by J. Thorn
Standing over her was Adrianna. Only, she was in full ‘Queen of the Zombies’ mode. Her skin had gone all mottled and gray, her eyes were a jaundiced yellow. And that really fashionable hairstyle? Oh yeah…gone. Her hair was a tangled mop of filth. I was pretty sure stuff was moving in it.
She was wearing what looked like little more than a burlap sack. It was tattered and dirty with rips and holes revealing more skin than she probably should in this form. Her arms were entirely bare and you could see sores that oozed pus and maggots! I know, as if either one were not bad all by itself, she had both going on at once from the same sores.
And then the smell hit me. The next thing that I know, I am on my back looking at the sky. Seriously, how does something smell so good that it causes an orgasm? Only, it wasn’t a sexual orgasm in my hoo-hoo area. This was a full body experience.
On the plus side, I now had sharkmouth along with my switchblade fingers and toes. Lisa’s face was over mine and she was saying something, but I couldn’t really hear anything. All I could see, hear, or smell was coming from Adrianna.
“Ava, look at me!” Lisa yelled as she slapped me in the face.
Can I ask a question? What in the hell is that supposed to accomplish. You see it in the movies all the time. Somebody is out of it, or even worse, hysterical. The person with them always has to slap them in the face. Seriously, all that did was piss me off. Hmm…maybe that was the point.
“Mrgglph!” Yeah, I can’t say much when I am rocking the sharkmouth, but if I would have been able to speak, it would have had something to do with letting Lisa know that if she hit me again, she might become the first one-handed Templar.
“So nice of you to join us,” Adrianna chortled.
For those of you who don’t know, a chortle is kind of like that laugh you heard from that big Wookie in the Star Wars movies. It is a deep and odd sounding laugh. At least that is what I am using to categorize them.
“Looks like you’re a little busy,” Lisa said after giving me a look and seeing that the sharkmouth wasn’t going to go away this very minute.
“And what do we have here?” Adrianna stepped around the tall, flat grave stone that she had bound this mysterious creature to and folded her scabby arms under her oddly still firm breasts. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating…life is so not fair.
“I was the one sitting out in the car,” Lisa answered. “The one you wanted to use in some sort of twisted ritual.”
“Ah yes, the little slut who can’t keep her legs together like a proper lady,” Adrianna sniffed. “What is it with your generation? Did you know that there is an entire program on the television dedicated to sixteen-year-old whores who become impregnated? Your society as a whole could use some cleansing. You are a particularly nasty bunch.”
Ouch. Seriously, she did have a point. Not that I believed society as a whole needed to be wiped out. Just a select few…like the reality show whores. Oh yeah, and a few of those folks on that show Cheaters…and maybe the guy who hosts that program. Also people who get in line at the grocery store express lane with a full shopping cart, a folder full of coupons, and a checkbook.
“…how hard it was to find a virgin who met the qualifications required for me to cast my spell?” Adrianna was still ranting.
“But that isn’t just a girl,” Lisa pointed to whatever that thing was that continued to squirm against the bonds keeping her tied to the marble slab.
“And I can’t wait to find out just how much more powerful my spell will be,” Adrianna cackled.
Now, for those of you wondering what might be the difference between a cackle and a chortle, a cackle is like what that witch on Wizard of Oz did all the time. So if you think I am just randomly selecting synonyms for the word ‘laugh’ then you would be mistaken.
“I won’t let you get away with this,” I said, stepping past Lisa.
Wait! Where did sharkmouth go? Lisa looked just as surprised as me. I gave her my usual ‘how the heck should I know’ shrug and started down the little mound to where Adrianna was standing. She had a funny look on her face, and I would be willing to bet that she was just as surprised as Lisa and I about this new development.
“Interesting,” was all Adrianna muttered. She raised a dagger above her head and shouted something. Again, I was pretty sure that it was Latin.
“Don’t do it, Adrianna,” I growled as I started towards her.
