by Neal, Xavier
Tony slides off his shoulder bag, drops it near Erin’s feet, and flops down in his office chair across from me. “Doesn’t sound like nothing.”
“It’s girly.” I try to offer.
“I can handle girly.”
“It’s personal.” Erin winks at him.
With that, Tony backs off. “Ah. Must be about Unbreakable.” His face flashes something before he lifts his coffee cup back up.
Did you see that too? I know he took himself out of the running, but…I mean…you don’t think he still has feelings like that for me, right? They’ve gotta be gone by now.
After putting his cup down, he pulls the pencil from behind his ear to tap. “Speaking of, did he find you yesterday?”
Slightly confused, I nod. “Yeah. How’d you know he was looking for me?”
“He came by the office.”
My eyes dart over to Erin’s whose widen.
Are you thinking what we’re thinking?
“And?” Erin tries to lead the conversation into further detail.
“And he was looking for Maxx.”
“Tony.” The look on her face is a clear mixture of giddiness and anxiety. “Did you say something to him?”
The tapping slows down and he shuffles in his seat. “Like what?”
“Like something that would rattle him?” The conversation continues and I feel myself gripping the arms of my chair harder.
“Possibly.”
“What did you say?” Erin demands, her voice now a little louder than before.
“Guy stuff.”
Before Erin has a chance to jump down his throat, I intervene. “Did you tell him that you and I were dating?”
“Of course not.” The hurt look on his face immediately fills me with guilt.
I know Tony would never say that. How could I even ask?
“Did you imply something was going on between you two?” Erin further investigates.
“No,” he sternly states. This line of questioning is obviously annoying him.
Can’t blame him at this point.
“Look, unlike Unbreakable, I can clearly see how you feel about him. I wouldn’t lie and say there is something here when there isn’t.” His heartfelt words cause my body to sag.
Sheepishly I apologize, “Sorry, Tony.”
“It’s okay.” The tapping of his pencil begins again. “Anyway, from what I gathered, he’s already under the impression you and I have a thing going on.”
Erin asks, “What makes you say that?”
“By the way he told me to stay the fuck away from her.” The response causes me to glare as it hits me.
That’s what yesterday was about? Just another attempt to rid me of anything Tony? A sick way to just put a do not touch sign on me?
I feel my blood begin to boil.
I’m so tired of this! The only time he really comes for me sexually is AFTER he thinks Tony did! You’ve seen this all along haven’t you? Would it have killed you to give me a heads up?
Tony picks up on my mood shift instantly. “You okay, Max-a-roo?”
The nickname started after he’d tried to call me Maximus, and I’d had to admit that only Logan ‘I just want you so no one else can have you’ Kellar is the only one allowed to call me that. He came up with the name because Kangaroos are one of his favorite animals.
“I’m fine.” I try to keep my voice steady as I yank my bag off the floor. “You cool for the day?” Tony nods. “Good. I’ll see you for Fight Night tomorrow then.”
“Remember to come in early. Both of you.” Tony’s reminder causes Erin to tilt her head in irritation. Quickly he adds, “Remember, Frank wants new employee pictures on the website. He wants them regularly updated.”
“I think he’s just doing that so he has new photos of me to add to his spank safe.” Erin’s joke gets lost on me but receives deep laughter from Tony.
It’s not that I don’t get the joke. It’s that nothing is funny right now. And there’s only one thing on my mind at the moment. You guessed it! How many different ways can I chew Logan out?
When Erin’s smiling face meets my frown, she quickly removes her keys and sighs. “Looks like the fun, much like Elvis, has left the building…” Erin gives Tony a small wave before she squeezes past me.
“Hey Max-a-roo,” he calls out stopping me right on the other side of the door.
“Yeah?”
“Text me if you need anything, okay?”
Unable to say many more words I nod. “Yeah.”
I follow Erin out to the parking lot and get into her car without saying another word.
I cannot believe him! Has he ever touched me because he wanted to, not just because someone else wanted me? Hell, the first time he ever even looked at me like that was after a crowd full of people were drooling over me!
“You wanna share with the class what’s going through that head of yours?” Erin speaks carefully pushing her sunglasses up onto her hair.
“No.”
“Maxx—”
“Goddamn it, Erin, I said no!” I snap before she shuts her mouth.
“Fine.” She backs off as she stops behind a bright red BMW. “I need to stop at the grocery store. Is that okay? Or would you like me to take you home so you can finish stewing in your own outrage that’s going to pop out like an unedited Jerry Springer special?”
My head rolls over to her. “The grocery store is fine.”
Erin pulls her sunglasses back over her eyes as the car in front of us accelerates, a victorious smile on her face.
Besides joining the list of things that piss me off, what did she win? Actually, this trip to the grocery store is perfect. It will allow me enough time to pick every. Single. Word. I am going to spew at Logan when I see him next. And you better fucking believe I’m coming at him with everything I’ve got. You think Erin’s wrath is something to cower from? Wait until you experience mine.
