by Marci Fawn
“There are reporters here wanting to speak to you, Nate. Get down to the banquet hall!” Paul hangs up, leaving me naked on the bed, wanting to simply curl up and sleep. I lazily pull myself up off the bed, bending to pick up my shirt and pants. Had any of my female fans been watching in that moment, they would have gotten a full view of my throbbing cock.
After the interview, I sit on a stool in front of the ship’s bar, sipping slowly on a virgin mojito and wishing there was something stronger in the drink, something to take my mind off of Jem and my upcoming performance. The reporters had streamed a deluge of questions about Mindy Hall, Jem, and if I was able to continue singing if I was hardly sober anymore. I’m upset and in need of a stiff Scotch but I have to play along with my manager’s “squeaky-clean” image upheaval. I don’t understand why I need to change my image.
Surely my bad-boy-rocker lifestyle and look is what attracts the crowds of female fans. They are the ones who buy my albums, after all. I drain my glass and put it down, not knowing what to do with myself. I wish I had someone to talk to but Paul is older and more interested in marketing the brand Nathan Romero than actually getting to know me.
My mind strays back to Jem and how gorgeous she looked in her new clothes, how her body was enhanced. I wonder why she agreed to the new image, knowing how strongly she held her values and virtue. Jem is one of the last remaining virgins in the music business, something I secretly find very admirable. When I met Jemima I’d grown tired of the young girls who threw themselves at me. She had been a refreshing change.
From the corner of my eye, I notice someone rushing past, a flash of sparkling gold. It’s Tonya Becker, another up-and-coming singer I once slept with. She’s here too? My despair deepens. Tonya hated Jem. She’d envied Jem and our relationship. I hope Tonya won’t make things difficult between the three of us. I can’t afford any more negative media attention.
My manager must have deliberately forgotten to mention that both Jem and Tonya would be on the cruise! Angrily, I order another virgin cocktail, once more wishing I could find something stronger to drink.
3
Jem
I stretch my legs and sit up on the edge of my bed. The meeting with Kim had been somewhat draining, especially all the changes that were to be made to my look and sound. Kim wanted me to start wearing heels more often, not only to awards shows, and had also wanted me to sing some raunchier songs.
I sigh and roll my shoulders back, hoping to relieve some of the stress I feel. I get up and slip on my heels, wanting to make my way to the dining room and find something to snack on before the introductory dinner later in the evening. As I step out into the corridor, I spot someone who I had hoped not to see: Tonya Becker, my enemy in the business.
Tonya wears a tight-fitting gold dress bedecked with sequins. It hugs her dark, chocolate body and makes her look amazing. I suck in a deep breath of air and brace myself for Tonya’s sarcastic remarks.
“Well, if it isn’t little Jemima! You look different! Someone finally pull you into the twenty-first century, huh?” Tonya laughs and shakes her head, causing her perfectly coiffed afro to shiver under the lights.
“Hello Tonya. I didn’t know you were also on the cruise.” My smile is tight-lipped and thin, showing Tonya that I am not interested in her company or conversation.
“Why wouldn’t I be? You aren’t the only rising star, you know…even if it did take you forever to realize that the whole ‘country-jeans’ thing made you look like a sad little ten-year-old! Is this new…outfit supposed to catch Nate’s attention?” Tonya smirks when she sees my bottom lip start to quiver, knowing I am on the verge of tears.
I wait until Tonya flounces away, then run back into my suite and fling the shared bathroom door open. I can’t stop myself from sobbing loudly into my hands. How does she always manage to do this to me?
The bathroom door opens softly and I hear hesitant footsteps coming towards me. I raise my head to look into the soft green eyes of a young girl.
“Hi. I heard you crying and I wanted to see if you were okay. You’re Jemima, right? I’m Lola—Lola Castillo,” the young girl says, her voice soft and melodic. I smile back at her, taking in the girl’s pale skin and mop of dark brown curls.
“Hi, Lola. I just had a run-in with someone, but I’m okay. You can call me Jem. Nice to meet you!” We smile at each other, both realizing that we could easily become fast friends.