So here is a question. Why is it that all of these damn weirdoes need to sacrifice naked girls? And what is the deal with always having to cut them up with an ornamental dagger? It just seems a bit tired. Think of how many times you have seen this particular moment in a “horror” movie.
In just a couple of steps, I was on the other side of the slab. I glanced down at the girl. She was crying, but her tears were all sparkly. I had to actually pull myself away from her eyes. In their bizarre blue glow I could almost swear that those tears were turning into diamonds…but that was just silly. It had to be all the magic or whatever was in the air.
“Time for you to go to sleep, Ava,” Adrianna whispered.
“Ghouls don’t sleep,” I shot back.
Something in my mind was feeling all wiggly. I truly felt something move in my head! That is just too creepy. I don’t know if you have ever had a serious intestinal virus. You know the kind where you can actually feel things move through your system? It is icky and uncomfortable, I won’t get into the particulars, but I think you know what I mean.
“…shouldn’t be able to resist that!” Adrianna hissed.
Uh-oh, I was doing it again. Obviously Adrianna was not happy. That much was certain. I gave her a close look. Now that I was standing right here in front of her, I could see her skin. It looked like parchment paper. In fact, bits of it were peeling up in places along her bare arms wherever there was not one of those open sores all crawling with maggots.
One particular piece of her arm was all peeled back and a flap of dry skin sort of waved in the night breeze. I couldn’t help myself. I reached over and plucked it like a potato chip.
“What are you doing?” The Queen of the Zombies screamed. I couldn’t tell if it was anger or frustration, but she was being super emotional. “I command you to stop! Return to where you came and forget!”
I popped that little flake of skin in my mouth. It was so good. When I was a little girl, I went to Catholic school for two years—seventh and eighth grade. I still have the uniforms…well, not the same ones from back then, but I dated this one guy. Sorry, that is a story for another time. Anyways, one of the stories I always enjoyed was that whole Moses thing. I still like to watch The Ten Commandments every Easter. But when they get the manna, that bread from Heaven, and the description is that it was sweeter than honey and completely fulfilling; that was like this little piece of dried arm skin that I plucked from Adrianna and ate.
“…as I command you!” Now Adrianna was screaming. In fact, the girl on the slab had gone quiet and was watching The Queen of the Zombies.
“Command me?” I laughed. “I’m not one of your zombies. You don’t command anything here, sister.”
“Ava?” Lisa called. Something about her voice was peculiar.
“What?” I didn’t want to take my eyes off of Adrianna, so I just hollered over my shoulder.
“How are you doing that?” she asked.
“Doing what?”
“You can’t ever talk through the sharkmouth.”
I reached up and touched my face. Sure enough, I could feel the wide rows of razors that made up a grill that would rival a great white shark. But if that was the case, then how was I talking? Lisa hadn’t been looking at me weird because I had shrugged it off; she was looking at me because I was talking with sharkmouth in effect.
“This can’t be happening,” Adrianna insisted.
“I know,” I agreed. “This is freaky.” I wished at that moment that I had a mirror. I wondered what it looked like when I talked with my sharkmouth. I bet it was ca
rtoonish…something from a Pixar film.
“Not your mouth, you idiot!” Adrianna spat.
“So we are going to be rude?” I asked, and then my eyes fixed on another strip of dried skin dangling from her chin. Before she could react to my gaze, I reached over and snatched it. If possible, it was even tastier than the first piece.
“You are yummy.”
I actually felt a huge gob of slobber roll down my chin. I didn’t care. If those little strips were that good, I bet she would be the equivalent of Thanksgiving and every flavor of Ben & Jerry’s all at once. And I mean that in a good way. Not like ice cream on turkey or something freaky. I am just talking about the satisfaction aspect.
“I wonder what a whole arm would taste like,” I gurgled as I fixated on another piece of skin dangling near the elbow.
“Ava?” Lisa was beside me now. I gave her a look and she actually winced. “Your eyes.”
