by Alice Ayden
“Listen to your heart, Jane.”
“I am.”
He stepped back. “Listen to Grand Maeve.”
“I am.”
This startled him. He hadn’t expected that. “Grand Maeve approves of Alexander? Some useless gardener and maid’s son? She wouldn’t want the scandal of her favorite niece with a common—”
“Do you hear yourself? Stop saying those things. Why do you have to treat him like something you tossed out with the garbage?”
“He’s not good enough for you.”
I shook my head. I knew that wasn’t Byron’s objection. “Grand Maeve loves Alexander. He’s her best friend’s grandson. And she’s a good judge of character.”
Byron steadied himself and his rising anger. “There are things I can’t tell you, Jane. You have to trust me. You have to—”
“What freaked you out so much? What does Grand Maeve know about you?”
Byron shook his head and shrugged as if he didn’t know what I was talking about.
“What is she going to tell me about you?”
“I don’t know, Jane,” Byron’s voice was firmer, and he dropped the seduction. He grabbed my arm. “Don’t embarrass yourself. He’s just using you. You think he cares about you? When he’s done, he’ll leave again. That’s what he does.”
“That’s what you do. Alexander loves me. He told me last night when I spent the night in his room.”
Byron let go of me. Another sucker punch. He wasn’t used to me contradicting him.
He coldly studied me. “I’m warning you, Jane. You’re going to get hurt.”
“Alexander won’t hurt me.”
“I’m sorry, but you’ll get what you deserve if you continue. I’ll do what I have to do.”
Why was that familiar?
37 Jane
I ran from the stables towards the house. A line of people waited at the front door. With each Ausmor party, Uncle V followed the tradition of announcing everyone’s arrival. A ginormous ass pain.
I slipped past the side windows and snatched a glimpse of people lingering in each parlor. I slipped a bit on the snow covered path but continued on.
One of Mrs. Kiness’ protégés ran out of the side door and stopped in front of me. “Miss Austen, are you alright?”
I heard the Irish accent in her voice. “You must be Miss O’Sullivan.”
She smiled. “I am, Miss Austen. And you shouldn’t be out here. You know how she gets.” She glanced over her shoulder at the house.
“You didn’t see me.”
Miss O’Sullivan hesitated but didn’t leave. “Sorry, Miss Austen, but Mrs. Kiness will have me hide if you catch a death.” She turned me around and guided me to the front of the house. She pushed her way through the group wedged at the front door. “Coming through. Make way. Miss Austen must get inside. Let us pass. Come on. Move along. Don’t dawdle.”
I meekly smiled as the glares exponentially followed us. Once inside, the butler - I guess he was the butler since he dressed like one - cleared his throat. “May I present Miss Jane Eva Austen. Youngest sister of the reigning Austen, a Miss Karenda Emily Austen. Youngest child of Emily Maeve Austen who herself was the daughter of Joseph Austen. She presently lives at Ausmor Plantation and is next in line to the Austen estate, g-g-g-g-g granddaughter of the founding Austen, Mr. Frank Austen, and the g-g-g-g-g niece of the founding Morgan a Mrs. Celia Austen Morgan. She currently presides over the official Ausmor Plantation website and is the leading Jane Austen expert here.”
As he droned on, I wondered if he’d mentioned the date of my last period. It was so hard to keep track of them.
Karenda and her loud heels flounced over to me. “Jane.” She kissed the air around my face in the fakest display of affection I’d ever seen. She nodded to Uncle V.
Uncle V stood in the middle of the Grand Entrance Hall. “The Christmas party has begun!”
Everyone clapped with zombie enthusiasm then returned to their respective talking, laughing, sniding or sneering groups. I smiled at those who dared look at me or at least look through me.
I widdled my way through the crowd and heard someone sneeze five times and someone else loudly sigh. “Mr. and Mrs. Dashon are here.” I fled quickly so I wouldn’t have to hear the pronouncement and explanation to how the Dashons were related to the Morgans.
