by Alice Ayden
Byron leaned in closer to me. “What did I say about him?”
“That I should ride him till dawn? Get more quarters and do it again?”
Evan laughed.
Byron lost his speech at Evan’s reaction. “Evan Morgan.”
I patted Byron’s chest. “Don’t waste your time, By. My cousin isn’t as impressed with you as most. You won’t be slipping his panties off like every slut in town.”
Byron stepped back, but I could see the fire in his eyes. I don’t know how he would have reacted if Evan hadn’t been standing there.
I looked Byron over. Handsome? Yes. Personality? Sometimes toxic. “Do what you want. I don’t give a shit anymore. Evan, meet me in twenty in the kitchen for my lesson?”
Evan nodded. “I’ll be there.”
I walked away. My stomach hurt. My head swirled. I’d never talked to Byron like that before. I’d never talked to anyone like that before. Byron was my first everything. I’d always loved him even when he cheated on me with anyone who could swing their legs high enough. “What’s happening to me?”
I had to see Alexander. It was the only thing that made sense. Around the side of the house, I passed the dried herb gardens, abandoned butterfly sanctuaries, former purple azaleas and daffodil patches all frozen over and praying for spring. I slipped on a bit of shadowed ice and grabbed for the side door which opened to the Old Wing and staff’s dining and lounging area. No one lurked, and the long dining table had already been cleared.
The giant, wooden mail organizer by the door sat bulging with messages. All the staff bedrooms were opened except for one. He has to be there. I didn’t know why, but I knew it was his room. None of the staff lounged on the chairs or sofas in front of the fire. At the far end in the closed off kitchen, chatter and clinking dishes meant the kitchen staff busied with cleanup. The aroma of fresh coffee and, more importantly, chocolaty hot cocoa with marshmallows bore into my mission.
I resisted the urge to dive into a cup and slithered to Alexander’s door and poised my hand up ready to knock, but I couldn’t. I rested my hand against the door handle and gripped it ready to fling it open, but I hesitated. “What’s wrong with me?” My heart beat faster and faster until I thought I’d pass out. I closed my eyes and opened the door. He wasn’t there.
A navy blue comforter spread over a twin bed. Just enough room for a small wooden desk in the corner. I walked over to see Civil War books with bookmarks in various places. His notebook stood on top. I peeked around. Should I invade his privacy? I flipped open the top. Various dates and names from the war were scribbled in the margins. More notes on restoration littered along the side as movement out the window of Bitty stomping back to her kitchen distracted me.
The room was like I remembered. I think. Wait, what? I shook my head. I had no idea what I was thinking. Where were the words coming from?
His door opened, and Alexander stood in the hallway. When he saw me, he quickly stepped inside the room and shut his door.
Suddenly, everything made sense. I didn’t think. I couldn’t resist. I needed him. I rushed to him and kissed him.
10 Jane
His lips covered me, and his fingers brushed the hair back behind my neck. Our bodies locked together, and I knew he was mine. “Don’t stop,” I said, afraid he’d push me away or reason with me.
Alexander rested his forehead against mine. His fingers gently touched my lips. “I’ve waited so long.” His accent - gravely and slow. His hushed words slowly dripped.
I could listen to him all day. Forever.
He took my face in his hands and looked deep into my eyes. “You remember me now?”
My heart stopped. It was like the first time we kissed but felt like the hundredth time he said those words. I froze.
He pulled away. His eyes searched for an exit. He stepped back and studied me. “You don’t remember, do you?”
I didn’t know what to say. What answer did he want? What would take the worry from his eyes and put his lips back on me?
He closed his eyes. “I can’t do this again. I won’t go through this again.”
Nothing made sense. The room swirled. My head ached. I studied the closed door. Should I flee? “Stay.” I willed my heart to stop dancing and forced myself to look at Alexander. “Remember what?”
I should have just kicked him in the stomach. The pain in his face would have hurt me less. “I’m sorry.” I moved towards him, but he backed away.
“You should go.” This time, his hollowed voice echoed as if he spoke over the radio thousands of miles away.
