by E E Everly
With tears in my eyes, I crossed the room to Trysten. She was sleeping. Even in her slumber, she reminded me of Cystenian. She had his nose. It might have been small and a bit squashed, but it was most definitely his.
That opened the water works. I stumbled a few feet toward my bed, but I didn’t make it. I fell to the floor and balled my face into my hands.
I didn’t look up when hands touched my shoulders. At first, I thought they might be Bronwen’s, but when he slid next to me and pulled me to his chest, I was hit with a smell from over a decade ago. His aftershave. I remembered his aftershave. That smelly organic scent that reminded me of damp earth. Dad must have worn it because it was so natural.
Maybe it reminded him of home. Of Emira. Or Bryn. I didn’t know his birthplace. Earth was not his actual home.
It was mine.
“I’m ready to go home,” I whispered.
“Shh. We don’t have to talk about this now, sweetheart.” Dad stroked my hair. His touch like this was something I hadn’t felt in years. It felt foreign, but I had yearned for his embrace without realizing until now.
This is what I yearned for, for Trysten and Cystenian.
Now that I was in Dad’s arms, curled up on the floor together, with my daughter a few feet away from us, a piece that had been lost, a part of my soul, came back. Something that had been missing for a long time. Rationally, I knew Dad hadn’t hurt Mom and me, and I allowed this truth to fill me. I could let him comfort me, hold me, keep me safe.
He had been trying to get close to me the whole time he’d been here. We’d taken baby steps, and now the barriers had fallen away.
“I have missed you so much, Anerah.” His voice softened, cracked. “To hear you in my mind every day, but never to hold you. That was my greatest heartache. I’m sorry for breaking apart our family the way I did. I could have found another way.”
“It’s fine. It’s too late.” I swiped at the tears running down my face.
“I want to spend the rest of eternity making this up to you.” His loving fingers stroked my back, tracing a trail of remorse, a trail of promise. “Anerah, we can be a family again, now that the truth is out. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I hope you’ll forgive me.”
“I have so much anger.” I took his hand and pressed my palm to his. I’d done this as a little girl, pressed my tiny hand to his and measured them together. My fingers were an inch shorter than his. “I spent years hating you, and then I learned you were someone who could love and someone who was loved.”
“I know. I don’t expect the animosity to disappear. It will take time, but I’m willing to wait. I will wait for you to forgive me.”
My heart warmed. I needed this healing between us, because with the broken things in one part of my life, I needed, craved, the mending in another. If I could not have Cystenian, I would have my dad. “I missed you too.” My words were choked as I cried and cried and snuggled into my father. All I wanted was for you to be in my life. My soul ached for you. I was so sorrowful that you had broken us, that you had crumbled my perfect memories of you by the fake ones I thought were real.
Anerah. My name was anguished in his mind. I’m so sorry. I’m here now. I’m here.
Forever? I was his little girl. I would always be his little girl. My hands would never be as big as his.
Forever. I promise. His strong arms tucked around me, in a much different way from being held by anyone else. Not like Mom’s squeezes or Cystenian’s embraces or even a hug from a friend. Dad’s arms would be ever solid. He was a rock to rely on. I could feel that now. His touch promised it. A touch full of love, truth, and hope.
After a while, when my tears dried up and my voice returned, I said, “I’m going to make a slight change in plans…” I sniffed as I sat up, trying not to sound gross and snotty.
Dad’s eyes were red. I hadn’t realized he’d been crying too.
“We’ll go home, but I still think Trysten needs to be with her father and she needs to be raised as an emrys. She won’t come back here until she’s older, when she’s three, not when she’s weaned, so I can have as much time with her as possible.” Or when she’s five. It would be hard to part with her, but it would have to be done. When Cystenian was well out of my thoughts, I could come and go from Emira while Trysten lived here and had the life I never did.
I would make this work.
