“Love, you feel okay? Are you warm enough?” He says with concern in his voice.
“I am so good, you are here with me. Life couldn’t get any better,” I tell him to not have him worried.
Crossing over the threshold of our home now as official husband and wife. We have arrived back to our home and Rand makes me stay downstairs for a moment, and runs up the steps to check something first. He then comes down and lifts me into his arms. He carries me up to our bedroom. The French doors are open, welcoming us to our bed. I smell the strong aroma of roses. I look past the open doors and see the sea of red that expands across the bed covering. Petals are everywhere, I am not sure when he had this done put there must have been buckets of petals brought in. I can smell the sweet floral scent and he gently lays me down in our bed. I am now lying on my side in our bed, with Rand sitting on the edge of the bed. His face looks very worried. I smile tenderly at Rand, although I feel awful. I want him to remain calm. I will go see a doctor this week if I still feel this bad or if I get worse.
“Love, I think you need a night of rest, you look tired and weak.” He is concerned. His eyes shift to the bedside table and he notices the bound book with a note attached to the front that reads:
My Love Notes –
(For my Husband – who has kept a blissful melody playing in my heart and has created the most wonderful life composition for us to take part in for all of our days to come)
I always thought, and wished that perhaps one day I would find true love and remarry –
My Wedding Dress –
Secretly it stands tall awaiting a big reveal,
to be worn and adored by so many.
Ivory, short but elegant seamed tightly to my body,
receiving silent admiration from the mirror’s view.
The scents of petals will attach to it like buttons,
as finally the opportunity has come for its debut.
By: Madison Rand
I see him pick it up and he looks to me with wonder in his eyes. “Rand, this is my wedding present to you. It is all my Love Notes I have written since the day my eyes first met yours.” Rand seats himself in the chair next to the bed and keeps his amazing blue eyes holding my glance and they warm me inside. “Thank you, I think this is the perfect time to begin to read all of these,” his eyes leave mine as he puts on his glasses and goes to the first page.
Rand begins to read all my Love Notes in their entirety. Slowly he turns the pages and I see emotion in his face as he is concentrating on each of my written letters to him. I see him wipe away a tear. I feel sick again, I turn over to not have him see my ill feeling face. I close my eyes and think of our wedding and how wonderful it was and I feel better in my mind already.
“Babe, are you okay?”
I don’t turn to him but I say, “Yes, I’m going to be fine.” With each word my stomach feels worse. I squeeze my fingers into a tight fist to take away the unease swirling in my tummy. I think of months ago when Rand’s father came to see me and spoke of bad karma. I hope and pray this is not the beginning of something bad to come.
I feel Rand push and fix the pillows around my body cushioning me and then he settles back into the chair. A warm rush flows through me with the happiness of how good he is for me. I hear a page turn again of the Love Notes he is reading.
“Tomorrow Mrs. Rand, I am taking you to the doctor. I want you feeling better and they can tell me how to take care of you for the rest of my life.”
Another page turns and Rand continues to read my heartfelt thoughts…he hums a song that stills the sickness rolling through me as I focus on his soothing sounds. I know I have to get better because it is now our time together and Rand’s time to achieve his first solo album. Rand’s low comforting music to me silences and I know he is concentrating on my words.
Rand:
I leave you now from your home, I leave you to join my sister friend at my home today and I still feel your kiss so deeply, like I’m still in your arms. I tremble inside as I did just last night in searching The Wall and seeing so many lovely ladies then seeing my article. You saved that, for some reason we crossed paths a long time ago and never knew. You circled my name that was under my photograph, I wonder what that was for. Was it to seek me out, send me a thank you for the positive article or was it to know that one day our lives would encircle one another?
Rand, as I have been in a marriage for ten years, I have never felt a burn in my heart like I have at the sight of you, the touch of you and the smell of you. At this moment in time you have me completely mesmerized. I am completely smitten in a crush; yes, I have a crush on you Max Rand.
Why am I writing this to you? Well I think I caught a glimpse of what could be as you turned to walk from my doorway to your Hummer. I had a wonderful view of your behind, but a more incredible feeling swelled in my chest. I think about being by your side for this trip. I hope I can fight back what I am feeling and not let you know. I don’t know if it would scare you. I don’t want to ruin my writing opportunity by crushing on a guy who may not feel a glimmer of what I am beginning to feel in my heart.
Maddy xo
“Aww babe, you had a crush on me? How cute,” he lets out a little laugh. “Madison I was definitely crushing on you.”
I turn over facing him and smile. He continues to page through. I think I wrote a complete novel of love notes.
Rand:
Happy Turkey Holiday and soon it will be here. Soon you will be here. You do not know the excitement in my body that is like a shaken up soda waiting for the top to come off. I cannot wait to see your eyes, hold your body to mine and kiss, and keep kissing your lips. I want to see you sigh at me that you really missed me. I want to hear your breath escape as I hug you so tightly.
