week with mine.”
He rubs his chin thoughtfully. “My mom’s a mess, but I definitely would have let you meet her by now if she was here. She’s taking longer to get down here than we both thought it would take.”
“Are you worried about her? You know, up there without you?”
“Not really,” he replies. “I mean, my stepfather’s in jail, and he’s the only danger to her other than herself. I just want her to hurry and get down here so she can start living her life.”
“What about your real dad?” I ask tentatively, not wanting to upset him.
His eyes glaze over a bit, as if he has gone somewhere far away in his mind.
“What about him?” he asks.
“Well…what do you know about him? Do you remember him at all?”
“I remember him being at work a lot. I would go to work with him and sit around, waiting for him to finish up so he could take me to play. But it was rare that we ever made it to play, because he was almost always working.”
His answer is curt, each word snapped out of his mouth like a wet towel.
“He died when I was little, so I guess my memories might be skewed by time. My mom never talks about him. Honestly, Cam…I think he was a really bad guy, like maybe worse than all the idiots she’s picked up since. It’s just a sense I get about it. But losing him…it really messed her up forever.”
“Oh…” I answer. “I didn’t know my dad at all, you know. I don’t even know who he is. My mom never wanted to talk about him, and I never wanted to ask. I think he broke her heart when she got pregnant with me. You know, typical story. Left her when she told him they were going to be parents.”
He tightened his arm around me. “I’m sorry, baby. I know it feels awful to grow up th
inking that the man who should be the most important male role model in your life doesn’t give a shit that you even exist. But you know you’re worth everything, right? He’s missing out on something amazing when it comes to you. He has no idea.”
“I feel the same way about you,” I sigh, leaning my head against his chest. “I wish your dad could see the man you’ve become in his absence. He would be so proud, Cooper. And I want you to be able to talk to me about it when you feel sad.”
“Deal,” he answers. “But I don’t feel sad right now. I feel elated.”
I smile up at him and kiss his nose. “Me too.”
He leans down and kisses me, our lips melding together. Slow, languid, perfect. Every kiss with Cooper is perfection. His strong hands ran up my sides, under my shirt, and I shiver in response. I nudge him with my chest, making him groan and move his hands to cup me over my bra. I sigh against his lips, wanting more but knowing we need to stop.
He reads my mood in my movements and pulls away from me slowly, standing up. “I’d better go. It’s getting late, and it’s back to the grind tomorrow.” He slides his eyes to my face, and then glances back toward my room. “Unless you want me to stay.”
His mouth twitches at the corners.
I giggle. “Get out of here. Now, before I do ask you to stay. And risk getting caught by my mom. In my bedroom. Then we’ll have all kinds of new problems.”
Cooper and I haven’t slept together yet. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. Proof maybe, that he and I can be together for longer than just high school. But he’s so ridiculously hot that one of these days I’m going to cave on impulse alone. I’m trying really hard not to let that happen.
“Getting up early isn’t my strong suit. I need to go to bed, so that I can be all grown up and sunshiny tomorrow for our last semester of high school.”
“I don’t know about that,” he says, grabbing me around the waist and pulling me up against him. He tickles my sides. “I might never grow up.”
I laugh and pushed his dark, messy hair out of his eyes. “You’d better. I can’t have a future with a guy who’s still a kid.”
He studies me, suddenly serious. “Do you think we have a future together, Cam?”
I’m unsure how to answer that. Because I definitely do feel that way, but I don’t want to scare him away.
“Well,” I finally say. “I don’t see myself just going off to L.A. or New York and leaving you behind. I can’t imagine us just being over because senior year is.”
He grips my hips and lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his slender waist and gaze down at him. The look in his eyes is full of love and longing and tenderness.
“I love you,” he says simply. “A future with you is more than I could ever hope or dream for. I aspire to be good enough for you, Camryn Grimes. And someday I promise I will be.”
“You’re good enough right now, just like you are,” I answered.
“I’m not,” he answered. The look in his eye was determined. “But I promise I will be.”
“Well, if you must work on something, work on the gift giving. I really, really like presents.”
His laughter echoes off the worn walls, and he’s out the door before I can pull him back against me and squeeze him just a little harder.
He leaves me wondering why he thinks he isn’t good enough for someone like me, who lives in a tiny apartment on the wrong side of town.
***
“Come with me,” Cooper whispers, leading me up a seaweed-covered dune directly across the sand from his aunt’s house.
“Where are we going?”
“Wait and see,” he answers. His whole demeanor tonight is more mysterious than usual.
He picked me up from the dance studio after classes, so night had fallen hours ago. The brightest stars dot the inky sky, and I pause to look up at the view created by the bay meeting the black expanse of stars. I love it here, where ocean kisses bay and craggy dunes sprawl endlessly and silently for miles.
“Beautiful,” Cooper says softy. His voice barely disturbs the dark silence.
I looked over at him where he stands tugging my hand. “It is. This is why I love living on the coast. The awesome quiet beauty of it. Especially at night.”
