They all laughed, forcing a smile from me too.
"You're right where you should be. Obviously." Paul walked toward the hallway. "Which room is the golden boy staying in? I think I should give him a proper wake up call."
"Last door on the left," Frank called out. "Give him hell, please. It would make my day for sure."
"Behave." Deza popped Frank in the chest and turned to me. "Let's get over to the conference room down the beach. We'll be working there mostly today and then tomorrow we’ll get on set. It's supposed to storm this afternoon, so we're holding off on setting up the props for the beach scenes."
"Sounds good." I took a few quick sips of my coffee and dumped the rest. I had to tuck away the fact that Ethan had taken a woman to his bed. I could analyze it later, but knew without a doubt that I would come to the sound conclusion that it was none of my business. He was a single guy with needs, and I wasn't his girl.
I was his co-star and nothing more. Me being the object of his affections was the same pipe dream that every girl with a pulse in America shared.
He was everything to everyone, and I was just me.
Somehow that didn't feel like nearly enough.
Chapter 15
Ethan
I ran my hand up the smooth skin of Vanessa’s back and watched the sunrise, hating myself for trying again. The pretty thing lying beside me was dead to the world, and I was still without a proper release. She'd worked me with her hands several times, but it wasn't anything I couldn't have done myself.
How badly I wanted her to be Riley, to have the opportunity to take my time and open her up properly. Something told me that I would be much more patient with my beautiful co-star than I had been with the woman beside me. I'd finally given up at three that morning and rolled over, leaving her to cry beside me. I hated myself for it, but I couldn't seem to muster a nice thing to say.
"You awake?" she whispered and turned to face me. Her large breasts pressed against my chest as she curled up to the front of me. "You still mad at me?"
"I wasn't mad in the first place. Disappointed, yeah, but it's a normal occurrence in my life." I shrugged and brushed her dark hair from her shoulder.
Deza was right. I enjoyed white women with pale skin, but something had me going for the polar opposite the night before. I think I'd been scared to mistake her for Riley in any way, shape or form with my eyes wide open. Closing them and letting her become my latest obsession was fine, but pretending to have something I wanted only to fool myself was stupid. Childish.
"Let’s try again. You still have a little while, right?" She ran her fingers down the side of my face and pulled me in for a kiss.
I wasn't in the mood to ever try again, but obviously my cock had a mind of its own. I ran my palm down her side, over the thick swell of her hip and gripped her ass, pulling her closer.
"Why do you think this morning will be any different than last night?" I nipped at her mouth as aggression pumped through me.
"I don't know. I want to make love to you. You're my fantasy." She pushed at my chest and crawled on top of me as I moved to my back and lifted one of my hands, sliding it under my head as I watched her.
She was beyond beautiful, and yet not my type in the slightest.
"I'm everyone’s fantasy. That doesn't mean too much to me, you know?" I palmed her large tit and squeezed softly before tugging gently on her nipple. "Why don't you just suck me off? You know I'm not fitting inside of you."
"Maybe if you ate me out first. Then I would be ready." She pressed her hands into my chest and rolled her hips. The sweetness of having my cock coated in her wetness was a lie of things to come.
"Not happening, pretty girl." I gripped her hips and pulled her off of me. "Find me later tonight. I need some sleep before we start filming. The door is over there."
I turned on my side and pulled my pillow over my head as she bitched for the next five minutes about what a horrible guy I was. She was the one who'd approached me at the bar the night before, offered me a night I wouldn't forget and now she was pissed that her words rang true. I wouldn't forget that nothing happened out of the ordinary. The night sucked much like they all had.
I was done trying for a while unless there was a secondary purpose in it. Making Deza mad? That would be worth taking another useless woman to my bed. Pissing Frank off? Absolutely worth it. Making Riley jealous?
My stomach contracted as I groaned. I wanted to see her jealous and angry over me more than I wanted to find the right girl to take to my bed. I had so much to offer, but without the drive to offer it, I was nothing more than an asshole.
"Real men eat pussy." She pulled the pillow off my head and clocked me with it.
I laughed and rolled over the other way, pressing my face to the cool sheets below. I had a million comebacks about real women taking a dick properly, but I let them hide behind my closed lips. There was no need to degrade her any more than I already had by denying her another opportunity to come at my expense.
I rarely went down on a woman, simply because it felt almost too intimate. As odd as it sounded in my own head, I was saving something so intense for the right woman, and then I was going to give all I had.
The door closed, and I got up, walking to the bathroom and taking a long shower. I got back into the bed still wet and passed out without thinking too much about my last bad decision. I'd keep making them, no doubt, as I continued to search for something that felt so close and yet just out of my reach.
***
"Get up, buttercup!" Paul shook the bed and picked up my pillow, smacking me on the head with it several times.
"Get out, or I'll pimp slap you, and you know I'm capable of doing it." I swatted at him as I spoke through the thick haze of sleep.
"Keep that fire hose to yourself and get up. The girls are already headed to the conference room." He hit me a few more times and jumped backward as I got up and charged him. "Aww... man. You're naked. Really? Shit."