“I don’t understand. What did I do?” I tried to touch him, but he leaned out of my grasp. “What is it?”
He grabbed me and ushered me to the door.
I whipped around and faced him. “I’m not leaving.”
“Come on.” He tried to budge me, but I stayed firm and blocked the door.
“I’ll scream.”
He stepped back. “Seriously?”
I wasn’t sure, but I liked how that gave him pause. “I’ll do what I have to do to get you to talk to me.”
His face went from shock to a smile. “That’s the you I know.”
The words jolted me. Images flooded of him and me. Together. Everywhere. He kissed me in the gardens. In my room. In his room. Everything spun around. I didn’t realize what was happening. I came to on the floor in Alexander’s arms. “Where am I?”
“You passed out or got dizzy or something.”
I jumped up. “Evan! I have to meet Evan.”
“You need to—”
I tried to open the door, but he closed it again. “Wait. Talk to me. What’s happening?”
I didn’t face him. I rested against the door as my stomach lurched. “I don’t...it’s just...I don’t know what you do to me.” I gathered my courage and faced him. “All I know was everything was fine, and now you show up and...”
Alexander squinted as I spoke.
I wasn’t sure if the words were in sequence or a mash.
“You’re remembering things?”
I nodded. “I guess. I don’t know. The room spins. I feel like I do right before I hurl. Snippets of whatever, and then I’m somewhere else.” I studied him. Alexander. I remembered my dreams of him. My practice wedding with him when I was eight and how he’d cheer me up after I found Byron with someone else. “All I know is that you complicate things.” I said it as a compliment, and I hoped he took it as one.
He frowned, and I was afraid he’d get angry or hurt or something. Then he smiled at me. “Good.”
Now, it was my time to frown. “What?” I mean I know I didn’t want him hurt but his reaction was just...well...weird.
He stepped closer until he was only an inch from my face and peered into my eyes. “Does Byron do that to you?”
I couldn’t help but blush, and I couldn’t stop the smile from taking over. I shook my head. “No.”
Alexander smiled. “Good.” He opened the door behind me and ushered me out. He grabbed my hand and kissed it. “Thanks for stopping by Miss Austen.” He smiled and closed the door.
I stared at his closed door wondering what just happened. I heard a few giggles and looked to see two of the kitchen maids spying on me, whispering and then quickly fleeing once I looked at them.
I thought about knocking on Alexander’s door again. I thought about lunging in there, but what would I say? What just happened? What did I miss? What did I remember? What did I forget?
I stood there for an eternity, but the pieces flipped over and outta whack. My stomach finally settled down, and my head stopped the spin cycle. My phone buzzed, and I had a text from Evan.
“I have arrived for our lesson.” Evan waited in front of the closed door of the kitchen about ten feet away.
I glanced at him. “You couldn’t have just cleared your throat?”
Evan shrugged. “I prefer the formality of the written word.”
I relented to the lesson. But luckily, it took pla
ce in the kitchen in sight of Mrs. Hodges’ chocolate chip cookies and something apple pastry like under a glass dome. “First the cookies and then the pastry.” I muttered to myself as Evan meticulously laid out a lesson plan, his laptop, various books and notes.
“You did all this so quickly?” Why was I surprised? Evan could organize the bejesus out of anything.
He handed me a red pocket notebook. “For your notes.”
“Usually just use my hand,” I said. “Or ask someone else to remember it.” I heard the words come out of my mouth. Who the hell am I? I need someone to follow me around? What am I, six? “I need to get my shit together.”
Evan nodded. “Okay. I can help you with some of it.”
“No. I mean it.” I jumped up and grabbed a handful of cookies. “Enough with the little girl act of everybody tiptoeing around me. By the way, why do they tiptoe around me?”
Evan opened his mouth to say something, but he immediately stopped himself. “I’m not sure if this is the appropriate—”
I touched his arm. “Please, Evan. If I don’t find out what the hell, I’ll go mad. Insane. Out of my friggin gourd, arguing with the wind, dipping paint chips into chocolate with Bitty.”
