by Karin Baine
The new chapter of their lives dawned with a strange emerald light as their cosy bubble became bathed in an ethereal glow from above.
‘Oh, Lucas!’ She sat up, clutching the quilt to her chest as the jewelled skies shifted from midnight blue to green, and back again, with the phenomenon she’d always dreamed of seeing. The dancing arcs of changing light from the Aurora Borealis helped ensure this would be one trip to truly remember.
He rose with her, the heat of his torso at her back. ‘You’d think I planned this,’ he said with a laugh.
‘You didn’t?’ It all seemed too perfect to have happened by accident. Especially after the year of hell they’d lived through.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled into her neck. ‘I’ll happily take credit for finding your Northern Lights for you but I swear everything tonight has come as much as a surprise to me as it has to you.’
Given his personal revelations tonight, she didn’t doubt that. Lucas Brodie was a proud man; there was no greater display of that than when he’d left their marital home rather than admit he was going through a tough time. She didn’t know what difference tonight would make to their relationship status, if anything, but for now she simply wanted to sit here and soak up what was left of the magic. The morning and a heavy dose of reality would rear its head soon enough.
A long, leisurely lie-in and breakfast in bed with his wife would’ve been heavenly but the sunrise brought with it a different list of priorities for Lucas. The first thing he did was to make his way back to the main hotel to phone the hospital and check on their patient. Once he’d been assured she hadn’t suffered any more seizures and would be discharged as soon as possible, he started organising the return trip.
Last night had opened a whole new world of possibilities he’d thought no longer available to him and he couldn’t wait to get home again. Rather than pack up and move on to pastures new, he’d seen a glimpse of the old life he’d had with Freya and he wanted it back. Now there were no more secrets to keep them apart and they obviously still had feelings for each other, there was a chance they might be able to make their marriage work.
It was the first time since news of his father had triggered his illness that he was actually looking forward to the future. One hopefully with Freya in it. Those early months had been about survival and more recently the recovery of his health and career. Now he wanted to make plans for the married life they should’ve had together. Including a Christmas free from bleak memories and dark moods. He had a lot of making up to do for last year and now he was beginning to understand the excitement the children had felt leading up to seeing Father Christmas. Suddenly he couldn’t wait for all those glitzy trimmings to appear around the house or the smell of turkey and stuffing as he walked through the door if it meant he was spending Christmas with his wife instead of being alone in someone’s spare room.
By the time he returned to the igloo with coffee and pastries, Freya was washed, dressed and all evidence of their tryst had been tidied away neatly with the hospital corners of the bedcovers she’d made.
They hadn’t discussed what either of them expected to happen after last night but he’d have been more than happy to pick up where they’d left off. It was obvious they still had a fierce need burning for each other. One that went beyond all those barriers they’d both built up during their separation.
‘You weren’t here when I woke up.’ She was still brushing down the already pristine covers, unable to meet his eyes, and it was obvious she’d assumed the worst. That he’d left her again without saying a word.
After everything they’d shared last night that simple lack of trust in him to do the right thing robbed him of some of his earlier euphoria. He’d opened himself up to her completely, probably more than he’d ever dared when they’d been together. Yet she still believed him capable of walking out on her again without a word. It reflected a little of what he’d put her through when she’d opted for that scenario rather than a more logical one. That protective hard shell she’d developed in his absence would take perseverance to break through but he was willing to put in the hard work to make her believe in him again.
‘You were asleep. I only went out for this.’ He showed her breakfast before setting it aside to move towards her.
‘I, uh, thought you might have gone on without me.’ A pair of red-rimmed, pain-filled eyes eventually faced him and ripped his heart in two. She’d been crying over him again, only this time without just cause. In future he was going to have to remember there’d been long-term consequences for his behaviour last year that weren’t easily brushed aside simply because he’d finally got his act together. Freya needed time to recover and rebuild her trust exactly the same way he had.
‘Hey, I was trying to do something nice for you.’ He sighed but in keeping with the spirit of transparency in their relationship he decided to face the reason behind her apparent paranoia rather than leave it as the elephant in the room. ‘I would never do that to you again.’
‘I just... I couldn’t go through that again. If last night was a one-off tell me now and get it over with.’ She folded her arms across her chest and he could see her bracing herself for the truth above all else.
‘Whatever happens from here on in I promise I’ll always be honest with you.’ He tugged her interwoven limbs apart, forcing her to open herself up to the possibility he’d changed, and pulled her towards him.
‘So, what happens from here?’ she muttered into his chest, still resisting as long as she could, but Lucas was determined that these last few private moments together should mark the start of their new beginning. He didn’t want them flying back into limbo without having resolved everything once and for all.
‘What do you want to happen?’ He brushed her hair away from her neck and let his breath tickle the sensitive skin there until she was wriggling against him.
‘That’s not fair. You’re playing dirty...’ She was laughing now, a glorious sound after all the serious, often gut-wrenching conversations they’d shared recently.
