“You’re right,” she said thoughtfully. “It’s not real life. But you knew Dante in real life before this. It’s not like he’s changed who he is. And that’s the part that matters, right?”
I closed my eyes against my oncoming headache. “Sometimes I think part of the reason why I said yes to Sterling was because if he cheated on me, I would get over it. If Dante did, I don’t know if I’d recover. It kills me to be here and see him flirting with and falling for other women. I’m in this constant state of jealousy and wanting to maim people.”
She paused again. “I think that says something important, don’t you?”
I did. And I had spent all these weeks fighting against it, trying to stay on course and keep going down the path I had already chosen. I tried to hide my feelings under teasing or insults, but the truth was that I had fallen for Dante. I might already be in love with him. I couldn’t even be sure because I didn’t have anything else to compare it to. I had never felt this way about any other man.
Not even my fiancé.
And now there was a fork in the road and whichever branch I took was going to change my entire life.
“Sterling at least says he loves me. He wants to marry me. All Dante’s ever done is flirt with me. I don’t know if he even has feelings for me.”
Another pause. “I think he has feelings for you. I think he’s in love with you.”
“You think or you know?” My heart leapt in anticipation, ready to burst.
“If you’re trying to find out whether he’s told me anything, he hasn’t. I’m just basing it on what I’ve seen.” The deflated, sinking feeling inside me had to mean something.
But was that enough? Was it worth taking a risk if I didn’t even know whether Dante was capable of loving and being faithful to one woman?
I was taking him home to meet my parents, and I was going to go and see his family. Maybe I should take that time seriously. Treat it like it was real, and like we weren’t pretending.
And maybe I should let Dante say whatever I’d been trying to keep him from saying all along. He might be in love with me, but it could have been just about the physical for him. I probably should find out.
I needed to know one way or the other, but was that fair to Sterling? Should I call him and tell him? What would I say? I couldn’t even articulate to myself everything that I was feeling. How could I explain things to him? Was it fair to let things go ahead like normal without giving him a heads-up?
It might be a huge mistake to call him. What if when I saw him again, all of this Dante stuff melted away? What if I called off the wedding and it ended up being the worst thing I’d ever done? I might really regret it.
I also might regret walking away from Dante.
Still such a mess. “What am I going to do?”
“You’re going to have to decide that. Much as I would love to take over your life and make all your decisions for you, that’s not realistic. It has to be your choice. I do think that Dante will make you happier than Sterling ever will.”
“Should I call Sterling?”
“I don’t think you should do anything until you’ve made a decision. Don’t talk to Dante about it, and don’t talk to Sterling about it. Stay the course, keep your career intact, and figure it out when you leave the show. You do what makes you happy. I mean seriously, when did we decide to start letting boys be responsible for our happiness?”
“I was thirteen.”
She laughed and said, “I was twenty-four.” Which made us both laugh, and I did feel better. I told her I’d see her soon, and we hung up.
Dante walked into the room, as if he’d been waiting just outside the door for the right moment to enter. I wondered if he’d been eavesdropping. My heartbeat started a low, worried thud in my chest. I began to say something to him, but he kissed me on the cheek, took the phone, and said, “See you in a few days.”
I could only pray that he hadn’t heard what I’d said about him and about Sterling, because he could use it to his advantage, to keep sucking me in and making me fall for him before he walked away and left me alone.
If he knew, there’d be no way to tell if what was happening between us was real.
Genesis and I were making dinner. Michelle had left and Abigail had returned. Dante hadn’t come home, which made me think he was just going to travel from one location to the next. Michelle was from New York, and then he’d go to Iowa with Genesis and Georgia with me. Genesis had already packed her bags, and we talked about how worried she was for her aunt to meet him. “We’re not what you would call normal,” she said.
“Nobody ever is,” I reassured her.
That seemed to make her feel better. We again discussed how we imagined Abigail’s family trip had gone, because we hadn’t seen her come out of her room since she’d been back.
“Do you think it was a lot of tallyhos and pish poshes and hunting foxes?” Genesis asked.
“It depends on whether or not she comes from money. There were probably a lot of tea and crumpets involved, though.” Neither one of us had any idea about regular English family life. We hadn’t been to England and didn’t really know anything about the country other than what we’d seen on TV. Which wasn’t really fair, because if somebody judged Americans by our television shows, well, then nobody would ever visit our country again.
I did have one friend who was English, but she was a princess and there was no way to explain that.
“Do you think it’s weird to have feelings for someone you don’t even really know?” Genesis blurted out, not looking at me.
“What do you mean?” I ignored my jittery pulse, afraid of what she might say.
“I feel like there’s things I should know about him but don’t because we hardly get to spend any time alone together and he’s always asking about me. Like, how many brothers and sisters he has. His favorite kind of car. His favorite movie or his favorite song. I don’t even know what his major was in college.”
“Philosophy.”
She looked so sad. “You seem to know a lot about him.”