Evan closed the books. “You want me to do the website, don’t you?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m all in with the computer whatever, but just...when I was kissing Alexander...” I stopped because Evan shifted in his chair. “This is okay to talk with you about, right?”
He nodded. It wasn’t an emphatic nod, but I took it.
“Just nothing graphic or...disturbing.”
“Right,” I said. “Photographic memory.”
“I don’t want to get any images that I can’t scrub out of there.”
I nodded. “Okay, so whenever I’m with Alexander. And I’m just talking with him. You know fully clothed nothing of his anywhere near my—”
“Okay,” Evan raised his hand to stop me. “Got the picture. Go on.”
“So, my mind goes all gooey, and even though I really want him to continue...you know...doing—”
“Right.” Evan motioned with his hands for me to speed it up.
“I get flashes of things, and then I pass out. It’s like I can remember things that haven’t happened, you know? Like Alexander and I together when we’ve never...” I put my fingers to my mouth, and I swore my lips still tingled from his kiss. “We’ve never. I don’t think we’ve ever. I mean I want to.” I leaned closer to Evan. “Have you seen him?”
Evan jumped up. “Stop.” He took a deep breath. “Long story short, Alexander was employed at Ausmor last year.”
I frowned. “He was? No, he wasn’t. Was he? I would’ve remembered, wouldn’t I?”
Evan looked at me as if waiting for me to catch on. He’d have a long wait. “You two were...together, but...”
“What happened?”
“Byron.”
“Byron wanted to be with him?”
Evan rolled his eyes. “Focus please.”
“Sorry.” I didn’t know why I reverted to weirdness when things got as uncomfortable as that one weird stiff chair in the dining room. Defense mechanism I guessed. Then I got it. “I chose Byron, didn’t I?”
Evan nodded.
I wanted to ask why so I could kick my own ass, but it was Byron. It had always been Byron. I slammed my hand on the table. “It’s my pattern!” Like ugly ass wallpaper that doesn’t want to turn the corner and continue down the hall, Byron was my ugly ass wallpaper pattern. The pieces started to fall into place, but Evan squirmed as if I’d start handing out vivid details of Byron’s anatomy. “Okay, Evan. Teach me about computers.”
11 Alexander
As I worked on the third floor, I kept a watch out for Eva. I had to be ready. I had to be prepared. She caught me off guard last time. I’d stick to the plan.
Fixing the banister to the grand staircase, I heard footsteps coming and smiled. “Here to tempt me again, Miss Austen?” I made sure my accent oozed for her.
Silence. It wasn’t her. I acted nonchalant as if I hadn’t said anything - cleared my throat, placed tools here and there. Then I looked up as if I had no idea someone stood there watching me.
Byron stood there with his usual smug expression and expensive suit. He didn’t bother to smile. He knew that wouldn’t work on me.
“What do you want?”
“Always had the manners, didn’t you?” He touched the banister and just as quickly lunged away as if touching something I’d recently touched was beneath him.
“You react that way around Eva?”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean if you don’t want to touch something I just touched...”
Byron’s beady eyes focused on me. He wouldn’t try anything. He knew what I could do to him. “It’s Miss Austen. You watch your mouth.”
“That’s what she always does. Guess Eva likes my smile.”
He stepped closer to me, but I didn’t step back. After everything he’d done, I wasn’t about to back down.
“You have any idea what I could do to you?”
I laughed. “Thought you only attacked teenage girls.”
Byron grabbed me or he tried. I caught him first and pushed him back to the railing. “This time, I’m not leaving.”
Byron glanced behind him at the three story drop. “That’s what you always say, but she’ll choose me again. She always chooses me.”
I tightened my grip just to see Byron grimace in pain as the railing pushed into his spine. I wanted him in pain. After what he’d done, he deserved hourly pain. I could have intensified, but Tour Guide Taylor and his tour group bounced up the stairs.
“Oh my.” Taylor gasped. “And what are we doing here? Mr. Bashley are you alright?”