***
Hours later, Erin is dancing around the kitchen to salsa music while rolling tortillas for enchiladas. With graduation just days away, her stress is laid out for display in our kitchen. Two nights ago it was lasagna made from scratch. Last night it was something she discovered on the Food Network that involved three different kinds of nuts.
I didn’t eat more than a couple bites. The whole Logan thing has really been screwing with me.
Thankfully, enchiladas are something I know for a fact I’ll enjoy. If I even make it to the actual eating.
The sound of the front door opening causes my face to pop up from the stool at the far end of the bar. Tension tightens in every muscle I have as I try to remind myself that I’m going to need oxygen to stay conscious in order to have this fight.
And yeah. I mean fight. Not argument. Not a come to Jesus talk. But an all out bare knuckled boxing match. Well verbally.
“Whatever you say Kellar,” Luke says rounding the corner heading straight for the kitchen to greet his sister.
Upon seeing me, Logan’s face brightens.
Damn it. Please remind me to stay strong!
“Maximus…” The name and his tone cause an immediate shift in me.
I shut my eyes and focus. We have to have this fight.
When they spring open I shake my head. “Fuck you, Logan Kellar.”
Okay, not my best start.
“Wow, the greetings in this house really are going downhill,” he remarks, leaning his ass against the back of the couch and keeping his distance.
“What’s going on?” Luke tries to whisper.
“War zone. If I were you I would stay in the kitchen, which I have dubbed Switzerland, with me,” Erin informs him.
Logan strokes his chin. “Are you mad at me?”
; “Should I be doing an Irish jig in excitement to see you after your little hump and dump number yesterday?”
Luke’s voice cuts in, “Did she really just say hump and dump?”
Erin sighs. “I think she did.”
Logan clears his throat. “I don’t wanna do this now.”
“Tough shit.”
His eyes widen at me as he stands all the way up. “Watson.”
“No.” Judging by the way his blue eyes protrude, my response is not what he was expecting. “No fucking way, Logan. Not this time.” I slide off the stool but don’t move any closer. “This time you’re gonna talk.”
He swallows and glances at our friends in the kitchen before continuing. “Can we at least do it in private.”
“No.”
“And why the fuck not?”
“Because then we don’t get to watch!” Erin calls out while chopping the vegetables slowly.
“Pretty sure Switzerland is neutral and silent, Sis.” Luke wraps an arm around her as she shrugs.
“Because if we try this in private it’s gonna lead to me crumbling at those puppy dog looks you give me or letting you continue to get away with this bullshit.”
“What bullshit?”
“This ‘I only want you when someone else does’ bullshit.”
That shuts Logan’s mouth.
And now he’s cornered.
“What was yesterday about, Logan?”
He shrugs.
Finding myself more pissed off with each breath, I inch slightly forward. “Don’t fucking shrug. Tell me the truth, Logan! What was yesterday about?” When he doesn’t answer I push the subject again. “What. Was. It. About?”
Nervously he scratches the back of his neck. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, did you push me up against my dresser because you were interested in tapping some ass? Or did you push me up against that dresser because you just didn’t want Tony to tap it?”
Fine. No. It wasn’t my most well said sentence but, you know what, now’s not the time to split hairs over my exact words. Honestly? Everything I had planned has kinda flown out the window.
When he doesn’t answer right away, I feel the tiny censor I had left break. “You. Fucking. Asshole!”
“Maxx—”
“That’s what all this has been about from the start, hasn’t it? Every time you fool around with me it’s not because you’re interested in me or have feelings for me! It’s because you have some sick, twisted childish mentality about not sharing your play things!”
His eyes lower to a glare. “You’re not a play thing.”
“Clearly I am!” My voice echoes in the house as I realize that everyone is as still as can be. “I’m nothing more than some stupid toy that you only play with so the other boys in the schoolyard can’t.”
Logan runs his fingers through his hair. “That’s not true—”
“That is fucking true.” My exhale pushes me back to lean against the barstool. “And you know what Logan…I’m done.”
In an uneasy voice he asks, “What do you mean you’re done?”
“I mean…” My voice weakens as does my body. “I’m done, Logan. I’m done with this sick Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde experiment. I’m done chasing you like some lovesick groupie who will never be anything more to you than something to sit on your shelf so no one else can have it. I’m done with this. You need to choose, Kellar.”
His tongue moistens his lips, but he doesn’t say anything.
“You need to make a choice. You either go balls to the wall, all cards on the table, commitment fear noose around your neck, and be in this with me, and I mean really be in this with me, Logan. Or…”
Meekly he asks, “Or what?”
Is it wrong that I was hoping I wouldn’t have to give the other half? That he would just swoop me up in his arms and choose me. Yeah, you’re right. Not wrong. Stupid. So very stupid.
“Or you need to back the fuck off and give me space. And I don’t mean temporary kind of space, Logan. I mean we need to redefine our friendship. No more blurred lines.”
It’s okay if you started singing it. I did too.