Other Austens flashed me the barely polite and barely there smile which I returned as I made my way through the crowd. Other Morgans waited in the corner like discarded crumbs. They whispered to each other while criticizing everyone in attendance.
A queasiness hit me. I instantly looked around for the source. About twelve feet away Johnston leered. That man could creep out a starving vulture.
A crowd of all age females rushed past and clumped into the corner like daddy long leg spiders. Giggles and jiggles filled the air. “Byron must be here.”
“Hello, Miss Austen,” a man said.
“Hey, Jane!” a smiling woman said.
“Miss Austen,” a frowning man uttered.
Always two types at these parties: the ones who wanted to cling based on my family’s name and reputation and the ones who wanted to hate based on my family’s name and reputation. The walls started to close in. The crush of people. I had to get some fresh air. I finally saw the back door when a few people moved out of the way.
I hoped to escape peacefully and with a minimum of fuss. I was just about clear. Until…
“The hell is wrong with you!”
So much for an escape. I turned around expecting a confrontation, but Aunt Bitty wasn’t glaring at me.
A woman spit something into napkins as quickly as she could. “What was that?” She coughed and gagged.
Bitty hissed. “A chocolate covered olive.”
I closed my eyes as others around grabbed for their stomachs or their napkins.
A man gently beat against the gagger’s back. “Are you crazy?” He demanded an explanation from Bitty. “She’s allergic to olives. You could have killed her.”
“Pssshah,” Aunt Bitty sputtered. “No one’s allergic to olives.” She stared around at the crowd. “Anyone here allergic to olives?” She didn’t wait before continuing. “Didn’t think so.” She grabbed the poor choking woman. “You’ve always hated me. You want to ruin me.”
The man wrenched Bitty’s claws from the poor woman.
Bitty threw the rest of the tray she carried to the ground with a crash as chocolate covered olives spun and rolled in all directions.
Fanny Dingo cornered one olive but glanced at me. I shook my head, and she left her prey to roll under the sofa.
“Piss on you. Piss on all of you.” Bitty pushed me out of the way, slammed open the door and left in a huff with all eyes looking at me.
I meekly smiled. “Sorry about my aunt.” I motioned towards the door. “I’ll go see if she’s alright.” I lunged out into the cold air and tried not to think of Bitty’s misuse of chocolate.
Alexander rushed out the door. “I can help you find her.”
I looked at him. “Seriously? I’m not going after her. She made chocolate covered olives. Who does that?”
“Good.” He grabbed my hand, and we disappeared behind the eight foot tall hedges. “What’s wrong? What happened? Where have you been?” He pulled his jacket off and wrapped it around me. “You can’t disappear on me like that.”
I looked at his suit and his eyes. “I told Byron I loved you.”
Speechless, Alexander stared at me for a long time. He caught his breath and glanced around as if expecting to be interrupted. “Say it again.”
“I told Byron I was in love with you.”
He kissed me for what felt like a day.
I wasn’t cold anymore. I wasn’t afraid anymore.
He stepped back. “Say it again.”
“I told Byron—”
“Without his name.”
I smiled. “I’m in love with you.”
He pressed me against the hedge a
nd kissed me again. “Do you remember me?”
“After that kiss, I can’t remember my name.”
“It’s important.” He stepped back.
I grabbed his waist and pulled him towards me. “I will. I promise.”
He nodded. “I know…it’s just…”
I put my hands in the jacket pocket he’d given me. My hand hit something soft, and I pulled out a small, felt bag.
“Just a little something.” He opened the bag and handed me a bracelet.
I lifted the bracelet up towards the twinkle lights and traced royal blue flowers set in the middle of each red glass bead. “Beautiful.”
“It was my mother’s. Given to her by her mother. The only thing she loved.” He clasped the bracelet around my wrist. “Wanted you to have it.” He traced his hand around my face. “I love you, Jane. If anything happens…just remember I love you even if you choose Byron.”
“Choose Byron? I’m not choosing Byron. I love you. Byron’s not an option.”
