"Come again?" His thick country accent was almost entertaining.
"Never mind." I glanced around and let out a long sigh as I walked toward Nancy's small metal building. My face was starting to sting, but concern over Deza kept me from noticing too much. I pushed the door open to the make-up studio and walked in as Nancy glanced up at me.
"Oh wow. Frank said it was bad." She snorted and walked toward me, reaching up and brushing her fingers by my face. "Does it hurt?"
"No," I lied and moved to set down my script and shoes before plopping down in her chair. "Make me beautiful, darling."
She rolled her eyes and walked toward me as I watched her in the mirror. Her blond hair was fading into grey, and her smooth skin was gaining laugh lines and crow’s feet. Where the idea of aging scared me a little, she was doing it beautifully.
"Is Deza okay?" She moved in front of me and picked up a palate of makeup, which looked like paint to me.
"I don't know." I closed my eyes as she started to work on me. The softness of her brush moving across my face had the power to pull me toward sleep fast.
"You didn't check on her?"
"Yeah, I did. Sort of. You know she's a private person. I just wish she and Darren would leave each other the fuck alone." I jerked back as her fingers pressed against the side of my eye.
"Sorry. I'll be more careful."
"It's all right. Does it look that bad?"
"It's pretty red, but I'll fix you up, no problem. Just come back when you're done so I can wash it off. You'll be too rough with it." She continued to work on my face as I replayed the fight in my head.
"Why do you think they're still looking for reasons to get in each other's faces? They've been divorced for years. They should have both moved on by now."
"It's the power of love, Ethan. When you find someone that really makes your heart sing, you're somewhat locked to them forever."
"What?" I opened my eyes and moved back to sneeze.
"Bless you."
"Someone needs to." I smiled and closed my eyes again. "I guess I have no clue what real love looks like then. There's no way I would keep popping up in some girl’s life if she'd once been my wife and left me."
"I'm pretty sure he left her, right?"
"Yeah, I think so. I can't remember to be honest. Either way... they need to get over it and find someone more compatible."
"Maybe they both know that there is no one more compatible for the two of them. They were young and dumb when they got married and divorced. Maybe somewhere inside each of them, there's the hope that love will win. It's the hope inside all of us, right?"
I nodded, but didn't respond. She was right. As much as I hated to admit it, I hoped love would win in my own life. I wasn't sure if it was love or lust with Riley, but I was rooting like hell for whichever it was to pull out a big win at the end of it all.
That wasn't going to happen with Jace in the way, but was I really ready to step into her life despite what Deza and Frank wanted from me?
I didn't know.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and Nancy moved back. "Need to get that?"
"Yeah." I pulled it up toward my face, praying it was Riley. Nope. My brother. "What's up, man?"
"I had fun last night. Let's do it again tonight. I'm headed into the city for the opening of Deranged. New club in the heart of the heat. You coming?"
"Yeah. I'm down. I'll hook up with you later."
"I'll bring girls so we don't have to deal with the crowds trying to rape you."
"Just not Izabella, all right?" I glanced up to find Nancy watching me with a mother look on her face.
"Such a waste, dude. She was a hot piece of ass and you-"
"Yep. See you tonight." I dropped the call as warmth raced up my throat and coated my neck and cheeks. "Did you hear that?"
"If I said no, could we move to another subject?" She chuckled and reached for her brush but paused. "Let's let the blood drain from your face and then I'll finish up. I'm guessing you're thinking about the hot piece of ass now?"
I groaned and closed my eyes as she giggled. Was everyone out to watch me suffer senselessly?
It would seem so.
Chapter 9
Riley
Against Jace and Charlotte's wishes, I drove myself to UCLA the next morning. I wasn't interested in having the two of them baby me any longer than need be. I needed to get back to the normalcy of life as soon as I could. Having agreed to have lunch with my Aunt Debbie before she headed out of town would be the last of my wallowing in self-pity over my mom's death. Sadness would come and steal away my breath and my attention many times over the rest of my days, but self-pity could fuck off.
Nothing felt worse.
I walked to my drama class with my shoulders back and head held high. On campus, no one knew about me losing my mom, about my darkest fantasies being about Ethan Lewis, about my insecurities to ever be good at anything. I was just me. Senior drama major and lead for the spring production, Riley Phillips.
The class was already gathered up in the front few rows of the auditorium when I walked in, and much to my surprise, they stood up and started to clap and cheer. I glanced behind me to make sure they weren't welcoming someone else, and noted no one behind me.
"Wow. Thanks?" I smiled and walked down toward my drama professor. She smiled warmly and tilted her head to the side.
"We weren't sure if you were going to show up. I know you've scored a part in the newest Eon production, so we weren't holding our breath."
I chuckled. "I've been working toward my degree for four years now. I have enough debt racked up to buy a small foreign country. I'm finishing this degree."
"Excellent. Well, have a seat and let's get through rehearsal, and then you can answer all of our questions on what it's like to be a famous star." She wagged her eyebrows and turned back to the class.