“Would you like to hang out with me on the deck? There’s a band playing and the lunch buffet has just been put out.” Lola grins as she mentions the food. I nod eagerly and we leave the bathroom and head towards the dining room and deck.
“Are you a singer too, Lola?”
“Yeah, I’m with Cole Hayes right now. I think he used to be your manager when you did that cute TV movie?” At the mention of my old manager’s name, I stop in my tracks, the smile on my face vanishing. “Oh, uh…Jem? Are you okay?” Lola says my name again, touching me lightly on the shoulder, causing me to jump slightly and clear the shadow that had fallen in my mind.
“Sorry, Lola, I’m just super tired,” I reply, managing to flash a small yet cheery smile at the younger girl.
Lola smiles back and we continue on to the buffet. The food looks delicious: plates of glistening pink smoked salmon topped with cream cheese are surrounded by crunchy, handmade bread and bowls of lush, green salads. I grab a plate and start dishing up, salivating as I reach the dessert table. Lola giggles as we both reach for slices of gooey, moist chocolate cake and frothy cream.
“I really shouldn’t be having this!” I exclaim, thinking back to Kim’s reprimands and how she had advised me to stick to veggies and fruit to keep my figure slim and “sexy.” Lola winks and in reply to my admission forks a huge piece of chocolate cake into her soft pink mouth. Both of us burst into laughter and walk towards an empty table close to the band.
“Lola, how is Cole as a manager? Is he being good to you?” I ask, trying to sound as if I’m not really interested.
Lola thought for a minute, “He’s really nice. He’s always telling me how good my voice is and how pretty I am. He’s always really polite to my parents, too.”
I take a small bite of salmon and nod, trying not to think of my own experience with Cole Hayes as my manager. For a few minutes, we sit in a comfortable silence, each lost in our own thoughts. Then Lola looks up at the ornate gold clock above the bandstand.
“Jem, it’s almost five o’clock! We have to start getting ready for tonight’s dinner!”
“Oh, wow, I didn’t realize it was so late!” We stand up quickly and make our way to our suites, chatting excitedly on the way about what outfits we would be wearing.
I slither my lithe body into a deep blue, silver-sequined mini-dress, a color that makes my tan glow and my eyes look like violet pools. I spin around in front of the mirror in my room, examining my body from every angle, pleased with how I look. My wardrobe assistant had chosen silver heels to match the dress and I slide them on, smiling at their sparkle.
I don’t look too bad in this dress…I just wish it was a little longer, I think as I apply a final lick of deep red lipstick to my pouted lips. My blonde hair is in a soft, elegantly messy bun, clipped back with a midnight blue rhinestone hair clasp. I wonder what Lola will wear. She has such beautiful skin! I smile at my reflection, happy that I have found a friend on the dreaded cruise, especially after seeing that Tonya is here too.
I start slightly at the knock on the bathroom door and turn to open it. Standing in the bathroom is Lola. She’s wearing a mid-length fuchsia skirt and a cropped white halter shirt, completed with pink platform wedges. I gasp and clap my hands in delight when I see her.
“You look so awesome, Lola! I love those colors on you!” The young girl blushes red and smiles shyly at me.
“You look great too, Jem!” I reach forward and hug her, and then we leave the suite arm in arm, glowing with excitement and happiness.
As we leave the room, I
see Tonya stepping out of hers, rolling her eyes at us. She has relaxed her afro, curling the ends of her soft black hair, and applied natural, golden-tinted makeup to her face. Her dress is a little black designer number with low-cut cleavage and a slightly flared bottom, highlighting all of her best assets. In golden stilettos, Tonya follows Lola and I slowly to the dining hall, eager to make a fashionably late entrance, of course.
As Lola and I make ourselves comfortable in the leather dining chairs, Tonya saunters into the room, making everyone stop chatting for a few seconds to take in her sultry appearance. Nate, who had been staring at me, turns to look at what had caused the sudden silence in the room. Even I can’t deny that Tonya is a stunning woman. She looks amazing in the black dress.