With the past few months of sadness filling me from losing my father and losing you to the road, I want to feel fulfilled again with your tenderness and touches. I am pulling out all the stops to make you a wonderful meal this season and will surely make your stomach proud. I will wait for you all day and as soon as you arrive you will see that you are my thankful holiday. This means so much to me that we will be able to spend it together. I miss you.
Maddy xo
Rand:
I know that shit happens and that’s what happened to the wonderful day I so dreamed of for us this holiday. I am so glad that Maxwell is fine and you too, but sometimes you get your hopes so high that when they don’t turn out the way you envision them that you get so deflated. I had dance in my step the morning of Thanksgiving, music in my head and you in my heart. I counted the hours, the minutes and the hours again till we would see one another again. It never came. I was saddened, not disappointed because I knew you tried, just saddened. Thomas rode over on his white horse, his car actually to see me, to rescue me and the day. It was a kind gesture only I think I kept kissing him back that evening because I was feeling you in my head. With my eyes closed kissing him and thinking of you seems in an odd way right for me to pretend you are near.
I was happy to see you the day after as my stomach fluttered the entire ride to reach you. I wish we were uninterrupted, I wish we had a completely unstopped intimate moment, day, night. I long for that with you. I think we could be incredible together. I think you may be too sexy for me. I haven’t seen your complete nakedness, but I can only imagine. I feel you so often close to me and that makes me visualize you naked with me. Right now I will stop my thoughts that are heading toward erotic measures. I hope one day we will be entwined with one another and no phones, no doorbells, no people to disrupt what we begin. Perhaps we will cross over the finish line.
Maddy xo
Rand paused and looked deep into my eyes with sadness. “Hey, you know I will never leave you stranded on a holiday again. I’ll always get back to you. Madison you make every day a holiday for me.”
My eyes feel heavy as I have watched him with every page turn. I shut my eyes. I open them again when he speaks out and I see at first that he
has gotten through many notes in the book.
“Madison it is funny now to remember how off base you were about Killjoy.” Again he expresses amusement as he looks at the page.
Rand:
Where do I begin with the pen to this paper this evening? How could I possibly even have thought that there was something between Killjoy and you? I know that what we have is incredible. I feel my body tingle just when you are around. My heart has grown so large in my chest. I think that bump on my head surely made me a bit delusional and I will tell you over and over I am sorry. Somehow, long ago when Thomas left me, I was so broken and shattered that I think still some pieces to complete me may be missing.
I know now that I am recovering and will get stronger physically I just have to really work on getting myself tougher mentally to see you embrace another and not get all worked up and doubt you. I bet you wanted to shake some sense into me but would have rattled my already injured head much more.
My eyes have fallen to the exquisite engagement ring that fits perfectly on my finger. It dazzles in the light of my hospital room. I know you will be heading back on the road to work. I will wake every day and look to my hand as soon as my eyelids open. There will be complete joy on my face to start each day.
I do believe you were meant for me and that together we will get to our happily ever after. I know now that I will make many brainless assumptions and jump to many conclusions, but that you will set me straight. You will keep me focused on us and what we have that is so important.
This time you are gone, I will concentrate on plans for our life together and that should keep me busy along with my writing. Rand I need to end this note not because of any lack of words, but because my head is really hurting. I have to rest, and I will so as I close my eyes, I see your face. Goodnight my fiancé. I cannot wait to be your wife.
Maddy xo
I am not sure which love note he is on and it is like a little game as he makes his remarks and I try to think of the one he is reading. I don’t want to ask him as he seems to be so caught up in really focusing on each one.
“Mrs. Rand, you make me so proud,” he shakes his head side to side and a tear pools in the blue of his eyes.
Rand:
I did it; I actually followed through with my passion of writing and followed you and the band. What a crazy trip it was. For me it was a stepping stone of confidence levels which I achieved. I write this Love Note as you are away traveling, working, playing and doing what you were meant to do. I love that you followed your passion despite being told from your father to not pursue it.
If I begin to have a day where I miss you more than most, I close my eyes and picture you cupping my chin in your hands and lifting it up to your welcoming lips. The softness I feel as my lip skims across yours, I taste you and it takes my breath away. Your heated breath passes over my skin. I feel you near. I open my eyes to see your blue gaze calming me.
I have found this past year such warmth in our relationship but also such a family bond with Maxwell and all the guys in the band. Sometimes I think of all of the things that would never have been if I hadn’t had the nerve to go to the concert in Philly by myself. As I know you will be home to me soon, tonight I think I will retrace my steps that led me to you. I lay here in our bed and I begin to open my book, Rock Notes, my story of the band, but the story that led us to one another.