‘That’s the idea.’ He wanted to put the fun back in their relationship and remind them what they’d had before his dad had managed to ruin his life again.
‘Lucas...’ She tilted her face up, attempting to scold him, but a flirty half-smile played across her lips, tempting him towards more.
‘I love you, Freya. I want to be with you. That’s as honest as I can be and as much as I can give you right now.’ He didn’t want to talk about the practicalities when he’d thought too much about that the last time they’d been together. For once he wanted to live in the here and now, where nothing mattered beyond this little bubble.
She blinked, her eyes closing for a fraction too long, and it was clear she was mulling over what he was telling her. As much as he loved her, he couldn’t promise her for ever. They’d both discovered to their cost that was a fallacy.
Then she opened her eyes and said, ‘I love you too, Lucas.’
A year of pain and worry evaporated with those words he’d thought he’d never hear again. Love was something he’d taken for granted when they’d been together, but when he’d no longer had it in his life, there had been nothing on this earth capable of filling the void left behind.
He swooped on her lips, eager to reap the rewards of this reconnection and express how he felt about her without worrying about the consequences. They would work it out this time. Somehow.
* * *
Freya had instantly thought the worst when she’d realised Lucas had left without waking her and that a night with her had reminded him why he’d left in the first place. Especially when she’d wakened so full of hope that they could make another go at their marriage. In those paranoid moments alone in the igloo she’d considered if it had been better to have had that brief reunion, so full of honesty and passion, and risk her heart again than to have ne
ver have had any further knowledge of him at all. Even if he had gone on ahead to the hospital without her and flown home without another word, she could say with her hand on her heart it had been worth every second. Now he was here, reassuring her he wasn’t going anywhere for the foreseeable future, all those fears melted away against his lips.
This time there was no holding back as they stripped out of their clothes, eyes feasting on each other’s naked flesh in the daylight of their admission as though they were truly seeing one another for the first time. He still loved her, she loved him and she couldn’t see any reason why they couldn’t be together and start over again.
That ray of hope was all she needed to justify reaching for Lucas again and letting her heart overrule her head. As she wrapped her arms around his neck and cushioned her body against his, he hitched her legs around his waist and carried her to one of the beds. His eyes never leaving hers, he laid her down on the mattress. Then he was kissing her all over so thoroughly she couldn’t think beyond where his mouth would land next.
His lips were soft, his mouth demanding, as he kneaded the tender skin on her inner thigh. That slow ascent towards her inner core left her aching with need for him inside her and that ultimate union of love and trust. He teased her with the tip of his tongue, making her wet with want, until she was arching from the bed and offering herself up to him for more. He filled her with one swift thrust, drawing her arousal straight through the centre of her body to meet him.
‘I love you,’ she cried out as he lapped her into that first burst of ecstasy so intensely it brought her to the brink of tears. It scared her how much Lucas still affected her body and mind and she only had his word he wouldn’t shatter either again.
Then he shifted his body so he was prone against hers, his erection pressing insistently into her soft mound. Even though the evidence of his desire was straining to meet her, he moved slowly at first, answering that call inside her with one satisfying stroke. This was how it was supposed to be—so absorbed in one another it obliterated any of those dark thoughts that had hounded them in the past.
Freya ground her hips to meet Lucas’s every thrust, urging him faster, deeper inside to drive out any lingering doubt about rekindling their relationship. That dizzying build-up of impending climax soon consumed her thoughts as well as her body, with Lucas’s shallow breaths soon matching her own. They rose and fell together until his final roar of triumph rippled through his limbs and into hers. Freya rode it out with him until she couldn’t hold back any longer, all of her pain finally expelled in the cry echoing around the walls.
* * *
Lucas didn’t care that breakfast was cold or that he’d have one hell of a credit-card bill at the end of the month because this was the happiest he’d been in a long, long time. He and Freya had stayed wrapped in each other’s naked limbs until visiting time had started at the hospital and they’d naturally prioritised Scarlett’s welfare over their love life. Neither of them would neglect their professional duty in favour of their personal relationship. Once they were all safely home he and Freya would have all the time in the world for lazy mornings in bed, making love and getting to know each other again.
The hotel had arranged a lift for them, during which they’d barely been able to keep their hands off one another. Now they’d let down their emotional barriers it seemed as though they were physically trying to make up for lost time. Not that he was complaining. He’d spent too long without her and didn’t want to waste any more time. If she was agreeable he’d move whatever belongings he had out of Pete’s and back into the home where he belonged.
When they reached the hospital Freya offered to get Scarlett dressed so her weary parents could go and grab a coffee whilst Lucas checked with the staff that she’d been given her usual AEDs and all her obs were normal before they got their hopes up that she was able to go home.
‘How are you feeling today, young lady?’
‘I want to go home,’ Scarlett insisted when he walked into her room, her forehead puckered into a frown and her lips pinched into a pre-tantrum pout.