I dropped down next to Jameson, the skinny Asian guy that was my partner in the spring production. He was a great actor, but he was going to have to do something about his acne or Hollywood would never look his way for anything more than a face wash commercial. It was horrible, but true.
"Hey," he whispered and gave me a smile. "We missed you."
"Well, they missed you." Petra Giles, who was my understudy, leaned up and scowled.
I snorted. "Nice to see you too, Petra."
"I don't understand why you have to play the lead in the spring play. You're a freaking movie star now. You have Ethan Lewis. What more do you want?" The platinum blond got on my nerves on a good day. Today wasn't the day for her insane drama.
"Chill out, Petra. Shit." Jameson glanced over at me and lifted his eyebrow. "Is it fucking awesome? I heard you were in Rio last week."
"It's great, but a lot to swallow, you know?" I ignored Petra. It was the best way to deal with her.
"All right class. Let's get up on stage and move through the first few scenes. We're closing in on the big event." Professor Barnes glanced over at me. "We'll have you front and center Riley for this rehearsal and we'll have Petra do it tomorrow in your place. That way if something comes up, she'll be ready to go in your absence."
"Please let something come up. Please let something come up." Petra glanced up from her tight fisted position and smirked. "Please let something come up."
"Or maybe you should grow up." Jameson scowled at her and looked over at me. "Tell me you'll be here. I can't deal with that girl and her drama much longer."
I patted his back as we walked up to the stage. "You'll be graduated and making movies before you know it."
"Yeah right." He turned to face me and glanced down toward his hands. "I'll be lucky to do zit commercials with this face."
"Hey. You have a great face." I touched the side of his face and forced myself not to jerk my hand back. His acne was outrageous, but it wasn't like it was his fault. Shit happened. "You're going to get every part you go after with the confidence I've seen inside of you over the last four years."
&nb
sp; "I hope so." He cupped his hand over mine and smiled. "Let's kill it and make Petra jealous?"
"God yes." I smiled and moved into place, giving myself permission to dive in deep and not feel guilty over letting my pain go for an hour.
***
After class I answered a few questions from some of my fellow students and decided to skip out of my marketing class. The gnawing questions of life wouldn't leave me be, and I really didn't want to sit across from my Aunt Debbie and tear up a thousand times over where I was going in life and why it wasn't good enough. She would assume I was emotionally over my mom, which was the core of the issue no doubt. I just needed to clear my head.
Somehow I ended up at St. Mary's. I sat in my car with the windows down for a few minutes and focused on the stillness around me. The sounds of birds chirping and traffic in the distance was enough to lull me into a calm.
"What do I want from life? I mean, like really, really want?" I turned off the car and got out. The cemetery was on the far side of the church, and older than any other in town. How my mother had scored a plot of land in the historical graveside was beyond me. She'd bought four plots before me and Darek were born, as if she knew she would have the two of us and a husband to bury. Things hadn't exactly gone the way she planned, but they never did in life.
"I want to be a great actress. To give some little girl hope that she can be anything she wants some day." I kicked a rock at the edge of the parking lot before hopping over the curb and walking into the grassy field where the dead lay peacefully below me. "I want to be loved so much that it hurts. By a man like Ethan and Jace. A mixture of the two with Ethan's elegance and Jace's hunger."
The memory of Ethan pressing me to the sand in Rio swept through me, leaving me uncomfortably turned on. Odd place to feel horny.
I laughed at the thought and scanned the headstones, looking for my mother’s. I knew where Darek's was, so finding them together wouldn't take me long.
"I want children. Two or three or ten. Just a house full of love where everyone knows that they're thought about and that I'll never leave them. Neither will their daddy." I found the grave-markers and moved toward them before moving down to my knees and wiping at my brother’s. The ground was torn up where my mother was buried, but she'd been placed there the day before.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I should have stayed for the burial. I wasn't strong enough. I'm sorry."
No tears blurred my vision, but a deep ache resurrected inside of me. I reached out and rearranged the flowers on my mother's tombstone as the wind picked up.
"I wanna love someone with a passion that scares me, scares him and makes the world jealous. I want to give him my whole heart. All of it without fear and worry that he'll pack up one day and leave me hallow and empty because he's taken my heart with him and he's not coming back." I let out a soft sigh as my phone buzzed in my pocket.
I pulled it out to see it was Deza. How badly I wanted it to be Ethan, which should have been telling.
"Hey," I answered the call and brushed my hair from my face as the wind picked up and blew it around.
"Hey, Riley. Is now a good time?"
I glanced around the empty cemetery and nodded. "Yeah. As good as any, I guess."
"I was hoping we could meet up soon to talk about this coach thing. I have someone in mind, but seeing that it's something you're really wanting to use for growth, let's get together and chat a little more before we make decisions."
"That sounds like a plan. Are you guys filming this week?"
"Ethan is filming a little today, and we're working with a stunt double over the weekend for him. Why? Are you wanting to come join us? Need to get away?"
"I do need to get away, but I'm not sure now is the time. My family is in town and-"
"No worries. I totally understand. When would be good for getting together?"
"How about tomorrow for a late breakfast? There's a diner near the studio called Bella’s. It's delicious and cheap."