I know that everyday that you are away means we are closer to being together. I love you so much. I never would have thought so many dreams of mine could come true. I close my eyes a moment and wish you good night and hope you dream well although I always feel your presence in our bed keeping me surrounded by love and warmth. I pretend to tuck myself closely up to your unclothed body. I stretch my arms out and again turn another page of the Rock Notes story. I am on a paragraph that describes you and I am still in awe of how I see you, love you, want you, need you. Rand I am so completely into you, forever.
Maddy xo
“Babe, you are very brave. I thought you gave up on watching me on videos. I thought you learned your lesson that they only upset you.”
Rand:
Tonight I watched the video feed of your New York concert. I was hesitant to watch those after so many brought me painful memories. This one though, made me want to reach through my screen and pull you down on top of me. I Love you so much and hearing you proclaim your love to me via a message to your fans who love and adore you meant so much to me. I would never take you from that stage you love. I would never take you away from the screams and yells for your body that they provide you with, but one day very soon, I will take you away for the moment that we say I do to one another and solidify our relationship.
I won’t ever tell you or admit that I was feeling horror when you told the fan that you were definitely not married. I wondered if their reaction would have been negative to you admitting if you were…but when you clarified that you loved me to all of them in the audience… They love you too and they welcomed that news and weren’t upset. I cried for a long time after you spoke to them it was relief tears as I was always thinking what would your fans think if you married. I know they surely follow you as to whether you have ice in your beverage or what your favorite color is, and I know they read the news of our engagement, but until tonight you had never really spoken out about it, about us.
As I sit here, I know how proud I am of you and well, let’s just say I plan to show you in many ways just how proud I am for your impromptu, unrehearsed response to your screaming young girl fan.
Maddy xo
He lowered his glasses and looked over the rims at me. He then removed them and marked his page in the book as he came over to the bed and leaned in and placed a tender kiss on my warm forehead. Rand reached under the back of my head and held me to his lips for a long lingering moment.
“Thank you for that kiss, all your kisses make me feel so much better. I take it you are enjoying your reading so far?” I looked at him loving what I saw.
“Oh, I am loving every word. It is filling in the blanks for all those times that I didn’t know where your pretty little head was at.” He the resumes his comfortable spot in the chair and continues on.
I see him pull the notes closer and he straightens out his glasses and his eyes darken and he reads one note in particular for a long time. I don’t want to question him on this, but eventually he turns that page.
Rand:
Here I am in New York with Cecile. She has a broken heart, where you and I once were. I have listened to her and know that in time she will figure this all out and who she will wind up with. I didn’t share with you that Thomas and Connor were here in New York. They came in for a day as Thomas thought he could work magic and get Connor and Cecile together. I am sure you know nothing happened between Thomas and I, and I chose to not say anything because I wanted no drama in our now calm, happy life. Seeing Thomas again though made me think only of you and wished you were here in my hotel bed in New York with me. Actually, I am a little worried as Cecile is talking with Connor now and I hope she comes in soon for I don’t know how long I can stay awake waiting for her. But I know that as soon as my eyes close I will be in my dreams with you. And in another day and night I will be in your arms once more. I love you so much and I’ll be home soon and back to you, only you forever. Rand you are mine, my fiancé, my soon to be husband. I am writing that I am blowing you a kiss from here in New York to you at home.
Maddy xo
I am not sure how long I looked at him through page after page, but I did get to close my eyes for a little while. I glanced at the clock and so much time has passed and it is early in the morning. Rand is wiping his eye from tears that have formed.
“Love, I didn’t mean to upset you,” I whisper softly to him in the early dawn light.
“Madison these are good tears, very good ones. I am at the end of your love notes. I actually have just this one last love note to finish.” His eyes cleared of wetness and he focused one last time.
Rand:
This is probably going to be the shortest note I will ever write to you. I know now how I want to marry you and exactly when. I have been holding back in getting our plans defined. I was using doubt as an excuse to not move forward when I don’t doubt one part of you. I now have to get everything done so quickly and I only have a few days to make this perfect. I want to remember our commitment to one another as being that one changing moment in both our lifetimes.
As you are away playing in another city, but gone from me for not too long, I will be with you soon. I am so glad you have waited for me to come along in your life. Babe, I am coming to you and I am ready without a hesitation or second thought to become your wife…forever.
Maddy xo
Rand closed the book and pulls it to his chest. I am looking at him with my sleepy eyes. He rises up from the chair where he has sat uninterrupted for quite a long time. He leans over me and I drink in his eyes and long swept lashes. He kisses my lips so lightly. “Madison, these notes are the sweetest thing you could ever give me besides yourself. And I know you have given me all of you.”
“Babe, I meant every single word I ever wrote about you and us.”
“Well after reading them, I got two things correct,” Rand commented.
“What are they, babe?”
“I got all the rose petals on the bed and I can certainly get naked…but we will wait till you feel better for me to take your body like you wrote that you wanted,” Rand said smiling.
Love Notes ((Book Two of the Heartbeat Series)) Page 18
