by Lori Wilde
“I get that, but damn, I’ll miss you.”
“We can text.”
“It’s not the same.”
“And talk.”
“Phone sex?” he asked hopefully.
“Who knows?” Her smile turned saucy.
“Tease.” He kissed her.
She hugged him tightly, as if their parting were forever and she would never see him again.
“Hey, hey. I will be back.”
“I’m just appreciating the moment,” she said. “I’m so grateful to have this time with you. To stand here on the dock in the sun, even if I am sweating like a stevedore.”
“Mmm,” he said, kissing the perspiration from her upper lip. “Sexy.”
She laughed, and they kissed in the sultry humidity. Christ, he hated having to leave her behind just when their romance was heating up.
“You’re not going off to war, buddy.” She pulled back. “It’s only Dallas. Little more than two hours away.”
But they both knew it was more than that. Back in Dallas Axel would get caught up in the momentum of his career, and Kasha would be busy with Emma. Did absence really make the heart grow fonder, or would the adage “out of sight, out of mind” prove true?
“It’s time to go.” The misty tears were back in her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away.
“Aw, Sphinx.” He pressed her against him, hugging her as hard as he dared. “I’ll be back next weekend.”
“Can’t come back until you leave. Go now. I’m already anticipating the reunion sex.”
“Me too.” He growled and nibbled on her earlobe.
“Stop,” she warned. “Or I can’t be held accountable for my actions.”
He gave her one last long, sweet kiss, and then reluctantly loosened his arms and let her go, his lips tingling from her heat and energy. “I’ll call you when I get to Dallas.”
“A text will do,” she said. “You’re going to be busy, I’m going to be busy.”
“I’ll never be too busy to call you.”
“Go.” She laughed and pointed in the direction of his car.
The yearning in him whispered, Screw your career, stay here, your future is here. And for one overpowering moment, Axel wanted to give in to that overwhelming urge. But he had commitments, and he’d made a promise to a little boy on his deathbed that he’d play for the Yankees, play in the World Series.
It might be an impossible dream, but as long as he was chasing it, he was keeping Dylan alive.
Keeping himself alive.
That hope had driven him for the last two years. Kept him sane when his world fell apart.
“Be careful on the road,” Kasha said.
“Good-bye, Sphinx,” he said trying his best to sound light and casual.
Swiftly, Axel turned and strode up the dock toward the ranch house, the wooden slates vibrating beneath his weight, his heart beating crazily, his gut begging him to stay. Create a new world. Make a new life.
But he wasn’t ready to accept the death of his old dream. For letting go of it meant letting go of Dylan.
At the thought of his son, Axel’s heart broke anew.
“I love you!” Kasha called in a loud, clear voice.
Axel stopped and turned back, saw her standing on the dock looking both vulnerable and brave. Chin locked. Shoulders back. Heart forward.
My love.
He was torn between the future and the past. Dylan tugging him back, Kasha luring him forward. He wanted to go to her, drop down on one knee, beg her to marry him.
But he couldn’t. Not yet. It was too soon. He needed to give himself to her one hundred percent. She deserved his complete devotion.
And in order to give her that, he had to put his past to rest before he could step forward into a glorious future with the woman he loved.
Question was, how long would she wait for him to get his act together?
CHAPTER 25
Things were going to go more smoothly this time, Kasha promised herself when she picked Emma up from the group home on Friday, June third. It was just the two of them this weekend, getting to know each other.
She’d decorated the guest room to suit Emma’s tastes, planned menus that included all of Emma’s favorite foods, and had scores of activities slated. This time, she was fully prepared.
Perfect day, she vowed. It was going to be a perfect day.
Except, she realized as they pulled away from the curb, she’d forgotten to pick up cheese for the grilled cheese sandwiches they were having for lunch. No worries, she’d swing by the grocery store. It wouldn’t take five minutes.