THIRTY-NINE
Wedding music was still parading in my head as Dad, Bronwen, and I stood outside the boulder, with Trysten. The musicians had come early in the morning and were playing throughout the day, for ambiance.
It made me ill.
Cystenian had gone last night. To Bryn. To return before the ceremony with a clean slate. His parents supported him in his decision to wipe his memory of me, so off he flew, with his magical wings—which had sprouted because of a fae spell that he and I had fallen under.
He would wipe that memory too. He wouldn’t even remember how his first wings had come.
It was downright depressing.
Dad wasn’t any help either. Deep inside, he supported Cystenian’s decision, even if he didn’t wish it because it had broken my heart.
It was time for me to leave. We left shortly before breakfast. I couldn’t stay to stomach a meal.
Bronwen hugged me and kissed Trysten’s head.
I cried.
It was so silly. I wasn’t leaving this world permanently behind, just Cystenian.
Dad took Bronwen into his arms, outside the boulder, in the same meadow Cystenian and I had made love in. She gazed at him with so much emotion that I had to look away and give them their privacy. For the time being, Bronwen was not coming with us. It would be painful for her to part from Dad, even if it was temporary.
They didn’t exchange any words. It was then that I realized they had formed a mental bond.
That was good. We had a direct telepathic line to Emira, then. I should have thought to do the same with her. Maybe on one of our future visits.
I had yet to learn how a mental bond was formed. It can’t be as easy as an emotional bond, can it? I thought somewhat begrudgingly.
With daring, I snuck a peek at them and wished I hadn’t. Bronwen leaned up on her tiptoes, and Dad came down to meet her.
He cradled her head as they kissed. Bronwen threaded her fingers through his hair at the base of his neck.
My eyes grew wide.
They knew I knew about their feelings, and they were finally owning up to them.
I wanted to clap.
After what was too much of a long passionate kiss between my father and dear friend, I cleared my throat.
Then once again.
Dad pulled back, and Bronwen tucked against his chest, with her hand over her mouth.
It didn’t take the powers of light to see her embarrassment.
“Yes, well.” Dad kissed her forehead and slipped his hand into hers. “We’re all grownups here.” As he stepped closer, with Bronwen in tow, Dad pulled the moon jewel from his pocket and put it in my hand. “It’s up to you, Anerah. You open the portal. You control passage. You have the power to return whenever you wish. I’m going to trust you.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Trysten stirred in her sling. “We better make this quick.” I held the stone up. “What do I have to do to power this baby?”
“Since the stone possesses both powers, and they are linked together to react from either the light or darkness, all you have to do is harness your light. Press the stone to the boulder and push your light into the stone.”
“All right.” The moon jewel was as big as the palm of my hand and fit smoothly under it as I touched the jewel to the boulder. “Here goes.”
I shut my eyes and called my light from my heart-center. Every time I called on this power, it became easier and easier. Light swelled around my heart and warmed my body, and then it surged down the arm holding the moon jewel. As if instinctively, my light found the light in the jewel and connected with it. Strangely, as I p
ushed the light of the moon jewel toward the boulder, I felt a heaviness, the darkness tethered to the light and being dragged along. It didn’t fight with my light but complied willingly.
Even with my eyes closed, I sensed the two energies move from the jewel into the boulder. The two combined spread up and outward, speeding as they gained momentum. I had little effort to put forth. My light pushed gently, coaxing the energy in the jewel.
Then I saw the miracle of the portal opening, as if the elements that made the portal had absorbed the light and darkness and used them as power, used them to creep open the gateway between worlds.
My palm holding the moon jewel almost slipped into the portal. I took my hand away and pocketed the jewel. “That was really cool.”
I turned to Bronwen. “This isn’t goodbye. This is see you later.” I hugged her, with Trysten between us, and pressed my forehead to Bronwen’s. So many emotions passed between us, but the one I wanted to leave her with was joy, because she was my sister.
Then I turned to Dad. “See you on the other side.”