I wanted to tell her why. It seemed unfair for her not to know. I kept thinking about what I wanted and how this all affected me, but what about Genesis? She really liked Dante. Should I step aside to give them a real shot? Was I confusing things for him by being there?
And how could I explain that I had found out his major the one time he visited me in Colorado, and after that was all over, I didn’t know if he’d ever speak to me again?
Graduation day, Brighton, Colorado. Nico and Kat had been engaged for a couple of weeks, and he had flown out to see her graduate. She hadn’t seen him since they got engaged, although they e-mailed, texted, and FaceTimed constantly, and she stood at our window in her red cap and gown, waiting for him. She offered to pick him up from the airport in my car, but he didn’t want her to have to deal with the paparazzi who waited for him. No one had told them Nico was coming into the country, but it was a safe and correct bet that he would come for our graduation.
Sterling was still at his hotel. We had just gotten engaged ourselves the night before, and he planned to pick me up a bit later to take me to the ceremony. A week earlier Nico had offered me the opportunity to represent his family and their public relations interests. It had never occurred to me to start my own company, but I absolutely loved the idea. I researched online what I needed to do, and talked to some of the professors from my department and some from the Anthony School of Business. I hired my own attorney and began the process of forming my very own corporation. It was so exciting. It felt like my life was finally on track, and everything I’d ever dreamed of was finally coming true.
I had the right man, the right career path, and I was graduating from college. Everything was perfect.
“He’s here!” Kat threw open the door and ran down the stairs to greet Nico. A line of paparazzi formed behind his car, and Nico’s security got out first to stop the photographers. Nico jumped out of the back of the limo to
meet her halfway. He picked her up in his arms and swung her around, and then they kissed. That kiss ended up on the cover of about a dozen different magazines.
I watched them, so happy to be together. I was happy for them, happy for myself, just full of happy.
I closed the blinds when they got into his limo, and locked the front door. I went into the bathroom to touch up my makeup one last time. Sterling sent me a text saying he was on his way, but that there was some traffic. I figured Nico was probably to blame for that. I texted my parents to let them know that I might be a little bit late, and my mother responded to say that they were going straight to the ceremony at the Byrd Center on campus, and they would save Sterling a seat.
I heard a knock on the door and thought that Kat had locked herself out. It didn’t surprise me at all that she’d left everything behind when she’d caught sight of Nico. “Next time make sure you get your key . . .” I said, and then my mouth forgot how to talk.
Dante stood there in an expensive Armani suit, and he held out a bouquet of lemon lilies. I had forgotten how good he smelled, and how much I loved it when he smiled at me the way he smiled at me right then.
I hadn’t seen him since our blow-up at New Year’s Eve, and I didn’t understand why he was here. I didn’t think we had anything left to say to each other.
“May I come in?”
Chapter 19
Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it right back.
I stepped aside and he entered the apartment. I closed the door behind him and just stared at him. He was literally the last person I expected to see. He handed me the flowers.
“I’ll go put these in water.” My brain finally remembered how to use words, and I hurried into our kitchen to pull myself together.
Why was Dante here? I grabbed a vase from under the sink and filled it up. I hadn’t seen him in nearly five months. He texted me almost every day, but I hardly ever answered him. I was trying to move on with my life, and thinking about him and about what had happened between us was not helping with that.
I had done my best not to encourage him, but here he was. I put the flowers on our tiny kitchen table, and he stood in our living room, waiting for me. “Thank you for the flowers. How did you know they were my favorite?”
“Knowing your commitment to your name, I took a wild guess,” he said, and I wondered if he really had, or if Kat had told him. “I like your outfit.”
I looked down at my red gown and felt my face flush. The color red reminded me of times and things I did not want to be reminded of.
“What are you doing here?”
“I graduated yesterday—Nico said he was coming here, and I thought I’d tag along.” He didn’t sound like himself. He sounded wary and unsure. It was weirding me out.
“What did you get your degree in?” Now I just sounded like the stereotypical blonde. I was in the midst of this highly charged situation, and I was asking him random things that didn’t really matter. I should have been focusing on the fact that he just got his bachelor’s degree. That he was too young for me. Instead I paid way too much attention to how his mouth moved.
“Philosophy.”
Of course. “Underwater basket weaving was all full?”
He laughed, and he seemed more like Dante again.
“But why did you want to tag along?”
He walked over to me, and my pulse thundered as I scooted back, running into a wall.
“I wanted to see you.” His voice was low and turned my brain to mush. He took my cap off and tossed it on the table. I should have moved or run away screaming, but I just stood there while he got even closer, and let out a little sigh when he put his fingers in my hair. I absolutely should not have been letting him touch me, but it felt so good.
And it was all there, all the things I had deliberately forgotten—the deep longing, that pull between us, so magnetic, so electric, so undeniable.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he said in a whisper just above my lips. Some part of my brain turned back on and reminded me that I couldn’t let this happen.
“Wait,” I said, putting a hand on his chest. “I’m engaged.”