“No more slumber parties. No more snuggles. No more boyfriend girlfriend bullshit moments like we’ve always had. Is it gonna be hard? Yeah. Is it gonna suck? Fuck yeah. But let me be the first to say—” My body finally moves closer to him. “Learning to live like that beats having to live like this every day. The choice is yours, Logan.”
My body pushes past him and he tries again, “But Maxx—”
“Don’t,” I manage to say, tears sticking to the inside of my throat. “Don’t say anything until you are a hundred percent sure.”
And he doesn’t. He seals his lips and tilts his face to look down at his feet as I slowly start my ascent up the stairs.
“What about tradition?” His voice stops me three steps up.
After everything I just said, that’s what he’s worried about? Him. His happiness. His routine. Why am I surprised? Why am I ever surprised that he chooses him over me? At least I can prep myself for the rejection that’s bound to be coming. I just hope this time it sticks.
“Fuck tradition, Logan.” His eyes rise to meet mine and, for a moment, I think I see some other emotion behind those cold deep blues.
“And dinner?” Erin speaks up as the oven goes off indicating it’s finally preheated.
My face turns to her. “Not hungry.” I turn around and continue on my path to my room.
And I’m really not. In fact, I’m so sick to my stomach I feel like I’m gonna hurl. Or spend the entire night hurling. Hurling like I’ve got the world’s worst case of food poisoning, which would be better than this poison. The poison of the truth. The poison of the fact that I’m about to lose my best friend and it’s all my fault. I pushed him into this. I made myself available like some part-time slut. I played his stupid game knowing it was gonna end in a catastrophe. And the worst part is, if I had to go back and do this all over again, I don’t know that I would do anything differently. How pathetic is that?
Chapter 7
Logan
I scrub my face with my hands once more in an attempt to wash away the dread that has filled my entire body. This is not the right vibe for Fight Night. This is not the right vibe for anything.
“Still thinking about that argument with Maxx?” Luke cautiously asks. His foot is propped on the wall across from me, the same place it always is. The same place he always should be.
I don’t answer. My eyes shut as the back of my head hits the wall I’m leaning against in my seated position.
You know, I remember the last time an argument completely turned my world upside down. It was the night I lost both my parents. See, there was a field trip I needed to go on for school the next day, but Mom didn’t have the money on her. She wouldn’t until her paycheck came in. I told her not to worry about it, but she just…just insisted on asking the old man. She knew how much I wanted to go to the stupid aquarium. Don’t look at me like that. So what if I have an interest in underwater life? Have you seen some of the weird shit squids can do? Anyway, she asked, and the argument ignited like a lit match. There was something different this time though. He seemed to be burning hotter, and she seemed to be pushing harder. Sometimes when I look back I feel that they both just wanted to end their misery. I also look back and wonder if it was my fault? I mean, it was my action that forced her to talk to him. I was the root of the problem. I’m always the root of the fucking problem.
“Kellar, you’ve barely spoken since yesterday,” Luke says. His voice sounds as tired as I feel.
You’re damn right I’m fucking tired. I tossed and turned most of last night. Every time it felt like I was finally making progress to get some sleep, Maxx’s voice would start echoing in
my brain. And if it wasn’t the fucking echo I swear I could still smell her scent from when she’d stormed past me. It was a mix of chocolate and strawberries.
“Do you know what you’re gonna do?”
I should walk away. I should tell Maxx that she’s right, and that we need to just be friends. That I’m sorry I screwed this all up to begin with. Oh stop fighting with me on this. You know I’m right. You’ve seen my temper. You saw what came over me any time I thought about the idea of Tony near her. That’s not love. That’s possession. She’s right. She’s always fucking right.
“Kellar,” Luke warns like he’s listening to what I’m concluding.
He can’t hear us can he?
“Don’t do it, Kellar,” he reemphasizes taking a couple steps forward. “Do not pussy out on this!”
Is it weird that he’s calling me a pussy when I watched him let his sister paint his toes last night?
Gnawing my tongue with teeth, I look back down at the same space on the ground I’ve been staring at like it’s an abyss.
I’m not being a pussy. I’m being smart. I’m letting Maxx go. I’m letting…I’m letting her find the happiness she deserves. I’m—
“Stop that,” Luke growls. “Stop that bullshit train of thought you’re hopping on right now.”
Seriously, can he hear us?
“This isn’t about what you think you do and do not deserve. This isn’t about some stupid curse you think hangs over your head. This is about you and your bullshit idea that you don’t think you can be good enough for Maxx. Well news flash Logan, you can’t.”
Did he really just say that?
“You’re never gonna be the prince charming douche you think she wants, which is good because that’s not actually what she wants. She wants you. She wants you just the way you are, stupid tattoo, video game obsessed, man slut. All she’s ever wanted is you, and for you to choose her the way she’s always chosen you. She’s not asking you to change anything other than the tiny fact that she wants to know you give a shit about her the way she does about you. That she’s the only one, Kellar.”