But she hadn’t counted on Emma being completely enthralled with the claw machine that waited inside the doorway of the grocery store, coaxing the girl over with the promises of colorful stuffed animals. Emma raced over, pressed her face and hands to the glass.
“Come along, Emma,” Kasha said gently but firmly.
“Wanna play.”
“Not today.”
“Tuffed animal,” Emma insisted, digging in her heels and crossing her arms over her chest.
“We have stuffed animals at home.” Kasha held out her hand to her sister and caught her breath. Please, please don’t throw a tantrum.
Emma’s face clouded and her jaw clenched. She was getting spun up.
Kasha felt her own body tensed. Breathe. Project calm energy. The way she handled this blip would set the course of their relationship. “Let’s go.”
Emma hesitated.
“Now,” Kasha said gently, keeping her hand extended. “We’re on a schedule.”
Emma glanced over her shoulder, looked longingly at the stuffed animals inside the claw machine.
“Come along, sweetheart.” Kasha smiled her brightest smile.
The smile won out over stuffed animals, and Emma took her hand. Kasha swept her into the store, felt her pulse rate slow.
The dairy case was all the way in the back, and they had to pass all manner of temptation along the path. Emma stopped at the candy aisle, and again at the chips and snack crackers aisle, but Kasha never let go of her hand, and each time Emma stopped, Kasha would say, “This way,” and walk on.
They snagged the cheese and made it back through the gauntlet, and just when Kasha thought they were home free at the checkout counter, the bag boy turned out to be a young man with Down syndrome about Emma’s age. He wore glasses as thick as Emma’s and his name tag said “David.”
Emma took one look at David and David took one look at Emma and Kasha thought, Uh-oh.
“Hi!” David smiled at Emma.
“Hi!” Emma smiled right back.
“My name David,” he said.
“I Emma.”
“Emma.” David rolled her name around on his tongue like it was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard.
They peered into each other’s eyes.
The cashier glanced at David and Emma, and shifted her gaze to Kasha. “Looks like love is in the air.”
Goosebumps spread over Kasha’s entire body. She thought of Emma as an eight-year-old. She’d not once given thought to her sexuality. Now, seeing Emma eyeing David and David eyeing Emma, the reality of it fully smacked her.
Emma’s mind might be childlike, but her body was that of a young woman in her early twenties, and as such, she had the natural urges of anyone her chronological age.
Kasha had let go of Emma’s hand while she’d gotten out her wallet, and Emma took full advantage of her freedom, scuttling over to stand next to David and stare raptly at him.
Quickly, Kasha snatched up the cheese, and took Emma’s hand and hauled her away from David, her heart thumping wildly. “We’ve got to go.”
“Bye!” David called, pushing his glasses up on his nose with one hand and waving with the other.
“Bye!” Emma hollered back.
We’re not coming back to this grocery store, Kasha thought. But that didn’t solve the problem. While she could avoid the store, she could not avoid Emma’s sex
uality, and that gave her a whole world of new problems to think about.
Emma chattered about David like a boy-crazy teen all the way home, and Kasha’s trepidation grew with each sentence her sister uttered.
Unable to wait until they got into the house to check, Kasha grabbed the sack of medicines Molly Banks had given her. Because the visitation had been cut short last weekend, Kasha hadn’t had the chance to go through the list of medications that Emma was on.
She pawed through the bottles looking for a certain one, and when she found it, let out a sigh of relief. Emma was on birth control pills. Thank God for that. She slumped back against the seat, her mind reeling.
“Titter?” Emma asked. “You okay?”
“Fine.” Kasha pressed on a shaky smile. “Are you ready to see your room?”
“Can David come vi’it?”
Oh hell no. “David has to work, sweetheart.”
Emma’s face fell. “Can we go tee him again?”
“Maybe,” Kasha fibbed. “Right now, let’s go inside and get you settled.”
