by Karin Baine
‘I should have, I’m sorry, but it was part of my life I simply didn’t want to revisit. Everyone told me I was young, I’d get over it in time, and I foolishly believed I really could leave the past behind. It seems we have a lot more in common than we ever realised. Perhaps if we’d both been a bit more honest about our feelings we could’ve made it through the last year together.’ She dared say what she hoped he was thinking. It wasn’t the first time she’d wondered where they might be if they’d been able to talk to each other, rather than internalising the baggage they’d brought into the marriage.
‘I thought I’d caused you to lose the baby. That you’d never forgive me.’ There was a sadness in his eyes as he met hers that made her heart give a little flip. If there was the slightest hope they could still make a go of their marriage, she wanted to seize hold of it and nurture it just like she would their baby.
‘Now you know the truth and there’s no reason for you to feel guilty, how do you feel about this baby? And me?’ There was an involuntary gulp before her last question because she couldn’t quite believe she was asking it. She was done pretending if there was a chance of having this for real and they let it slip away for the sake of pride or fear, or whatever reasons they’d had in the past for not coming clean with one another. Whether he wanted to be with her, or he was here for the baby only, she needed to know so she could prepare herself for the future.
‘I love you, Freya. I always have. I know it might not have seemed it at times but I’ve never stopped loving you. Everything I’ve done... I was trying to protect you.’
‘From what?’
‘Me.’
‘That’s the mistake you keep making, Lucas. I’m not some fragile, defenceless damsel who needs saving and neither are you the villain of the piece. I want to be with you for you. I love you. All I need to know in return is that you love me and you’re going to be here for me. For us.’
‘I’m scared I’ll turn out like him. That I won’t be enough.’ Finally he let her see inside his soul where those fears were so deep rooted they’d nearly suffocated the life out of him.
‘You’ve always been enough. You just have to believe in yourself.’ She took his hand and placed it gently on her midriff and for the first time let herself imagine the three of them as a happy family.
‘I might need your help with that.’ There was a genuine plea behind the joking facade that Freya couldn’t ignore. He was being honest in admitting his fears and asking for her support this time. If she didn’t reciprocate that level of trust and believe he’d be there for her in return, they may as well call it quits now. They were both going to have to have faith that they could make it work this time. Although they might have faltered as a couple, they both had to accept the blame for expecting too much the first time around.
‘You’re going to make the best dad. I know it.’ Of that she had no doubt. She’d seen it from the first time they’d worked together on the children’s ward and he’d proved it in his continuing care for the youngsters on the Lapland trip. His actions today, and his spontaneous tree purchase, already showed the love he had for her and his unborn child in trying to make Christmas happen.
‘I’m really going to be a dad.’ He smoothed his hand tenderly over her flat-for-now belly as he came to terms with impending fatherhood, and she knew this baby would finally help love triumph over fear. He was beginning to look towards a future, instead of letting the past keep him chained away from her and everything else that could make him truly happy.
‘Yes, you are, and I’m going to be a mum.’
Although there was still a long way to go, that kind of positive thinking and acceptance was exactly what they needed to heal and grow together. Now they’d dealt with the past, this baby was the beginning of a new chapter in their lives—the fresh start they both needed.
She rummaged in the box for a plastic sprig of mistletoe to hold above their heads and seal their new vows to each other in a kiss.
This time she knew love would be enough.
EPILOGUE
One year later
‘IF YOU CAN just straighten Reuben’s hat, this will be perfect.’ Lucas directed his subjects from behind the camera, having become quite the photographer in the months since his son’s birth.
‘Tell me we’re not going to be one of those smug families that sends cheesy Christmas cards of themselves.’ Freya adjusted Reuben’s green elf hat, which matched her own, but she knew they couldn’t hold the pose for ever, no matter how perfect he wanted the shot.
‘And why not? I’m very proud of my family.’ There was no disputing his claim as the snap-happy father set the timer on his tripod-steadied camera and made a dash into the frame, wearing one of the many ugly Christmas sweaters he’d taken to wearing recently.
The baby, who wasn’t to know better, was particularly fond of this particular reindeer jumper with the flashing red nose, but Freya was certain Lucas’s sudden enthusiasm for the season wasn’t solely for the little one’s benefit. He couldn’t yet read the embroidered stockings hanging from the mantelpiece, which his daddy had bought for all three of them.
She almost daren’t think it but it was possible Lucas was looking forward to Christmas and sharing it with his family as much as she was.
The camera flashed at the exact second their baby elf threw up all over his cute outfit.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll sort it.’
Before she even had to lift a finger, Lucas was there, scooping Reuben into his arms for a much-needed clean-up.