“What about them?” I asked, those very eyes unable to look away from that delectable morsel that was just hanging there waiting for me to pluck it like a grape.
“They are swirling,” Lisa said. She was actually leaning forward over that poor girl that was still tied to the slab.
“Like the hypno-toad?” I giggled.
“Huh?”
“Nothing,” I said with a dismissive wave. Less talking, Ava want yummy treat.
“I am serious, Ava,” Lisa insisted. Something in her voice was trying to chisel into my brain. “Your eyes are doing something that I’ve never seen. They look like—”
“Galaxies,” Adrianna and the girl on the table both spoke.
“Stop changing the subject!” I said. That was when I heard it. My voice was different!
When Adrianna is in her full Queen of the Zombies glory—like right now—she has this thing that happens to her voice that sounds like two people talking at once. One is just her regular voice, but the other is really deep and kind of makes your innards quiver. They are on top of each other. It sounds creepy, but it is totally something that you would expect from somebody who calls herself The Queen of the Zombies. And did I ever mention that, when she refers to herself in the third person using that title, you can actually hear the word ‘the’ capitalized? Seriously.
“…perhaps you would agree to that.” Adrianna had been talking again. Oops.
“That’s it!” Lisa smacked me.
“Ow!” I rubbed my arm. It didn’t actually hurt, but it sounded like it should.
You ever do that? Something happens and you just habitually say ‘ouch’ or make a noise. Then you are sort of committed to acting like something hurt that really didn’t?
“Compartmentalizing,” Adrianna sighed. “I had heard that ghouls were capable, but only the more powerful ones. I certainly did not expect this from you.”
“Hey!” She didn’t have to be nasty about it.
“So what are you going to do with her?” Lisa asked, nodding to Adrianna. She didn’t even bother to ask, she just started to unbuckle the wrist cuffs that held the girl-shaped thing lying naked on the slab.
“She is really yummy,” I said around my fully functional sharkmouth.
“Can you stop thinking with your stomach long enough to let me propose a deal?” Adrianna threw her hands up.
I was actually really disappointed. This all seemed so anti-climactic. I bet you were expecting some long fight scene, weren’t you? Well not everything has to end in violence. Maybe you should evaluate your own self for a moment. Does every conflict in your life have to end in a fight? No? Well why should it in mine?
“…your authority,” Adrianna said. She raised her eyebrows in question.
“If you surrender to her then you have to allow Morgan to inspect your containment to ensure that there is no way for you to escape,” Lisa said after giving me an elbow in the ribs.
“That ring!” Adrianna’s tone changed in an instant.
She backed up a few steps. As things had begun winding down, she started returning to her human-looking likeness…the pretty one without all the yummy skin flaps and maggot-filled sores. Right now she was pointing at Lisa like the girl was a poisonous snake.
“This little thing?” Lisa flashed her Templar secret decoder ring or whatever she wanted to call it. Adrianna winced and took another few steps back.
“How is a Templar in league with a ghoul?”
I looked at Lisa and we both shrugged. I returned my attention to Adrianna. She was caught in this sickly in-between transformation that was in reality quite hideous. Still perfectly firm and perky breasts…bitch.
“The Templars practically wiped out all the ghouls centuries ago. That is why I was so surprised to meet you and discover what you were.” Adrianna now seemed way more worried about Lisa than she did about me. “To see one working with a ghoul is unheard of.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Lisa said. “And I really haven’t been involved with the Templars for very long.”
“This just keeps getting better,” Adrianna muttered.
“Thank you, miss,” the girl gasped and rolled off the table after Lisa unbuckled the final restraint.
“Not a problem,” Lisa said, reaching to help the girl steady herself on her feet.
“Not you,” she said in a surprisingly nasty tone as she backed away from Lisa and wiped at her skin like it might be contaminated or crawling with bugs. “I meant you.”
