by Ebony Olson
“Can you let Steffen know I won’t be needing dinner tonight? I’m just going to have a long bath and get an early night.” I started toward my room.
“I heard your mother was arrested, and what she yelled across the room at you.” Darius gave me that sympathetic look.
“How?” I asked, totally surprised he could know that already.
“Zander has a friend who works at the police station you were at,” Darius replied. He looked at his feet. They were bare. He stood there in his suit pants and button-down, the top button undone showing that hollow at the bottom of his throat.
I pictured myself licking that hollow and blinked wide-eyed at the sudden temptation. “I need to go to bed. Today has been rather emotional,” I told him quickly, realizing how my brain planned to overcome my sudden emotional upheaval.
“I wanted to say…” Darius stepped forward as if to stop me leaving, “I thought you were just another rebellious teenager, that your dislike of your mother was being over dramatized. I did not for a minute consider a mother could hate their own child so much she could harm it. I could not comprehend how anyone could hate you, Mora. You are a kind soul, it should be impossible for anyone to want to hurt you.”
I met Darius’s eyes. “It is human nature to hate what we fear most. My mother was angry at my father for putting her aside. She was incapable of loving me, so she hated me instead.”
Darius shook his head bewildered. “That is what I mean, Mora. Even now you can find sympathy for the woman, after what she did to you. You understand her and accept it. Have you never wanted to lash out and hurt her?”
“If she had been at home when I heard Daniel had killed himself, I would have strangled the life out of her. I think she knew. I didn’t see her again until today.” I turned toward my room. “Good night, Mr. Rafal.”
“Mora?” Darius called as I walked away. I didn’t stop. “You do not need to be alone.”
“Yes, I do. I’ve spent my life alone,” I murmured and stepped into my room.
I bathed, dressed in my pajamas and took up my cello. I lost track of how long I played for. I poured my hurt into my music, every note resonating with my despair and sorrow.
My fingers were hurting by the time light spilled into my room and Alex was removing the cello from my hands. He pulled me into his arms and I clung to him. He whispered how sorry he was, how I was loved, and that I would never be alone again.
Over his shoulder I watched Darius shut my bedroom door as he left.
Alex stayed with me. He asked me to tell him the bad stuff, something we’d never discussed before. I told him it all, the claustrophobia, the stairs, Daniel. I let him feel the scar on the back of my head from where I cracked my skull. We finally discussed the harder parts of our lives.
“I always wondered what caused your claustrophobia.” Alex stared at the ceiling. “To lock a four-year-old child in the boot of a car for hours on end. Are you sure your mother was completely sane?”
“Sadly, yes.” I snuggled into his side and he kissed the top of my head. “Thank you for coming.”
“As much as I do not like the way Darius Rafal looks at you, Mora, it was good of him to ring me when he knew you were hurting.”
“Yes, it was.”
“That or he just wanted the music to stop. You were playing that poor cello pretty hard.”
I smirked. “The way it’s going, I’m going to need a new cello by the end of the year.”
“That one must be getting pretty old by now.”
“Seven years I’ve had it.” I smiled. “Nan bought me a new one when I took four unit music for the high school certificate. She was glad she did when I applied to Cambridge on the music scholarship.”
“I am sorry that Sophie is punishing you for me not loving her,” Alex murmured. “She should be here with us now, making you laugh, pouring us shots and encouraging you to get sloshed and marry her brother.”
I sighed. “Did you end up talking to her?”
“She did not tell you?” Alex queried surprised.
“No. She stopped talking to me the night I called you. She hasn’t returned a single call or email.”
Alex hugged me harder. “I met with her that weekend. Explained I was not in love with her, that while I considered her a friend and hoped we could stay friends, that we were never going to be a couple in the way she was hoping.”
“How did she take it?” I asked carefully. I was disappointed. I wanted to be there for Sophie when her heart was broken the first time. Instead, I was being held responsible for that heartbreak.
“She poured a glass of wine over my head and walked out. I think you prepared her for the worst of it.”
“So Leila is the one?”
“God, no.” Alex winced. “I broke up with her that weekend too.”
I looked at Alex. “That was over a month ago. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Alex stroked a finger down my face. “The next weekend I was going to tell you, but there was this intense sadness in your eyes. I hated that I caused you to lose your best friend.”
I sunk back on the bed. If only that was the real reason I’d been so miserable a month ago. “I feel like all these doors in my life are slamming shut in my face.”
“Then there is a path you are meant to be taking that you are avoiding,” Alex offered wisely. I looked at him. He shrugged. “You are fighting the path fate wants you to take. As you try to step in a different direction it is closing that path so that eventually you are not going to have an option but to walk the path preordained for you.”
We sat in silence for a moment. “You come up with some shit sometimes, you know that right?”
Alex chuckled. “Maybe, just maybe, you need to look at what you are resisting. It could be where you are meant to be.”
My mind instantly went to Darius, naked as I knelt before him. Nope, that was hormones. Fate would have kept him clothed.
“Maybe,” I murmured.
