He disappeared down the hall as disappointment and anger bubbled up inside of me. What the hell was I doing? Jace was right. He'd been everything I needed him to be and then some, and I repaid it by running after Ethan Lewis?
The guy that left me at his brother's house without so much as a note? Jace would never in a million years pull that kind of trick.
But I didn't love Jace.
Sadly enough... I loved Ethan.
Chapter 4
Ethan
I finally called a cab seeing that I was in no shape to walk any farther. Staying fit by fucking was obviously not the way to go. The idea of going home was still off the radar. I needed to be around people or someplace that left me feeling like I was worth a shit. Seeing Riley would have made everything better, but common sense told me that I'd probably dicked things up pretty badly with her.
The cab driver dropped me off at the studio and I paid before walking through the security gate and making a beeline for my trailer. No one should have been on the set, which was fine by me. I'd hang out in the trailer for a little while, take a nap and walk the sets until it was time to go home and drink myself stupid.
Call her, you idiot.
Want wasn't going to win out where Riley was concerned. It's almost as if I subconsciously wanted to jack things up between us.
I pulled my trailer door open and froze in place as someone called my name. Not just any someone. Clayton Welms.
"Ethan. What are you doing up here on a Saturday? A popular guy like you doesn't have somewhere to be or some woman's heart to steal?"
I turned and forced myself into character. Cool. Calm. Collected. No way was this bastard going to see me sweat.
"I could say the same to you."
He snorted. "Was that a line? From one of your movies?"
"What do you want, Clay? I came up here to get away from everyone seeing that it's Saturday."
"I just wanted to see what you were up to." He shrugged and glanced to his left as if he had something to say that he wasn't going to say.
"Well, now you know, so fuck on along." I turned and opened my trailer door again.
"You know you could have asked."
"Asked what?" I moved into the doorway and tried to play cool.
"Why I stole that part from you."
I laughed sardonically. "You must be jerking my cock right now. There's no way in hell I would ask a man that was more like a brother to me why he fucked me over. I'd rather bust out my front teeth with a beer bottle."
"You're so dramatic." He smirked.
"I'm an actor." I rolled my eyes. "I'm not interested in your reasons. Get the fuck outta here."
"I'm interested in telling you."
"Good. There's a Catholic church down the street about two blocks." I pointed down to my left. "Go give your confession to someone who gives a damn."
"Right, well, from one old friend to another... You need to ask Riley out and stop dicking around." He crossed his arms over his chest, as if the prick was handing out advice that I hadn't thought of ten times myself.
"You think?" I smiled. "And if I don't do it soon? Let me guess... you're going to swoop in and steal her heart and her panties. That's about right, hm?"
"I said that to get you off your dead ass and into action with her."
"Well, fuck you very much. I'm good. I don't need a five-hour Clayton Welms boost. Save that crap for your students." I moved back to close the door.
"You used to be one of my students." He reached out and pressed his hand to the door. "The best I had. Hell, the best I've ever had."
"I'm not listening to this Clay. I have a ton of shit on my plate right now. I just wanna go in my trailer, jack off to my favorite picture of Riley and take a nap. Is that too much to ask?" I kept my voice comical as if everything was a joke. The pain that wrapped its black tendrils around my heart would be my burden alone. Clayton hadn't just stolen the part from underneath me, he'd stabbed me in the back and raped my confidence and trust in him as a friend - a brother.
A few words of overused advice for relationships shared from his lying ass lips wasn't going to change any of that. Nothing was.
"She's a talented woman and someone is going to swipe her up and treat her like the queen she is."
I couldn't pinpoint exactly what triggered my fury, but him talking about Riley with such familiarity had to be it.
"You touch her, and I'll break your face, old man." I walked down the stairs, ready to let out every ounce of my disappointment and anger on him.
He lifted his hands. "She's not even on my radar, Ethan. Besides... she's already taken."
"By who?" I took another step toward him. Deza would skin me and dip me in boiling oil if I hit Clay, but it might actually be worth it.
"By you, idiot." He pressed his hand against my chest. "Stop getting so defensive. I just wanted to tell you that she's in love with you."
"Thanks for the replay. Love isn't enough most days of the week in this world."
"That's bullshit and you know it. You're just trying to protect your heart."
"Tell me one actor that has a solid relationship at home."
"There are plenty."
"Oh really? How about you? You got a woman at home that loves you with all her heart, that opens her legs to you every night and holds you while you sleep?"
"Fuck you, Ethan."
"Yep. I understand that look on your face and the tense emotion beneath it, because it's my life too. It doesn't work. We've traded love for fame. Fake love from millions of people that will never matter."
"When in the world did you become such a cynical prick?" Clayton slipped his hands into his pockets and glanced down at the ground. "You used to be so positive and full of joy."
"The day my best friend reminded me that I'm not the best. I'm just a stupid kid who knows no other life but this one." I turned and walked back up into the trailer, slamming the door and ignoring him banging on it. "Go away, asshole!"
"Ethan. Dude. Open the damn door and I'll explain."
