“Only if you’ll let me see some of your paintings,” she replied at last, shocked at her own boldness.
Mikey grinned again. “I’ll do one better. I’ll even paint you.”
Graven images! Miriam thought. The idea of being painted, of so clearly defying the Ordnung, thrilled and terrified her. Being painted was creating a graven image. She immediately squashed the thought. God wanted her to try new things, she was sure of it, so she could make a true decision of will when the time came. And Pamela was clearly so happy to have a daughter to dress up and send out into the world.
And Mikey . . . the way he was looking at her now, with big puppy-dog eyes, there was no way she could say no. So she did not.
“Yes,” she said, throwing all caution to the exhaust-filled winds. “It’s a date.”
* * *
Annie sat on her porch swing, praying. Dear God, won’t You show me the way? Why has Jacob returned now, when I am betrothed to another man? And why, dear God, why do I still feel something for him?
She lurched forward, almost falling off the swing. She did? She still felt something for Jacob?
That was ridiculous, simply ridiculous. All they had shared was one kiss, while Stephen had her heart.
Didn’t he?
The horses nickered and neighed. Some help there, Annie thought. Right now, she would give anything for her life to be as uncomplicated as a horse’s. They grazed, they mated, they bore foals, and they galloped. It didn’t come much easier than that.
She stomped her foot. The force of it almost knocked over her glass of lemonade. It was so unfair! She trusted God to lead the way, and He was, but the message she was getting was that there was something Annie had to decide here for herself. Why, oh, why hadn’t this happened on rumspringa?
Then Annie hadn’t met anyone but people she considered friends, people who she had left behind when she came home. It had been fun, pretending she was going to live as an actress and trying out for plays and set design, but ultimately, something deep inside her had known that was all it was—pretending.
Stephen had sent her a letter the summer she was out running around, pretending. In it, he’d told her how the farm was doing, the horses, the crops, his mamm’s health, his daed’s fondness for strawberry preserves. That had all been pleasantly normal, even bland, but then he’d added in a paragraph about a doll.
It was a doll she’d forgotten at a Meeting at his parents’ house when she was small, a doll she’d named Judith and had pretended to feed cookies. Judith was going to be an actress, a famous movie star. She had it all figured out. She would go off on rumspringa, take a plane to Hollywood, and meet the people who would put her up on the silver screen.
Annie had wondered aloud to Stephen what the silver screen might look like. Was it a bright silver? Did it glitter? What would Judith look like up on the screen?
Of course, she’d cried when she’d gone home and couldn’t find the doll. Her mamm had brought her back to Stephen’s house to hunt for Judith, but there was no sign of her. Stephen had looked on in silence, his little boy face heavy with sorrow.
As time passed, Annie had grown and forgotten all about Judith and her games and the conversation with Stephen. And then there had been the kiss with Jacob, leaving her even less reason to remember.
But Stephen hadn’t forgotten. In fact, he’d found the doll in a wooden chest, tucked away under his mamm’s linens, and had included it with the letter. He wanted her to know that her dreams mattered, whatever they might be.
And that was what had brought Annie home. Not her mamm’s worried warnings, not the fact that she couldn’t secure any acting jobs, not even missing homemade, preservative-free bread. No, it had taken Stephen’s letter—and the doll. She would be safe with him always.
Even now, she knew that if she were to tell him she wanted something else, he would tell her to do what brought her joy above all else.
Stephen loved her, and Annie was certain she felt the same way. As her mamm had said, he was a good man. But then why couldn’t she stop thinking about Jacob and how he made her feel?
Annie reached for her journal and sketched two columns, one labeled STEPHEN and the other labeled JACOB.
Stephen was solid, reliable, kind. He was good-looking and strong and not afraid of hard work. He would be a good daed to any children they might have together, and he would be a devoted husband to Annie.
Jacob was short-tempered, irascible, stubborn. He was striking in appearance, ambitious, and full of ideas. He might be a good daed, and he did seem to care a good deal about his family. Would he be a good husband?
Annie didn’t know the answer to that question, but there was one more thing she forced herself to add to Jacob’s column. Stephen made her feel safe, but Jacob . . . Jacob made her feel fire inside. Passion.
She couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. She hadn’t wanted to pull away, not really. That scared her more than anything, that knowledge that her body might betray her like that.
She was with Stephen! Stephen promised her a secure and predictable life. They would wed, he would run the farm, she would cook and can and do the washing. They would bring children into the world—perhaps three—and she would teach them about God and how to identify plants and how to make daisy chains to wear in their hair. She would bake them cookies, and when Stephen returned to the house after a long, fruitful day of farming, she would greet him with a hug and a mug of tea.
It was a lovely vision, a dream come true, a dream any of the other women in the village would have given their eyeteeth for. Annie knew how lucky she was, how she would be a fool to jeopardize her relationship with Stephen. She had heard stories of men who raised their hands to their wives, but Stephen would never do such a thing.
And yet, and yet Annie’s lips still burned.
Before she could reconsider, she tore the page from her journal, ripped it into tiny pieces, and tucked the journal into her apron before leaping off the porch and running as swiftly as she could. She ran without knowing where she was going, her long braid bouncing against her back, and soon the afternoon sun burning down caused her to break into a terrible sweat.
Annie’s lungs burned, she had a stitch in her side, and her breath came in pants, but she still couldn’t stop running. She could barely concentrate, but her legs pumped on, leading her forward.
Fifteen minutes later, her thigh muscles feeling like her mamm’s preserves, she collapsed against a tree, desperate to catch her breath. Water. She needed water. She thought longingly of the lemonade she’d left on the porch. If only she had it here now!
A hand came into her field of vision, pushing a jar of water toward her. Annie took it gratefully and drank and drank until she thought she might be sick. She reluctantly pushed the jar away, and looked up to see who had known to be ready with such a thing.
Her newly moistened breath caught in her throat. Jacob. Here. Now.
She glanced around and realized she had unwittingly run toward the tree where they had had their first kiss. A whole school of butterflies danced in her stomach, and her palms tingled. Her legs, already overtaxed, folded under her, and she dropped onto the tree’s massive roots.
Jacob joined her there. She watched his shadow mingle with hers, but she refused to lift her eyes from the grass. This was dangerous. She should not be here. He should not be here!
Anger filled her. “What are you doing here?” she demanded, steadfastly watching the ground. An ant appeared on a blade of grass, then disappeared again. A bee buzzed in the air before landing on a nearby dandelion. She was so aware of Jacob’s form next to her, she could barely keep from sobbing. “Go away,” she begged. “Go away. You can’t be here.”
Jacob didn’t move. “I’m here for the same reason you are,” he told her, and in his voice, she could hear that he had absolutely no intention of leaving. The realization made her shiver.
“Please,” she whispered, wondering what she actually meant.
He r
emained silent.
“Why are you doing this to me?” she forced out, her words low and hoarse from the unshed tears.
“Why are you denying what you really want?” he asked. At last, at long last, he touched a hand to her cheek, his fingers as gentle as the brush of a luna moth’s wings. Without meaning to, she turned to face him. Her breath caught again at the shock of seeing his bright green eyes turned on her, drinking her in. They sparkled like gemstones in the afternoon light, and they were full of a hunger she was afraid to put a name to. Full of a need she felt mirrored in her own heart.
That same heart thudded against her rib cage, scaring her. She dropped her gaze again. “No,” she said. “No. This is wrong.”
“It is,” Jacob agreed, startling her. He took her hand in his, and she was so surprised, she didn’t pull away. His fingers entwined with hers, and a remote part of her mind marveled at how much bigger and more solid his hand was than hers, how her slim and delicate fingers felt like china encased in a form-fitting, protective case.
They sat that way for many minutes. Annie couldn’t say how much time had passed, because it felt like time had stopped, that they were in their own private dimension. She thought, vaguely, that she should be worried about being discovered in this extremely compromising position, that she truly risked destroying the betrothal and calm stable future with Stephen. She knew that, but somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to move. To care. It all seemed so far away.