The next morning, I sat in Darius’s office while he and Warren discussed a few issues that had cropped up. I don’t know at what point I tuned out and started watching the snow outside the window. I know that when a phone rang out in the office I turned back to the room to find Warren gone and Darius working quietly at his desk.
I looked around with a frown and then at my watch. Thirty minutes had passed. I stood up and started to leave.
“Do you need to take some time off, Mora?” Darius asked behind me. When I turned around he was watching me.
“No. I’ll be fine,” I responded hollowly.
“Fine.” Darius rolled the word in his mouth. “The female equivalent for being the exact opposite of what the word implies. Freaked out, insecure, neurotic, emotional, I believe is the true definition?” Darius stood up. “Yes, I believe you are indeed fine.”
“I always thought the F stood for fucked up,” I answered sadly. “Thank you for calling Alex last night.”
Darius dropped his hands into his pockets and blew out a breath. “I love hearing you play, Mora, but last night was torture. Beautiful, but torturous. Because I now know you play your emotions.” Darius took another step toward me. “Take the day off, Mora. I do not know where you are, but it is not here at work.”
“I was told last night I need to decide how badly I want my mother to hurt. My father has the power now to ruin her, and he will, unless I step in,” I confessed.
“You are struggling with the morals of destroying someone so thoroughly and the longing to see her suffer?” Darius nodded as if understanding.
He took another step forward, lowering his voice. “You told me last night we hate what we fear the most. You fear becoming like her. You basically admitted it to me the day I kissed you in the library. I should have realized then, but I understand now, why you were so angry with me. You related what happened between us as a sign you were like the woman you hated. I’m sorry, Mora.”
I was strug
gling to hold my emotions in. “What do I do?” I whispered.
“What would your mother do if the roles were reversed?”
I gave a sad laugh. “She’d destroy me in a heartbeat.”
Darius ducked his head to catch my gaze. “Then you have your answer, Mora. Do not be her.”
I was startled he made it that easy to know the right path. I wanted to kiss him. He was right there, all I needed to do was step into him and I could press my mouth to his.
Darius’s eyes flicked between my eyes and mouth and I knew he was thinking the same thing. He touched my cheek, and stepping into me, moved my face to his shoulder as he hugged me ridiculously tight.
“Mora, you wear your god damn heart on your sleeve,” he murmured to my ear. “It is killing me.”
Darius let me go and walked out of his office, leaving the door open, not looking back. On his way to the elevator he called to Warren. “Mora will be taking a personal day.”
***
“Did you go to the arraignment?” I asked Marshall while we waited for our meals at his favorite restaurant.
After leaving work I called him and asked to meet for lunch. Marshall made room for me immediately.
“Yes. She was denied bail. They consider her a flight risk and, after the way she lost it at the station last night, the judge decided she may pose a potential threat to your welfare,” Marshall informed me. “The courts close for Christmas tomorrow. Your mother is going to spend the festive season behind bars.”
I struggled to breathe over a ball of guilt in my throat. “I don’t want to destroy her, dad. She is evil and horrible, but she never threw me out on the street, she still provided for me, she never destroyed me.”
“Wrong. I provided for you. If she had thrown you out on the street it would have voided the family court orders. She knew I would have been there in a heartbeat to bring you home,” Marshall corrected. “She could not destroy you because you were strong, and because Freida protected you. Have you ever thought what your life would have been like if Freida had not been there?”
I had actually. Quite a lot in my early teens. I wondered if I would have survived. I was surprised by what Marshall added to that. I’d never considered once, that the only reason she allowed me to stay under her roof, was to stop Marshall gaining access to me.
Marshall sighed. “She will stay in jail till the new year. She will get time served, be deported and never allowed to return. I will ensure the Australian courts are aware of her corruption of the court system and leave it there. Is that acceptable to you, Mora?”
I nodded, tears rising to the surface, the strong emotions I felt stealing my voice.
Marshall took my hand. “I will never forgive her for not letting me know my own daughter, and for hurting you. I admire that you would show her mercy.”
“I want to see her.” I whispered the words before I realized I’d even thought them.
Marshall caressed my cheek in a fatherly way. “Let me make a phone call.” He slid out of his seat effortlessly. I’d never considered how fit he was for his age. When he came back to the table he looked a lot more relaxed. “After lunch.”
Marshall came with me. We drove to where Eliza was being held. Detective Forester met us and escorted us in. “Are you sure you want to do this? She was pretty aggressive to you last night,” Forester asked. I nodded. “Is this a closure thing?” I nodded again. Forester exhaled. “It is rare for abusers to regret their actions. You may walk out of here with nothing more than more abuse, Miss Blake.”
“I lived with that woman for seventeen years, Detective. I am well aware she will offer no apologies for her treatment of me. I am not here for her regret. I’m here to close the door for good,” I explained. My confidence was slipping back into place with every step we took.
Forester met my eyes. “Then I wish you luck.” He opened a door and stepped back. “Your father and I will wait next door.”
I stepped inside. My mother sat handcuffed to the table. I walked to the empty chair and sat down, her green eyes following my path. The anger in them was burning her alive. I don’t think I’d ever seen her without makeup and her hair styled perfectly. She looked so much older.