I walked over to my dresser and pulled out my headphones. Clayton was persistent if nothing else. He'd beat on the damn door all afternoon and leave me with a migraine by the time he gave up.
Dropping down in a chair, I pressed the button on my phone to activate my playlist and forced myself to conjure up good memories. I could barely hear Clay beating on the door over the volume of the music blaring in my ears. I turned it up and winced, forcing myself to get lost in it.
Clayton was a snake, and I was the only one that knew it.
He could go sit on a dick and fuck off for all I cared.
Childish? Absolutely. Me? 100%.
***
I fell asleep during one of the softer songs and woke up a couple of hours later with a slight headache, starving.
After pulling off my headphones, I checked my phone to see that Riley had called. There was no way to ignore that, and why would I want to? I already needed to make up the morning to her.
I dialed her number and pressed the phone to my ear. The sound of her soft voice on the other end of the line had the monster in my pants waking up and stretching like the bastard was going to get petted or something better.
"Ethan?"
"Hey. Sorry about this morning."
"Yeah, what happened? I've been stood up before, but never left at someone's brother's house." She snorted, but I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was less than thrilled with me.
"I didn't sleep a wink last night. About six this morning I finally got up and decided to get out of there. I should have woken you up, but my brother's a good guy, and it's Saturday. I figured I'd let you sleep in."
"Right, well, next time we're sleeping over somewhere and you ditch me, we won't be having a friendly conversation the next day. That make sense?"
I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. She was pissed, as she should be.
"Absolutely." I got up and walked toward the door of the t
railer. "I do think I should get a few points for sending the limo back to you."
"Nope. Not even half a point."
"Shit, really?"
"Nope. Liam held my hair this morning while I puked in his bathroom for twenty minutes."
Ice water ran through my veins. "What else did Liam do?"
"Seriously right now?" Her incredulous tone said it all.
"Yeah, seriously. You're a beautiful woman. I'd take advantage of you being in my house any day of the week."
"Well, thank God your brother obviously cares enough about you not to do that." She was getting hot.
"Let's change the subject. I'm sorry I left you. Some shit came up and I didn't want to disturb your sleep. Honestly." Lies. All lies. Why did I always resort to lying?
"I'll get over it. I think," she huffed softly.
"What are you wearing?" I opened the door to the trailer and smiled at the thought of the expression she most likely wore.
"What?" She laughed. Nervous. Interesting.
"What are you wearing? Glance down at your body and tell me what you have on. I want to visualize you. That or come up to the studio so I can see you."
"I'm in my pjs, so I'm not coming up to anywhere."
"What do your pjs look like?" I glanced around to find the parking lot empty. Good. Clayton got the message and decided to crawl back into his casket. Bloodsucker.
"A pink tank top and white shorts. Happy?"
"Not yet. Panties?"
"None."
"Bra?"
"None. Why am I telling you this? You left me at your brother's house."
"I apologized for that." I reached down and pressed my hand to the front of my budding erection. "Your nipples hard?"
"What are you, fifteen?"
"More like twelve in my head." I walked toward the studio as my heart started to race. "Go get somewhere comfy. I wanna have phone sex."
"Then call a one-eight-hundred-number. There's no way I'm doing any of that."
"No?"
"No." She sounded like no meant no.
"I thought you wanted me to push when you said no."
"Last night I did, but you had better things to do."
I genuinely laughed. She was beyond perfect. "You passed out when I pulled out the condoms."
"Don't you dare make a cock joke right now."
"About how big I am? Scared you silly?"
"I'm hanging up. I'll see you on Tuesday."
"You're no fun right now." I opened the door to the studio and paused. I wanted her there with me so damn bad. I should have stayed at Liam's. I just couldn't.
"Good night, Ethan."
"Night, baby." I hung up and let out a long sigh as I let the door to the studio close behind me. Everything would have been forgotten if I just told her the truth.
I stayed up all night to watch you sleep because you're exquisite.
I envisioned us living in the hills north of L.A. with three kids and a dog you hated because the fucker was too big.
I touched every part of you that was uncovered with my fingers and then my lips.
I want every part of you. Every day with you. All of it.
Because if I'm being honest... I'm in love with you.
Chapter 5
Riley
After talking to Ethan, the weekend was a bust. I wanted nothing more than to find him and love on him, though the bastard didn't deserve it. He was using playfulness to cover up what happened between us, and there was something else going on. Something he was struggling with, but I wasn't sure what exactly.
By Tuesday morning, I was a mess over what to do about him or what to even say to him when I saw him. I'd have to play it cool, but that fact alone aggravated the piss out of me. We'd already busted through the barriers that led to a relationship, even a loose one, but here we were again. Tense. Unyielding. Questioning.
Had Deza shut down the idea of something happening between us?
"Riley. How are you?" Clayton opened the door to the studio as I walked up from the parking lot, lost in thought.
"I'm good. Really good. How are you?" I gave him a warm smile and moved to accept the side hug he offered. I was grateful it wasn't a fully frontal hug. It seemed too intimate and almost like I was spitting in Ethan's face. Whatever happened between him and Clayton years back, the hurt was still ever-present.