“I wasn’t talking about the scenery,” he replies, his voice low and meaningful.
It’s dark outside and my skin is just as dark, but I blush all the same. We’ve been together for months, but the fact that he can still send that blaze of heat rushing to my face and body astounds me.
I let him continue to pull me over the dune until we reach the other side. I stand there, gazing at a wide stretch of sand guarded from public sight by the backdrop of the dune. Cooper has arranged a huge plaid blanket on the beach and covered it with pillows and a picnic basket. Candles outline the blanket, and their flickering glow set the air around us afire with dancing sparks.
He’s taken time with this, to set up something so personal and intimate and perfect for us. I’m moved almost beyond words, and I feel emotion clogging my throat.
I turn to Cooper and a single tear rolls down my face.
He catches it with his finger. “You don’t like it?” he whispers, his eyes holding mine.
I laugh because the question is absurd.
“I told you to work on the presents,” I say tearfully. “And this?” I sniff. “Is a pretty damn good start.”
“This is nothing, Cam,” he says. “Stick with me. I’m never going to stop pursuing you.”
He pulls me over to the blanket and we fold ourselves onto it. He opens the basket and out pops a bottle of wine.
I raise my eyebrows. “Wine? Sophisticated. How did you…?”
He inserts a corkscrew into the bottle and begins working to remove the stopper. I almost miss his response, because I’m baffled that the boy knows how to work a corkscrew.
“Magic,” he says, a mischievous gleam in his eye. With the bottle open, he pours the dark red liquid into a glass for me before pouring his own.
I look him over. He’s opted out of his leather jacket tonight, instead donning a simple white button down and dark blue jeans. Even winter on the Southern coast of Virginia isn’t that cold, so he’s wearing a lightweight The North Face jacket over his shirt. I admire how handsome he is no matter how he decides to dress. It just reminds me that he could be sitting here with pretty much anyone and he chooses to spend his time with me. I shake my head and sipped my wine.
“It’s good,” I say, surprised. I’ve only tasted wine once before, and I don’t really remember having a fondness for it. Maybe it depends on the company you keep while you drank it.
“This feels like a special occasion,” I remark. “Are we celebrating something?”
“Any time spent with you is a celebration,” he answers. “But I do want to commemorate something tonight. Do you realize that we’ve been together for four months today?”
I haven’t realized that, actually. “Uh, isn’t the girl the one who is supposed to remember that stuff?”
“Typically, yes,” he answers. “But when your girl is swamped with A.P. classes, practicing for a final dance recital, and being captain of the school’s dance team, you tend to remember the little things for her.” He leans over and brushed my cheek with his lips.
I smile, leaning into him. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy.”
He lets his lips trail from my cheek down to my chin.
“S’okay,” he murmurs against my skin. “You’re not busy right now.”
Tremors shake me. Dammit. He’s doing the thing where he takes away my ability to think clearly. “No, not busy now. What are you doing?”
“Celebrating,” he answers as he draws a line of kisses with his lips from my chin to the delicate curve of my neck.
“Cooper,” I breathe, struggling to take breaths against the rapid beating of my heart.
He pauses. “Yes?”
I am so distracted by the fact that his lips are no longer touching my s
ensitive skin that I can’t remember what I’m about to say. So instead I whisper, “Don’t stop.”
***
Cooper
When those words leave her mouth, a frenzy begins in my body that I know I have to control or I’ll scare her. So I restrain myself and continue my gentle exploration of her neck.
My hand snakes up under her shirt, caressing her flat stomach. I love her stomach; it’s one of my favorite body parts on Cam. Her breath quickens and that gives me the fuel I needed to whisper in her ear.
“You are so delicious, I feel like I need to taste more of you. Your shirt is in the way, so I’m going to take it off now, okay?”
She obediently raises her arms, and I yank the hem of her shirt up and over her head. Her lacy black bra is the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. I’ve been with girls before, but the sudden sight of more of Cam than I’ve ever laid eyes on frays my nerves. With other girls, things just sort of started and ended. I’ve never wanted to sample each part of a girl’s body first, like an appetizer. Camryn makes me want things I never wanted before. I don’t just want her, I want to savor every piece of her.
I place my hand on the small of her back and lean into her until she’s lying back on her elbows; her liquid brown eyes are watching me. I move my lips back to the spot where I left off, using my tongue to draw tiny circles on the skin of her under her collarbone. I move lower, watching the crevice in between her breasts rise and fall. Resting my chin there is the most amazing feeling, and she tenses as I touch her.
“Are you okay?” I ask her. She nods, but I can see the question in her eyes.
“We aren’t taking this any further than you want to, Cam,” I declare firmly, raising my head enough to look at her full on.
“It’s not that,” she whispers. “I just, um…”
I search her face. What exactly is she worried about? We haven’t discussed how far we’re willing to take this tonight or any other night. I love her and out of that love springs a longing I’ve never experienced.
“Are you scared?” I ask. “Because if you’re not ready, it’s okay.”
Color Blind Page 16