Once Emma saw her bedroom—painted purple, her favorite color—and decorated in a Jasmine motif, she seemed to forget all about David. And she was the excited eight-year-old again, oohing and aahing and examining each item and hugging Kasha and starting it all over again.
Her joy was contagious, and Kasha felt her spirits lift with Emma’s exuberant giggle, and then the fun began.
They played with dolls and stuffed animals that Kasha had bought for her. They colored in the coloring books, and took a walk around the grounds of the acre property that Kasha rented.
A laughing Emma chased the swans into the pond. And when she fell in and got soaked, Emma laughed even harder. Then came a shower and dry clothes.
After she blew Emma’s hair dry for her, it was noon, and Emma who was accustomed to a strict schedule, announced gleefully, “Lunch!”
Kasha made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. When they finished, Kasha started putting the dishes in the dishwasher, but Emma insisted they wash the dishes by hand the way they did at the group home. Kasha went along with it.
Whatever it took to make Emma feel happy, loved, and safe. Maybe once her sister was living with her for a while she could convince Emma to switch over to the dishwasher. There was going to be a period of adjustment. She accepted that.
For dessert, they ate ice cream cones on the porch, and Emma took a deep interest in the hummingbirds buzzing around the feeder. And they stood up to watch the tiny flying creatures bicker and fight in the honeysuckle hedges.
With sticky hands, and chocolate ice cream–smeared face, Emma leaned over to hug her tightly and say, “Thank you, titter.”
The surge of love washing over her for her sister was so strong it almost knocked Kasha to her knees. She hugged Emma close, rested her cheek against the top of the girl’s head.
This was her biological sister. She was connected to Emma in a way she was not connected to any other person on earth.
It felt monumental, this knowledge, the weight of it.
The girl’s fate was intricately entwined with hers, and she cherished Emma beyond all reason.
But sometimes, in quick hard flashes, dread and indecision and guilt smacked into her. She had no idea if she was up for the task of becoming her sister’s guardian, but she was damn well going to try her best.
Life had given Emma a raw deal. And Kasha’s biological mother had made it worse when she killed their father. Kasha was determined to play cleanup, and make amends the best way she knew how.
The rest of the day passed pleasantly. They watched a Disney movie and Kasha taught Emma some yoga. She let Emma play dress-up in her clothes, jewelry, and makeup, but then Emma looked so grown up, Kasha started to worry about the David thing all over again.
Dinner, by Emma’s decree was at five. They washed dishes together again, then watched another movie. Emma’s bedtime rituals took almost an hour, but at nine o’clock on the dot, she was ready to be tucked in.
Kasha read her a bedtime story, a passage from a Laura Ingalls Wilder book, and Emma was sound asleep before she reached the end of the chapter. She smiled, leaned down and kissed her sister’s forehead.
Emma smiled in her sleep, turned over on her side, and snuggled against the purple hippopotamus Kasha had bought.
And Kasha realized it had indeed been a perfect day, perfectly imperfect, and that was okay.
Several times during the night, Kasha got up to check on Emma, and the rest of the time she lay half asleep, listening for any noises from her sister’s room. It was their first night together under the same roof. Would Emma have nightmares? Would she wake up confused and disoriented?
But Emma did neither. She slept blissfully through the night.
Kasha, however, was wrung out. She got up at dawn, did a few morning stretches and sun salutations to wake up, and made a cup of coffee.
It’ll get better, she told herself, as she took her coffee to stand in Emma’s doorway to watch her sister sleep.
She wouldn’t always have to be hypervigilant. Once Emma got used to the place and they established their own routine, Kasha could relax into their relationship. The best things in life took time, after all.
Except for falling in love with Axel. That hadn’t taken any time at all.
Things felt so easy with him. So right.
Suki would say it was the True Love wine, but Kasha knew it had nothing to do with the wine they’d found in the hope chest and everything to do with the fact that Axel was kind, and funny, and smart, and accomplished.
He was a guy she could trust. A guy she desperately wanted to trust.