"Really good. I'm looking forward to spending a few days in San Diego with you guys."
"I'm glad you're going." I moved out of his hold and glanced back toward the parking lot. "Are we driving a bus or flying or what?"
"Cars. I think they have a handful of cars and various drivers. Some of the crew is leaving tomorrow and some are staying through Friday, so we have about ten cars going down there. We'd fly, but something is wrong with the jet and from what Deza told me, Ethan doesn't fly commercial, not that I blame him."
"Yeah. Hordes of adoring fans..." I smirked. "How incredibly horrible."
"It can be." Clayton winked and nodded toward the trailers. "Speaking of Prince Charming..."
I turned and caught Ethan's eye for a moment. Something was wrong - again.
"I'll see you in a little while. I'm going to go catch up with him."
"Good luck. He's been a bear lately. Something must be happening just under the surface of what he'll let all of us see."
"Probably so. He carries a lot of weight on his shoulders." I mumbled my response and walked toward my sexy co-actor. His jeans were low on his hips, his t-shirt fitted and his shit-kickers sinfully hot. "Hey. You ready for this week?"
He glanced my way and shrugged, but kept walking toward the parking lot. "It's another week on the job."
"I love San Diego, though." I was making stupid comments and shallow conversation points, but what other choice did I have? We'd be trapped in a car with several other members of our team soon and the only real conversation I wanted to have with him was about us. As if there really was an ‘us’.
"You surf?" He glanced over his shoulder and studied me, slowing his walk and stopping by the gate.
"Yeah. I love to surf. You want to try and catch some waves while we're down there?"
"There are a lot of things I want to do while we're down there." The heat in his eyes was almost a relief compared to the mixture of anger and sadness.
I smiled. "There's the Ethan Lewis I've come to love and hate."
"He's a bastard, right?" He winked and turned to walk toward the car. "We're taking the last one in the row up here. The Lexus."
"Me and you?" I called out to him, but didn't follow.
"Yep." He kept walking, and I took that as my cue to go get my stuff and stop making small talk.
I grabbed my bag and walked toward Deza and Frank before making my way over to Ethan. "Morning, guys."
"Hey, Riley. How are you?" Frank stretched out one arm, and I took that as my cue to give him a quick side hug. He squeezed me tightly and glanced down. "Anything we can do for you?"
They would most likely be asking for a while. Anyone with any sensitivity to losing someone would. Ethan seemed to be the outlier.
"No. I'm good." I let my eyes run across Deza, realizing that she looked like hell. "You doing okay?"
"As good as can be. We just have a lot going on and I'm not sleeping very well at night right now. Nothing new in the neighborhood. Just trying to deal with stuff, you know?"
"Anything I can do to help?"
"Tie up Ethan at night when he turns into a werewolf so we don't have to clean up the carnage every morning when we wake up?" She gave me a smug look. "That would be helpful for starters."
I groaned. "Something else?"
"Yeah, but we'll let him tell you if he wants to. You know we don't like to get into people's business." Frank let me go and I reached up to readjust my bag on my shoulder.
"Lies. You guys love getting involved." I chuckled as they both gave me a look any mother would be proud of. "Kidding. I'm just kidding."
"Kidding about wh
at?" Ethan opened his door on the opposite side of the car from me.
"Nothing. Just teasing Frank and Deza about being nosy and getting involved in everyone's stuff." I opened the door and got in before dropping my small bag on the floor between my feet.
"They're definitely that, but I guess it's sort of their job." He opened his door and reached between my legs, grabbing the bag and getting out. "I'm gonna put this in the trunk."
"I can do it." I started to get out, but stopped myself. He was trying to be nice. It was a good thing. Maybe.
He got in the car and leaned back, letting out a long exhale as he closed his eyes.
Everything inside of me screamed for me to move closer, or reach out and touch his hand. Something. Shit, anything. We'd almost made love twice. That meant something, but why was I always the one reaching out?
"What's going on? I'm here for you. You know that, right?" I kept my voice just above a whisper, trying to push the message into my tone that I loved him and would do anything for him.
"Are you?" He turned his face toward mine and opened his eyes. The need in his gaze left my pulse speeding up. He could own me with nothing more than a few words, with a quick touch of his hand or a commanding word. It was a good thing that he didn't understand his own power, or maybe I underestimated him. Maybe he knew what he was capable of and respected me enough to not use it against me.
I moved closer to him and curled my legs up in the seat, resting my bent knees almost in his lap. Touching the side of his face, I leaned in and brushed my nose by his.
"Yes. I am. Completely."
"The other night at Liam's," he paused and moved away from me, pulling my hand down and holding it tightly in his, "Deza called and said some chick was filing a lawsuit against me."
"So? That happens all the time, right? It's why you have a good lawyer."
"Yeah, but the girl is claiming she's three months pregnant with my baby." He shrugged and released my hand. "I haven't slept with a woman without a condom since I was a kid. Who knows though? If the shit is going to happen, it's going to happen to me."
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