He nodded but wasn’t convinced. “You say that every time.”
I thought a minute. “Have I ever told you I loved you?”
He shook his head. “Never get that far. Byron’s always in the way.”
I couldn’t understand it all. “Sucks not being able to remember and not knowing why. Grand Maeve will tell me everything tomorrow.”
“One member of your family that’s sane.”
“Evan’s sane.”
He nodded.
“You don’t mind me knowing the truth?”
Alexander frowned. “Why would I?”
“Byron wasn’t as happy when he found out Grand Maeve was going to talk with me.”
Alexander laughed. “No, he wouldn’t be. Truth comes out, and he’s not the golden boy anymore.”
I didn’t know what that meant. “Kiss me again.”
Alexander smiled. “Say it again.”
Something shiny caught my eye, and, on the roof, Lillia sat in the snow watching us. “What?”
Alexander looked towards the roof. “What is she...stay here. I’ll get her before she slips.” He ran out of sight.
I motioned for Lillia to go back.
She nodded and turned around to climb back in the window.
“What is with my family?”
Someone grabbed me and pulled me behind the hedges so I couldn’t see Lillia or the house. I turned around to face Byron and Johnston. I tried to run, but Johnston held me. I wanted to scream, but he put his hand over my mouth.
Byron slowly walked in front of me. “I warned you.”
Johnston gripped me tighter until I couldn’t breathe. “The things I’m gonna do to you,” he whispered in my ear.
“Enough,” Byron said to him.
I struggled, but Johnston coiled tighter like a snake.
Byron held up a picture of a girl. “Recognize her?”
I squinted but could hardly make it out. I shook my head.
Byron sighed. “Don’t make me do anymore. I can walk away. Let Johnston do whatever he wants.”
Johnston giggled.
Byron circled me. “Think about it. What do you think he’s going to do to you if I leave? Now, look at the picture.”
I studied the photo of a girl about sixteen. I couldn’t… “Meg? Is that Meg?” I hadn’t seen her since not long after that picture was taken. “What does she have to do with—”
“Everything. Think. Her sixteenth birthday party. Bashwells. What did you walk in on?”
I shook my head. My memories had never appeared on command or threat before. Then, images flooded. Bashwells. I was fourteen in my pretty pink dress waiting for Byron at his house. The birthday party. Meg’s birthday party. That room. Huddled on the floor. She reached out. Alexander was…I shook my head as images spun around me. “No.”
“That’s it,” Byron said. “Stay with it. Remember what you walked in on.”
“No.” I couldn’t stop the images. They flooded and spun and pooled and clotted.
“Let her go. Leave us.”
Byron’s voice sounded so far away. An echo. Before I knew it, I came to. “What? Where?”
“It’s alright, Jane. Everything’s alright now.”
“Byron?”
He nodded. “It’s okay. Everything’s fine now.”
38 Jane
“You must be freezing.” Byron yanked off some coat I’d been wearing and wrapped me into his warm jacket.
I looked up at the snow slowly falling and the twinkly lights and over towards the house lit up where sounds of laughter pushed out. “Are we having a party?”
Byron wrapped his arms around me to warm me. “Christmas party.” He stood in front of me and took my hands. “It’s okay now. You’re back.”
I frowned. I didn’t know what he meant.”
He lifted my wrist up. “New bracelet?”
I stared at the red dangling thing. “I have no idea.”
Byron smiled. “Doesn’t matter.” He looked into my eyes. “I’m sorry, Jane. Sorry I’ve been so stupid with you. You’re the one, Jane. It’s always been you. You still love me, don’t you?”
I frowned and stared into his blue eyes. “Why would you ask me that? I’ve always loved you. I told you. Always have. Always will.”
Byron took a deep breath. “There’s a situation we need to deal with. Remember that maid’s son who used to follow you around like a shadow? Raven something?”
“Ravenswirth? Alexander?”
Byron glanced around. “He’s here. He must be insane or something. He’s obsessed with you. He’s convinced himself that you two are going to end up together.” He laughed. “He actually thinks you’ve chosen him over me like we were in some medieval contest.”