“Hi, Nathan,” Tonya purrs, ignoring everyone else in the room as she makes her way over to the main table. She sits down across from him and gives him her most seductive smile. Seeing her look at him so hungrily is making me upset. My stomach is in knots. Nope! That’s seasickness! my inner voice says jokingly. I really do feel queasy, but I don’t want Tonya to see me throw up all over the table.
I rush out of the dinner before any introductions are made. I feel nauseous and seasick due to the constant gentle rocking of the cruise ship. I make it to the railings of the outdoor deck and stick my head over them, retching my lunch up into the dark, black waters below. I hang my head after the last dry heave, feeling sticky and sweaty; the fact that I am not wearing flat shoes doesn’t help either. I know my makeup is ruined but I don’t care.
Right now all I want is to curl up in my bed and fall asleep. It’s been a long day and seeing Nate and Tonya has dampened my mood. At least I have Lola to keep me company, I think, managing to smile to myself despite feeling so ill. The younger singer obviously sees me as a mentor. I will have to tell her about Cole Hayes before the trip is up. I cannot allow Lola to stay with him as a manager…or as a “friend”.
My head is spinning and I look around for a bench to sit on while the world comes back into focus. I see one farther down the deck in a pool of soft amber light and make my way towards it, steadying myself on the railings with my right hand. I reach the bench and flop down onto it, reaching down to unbuckle and remove my high silver shoes. Once the uncomfortable shoes are under the seat, I close my eyes and lay down on the wooden bench, my feet curling up behind me. In this position, I don’t feel quite so nauseous and find the rocking of the ship slightly pleasant. I decide to rest until the beginning of the dinner is over, then make my way inside for dessert. I don’t feel up to facing my manager’s “advice” about how to sex myself up, nor am I looking forward to the awkward silence between Nate and I.
I can’t believe the way Tonya was looking at him. She knows he’s my ex! Why would she try to hurt me? I barely know her! Tears start to well up under my lashes. Tonya had joined the same company as us when we had just begun our careers—she was a soul singer and we had vied for media attention ever since she figured out that I was her competition. We don’t even sing the same kind of stuff. Why does she have such a problem with me? I wish I had a glass of water nearby. My mouth is suddenly dry and I still feel dizzy. I hope I won’t have to throw up again.
As I groggily sit up, I see Nathan walking towards me, a tall glass of water in his left hand, his right hand closed around something.
“Jem? I thought you could use something for your head. You look kind of pale.” His voice is soft, nearly a whisper, but it seems loud to me, louder than the waves lapping up the sides of the ghostly white ship.
“Thank you, Nate. I was just thinking about how I could use some water.” I reach out to take the glass from his hand and brush my knuckles against his fingers accidentally. We both feel the spark when our skin touches. I quickly gulp down some water.
“Here. I brought you an Aspirin, too.” Nate smiles at me in the soft, orange light. His eyes are fiery in the glow, his skin almost golden. I inhale softly, staring at him.
“Sit down, Nate.”
“Oh…sure!” Nathan looks surprised at me telling him to sit, obviously thinking I would tell him to leave me alone. He lowers himself to the bench next to me and smiles slightly.
“It’s so peaceful on the dock tonight. The sea sounds like music almost.” I don’t look at him.
“Yeah, it’s beautiful out at sea. The water looks like silk, and you can see all the stars,” he replies. “You look amazing in that dress, you know. I never thought I’d see you in such a tight outfit!” Nate teases, and I hear myself giggling in return.
“I never thought I’d see you in a clean white shirt!” I retort, taking in Nate’s crisp white button-down and neatly ironed cargo pants. “Seems like your manager wanted to make you over too, mister Bad Boy.”
Nate smiles and pokes me playfully on the arm, but turns suddenly serious. “Jem, what happened with us? Why did you break up with me?” His voice is pleading, almost a cry.
“Nate, I don’t want to talk about this right now,”
“You didn’t give me an actual reason, Jem! You just…you just left me.”
I turn my face to him, my eyes blurry with tears, lips quivering, holding back a sob. “Nate, you won’t understand. You could never understand!”
I get up from the bench, forgetting my shoes, and stalk over to the farther end of the dock. We remain in charged silence on the deck, neither one prepared to speak to the other, both lost in our own thoughts.