Some of the tourists clapped. “Is this that live performance thing we heard about?”
“Is it over a girl?” another tourist asked.
Byron straightened his suit and stared at me. “You’ve made a very expensive mistake.”
“Doubt it. And Eva’s not yours.”
A couple tourists nodded and looked at each other for validation. ‘A girl,’ one mouthed as if that explained everything.
“We’ll see,” Byron said. “When Jane finds out what you did...”
I grabbed him. I didn’t realize how much force I used until Taylor pried me off him.
Taylor kept his distance from me while still managing to cling to Byron. “You could have killed him. Mr. Bashley, tell me you’re okay.”
Byron’s color came back, and his glare held mine. He didn’t say anything, but I’d seen that look in his eyes before. I knew he’d try something else.
12 Jane
I sat straight up in bed. I didn’t know what time it was or what day. I checked the clock: 9:00 am.
I jumped out of bed, threw open the armoire and found a Regency style dress that Mrs. Kiness’ minion had placed there earlier at Karenda’s insistence. I studied the empire waist – hides chocolaty sins better. “Turkey red. Are you impressed, Fanny, that I know that?”
Fanny Dingo chewed on a toy. One ear had already ripped away, and the cat looked up, yawned and returned to torture.
After twenty minutes in the bathroom, I made my Regency debut. Fanny Dingo - less than impressed.
I opened my laptop and went to work on Ausmor’s home page. After several hours with Evan yesterday, and more studying on my own, I created a page that wasn’t yet ‘live’ but had the makings of something that wasn’t hideously gut wrenching.
“Home page. Contact page. Twitter thingie update stream on the side. Blog page.” Opening the blog page, I stared at the blank screen. My fingers poised over the keys as my mind wandered to chocolate and Alexander and Alexander dipped in chocolate. I slumped my shoulders and sighed. “Just jump into Jane.” It is a truth univ... “No, I can’t use Jane’s most quotable quote. What would Jane Austen write if she visited Ausmor?”
Hey! S’up peeps! Jane here. Whil
st visiting my good friends at Ausmor, I did happeth to cometh upon...
I cringed but kept writing.
... a nefarious creature named Bitty who produced quite the stink eye, but my eyes did wander to a delicious man by the name of Alexander who—
“Alexander?” A man said.
I jumped back from the desk as slithery Johnston Stonston hovered over my laptop. “Scared the bejesus outta me.” I couldn’t catch my breath. I looked around, but my bedroom door was still closed. “Where did you come from?”
His eyes lingered on me, and I could tell his tiny mind flipped through various disturbing scenarios. “I can come and go as I please.”
I shook my head at Fanny’s arched back and stalking focus. She planned an ambush. I couldn’t let Johnston hurt her. I backed towards the window. Maybe a sniper could take Johnston down.
Johnston grinned a shit kicking smirk that turned my stomach. “And you never remember what I do.”
My blood stopped flowing. Images flashed before me of Johnston and a struggle. Many struggles. “What the hell have you done?”
Mrs. Kiness shook me. “Child, you must wake.”
I came to and noticed I was still in bed. “Was that a dream?” Then, I thought of Johnston. “A nightmare.” I threw the covers off but saw I wore the Turkey red Regency dress. I jumped up. “What time is it?”
Mrs. Kiness grabbed me. “Child, hush. You are giving me a fright. It is slightly of ten o’clock.”
“Thirty minutes? I lost thirty minutes? Where’s Fanny?”
“Miss Dingo is downstairs visiting with Lillia.”
I rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door. My lip swelled. “I think I’m okay.” I flinched when I moved my hand and saw a red rim around my left wrist. “Did he grab me?”
I tried to remember if I’d accidentally eaten one of Bitty’s concoctions. That usually induced an allergic reaction. Was it that? Surely, Johnston wouldn’t. He couldn’t have...
I jolted. “Why is this so familiar?” My stomach lining disintegrated. Panic rose quickly. I put my hand over my heart to calm the pounding. “He didn’t hurt me. He didn’t hurt me.” I wondered what I’d forgotten.