“Well, you must just be happy as Larry, little girl. You finally got the upper hand on me.”
“Shut it,” I spoke clearly and met her eyes. Eliza was stunned and sat back as far as the cuffs on the table allowed. “I didn’t come here for your bullshit. I came here to let you know prison isn’t the goal for me here. I’m not you. I am not going to walk out of here happy for seeing you look a mess and the expectation of seeing your life destroyed.”
“Then what are you here for?” Eliza sneered.
“I want you to know that the next time you appear before the judge will be your last night here. You will be deported back to Australia and I will never have to see you again. Yes, you are going to have a criminal record here. Yes, it is probably going to affect your life back in Australia. Frankly, whatever happens to you now is karma. A few weeks in jail isn’t going to make you a nicer person. It’s important you know, I’m the one showing you mercy here. I’m the one with a heart. Unlike you, I can forgive.”
I stood up walking back to the door. “Though,” I turned and smiled at my very unhappy mother, “I won’t object to them driving you to the airport in the trunk of a car. Just for you to have that experience.”
“The amount of times I gave fate the opportunity to snuff you out, and yet you live,” Eliza sniped.
“Maybe I was your punishment for being such a conceited fucking bitch,” I replied calmly. Eliza glared at me. I gave a small shrug and walked out.
Detective Forester shut the door and motioned to a guard waiting nearby. Marshall put his arm around my back and walked me out. “I am proud of you,” Marshall murmured.
I was shaking, but I wasn’t sure if it was fear or relief. I thanked Detective Forester and walked outside with my father.
“I will give you a lift home.” Marshall walked toward his waiting car.
“No, it’s okay. I’m going to walk. I need some time to myself.”
“Mora, it is snowing.” Marshall pointed out the obvious.
I smiled and kissed his cheek. “I love the snow.” I walked off, enjoying the snow on my head, letting the tears run down my cheeks, contradicting the smile on my face.
Chapter Fourteen
We reached the steps to the private jet and I nearly balked. Darius was already at the top of the stairs. I didn’t even consider we would be flying in a small plane. Not that jets are small, but they are smaller compared to big planes.
Taking a deep breath and focusing on putting one step in front of the other, I climbed the stairs. Yesterday I’d faced my mother, today I could conquer my claustrophobia.
Darius was already seated with his laptop out. I moved to the last lot of seats and the other side of the plane, taking the seat closest the window. I unzipped my boots and shoved them under the seat.
“Can I get you anything, miss?” A hostess smiled at me.
“Valium?” I joked.
She gave me a gentle smile. “Scared of planes?”
“No. Enclosed spaces. On the ground, in the air, doesn’t really matter.”
“Just relax. If it gets too much we have vodka.” She winked.
I considered asking for that vodka now, but Darius had a no drinking while working policy. Not that I had really recovered from the last time I drank vodka and was alone with Darius. No, I think alcohol needed to be outlawed while I was anywhere in the vicinity of Darius Rafal.
The plane taxied and took flight. I watched carefully out the window.
“Are you hiding from me back there?” Darius asked as the seatbelt sign switched off.
“No.” I didn’t take my eyes off the scene out of the window. “How long a flight is it?”
“Two hours,” Darius replied. “It will be another hour to the hotel we are
staying at.”
I looked at my watch. It was already seven o’clock. “So ten o’clock before we reach the hotel.”
“Germany is an hour ahead of us. It will be eleven when we arrive.” Darius watched one of the hostesses approach him with a glass of water. The buttons at the top of her blouse seemed to have come open showing all her cleavage and part of her red lace bra.
“Mr. Rafal,” she purred before getting on her knees in front of him.
Darius caught her hand as she reached for his fly. “No, thank you, Tracey.”
Surprisingly, Tracey didn’t seem offended by the rejection. “Let me know if you change your mind, Mr. Rafal.” She got back on her feet and went about her duties.
I went back to looking out the window.
“I have never seen that nervous gesture before.” Darius sank into the seat beside me.
I stopped and looked at him, then down to my left hand which was playing my right upper arm like a fingerboard on the cello. With great effort, I dropped my hand back to my lap.
“Insecurity,” I muttered.
“You play yourself when you are feeling insecure and your cello is not handy?”
I nodded.
“Interesting.”
“Is it?”
“Very. What on Earth could you have to feel insecure about, Mora Ellis?” Darius’s eyes flicked to the hostess with the mostest. “Ah, you saw that. I thought you were still staring out the window.”
I turned my gaze back to the window. “Your plane, your game.”
“Still, I want you to know Tracey is only utilized when I am significantly stressed.”
I exhaled long and hard. “Mr. Rafal, while I appreciate your honesty, you getting your dick sucked by another woman is not my concern right now. I am claustrophobic, on a small plane, and I cannot drink alcohol because the last time I was drunk near you I was the one sucking your monster of a cock.” I slapped my hand over my mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry. That was unprofessional.”
“Would you prefer to be sucking my cock now, Mora? It might take your mind off the confined spaces,” Darius offered civilly.