I released him and ran my fingers through my hair. "You filming this shit for us?"
Paul had to be one of my favorite crew members, but the man had mad skills. He was in high demand, and though we had him on the team for most of the early Bond films, he'd been picked up by several other production companies and we lost out. Frank had promised to work a new deal with him to get him back on the crew.
It would seem it worked.
"Obviously. Why does it smell like sex and candy in here?" He scrunched up his nose and shook his head as if he were disgusted.
"Breathe in deep, my friend. That's the smell of defeat. You wouldn't know." I laughed and walked to the dresser beside the television. After pulling on a pair of shorts and tugging a t-shirt over my head, we walked out and stopped by the kitchen. "Where is Frank?"
"He's probably with Riley and Deza." Paul opened the fridge and pulled out cold cuts and cheese as I made myself a travel mug of coffee.
"Speaking of Riley." I leaned against the counter, most likely looking like hell seeing that I felt like it. Good thing we were just working on scenes and not filming for the first day.
"Yeah." He made himself a sandwich while I watched, waiting for something more from him. "You want one?"
"Duh." I sat down and took a sip of my coffee. "So that's it? No comment on her looks or her personality or anything?"
He smiled and glanced up. "She's your kinda gal, isn't she? Short blond hair, funny, confident, great rack and intensely beautiful."
I nodded and breathed in deeply. "Yeah. She's the full package, man. I keep trying to get her into bed, but she won't have none of it."
"Has she seen what you're packing?" He chuckled as I gave him a look.
"It's always dick-envy with you." I took the sandwich he offered me and got up. "Let's get over there. Deza will make my day miserable if I show up too late."
"I'd actually enjoy seeing that." He laughed as I pushed his back.
We walked out into the dismal day and walked in the sand toward the co
nference room just down the beach a little way. I held up my half-eaten sandwich and smirked.
"This is really good. You wanna be my bitch for the next few weeks?"
"Yeah, sign me up for that shit." He rolled his eyes and opened the door, moving in and dusting off his tennis shoes. I hadn't bothered with shoes at all.
Deza stood in the far corner on her phone, bitching at someone about a bill we'd gotten that wasn't ours to pay.
I turned to find Frank explaining something to Riley. She had her back to me, and the way her tight white shorts fit her ass left my body screaming for far more attention than Vanessa had given it the night before. Poor girl. They always had such high aspirations only to fall flat on their faces.
After shoving the rest of my sandwich into my mouth, I walked over to stand beside Riley.
She glanced up and gave me a once-over before turning her attention back to Frank.
"So we're going to do the scene a few times and then work with other actors to critique each other?" She tilted her head to the side as he nodded. "Why? Why not just have me and Ethan work through it together over and over?"
"Because you think you're great and I think I'm great, and when we're together, we see no faults in our performance, but if I have to stand back and watch you, I'll see everything you don't. Vice versa." I pressed my shoulder to hers. "Good morning."
"Morning." She didn't look at me. Great. She was moody. Surely she wasn't on her period. Didn't the poor girl know that wearing white on her period was just a recipe for disaster?
"Ethan is right. It's the way we roll." Frank handed each of us a script. "This is a fight scene where you're pissed that Ethan is going back to his wife. It's the climax of the movie and we want it to be spot on emotionally. We'll be working on it today for as long as we need to. Read over the lines and get into position when you're ready."
"Sexual harassment. Did you get that on tape?" I glanced around and smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
Riley turned and walked toward the other side of the room without a word. I lifted my eyebrow and motioned toward her as I watched Frank closely.
"What's wrong with her?" I whispered.
He shrugged. "She was fine before you showed up. I'd assume you did something yesterday. Recount your afternoon and evening. You'll find it."
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention on the scene. It was short, but high emotion. I was almost too tired to muster up the anger the scene called for, but after diving into my shitty night with Vanessa I could feel the tension growing deep inside of me.
"I'm ready." I tossed the papers to the side and walked to the center of the moderate-sized conference room. "Riley?"
"Yep." She set her papers on the table beside Deza and walked towards me.
"All right. Get in places," Frank spoke louder than necessary.
Damn directors and their megaphone voices.
Riley put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes a little.
"Hot," I whispered and winked at her.
She didn't flinch. Damn... she was pissed, and it was my fault. I guess leaving her on the beach by herself the night before was a dick move. I was good at those. Apologizing on the other hand had never been a strong suit of mine.
"And action."
She pushed at my chest as her face contorted in anger. "I've given you all I have to offer. My time, my money, my attention, my body, my fucking heart." She pushed me harder, causing me to stumble backwards, which wasn't in the script.
I reached for her hands and grasped her wrists tightly, pulling her close to me and glaring down at her.
"And you'll keep giving it to me until I'm done using it." I leaned down and pressed my nose to hers as I growled softly, "You're mine. I don't care if you run a million miles from this place. You'll always be mine."
She jerked back, pulled her hand from mine and slapped me - hard.