I had to look over my shoulder. I seriously did not think that she could be talking to me. After all, I hadn’t really done all that much…except take a few nibbles on The Queen of the Zombies and discover that I could talk around my sharkmouth. My head was suddenly spinning with all that had just taken place. It was pretty amazing for a Thursday night.
“Uh…you’re welcome?” I wasn’t sure what this was all about. Then I realized that I still did not have a clue as to what this ‘girl’ might be. “And just for my own curiosity, what manner of supernatural are you?”
“A siren, miss,” the girl said.
Now, here is the scene. It is the middle of the night. I am standing with a wanna-be Templar, The Queen of the Zombies, and now apparently a siren—whatever those are—who is as naked as the day that God put her on this earth. And she does not seem bothered even just a teensy bit about the whole standing-naked-in-front-of-strangers thing.
Of course, she has perfect skin, amazing red hair, another damn set of perfect little boobies…and lookie here….somebody likes to keep the playground free of grass if you know what I mean. And then there is that cute little accent. I was going to step out on a limb and guess Irish.
“Okay, fill in the stupid ghoul…what is a siren?” I had to ask.
“We sing on the waters, miss,” the girl said like that explained everything. Fine, I could look it up later.
I have so much crap to learn. I think I am going to go to a hobby store and by one of those silly Dungeons & Dragons books. I bet at least that way I would have a list of monsters to start looking up.
“Ava!” a voice called, sounding frantic.
Seems that I had forgotten all about Jeremy in the fuss. He was walking across the graveyard with a very cranky look on his face. Then he reached the group and froze.
“Is that a…” his voice trailed off as he stared first at Lisa, and then at Adrianna, and finally the siren. Which reminded me…
“Hey?” I touched the siren girl on her arm. “I don’t even know your name.”
“It is Aoife, miss.”
“Eye-fa?” What kind of name is that?”
“Gaelic, miss.”
“And stop calling me ‘miss’, my name is Ava.”
“Yes, m—” she paused. “Yes, Ava.”
“Now, one thing at a time. Jeremy, I told you I didn’t need your help. So go home…or wherever it is you sleep. Lisa, we can talk about what the Templars may or not have up their little sleeves later…alone. And after I have words with Morgan. Aoife, you are free to go, but I have a question, was th
at you who made the sky do that flash thing?”
“No.” She looked confused as to what I was talking about. So if it wasn’t Lisa, and it wasn’t Aoife, that left—
“It was me,” an old woman said as she stepped out of the shadows.
“Betty?” Boy was I confused.
“You know my name?” the old woman asked as she walked up beside Adrianna, casting a very nasty look her way.
“Well, you did call me that one time, plus, I was sort of eavesdropping outside of your house the other night,” I admitted.
“Then you know what this little whelp did to my Horace?”
“If you mean the whole turn him into a zombie thing? Yeah, I know about that.”
“Well I demand to have a say in the dealings with this one.” She cocked her head towards Adrianna. There was something about this old woman that oozed power. I have no idea why I hadn’t picked up on it earlier.
“Nothing has been decided yet,” I said with a shrug. “What do you have in mind?”
As Betty began to speak, there were a few gasps and one very pathetic moan from The Queen of the Zombies. Lisa’s jaw dropped once or twice and Aoife was oddly silent, showing absolutely no emotion. She did however continue to simply stand there naked like it was no big deal. And you can bet that I noticed each and every lingering glance that Jeremy shot her way.
When it was all over, I at least had a plan. I didn’t think that Morgan was going to like it, but she was in no position to complain. I’d discovered a few things in the past few hours that changed the dynamics of our relationship.
15
Lack of Communication
“And who do you think you are, making demands and conditions to me!” Morgan was about to bust a gasket.
“How about you answer my question?” I was trying hard to control my anger. I could feel my fingers and toes starting to tingle.
“Yes, I suggested that she speak with the representative from the Templars. They excel at defense and if that child is going to continue to tag along despite my warnings, and if you don’t have the ability to make her stay home when she has no business being with you, then it is my belief that she could use some help. Help that you could not provide.”