"Sounds like my kind of place." I could almost hear her smiling. "I'll see you there at eleven tomorrow. Please don't hesitate to call if you need us."
"I won't." I hung up the phone and texted Jace that I needed a night to myself. I needed to figure things out before I pulled him deeper and deeper into my neediness. It was fine for now, but I would wake up in a week and not be needy anymore. Then what?
Would I still want him with me?
Sadly enough... probably not. He wasn't Ethan, nor would he ever be.
Chapter 10
Ethan
"You're late." My brother wrapped an arm around my shoulder and patted my chest as we walked into the belly of the new club.
"I was waiting for the grand opening to be over. The last thing I need is to be accosted by the media because they spotted me in a crowd." I moved toward the bar through the hordes of people dancing where they stood. The place was extravagant and decked out in black and gold.
"I understand that. I brought a couple of girls with me. You'll like them." He slipped in beside me at the bar and leaned against the railing. "And I love you enough to let you pick which one you want for the night."
"I'm not taking anyone home tonight. I'm here to hang out with you and to try and forget how much I want Riley."
"I would ask what the fuck it is with this girl, but I've met her." He glanced over at me. "I don't need to ask."
"No? Then tell me what it is. I'm still trying to figure it out. She's more cute than beautiful, more soft than hard-core, more sweet than salty. It's fucking weird." I turned and ordered a shot of Patron and a Corona to chase the shit down.
"She's old school, bro." He lifted his beer to his lips and drank half his beer down. "She looks like a movie star from the days of Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn. She's got eyes that tear you down and a mouth that you'd love to hear whisper incredibly naughty things as she sat beside you in a church pew."
I laughed and threw back the shot before taking a sip of my beer. The alcohol burned like a bitch going down, but I knew in a few minutes I'd be feeling a hundred percent better. I wasn't myself and it was all thanks to Riley.
"Tell me I'm wrong." Liam turned and pushed his shoulder against mine.
"You're not wrong. I hate to admit it, but you've hit it right on the head. The only thing I need to do is forget about her, but it feels impossible."
"So what exactly do you want from her? Just a quick fuck or a friendship or something more jacked up, like a relationship?" He shivered as if disgusted by the thought.
I snorted and glanced out to the floor to see a busty blond and pretty redhead dancing together provocatively. My cock twitched, which was a relief of sorts.
"I don't know." I glanced over at him and smiled. "Look at those hot bitches at the edge of the dance floor. I should slip in between their make-out session and hope for good times, no?"
"Yep. You should. The blond is Tara and the redhead is Sarah." He smiled. "That's our evening you're looking at."
"Tara and Sarah?" I handed him my beer. "Sounds like they need a little bit of meat between their buns."
He laughed loudly as I walked toward the dance floor. The sound of a few people whispering my name as I passed made me want to turn on my heel and get the fuck outta there, but I ignored the need to run. I hated large groups and having random ass hands all over me, but it was part of the gig. I kept thinking as I got older, I would be able to handle it better.
"Hi girls." I stopped in front of them and watched them dance to a different beat than the one playing above our heads.
"Ethan Lewis." The redhead reached for my shirt, dragging me in between them. "I told you Drake wouldn't lie about this being his brother."
"Drake?" I ran my hands over her sides and squeezed the top curve of her ass. "My brother, Drake, hmmm?"
"Mmmhmmm." The blond pressed herself to my back, her breasts soft and huge from what I could tell. "He's as handsome as you are, but not in a movie star way."
"A movie star wa
y?" I shifted to the left a little as the woman in front of me came in for a kiss. Something about it felt too intimate. "Not so fast, baby."
I spun her around and pulled her flush against me as I tucked my erection against her ass. "Which one of you girls is planning on spending the night with my brother."
"Sarah is." The redhead glanced over her shoulder and smiled. "I'm Tara."
"Of course you are." I shook my head as I looked toward my brother. He was nodding with a big goofy ass grin on his face. I swear we could be in our forties and he would still act like getting a hot girl was a new thing for the two of us. It was almost comical.
Something caught my eye as a camera flashed near me. A sexy minx with short strawberry blond hair moved by me as she walked toward the back of the club. Riley.
"Excuse me girls." I moved away from them and walked as quickly as I could toward the girl. "Riley. Hey... Riley."
I reached for her about the time she slipped into the arms of a big guy with tattoos. Why the hell would Riley-
She turned and I realized the error of my ways.
"Hey. Get your fucking hands off my girl, bitch." The guy moved around her as she squealed with what appeared to be delight.
"Fuck me," I mumbled and took a step back. It wasn't Riley, unless my girl had grown her eyebrows out to meet in the middle and gotten her nose pierced. I tilted my head to the side and studied the bull ring in her nose, amazed that any woman would want one of those.
"She's not fucking you or anyone else." He grabbed my shirt as I glanced up toward him.
"What? I wasn't talking about-"
"Duck!" the girl yelled behind the big guy.
I ducked as best I could and pulled away from him as he swung. What was it with me and getting my ass handed to me lately?
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