I stepped through the portal to home.
FORTY
It was dark when I emerged onto Earth in the oh-so-delightful fae glen. I would never become used to the difference in times between Earth and Emira.
As soon as Dad passed through, he extended a shield around us that glowed faintly.
“What’s that for?” I asked. The glow illuminated the glen with a light that was too meek, so I drew light into my hand from my heart-center and formed an orb that brightened the space. When I lifted the orb into the air and removed my hand, the orb hung there, like a lantern.
“To protect us from the fae. I was ready as soon as I emerged. You can never tell when they’ll be lingering, and it appears they are tonight.”
I shivered. I felt so dumb for all those times I hiked to the boulder without protection. “Is it possible to catch them and relocate them, like back to their home planet?”
“That is an idea I will have to look into. For now, let me close the portal before they pass through and cause mischief for Bronwen. I’d hate to add a fiasco to the wedding.”
“Oh, please. Can’t we let just one through, then?” I laughed.
Dad did not find it funny. He held out his hand, and I put the moon jewel into it. He went ahead and closed the portal.
After that, Dad and I wasted no time flying up the cliffside. I couldn’t decide whether it was better that we were flying in the dark or if daylight would have been better. Darkness showed off the fire of our wings, making us quite noticeable, but daylight would reveal that we were people flying with wings.
We kept our flight short and close to the cliff where the trees gave the most cover. Dad’s wings were angelic, neither like a dragon’s in nature nor like a hawk’s. They arched at the top a bit more before he extended them, making me think of a heart, and were thicker, if you could call flames of fire thicker.
I could not fathom why they manifested that way. Nor could I comprehend how they allowed us to fly. I mean, they were fire made from the power of light. How did they catch the air?
Once we crested the cliff and came to a safe landing, we began the short hike through the woods to my home.
“How will Mom react when she sees you?” I asked Dad.
We followed my footpath, with my light projected overhead. I was so proud of myself for being able to use my light in such a way. It was a simple thing, but a useful thing that every emrys knew.
“She’ll let me in. Before our divorce, I asked for her forgiveness. Her feelings have softened toward me.”
“She forgave you for beating her up?”
“She did.”
“Why? How? Wouldn’t it have been better to restore the memories?”
“I can’t. Those two years, when you were three to five, have been destroyed in her mind.”
“You still have them, right?”
“I do.” Dad nodded, looking thoughtful. “Altering memories is dangerous. I could give her my memories, but they would be from my point of view. It might confuse her.”
I froze, with a branch inches from my face. “I knew it was dangerous! Cystenian wants to mess with this? He’s really desperate, isn’t he?” Desperate to obey his parents. Desperate to please his betrothed.
I squeezed my eyes tight, wishing, just wishing I could make Cystenian see reason. But it was too late. He was on the mortal world of Bryn, getting ready to have his memories scrambled.
“How did you manage to make fake memories?” I asked. “How’s that possible?”
“They are limited,” Dad said. “Think about what I gave you. You remember pieces. Maybe a bruise. A fight. Crying in the corner. It would be difficult to fabricate a complete memory.”
“What’s Cystenian going to be left with?”
“Holes. Just as we don’t remember everything from day to day, it will be as if that night was nothing memorable. He went to bed and woke up, like everyone else.”
I shook my head and resumed walking. “This is messed up.” I had to talk about something else. “Tell me about Mom, about how you met when you came to this world.” I paused, wondering something. “Did you love her? Probably not as much as you love Bronwen, but did you love her at all?”
“I did love your mother.” Dad smiled. “She was so funny, and innocent. I came through this portal with you, to the same glen. It was a warm fall afternoon.”
We ducked under some low branches.