Despite all his fears about becoming a dad, he’d been amazing, doting on his son the way a new father ought to, as well as making up to her for lost time. Their relationship had certainly benefitted from their new honesty policy now there was nothing holding them back from trusting each other, or themselves. They’d both found a certain peace in parenthood, which had gone some way to diluting the pain of the past when they had such a bright future to look forward to together. Starting with their first Christmas at home.
She wanted to make it as special for Lucas as he’d made it for her.
‘Any idea what you want Santa to bring this year?’ She fished for some gift ideas as he played peekaboo with the baby on the changing mat. This year she had more reason than ever to go over the top and she couldn’t wait to go on a spending spree to show her appreciation for everyone she had in her life.
Lucas paused as he thought about it. Then he turned to her and she recognised that picture of perfect contentment on his face because it was the same expression she saw in the mirror every day. ‘I don’t need anything else. I have everything I need right here.’
‘Me too.’ In that second the need for all the fancy trimmings around her evaporated because she knew he was right. The sight of her husband playing with her son was all she needed to make her happy. Family was the only thing that mattered, and now they had one of their own, life was complete.
It really was going to be the best Christmas ever.
* * * * *
If you enjoyed this story, check out these other great reads from Karin Baine
REFORMING THE PLAYBOY
FALLING FOR THE FOSTER MOM
THE COURAGE TO LOVE HER ARMY DOC
THE DOCTOR’S FORBIDDEN FLING
All available now!
Keep reading for an excerpt from THE SPANISH DUKE’S HOLIDAY PROPOSAL by Robin Gianna.
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The Spanish Duke’s Holiday Proposal
by Robin Gianna
CHAPTER ONE
FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, can’t you go any faster?
Since it was obvious the massive traffic jam made that impossible, Miranda Davenport bit her lip to keep from exclaiming exactly that. Her cab driver seemed as frustrated as she was, not being able to move more than a few feet at a time as the minutes ticked by, and no amount of impatience by either one of them was going to help her get to the hospital sooner. Even from several blocks away, the blue and red strobe-like flashes from multiple emergency vehicles covered the street, jammed so heavily with cars that could only inch along every five minutes or so.
“Subway tunnel collapse must be bad. Hope it isn’t a terrorist attack,” her cab driver said.
“Yeah. Me, too.” The thought of the subway tunnel collapse being done by terrorists made Miranda shiver, but she also knew that sometimes things like that happened from structural decay, and prayed that was the case this time. She also prayed there wouldn’t be too many casualties, and she clenched her teeth with impatience because it might be critically important for her to get to the hospital ASAP. Excruciatingly long minutes ticked by until she couldn’t stand sitting there any longer.
“Listen, I think I’m going to get out and walk from here.” It was still quite a few blocks to the hospital and her trek home had proved that winter had decided to arrive in New York City with a vengeance. But sitting here barely moving felt torturous when the Manhattan Mercy ER might well be swamped with patients, and they’d called her back, anticipating the worst.
“Hang on a few more minutes, lady. Let me see what I can do.”
Like so many of the drivers whose vehicles filled the street, her cabbie honked his horn, and Miranda nearly clamped her hands to her ears at the cacophony. Growing up in Chicago then living in New York City for the past thirteen years meant the sound of car horns usually faded into the background. But after being stuck in the middle of this traffic mess for the past half-hour, it was starting to give her the mother of all headaches. Or maybe her headache was from not enough sleep after the twelve-hour shift she’d just worked in the ER, not expecting a catastrophe to bring her back before she was even home.
The cab managed to move a couple feet before the driver laid on the horn again, and Miranda knew the poor guy was going to be creeping along in this traffic for a long time. “Sorry, but I’ve got to get to the hospital. Thanks for bringing me this far. Here’s extra for your trouble.” Never having had that “extra” in her younger life was something she’d never forget, and even after all this time it felt good to be able to share the wealth. She shoved a fold of cash through the window to the front seat, then opened her door to exit right in the middle of the street. Not that dodging between stopped cars to the sidewalk brought any risk to life and limb at that moment.
The frigid air sneaking down her neck felt practically sub-zero, and she grabbed her coat collar, ducked her head down against the wind, and hurried toward the hospital. Good thing she had on the comfortable shoes she always wore to work, and her strides ate up the pavement fairly quickly until she came to the dust particles filling the air. Then she stared in shock at the yawning hole where the pavement had collapsed in the street, the subway tracks clearly visible below. Her heart tripped into double-time as she watched numerous firefighters and paramedics running in and out of the tunnel. Then she yanked herself out of her shocked stupor, moving closer to see if she could assist.