‘We’ll get you there as soon as we can. I promise.’ A quick check of her chart put Lucas’s mind at ease that she was indeed ready to go so they didn’t have a repeat of her last overtired tweenie performance.
‘Just wait until you’re doing this with your own kids and then the fun will really begin,’ Freya whispered with good humour, but she might as well have jabbed him with a red-hot poker and jolted him out of his love-induced daze. He’d allowed himself to get lost in the fantasy of being with Freya again without considering the long-term consequences of his actions.
They might have faced up to the challenges of the past but ultimately it didn’t change who they were as people or what they wanted from life. On that subject they remained poles apart. He still didn’t want to take that chance he would follow in his father’s footsteps, whilst Freya was born to be a mother.
Oblivious to the cold shower pouring down around them and extinguishing any hope of a future together, she was helping Scarlett into her outdoor clothes and fussing around her like a clucking mother hen. It was at that very moment he knew this was the end.
That mothering instinct blazing brightly in the room was a part of her, no one could deny. Not even him. No doubt that caring, empathetic side had been the key to unlocking that chamber of secrets he’d imprisoned himself in, away from her for so long. It wasn’t going to change; she shouldn’t have to change simply because he’d waltzed back into her life with his daddy issues.
As she buttoned Scarlett up to protect her from the elements and wiggled her boots onto her feet, it was easy to picture Freya doing the same for her own little girl someday. Although he still loved her and wanted to be with her so much it hurt, Lucas wasn’t going to change his stance on having children. Not even mind-blowing sex could change the basic flaw in their marriage, which had been there even before his emotional meltdown.
The counselling and endless talking over what had happened might have propelled him through those childhood nightmares but the parenting hangover would last for ever. He wasn’t taking the chance that his actions would impact for a lifetime on another small human. Even without his father’s dark influences there were plenty of men who inadvertently hurt their children. He was damaged goods with a bad track record with those he loved and there was enough guilt and regret trailing in his shadow without adding more. Freya, her unborn children, and even he, would be better off if this ended here. Regardless of that emptiness already creeping back, eating away at him from the inside out. He knew how unbearable life was without her but it had to be preferable to condemning her to life without the family she obviously still wanted.
‘You’re a very lucky girl because you got an extra night in Lapland and that means extra Santa gifts.’ He swallowed down his new heartache and produced the little snow globe he’d purchased in the hotel gift shop from his pocket.
‘That looks just like the snowman at the airport!’ Scarlett squealed with delight as she shook the dome and watched the snowflakes swirl around the glass.
‘It’s beautiful, Lucas.’ Freya’s appreciation meant he had to work extra-hard to gather his composure.
He’d bought it with her in mind—a token gift of their time together—but how could he possibly be so cruel as to give it to her now, knowing it would be a reminder of the end of their relationship for good? It was a tad traitorous to give it to another girl but he knew Freya would forgive him that, if nothing else.
As for the rest, there was nothing he could do or say that was going to make up for what he was going to have to do to her for a second time.
Their time together had been a wonderful reunion of two lost souls finally finding one another in the dark again, but he had no more to offer her now than he had a year ago and he didn’t want to make her believe otherwise.
* * *
<
br /> Freya hugged her body tight against the cold, even though they’d long left the Arctic Circle behind. The atmosphere between her and Lucas had been decidedly chilly since they’d left the hospital, even though they’d managed to remain professional for Scarlett and her family. Deep down she’d known the magic wouldn’t last for ever but she’d imagined they might at least make it home. It could’ve been that he was trying to maintain a personal distance for appearance’s sake but that didn’t account for his reluctance to make eye contact, or attempt any meaningful conversation about what was going to happen to them as a couple once they landed back in the real world. He was acting exactly the same way he’d been in those last days of their relationship and suddenly the tension Freya thought she’d rid herself of these past days was back in her body as she activated her self-defence mode once more.
They’d collected their luggage from baggage reclaim, filled in all relevant paperwork required for their unexpected extra night away and waved Scarlett and her much-relieved parents off home. She’d never dreamed this trip would’ve had such a personal impact. Yet here she was, standing with her husband at the airport, not knowing what route they were taking next.
‘I guess it’s just us left now.’ She had that washing machine swirling in the pit of her stomach, churning her insides on a speed wash. There hadn’t been any semblance of an ‘us’ for hours now. Perhaps the Northern Lights had added a fairy-tale quality to their tryst that hadn’t really been there at all or Lucas had got cold feet at the prospect of being her husband again. Whatever had brought about the sudden change in him, she wanted to be prepared for the fallout this time around. There was no point in living a lie together if he couldn’t fully commit to her.
‘Thank goodness we all got home in one piece in the end.’ He hoisted his backpack onto his shoulder and lifted his overnight bag, leaving hers sitting where it was on the shiny airport floor. If he’d had any intention of leaving here with her, the gentleman in him would’ve undoubtedly offered to take her luggage too.