He went very still. “Ma che? What did you just say?”
I swallowed and repeated myself. “I’m engaged. We can’t . . .”
He dropped his hands from me, but he didn’t move. I had thought Nico or Kat might have mentioned it to him, but they obviously hadn’t. His gaze flicked to my left hand, still on his chest. “You’re not wearing a ring.”
“He wants us to choose one together.”
A look of disdain crossed his features, and I didn’t know if it was because of what I had just told him, or if he didn’t think much of a man who couldn’t pick out the perfect ring for his fiancée. I knew that if he were my fiancé, Dante would choose just the right one and I would love it. It had bothered me that Sterling had asked without a ring, but I wouldn’t let Dante know it.
Since I was engaged, I had to remember that it didn’t matter what Dante would or would not do. Things between us had ended disastrously, and he would not be in my future.
“You could have mentioned it,” he said, moving my hand off of his chest.
“It was sudden,” I said. “It just happened last night.”
“One day too late,” Dante said. He looked and sounded sad. Which didn’t make sense given that he just wanted to mess around.
“He’s coming to pick me up for graduation,” I whispered. “He’ll be here soon.”
I did not want Dante and Sterling in the same place at the same time. I wasn’t sure I could handle it.
“I should go.”
I didn’t want him to leave, but he was right. He should go.
He leaned in to kiss me good-bye, as he had so many times before, but just as he went to kiss my left cheek, I looked up because I wanted to say something to him, and our lips met.
Accidentally, torturously, wondrously, and it was just as I remembered it. Better. My lips felt like they had caught on fire.
He immediately pulled away, but he didn’t go far. Our lips hovered near each other, just a fraction apart. We were both breathing hard, shallow breaths.
I waited. I was so caught up in the moment I was sure he would kiss me again. I wanted him to kiss me again, make the world fall away and to have the only thing that mattered be the passion between us.
I bit my lower lip in anticipation, and his gaze darted to my mouth, and he sucked in a breath.
Still he didn’t move. Almost touching me, almost kissing me, but not.
The anticipation and want kept building inside me until I was absolutely desperate for him to make a move, do something.
Finally, not able to stand it and wanting him more than anything in the whole word, I broke all of my rules and leaned forward.
He stepped back just as quickly. Out of reach.
“Once is a mistake,” he said, his breathing still just as out of control as mine. “Twice is deliberate.”
Good heavens. I suddenly remembered myself. I was engaged and I had almost—I would have if Dante hadn’t stopped us. I should have been thanking him, but instead I wanted an explanation that would make the feelings go away.
“Why?” was all I could say, which was stupid because I very well knew why.
“You’re not a cheater,” he finally said with a sad smile. “And I won’t make you one.”
I could feel tears, hot and unshed, just behind my eyes, and my throat felt too tight. I’d been cheated on most of my adult life, and I had just nearly cheated on Sterling. I was a terrible person, and it was so awful that Dante had to be the one to remind me of my relationship and the promise that I had made to another man. That he had to be the honorable one while I was ready to betray my fiancé and myself.
How could I ever look Dante in the face again? He must have thought I was the worst fiancée ever. I certainly did. I sat down in a chair at the table, my knees no longer able to support me.
My voic
e caught when I asked, “Where does that leave us then?”
“Friends. I will always be your friend.”
“And my client.” I still sounded wobbly and like tears would break out at any minute.
He smiled, but it wasn’t sincere. “Yes. That. I will see you in California in a couple of weeks.”
Then he left, closing the door quietly behind him, and I tried to keep the tears from falling since I didn’t want to explain to Sterling why I had been crying, or to let him know the kind of person I really was.
Everybody else had their hometown visits, and finally it was my turn. I was actually excited to have my parents meet Dante. I got to speak briefly with my mother before I left, and she was frantic. The show had brought twenty people to set up the house and prep them, and they were planning on being there for eight hours, even though Dante and I were only scheduled to be filmed for two or three.
My parents knew the truth of our situation, so hopefully there wouldn’t be any embarrassing questions and we could all just enjoy our time together.
They didn’t let my daddy pick me up from the airport, and just had one of the PAs drive me instead. A wave of homesickness hit me hard, and I couldn’t believe how much I had missed being home.
Both my mother and father were waiting for me on the porch, and as soon as the car stopped, I ran to them. “My little Lemonade!” my daddy said as he hugged me tight. “I missed you so!”
“Welcome home, darlin’,” my momma added, when I embraced her next. “Where’s that prince of yours?”
“He should be here soon,” I said. I’d brought an overnight bag, and the PA handed it up to me. I thanked him and he went to join the rest of the crew.
“Like an infestation of termites,” my mother sniffed. “They have taken over every part of the house.” Other parents might have been excited or thrilled to be on television. Not mine. They’d never understood why I liked movies or TV shows, as they thought an evening should be spent entertaining their friends or reading a good book.
Royal Chase (The Royals of Monterra) Page 18