"You're going back to her and you expect me to stay beside you? To keep your fucking bed warm while you live another life?" Tears swam in her eyes, and part of me couldn't tell where the drama began and she ended. She was so far into the character that I was forced to go farther with her.
"You'll do what I need you to do, Stacey." I licked my lips and gripped the sides of her beautiful face as tears dripped down her cheeks.
"Because you'll force me to? To love you from the sidelines forever?" The tears rolled down her cheeks and broke my heart. Was she trying to tell me something? No. They were lines.
I blinked a few times and stepped back. "I need a moment."
"What? Why?" Frank called out as I turned and walked out of the building and toward the water.
I had to get my shit together. I was a basket case most days as it were, but with her standing in front of me, forcing me to be better, more convincing, I was lost.
"Ethan?" Her voice caused me to turn.
"You okay?" She stopped in front of me and wiped at her eyes.
I reached out and brushed a tear away and nodded. "Yeah. Just trying to forgive myself for being a dick last night. I guess it's not my own forgiveness I want though."
"Well, you'll not be getting mine." She patted the side of my face. "Come on. Stop being a tit and let’s get this scene down."
"I hate you," I mumbled and cupped her hand on my cheek, turning and kissing her palm softly. "You smell good."
"I masturbated with that hand this morning." We both laughed as she stepped back and shook her head. "Get in here and stop being so sensitive. I'm fine. I hate you, but we're good. Let's go."
I walked behind her, my heart racing, my mind running sprints around the possibilities of what it would feel like to let myself have a normal relationship, one where love and lust took turns. One where I could be me and give margin for her to simply be her.
It was a pipe dream that I needed to get over. She was authentic and real, and I was just me... America's favorite fake.
Chapter 16
Riley
I walked ahead of him, breathing through my mouth as I tried to slow my racing heart. The man had a way of making me feel a million emotions all at one time. I'd been waiting for the big break I had right in front of me for most of my life. I couldn't let something as silly as wanting Ethan's attention take anything away from that. He was as inaccessible with me standing in front of him as he was trapped behind the large movie screen as we all sat at the theater.
"You guys okay?" Deza met me at the door and backed up as I nodded and walked in.
"We both just slept like shit last night." I rolled my shoulders and moved to the center of the room.
"Maybe if you would just sleep together and get it over with, you'd both feel better." Paul turned from the coffee pot and shrugged. "Just saying. If we're keeping it real like you guys always do around here. There's sexual tension between you and the big cheese. Let it go, or give in to it."
I couldn't help but let my mouth fall open a little.
"Shut up, Paul. Jealous fucker." Ethan moved to stand in front of me and winked. "He's an idiot. You'll get used to him. His mom was a porn star and his dad a janitor with a love of anything with a pole attached to it. Brooms, mops, his mom."
I laughed and pressed my hand over my mouth.
"Good one. You get a point there, buddy." Paul laughed and crossed his free arm over his chest as he took a drink of his coffee.
"All right. Let's go, you two. Keep the emotion high. Okay?" Frank circled us and reached out and squeezed both of our shoulders. "You're in love and you're hiding it. Ethan, you're torn like a mother fucker on being with the woman you love and the one you've committed your life to in marriage."
"Got it." Ethan's warm brown eyes moved across my face, stealing another piece of my heart. "What are you thinking about when you cry on cue?"
"Lots of things." I swallowed hard and positioned myself as Frank barked out our cue to start. If I'd been honest, I would have told him that my tears were a direct correlation to knowing that he'd come close to being real with me the
night before and backed off. That he'd decided to go find a whore in town to fuck throughout the night instead of sitting on the beach with me and getting to know each other better.
Nothing hurt more than rejection. At least not in my world. I'd suffered it too many times to let the wound heal. It was opened back up and made fresh far too often.
***
We worked through the scene several times before Frank called in a guy named Marco and a girl named Vanessa. Ethan's whole demeanor changed when the woman walked into the room.
"Fuck," he mumbled and walked back toward the snack table Deza had set up sometime during the day.
"What's up?" I moved over to stand beside him.
"That's the chick I took home with me last night. I had no clue she was an extra, but she knew." He ran his hand through his hair and glanced over his shoulder. "This is why I hate being me most days. Every decision seems like a bad one."
I couldn't help but rub salt in the wound a little. "Didn't you just tell me yesterday that sleeping with a random stranger was the quickest way to get your ass in trouble?"
"Yeah, I did." He crossed his arms over his chest as his expression darkened a little. I didn't want a fight, but there was no way in hell he was getting away with being a hypocrite and me not calling him on the floor for it.
"And then you go and do it?" I glanced over at her as she watched us. She was gorgeous with thick black hair and almond-colored skin. Her curves were thick and she had a good twenty pounds of sexiness stacked on her from where I stood. I couldn't come close to comparing. I felt like a pubescent boy with her in the room.
"You don't know what it's like to be alone, Riley. You have people in your life. Go judge someone else, all right?" He turned and walked toward Frank. "Let's do this shit. I'm ready for a nap."
"I know exactly what it's like, asshole." I moved up beside him and turned my attention on Marco. "Let's go first and show them how it's done?"
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