4
Nate
The white, button-down shirt that my wardrobe assistant picked out for me feels scratchy and uncomfortable; the starched collar rubs into my neck when I turn my head. I’ve never enjoyed wearing formal clothes, but I know I look good in them and I’m hoping to impress Jem with my new, more clean-cut look. I brush my curled hair back and rub in more mousse, causing my curls to become more prominent. Well, here goes nothing, I guess! I wink at my reflection, my nerves jangling at the thought of being close to Jem once more.
I turn to my suite door and open it smoothly, walking out into the brightly lit, lushly carpeted corridor. I am not looking forward to the dinner but I force myself to go to the dining hall, hoping that at least the meal is somewhat edible. I’ve been on cruises before and have always found the food to be on par with nasty hospital food.
The managers are already seated, including my previous manager, Cole Hayes. He’s looking older, a paunch being held in by a tight, purple silk shirt. He always dressed like a Vegas gambler, I snicker to myself and take a seat across from Paul, who is engrossed in furiously emailing from his tablet. He doesn’t even look up at me, so I busy myself pouring some iced strawberry water into a glass. I take a sip and am trying to calm my nerves when I see Jem walk into the room, arm in arm with a pretty young girl in bright pink.
My heart skips a beat. Jem looks drop-dead gorgeous in her midnight-blue dress; her legs are long and shapely, and she moves gracefully forward like a dancer. Her cleavage is tastefully on display. Oh, wow... It’s the only thought I can muster and it spins around in my head. She’s always made me feel lost for words, even in her casual jeans-and-shirt combinations.
I watch her walk to the table, smiling as I hear her laugh at something the other girl says. I wonder who the younger girl is… I can’t help noticing how cute she is, especially in the pink ensemble she’s wearing. Jem slides into the leather dining chair far down the table. I wish she’d sit next to me.
Suddenly, the room goes silent and I turn to see what the fuss is about. Tonya walks in, dressed in a form-fitting black evening dress. She looks great. I won’t deny it. But I’ve always felt like prey in her presence. She sits across from me and smiles hungrily, and I feel her eyes moving down my body,.. Appraising me. I don’t want to give away how I’m feeling—about anyone—so all I do is nod in return.
As I pick up my glass to take another sip, I see Jem leaving from the corner of my eye. She looks pale. She rushes to the side of the cruiser and vomits; she’s clearly seasick, and I know she’s unhappy
that Tonya is here.
Jem makes her way shakily to a bench and sits down. She’s not looking well at all. I should help her. I stand up with a fresh glass of fruit water in my hand.
“Paul, you got any Aspirin?” Paul looks up at me and reaches into his blazer pocket.
“Here. That had better be water, Nate…” He purses his lips. I nod and take the pill.
I know Jem doesn’t really want to see me, but I can’t help worrying about her. She looks so pale. All I want to do is take her into my arms and hold her. I make my way toward her, careful to be quiet and not startle her. She looks up at me and I hand her the water. Our fingers touch. My nerve endings do the electric slide—her skin is as soft as I remember it and I catch a whiff of her jasmine perfume on the sea breeze. After she has gulped down some water, I hand her the Aspirin.
“Sit down, Nate.” Jem says, catching me unawares.
I thought she was going to tell me to leave her alone. I sit down next to her and look at her profile. Jem’s slightly upturned nose softens her beauty, making her look young and fresh. I hope her manager doesn’t convince her to get a nose job. She’s obviously made some changes to Jem’s look already, I muse.
“It’s so peaceful on the dock tonight. The sea sounds like music almost,” she says, still gazing out at the ocean. I have to say something in return. Neither of us is fond of awkward silences.
“Yeah, it’s beautiful out at sea. The water looks like silk, and you can see all the stars,” I reply, hoping it doesn’t come out sounding as cheesy as it does in my head. “You look amazing in that dress, you know. I never thought I’d see you in such a tight outfit!” She laughs and teases me back.
“I never thought I’d see you in a clean white shirt! Seems like your manager wanted to make you over too, mister Bad Boy.”