Her hand felt molded to Jacob’s, and it was only inevitable when he turned to face her, when he cupped her chin in his other hand—so huge and masculine and powerful!—and tilted it up, so their eyes met in an embrace of their own. Annie inhaled, the air tasting sweet of dandelions and honeysuckle, and closed her eyes. Jacob’s hair grazed her cheek as he leaned in, pressing gentle, tiny kisses to each of her temples and her eyelids. Warmth spread from each spot through Annie, flooding her with golden light. It was like she contained the sun within herself.
Then, just as inevitably, as naturally as birds ascended to the sky, Jacob’s lips brushed hers. A shock of pleasure rushed through Annie, and with her free hand, she pulled him closer. Their mouths pressed closer, harder, and Jacob released her hand to wrap her in his arms. She leaned against his muscular chest, feeling the pounding of his heart, the heat of his skin, the joy of his lips against hers.
The sunlight within her expanded until it became all-encompassing, washing everything in the world with sweet, warm gold. Annie could stay like this forever. She pressed him even closer to her, loving the feel of his muscular arms and back. So strong, so manly. She would never let him go.
Jacob gently laid her back against the grass and pressed more kisses to her closed eyes. All Annie could see was the yellow light. All she could feel was him. Nothing else existed.
Finally Jacob pulled away, leaving Annie bereft. Cold. All the sunlight vanished, leaving her dark and full of sadness. Empty.
She blinked rapidly, reaching for him. She wasn’t done by a long shot. “Come back,” she teased. “The grass is comfortable, I promise.”
Jacob shook his head and ran a hand through his tangled hair. His voice was ragged. “You have to leave him, Annie.”
Annie stared at him, her mouth wide open. What was he saying?
“You have to leave him,” Jacob repeated. “You have to choose. It’s Stephen or me.”
Thanks so much for reading! If you enjoyed “Faith and Hope in Lancaster,” Daisy is pleased to offer two more installments in the Amish of Lancaster County series:
Faith and Trust in Lancaster (The Amish of Lancaster County, #2)
Faith and Love in Lancaster (The Amish of Lancaster County, #3)
Or read the whole thing at once for only $3.99: Faith in Lancaster (The Complete Amish of Lancaster County Collection)!
In addition, Daisy has another series out, The Amish of Lancaster County:
Hearts Adrift (The Amish of Elkhart County #1)
A Touch of Faith (The Amish of Elkhart County #2)
Delivered From Doubt (The Amish of Lancaster County #3)
Or read the whole thing at once for only $3.99: The Amish of Elkhart County (The Complete Amish of Lancaster County Collection)!
Please check Daisy’s Amazon author page for new releases.
Daisy would also like to point you toward her fellow author Ruth Price’s work. Her debut serial, Out of Darkness, is available now!
“Sofia Angelis is a woman without a past. All she knows is that she’d being hunted. When she stumbles, bloody and beaten, onto Abram Yoder’s Lancaster farm, she is not only given a chance at safety, but also the possibility of love. Will the ghosts of Sofia’s past keep her from seizing a new future?
Abram Yoder is a man trapped in the past. His wife Rebekah died in childbirth two years back, and even through prayer, he hasn’t been able to absolve his grief and allow himself to live. When a mysterious woman comes to his farm needing help, will Abram find the faith to love again?
Join Sofia and Abram as they confront the past, embrace the future and with God’s help, bridge the gap between their two worlds and maybe even find love.”
Out of Darkness (part 1 of the Out of Darkness serial)
Into the Light (part 2 of the Out of Darkness serial)
In God’s Hands (part 3 of the Out of Darkness serial)
Or buy the whole Out of Darkness megabook at once for all three parts at a deeply discounted price!
Meet Daisy Fields
Daisy Fields is a former accountant whose life changed after she took a trip through Amish country in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. The simple pace of life and the Amish devotion to God made her question her own then-current breakneck lifestyle, and Daisy decided she wanted something more. She quit her job, threw away her cell phone, and began to pray.
Now she pens stories about the people she admires so deeply and hopes you’ll enjoy reading them as much as she did writing them. Please check her Amazon author page for new releases.
Faith and Hope in Lancaster (The Amish of Lancaster County #1) Page 5