I flinched.
“So…” Byron took my hands and blew into them. “If he finds you, you just need to set him free. Tell him…” He thinks about it. “Tell him you love me. You choose me. Whatever he thinks, it’s not going to happen.”
“But—”
“I won’t lie. Byron quickly continued before I could think. “I’ve heard stories about him. His arrests. His temper. Just tell him what I’ve said, and he’ll get the hint and move on. He won’t hurt you.”
I nodded, but I didn’t like the idea of running into him.
A man ran towards us and saw Byron. “The hell are you doing?”
Byron pushed him back. “Just calm down.”
I stepped behind Byron and peered out at the man. “Alexander? Alexander Ravenswirth?”
The man frowned at me and then glared at Byron. “What have you done to her?”
“Step back.” Byron motioned to some other men who pulled Alexander away.
“Jane! Don’t listen to him. He’s not what you think.”
“Enough,” Byron said. He turned to me and put his hands on my shoulders. “Just tell him what I said.”
Tired and confused, I didn’t know if I was dreaming or not. I didn’t know what to do.
Byron nodded at me. “Just tell him what you told me.”
“Alexander…” the name sounded so familiar, but so foreign. “I love…I love Byron.”
Alexander shook his head. “No. You’ve done something to her.”
“Don’t embarrass yourself, man,” Byron said. “Find someone who actually wants to be with you. There are plenty of maids.”
I opened my mouth, and words spilled. “I choose Byron. I love Byron. I don’t love you.” I didn’t know why that was so painful to say. As if each word hurt worse than the last. Something stabbed at my brain. My muscles ached. I couldn’t stop shaking.
“No,” Alexander said and lunged toward Byron before the other men pulled him back.
“Such violence,” Byron said glancing at me. “God knows what you would have done to Jane.”
Alexander stared at me. “Jane. Look at me. Listen to my voice. You know me.”
I stared into his eyes. Something so familiar about…
Byron blocked hi
m from me. “Gentlemen, deal with this…”
“Jane! Talk to me. Just talk to me,” Alexander said.
Byron ushered me away, but I stopped. “I want to talk with him.”
“Jane, you don’t—”
I put my hand on Byron’s chest. “Please.”
Byron motioned to his men to let Alexander go.
Alexander rushed around Byron. “Son-of-a-bitch.” He stood in front of me. “Jane, look at me. Remember what you said to me just a few minutes ago?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Everything blurred. My memories overturned and spilled.
He pointed to the hedges. “We were standing right there. You said you loved me. You told Byron you love me.”
Byron laughed behind me. “You really are delusional. She’d never choose you over me.”
My vision blurred. I had to steady myself. I couldn’t catch my breath.
“Jane…” Alexander said. “What’s happening? Talk to me?”
Byron sighed. “Gentlemen, I don’t think our guest here is getting the hint.”
“Jane,” Alexander said. “Remember. Look at me.”
I could barely focus. “I love By… I will always choose Byron.”
Alexander stepped back.
Byron moved closer. “That’s how it’s always going to be, my friend. Jane and I are together, and you will disappear wherever maid’s sons go.”
I could barely stand. I didn’t know what was happening to me. It’s like someone took over my body.
The men grabbed Alexander and took him away. “Jane! Look at your bracelet. Remember the bracelet.”
I looked down, but I couldn’t focus. Couldn’t see anything…
When I came to, I was in my room. Mrs. Kiness held a warm washcloth over my forehead as Byron paced.
“Olivia,” Mrs. Kiness said. “Be a dear and fetch Miss Austen some tea.”
Footsteps scurried down the stairs as things came into focus.
“You just passed out. That is all,” Mrs. Kiness said. “You are going to be fine.”
Byron smiled and sat down on the bed.
I took the washcloth from my head, sat up and looked down at my dress. I lunged out of bed and raced for the bathroom and puked. Afterwards, I steadied myself against the counter.