But then there was that pesky passion.
On the surface so thrilling and breathtaking, but that was the problem, wasn’t it? She didn’t want her breath taken. Breath was life.
Without it …
She had to stop thinking about Axel. He was in Dallas doing his thing and she was here with her sister. Emma was her main focus. She had to be.
Emma woke up fussy. She didn’t want any of the breakfast offerings Kasha had and kept insisting on doughnuts. Kasha tried to get Emma to take her morning medicines, but Emma refused. “Ta’te bad.”
“Take your medicine and we’ll go get doughnuts,” Kasha bargained, wondering if it was a smart tactic or not. This parenting thing was hard.
“Okay,” Emma agreed, and gulped down the medication, leaving Kasha feeling like she’d been played.
When they returned from getting doughnuts, Emma prowled restlessly, at loose ends. Kasha suggested several activities, but with each one Emma would shake her head vigorously and say firmly, “No!”
“It’s going to be one of those kinds of days, is it?” Kasha took a deep breath.
Even though she’d planned to spend the weekend with just the two of them, it occurred to her that maybe she should take her sister over to Timeless Treasures. Emma had loved Callie, after all, and the cat had calmed her down. But the thought of how busy the store was on Saturdays held her back.
Emma opened the pantry, stared in at the food.
“Are you still hungry?” Kasha asked, worrying that the doughnuts had spiked Emma’s blood sugar.
“All wrong,” Emma said, and started pulling items off the shelf and stacking them on the floor.
“Whoa, hold on, what are you doing?”
“All wrong,” Emma insisted.
“What do you mean?”
Emma’s jaw hardened, set in stone. “Can go on bottom.”
“You want to rearrange the shelves?”
Emma nodded, beamed, her thundercloud mood evaporating.
“Okay, have at it. Rearrange the shelves. Do you want me to help?”
“I do it,” Emma said with a proud shake of her head.
“It’s all yours.”
After Emma finished rearranging the pantry, she started in on the refrigerator, and then moved to the closets. When she couldn’t coax Emma away from he
r task at lunch, Kasha called Molly Banks.
“Oh, sorry.” Molly laughed. “I forgot to tell you that Emma is a bit compulsive when it comes to the contents of closets and cabinets and drawers. She loves arranging things just so.”
“Well, that’s handy, but she seems obsessive. I can’t get her to stop.”
“Hand her the phone, please,” Molly said.
Feeling a bit undermined, Kasha handed the phone to Emma, who was sitting in front of the open hall closet door surrounded by umbrellas, coats, and shoes. “Molly wants to talk to you.”
Emma took the phone, listened to Molly, and then handed the phone back to Kasha. She stood up. “Lunchtime.”
“What did you say to her?” Kasha asked Molly.
“I just told her to mind you.”
“How do I acquire your authority?”
“Give yourself time,” Molly said kindly. “It takes patience.”
“I can do that,” Kasha said.
“I know you can. How are things otherwise?”
“Good. We had a great time yesterday.” Kasha considered telling Molly about David, but thought better of it. If she was going to have custody of Emma she needed to get used to handling things on her own. “Sorry I bothered you.”
“No problem. Why don’t you bring Emma home tonight? The girls all sing in the church choir, and it would be easier on me to have Emma here.”
“You’re just saying that to give me a break,” Kasha said.
“If you want to keep Emma and take her to church tomorrow, that’s fine, but if you don’t there’s no shame, no judgment in bringing her back tonight,” Molly said. “You two are still getting to know each other. Small doses might be best.”
“I’ll take her to church,” Kasha said staunchly. “But thank you for the offer.”
“I’m here,” Molly said. “Just a phone call away.”
“I appreciate that.” Kasha hung up, feeling as if she’d just barely passed a surprise test.
By the end of the weekend Kasha’s house had been completely rearranged to suit Emma, and the girl was happy and laughing again. It fully set in how important organization and routine were to Emma.
Duly noted.