“You have any patients that need help?” she shouted above the chaos. “I’m—”
“You need to move to the other side of the street!” a paramedic yelled back. “It’s not safe here.”
“I’m an ER doctor, heading to the hospital. Wondering if you need any help here.”
“No. We’re doing okay. Thanks, but you need to move on.”
“Can you tell me how many injured the hospital might be dealing with?”
“Right now, looks like not a lot. The collapse was only in a small area, and not many people were waiting for the train there.” He swiped a grimy gloved hand against his forehead. “Unless something else happens, we’re hoping for minimal victims. Right now we’re focusing on shoring up the tunnel as we search to see who else might be down there.”
The air Miranda sucked into her lungs in cautious relief was cold and full of the nasty dust, and she coughed. “Okay. Good luck, and be careful in there.”
She pulled her scarf up over her mouth and moved away from the hole to hurry on to the hospital, only to be stopped by police officers who were setting up orange barriers on the sidewalk, insisting she cross over to the other side of the street.
About to argue and tell them her mission, she decided to just do as they asked. There were hardly any pedestrians on the other sidewalk to impede her progress, so she’d be able to walk faster anyway. As she moved across the barricaded street, a sound caught her ears. Something that sounded like someone crying out in the distance, and she stopped, straining to hear. Another faint cry had her heart pumping faster, and she hurried around the barricade in the street to see what was making the sound, abruptly stopping at the sight. Had no one seen this other, small collapse in the pavement? Dust swirled up from a virtual stepping stone of concrete and asphalt, leading down into the darkness.
Had the first responders been so focused on the large collapse that they hadn’t discovered it yet? Did they know someone was in there?
She swung around to get the attention of one of the police officers, but they’d moved too far away to hear her. Heart beating in triple-time, she windmilled her arms to get the attention of the firefighters and paramedics, but in the midst of everything going on, nobody noticed a lone woman in a black coat waving at them. It probably didn’t help that this hole was a good block away from them now.
Would she lose precious time trying to get help? Her heart jerked at the thought of going down into that tunnel, but she had to do something, right? Whoever was in there might be injured, and surely the paramedics would see this small hole any minute. The question was, would they arrive too late, when she was there right now?
Miranda battled down the fear that rose in her throat as she fished in her purse for the small but bright flashlight she always kept there. Stumbling a little, she picked her way through chunks of asphalt and concrete as quickly as she could, leaning over to place her free hand on the jagged lumps to steady herself as she descended beneath the street. The farther down she went, the harder her heart pounded, finally leaving the light of day completely behind her as she headed into the flat darkness.
She peered through the dark, fighting a slightly panicky feeling of claustrophobia. But she was here now, and she’d never forgive herself for being cowardly and climbing back up when, for all she knew, someone could be dying down here.
“Hello? Anyone there? Are you okay? Do you need help?”
A moan and
a shout she couldn’t understand came back, which sent adrenaline surging through her blood.
“Hang on! I’m a doctor. I can help if you’re hurt.”
No answer this time. Moving through the rubble wasn’t easy, and she felt beyond frustrated at how hard it was to see through the fine silt filling the tunnel beneath the street, swirling up as occasional small bits of rubble fell from the ceiling. Where were the victims in this mess, and how far inside could they be?
The dust made it hard to breathe, and she coughed, pulling the scarf looped around her neck up to cover her mouth again. Not to mention that she was short of breath from the worry of who might be trapped and if she could help at all. And, oh, yeah, the idea that the whole street might come crashing down was just a tad unnerving. She tripped a few times, until a second beam of light from farther inside the tunnel slashed across her, illuminating the way a little more.
“What the hell are you doing in here? Get out!”
Taken aback by the angry male voice, Miranda stopped in her tracks for a second and didn’t answer. Then she gathered her wits and sent her own flashlight toward the voice as she fired back, “I’m here to see if I can help.”
“Not if this tunnel collapses on you. Get out of here. Right now. Can’t you see it’s dangerous down here? There’s only one injured person, and I’m taking care of him. Last thing I need is someone else getting hurt through her own stupidity.”
Anger joined the adrenaline heating her veins. Who did this guy think he was? Being told what to do was something she’d hated for years, let alone when it was coming from some hero wannabe. She moved forward again, trying to see through the dust and rubble.
“There’s nothing stupid about helping injured people. Where...?” Her flashlight finally landed on two men. One was on the ground, bleeding from his forehead and lying awkwardly on one arm. Even with the lack of light, his pallor told her he was going into shock. The other man was crouched over him, his fingers on the man’s neck, apparently trying to get his pulse rate.