“I followed the stream out to the road,” he continued. “You have to remember, I was new to this world. The traffic was heavy on the road because of the fall festival. So many tourists were driving the winding roads, going up to the park to the hiking trails. But I didn’t know that. The first car nearly gave me a heart attack. I stood back at first and studied them, realizing they were a mode of travel. Once I saw other hikers on the road, I figured this was something people did. So there I was, hiking into town, with you asleep in my arms, with no provisions, no food for you, with no place to stay. Several hikers waved and offered a greeting as I passed, but no one thought anything odd. Granted, I was dressed like a woodland elf.”
I chuckled. “Seriously?”
“Until Jessica stopped. She pulled off the road ahead of me and got out of this tiny beat up two-door. She thought that I looked out of place. When she saw you in my arms, she asked if my car had broken down because I didn’t have you in a sling or anything. I didn’t look like the typical dad taking his daughter for a hike, a newborn daughter at that.”
I grinned. “She could tell I was a newborn because she worked with babies.”
“You were petite. Anyway, she convinced me to get into her death trap and took me home. The most she got me to confess was that we were homeless and jobless. I had no documents whatsoever. My hair was well past my shoulders then. She wondered if I was a foreigner or a refugee since I had a heavy emrys accent. I didn’t know what to tell her.”
“You had to give her something so that she would trust you.”
“Guilty. Charisma, benevolence, and trustworthiness go a long way. I did use my powers on her. After staying with her for a month and learning how to function in this world, I decided that she would be an excellent mother for you, so we were married.”
“Then the memory addition of my birth?”
“Yes. The best way to keep you safe was if everyone believed you were hers and no one else’s. She helped me acquire birth documents for you before I gave her the false memories of your birth. She had no idea I was going to do any of this. To this day she doesn’t know that we are emrys.”
“And you think we should keep it this way.”
“I do. For your safety, Trysten’s safety, and hers.”
We reached the edge of the woods. Dad and I stared at the porch and the back door at the rear of the house. A faint light in the kitchen shone out the window above the sink. It was left on all night, every night, as a nightlight.
A light flicked on in the h
allway.
“She’s awake,” I said. “It must be early. Poor Mom. She must be so alone.” How would she handle meeting Trysten? Would she be excited that I decided not to give her up for adoption yet? She would be furious at me for not telling her about this “resort” that I went to. “This won’t make sense to her. We aren’t pulling up in a car. She’s going to wonder how we arrived. I have no baggage. No baby clothes. She’s going to think something is up.”
“This will sound pretty lame, but we can say a taxi dropped us off. You decided at the last minute to keep Trysten, so you hadn’t bought anything.”
We headed around the yard to the front door. I didn’t have a key, so I would have to knock. “I have tons of baby clothes that I bought while pregnant, so hopefully Mom didn’t get rid of them when she heard I was giving Trysten up for adoption.”
Dad rapped on the door, and we waited.
Coming home would involve a lot more lies. I tried to tell myself that, someday, when the truth came out, that those in my life would be more than forgiving.
I could only hope.
FORTY-ONE
“Anerah!” When Mom saw my face, she shoved the door wide open. Her chest heaved as she took me in, but the smile on her face said everything. She reached for me, as if to pull me into a hug, but eyed my little bundle always strapped to me.
“It’s fine, Mom, we can hug.” I stepped forward and hugged her as tight as I could without squishing Trysten. “I bet you have so many questions. I’m so sorry to disappear on you. I didn’t want to do it that way.” My throat tightened. How could I begin to explain what I put her through?
Mom rubbed my back and then pulled away so she could see Trysten. “So here she is.”
I pulled the blanket away so Mom could see her head. “You can hold her.” I reached around my back for the knot in the sling.
“Come inside first. Come inside.” Mom grabbed my hand, and we hustled into the living room. Dad followed without a word. Mom hadn’t given him as much as a hello, but she wasn’t calling the police. Dad must have told her that he’d been to a lot of therapy, because from what my memories told me, I would have never let him step foot into this house. As we settled onto the couch, a dose of placating emotions drifted from Dad and filled the room.
