by Carrie Stone
Gulping back fear and ignoring my pounding heart, I strolled the short distance to the car, wondering if I had chosen appropriate clothing. My tight jeans and small heels weren't the most comfortable outfit choices; perhaps I should have dressed a little more casual, especially as Edward had plans to sight see.
Dismissing my worries, I caught sight of my reflection in the polished car bodywork. At least Maddie wouldn’t be able to tell her mother that I dressed as a sensible plain Jane. I looked hip and fashionable, if a little inappropriate for the day ahead. Edward got out of the car as I approached, looking me up and down appreciatively.
'You look nice; are you going to be OK walking around the Tower in those shoes?' he said, nodding towards my feet. I waved my hand dismissively.
'This is me you're talking to, I could climb Everest in a stiletto' I replied, blowing him a kiss and opening the door to get into the car. He was right, my feet would be ruined by the time I’d even stepped out of the car. But I wasn’t going to let him know that. I had my image to think of. Not to mention what Maddie might report back to her mother.
The little girl in the back seat was far prettier and daintier than the photo I recalled. She looked at me with her dark, wide eyes as I got into in the car, her long eyelashes tiredly struggling to stay open.
'Hello Maddie' I said in a bright voice as Edward got into the driver's seat beside me. He looked over his shoulder at Maddie.
'Maddie, this is my friend Lizzie. The one I was telling you about. Say hello.'
Maddie shyly waved her tiny hand and said a small 'hello' before turning her concentration to the window again.
Looking at Edward, I pulled a face to indicate how sweet she was. My nerves evaporated. I had enough experience of my nephews to know that Maddie was going to be positively angelic. Edward looked on proudly as I struck up conversation with Maddie, asking her about her school and friends. Her shy self quickly gained in confidence as she began to tell me about her teacher and pet dog.
I noticed Edward smiling at us both whilst he listened to our chatter and my faith in our relationship grew as I continued to build up rapport with Maddie. It was important to show him that we could get along harmoniously.
Nearing the Tower of London, my apprehension returned. Growing up in London meant I had visited the Tower countless times, yet I'd never quite managed to grasp the fascination people had with it.
Edward had insisted Maddie had to see it; purely because it was part of our heritage and history and would be an educational trip, as well as a fun one. Not one to miss a quip, it was on the tip of my tongue to say that Bond Street would also fall into that bracket. But I thought better of it. It was Maddie's day out and I was merely the friend.
My conscience hadn't allowed it to flee my thoughts that Edward had introduced me to Maddie, as his friend. The word didn’t sit right within my mind. We were much more than friends but I understood that at six years old, a child didn’t need to know the ins and outs of our relationship. Yet surely she was aware of the word girlfriend? Pushing the niggling thought aside, I concentrated on Edward's instructions as he parked the car and Maddie clapped her hands in delight.
'Daddy will we be able to see the Queen today?' she asked excitedly unclipping her seatbelt and reaching for the door handle. Edward looked towards me and laughed.
'No darling, the Queen is probably busy at Buckingham Palace.'
He reached for Maddie's hand as we began the walk out of the parking facility, gradually weaving our way towards the Tower, through throngs of tourists. On approach, Maddie looked overawed at the large building, pointing delightedly at the array of black ravens littered around the grounds. Edward looked on amused as I adopted my storytelling voice and relayed the story of the ravens that were scattered about us.
'If they ever leave the Tower, the Tower will fall down' I said dramatically, watching as her expression changed to wide eyed shock.
Leaning in close to my ear, I felt Edward's hot breath against me and my stomach contracted with ripples of lust. How was it possible that he could reduce me to a simmering mess with one simple action? Ignoring my blush and ensuring Maddie wouldn’t overhear, he spoke quietly in his sexy tone.
'You do know that the raven's supposedly have their wings clipped?' he raised a questioning eyebrow at me.
Any hope of sexual innuendo had been diminished at his words. Embarrassed at my misinterpretation I concentrated on his comment, nodding my head vigorously.
'Of course I do' I said, trying to sound convincing and to hide my surprise at this revelation. The ravens couldn’t fly even if they wanted to? Why hadn’t I come to this conclusion sooner. Had I been the only one to naïvely believe the fabricated story of the tower collapsing?
Two hours passed, the tour lasting much longer than I had anticipated, as my feet blistered and ached. Trying to act interested, I made enthusiastic sounds and comments for Maddie's benefit but my thoughts were elsewhere.
My mother's recent phone conversation was playing on my mind. She had convinced herself that she wanted a helicopter arrival at her wedding ceremony. This had been followed with reference to a ten foot high wedding cake. Unable to resist commenting, I hadn't held back on informing her that she was once again trying to climb the social ladder with frivolity. Needless to say, the phone conversation had been cut short.
Guilt eluded me; I was pleased I had voiced my opinion. For somebody that had already been married once before, it wasn't necessary to have such outlandish ideals. Unsurprisingly, no mention of the helicopter or cake had been made to Stella. I questioned to myself if my mother deliberately enjoyed the provocation.
By the time we arrived at the rainforest themed café, Maddie was tired and complaining of hunger. Relieved to be free of the Tower experience, the sounds of the jungle blasting from speakers around us, was a welcoming change. Shortly after seating ourselves, a waiter in a lion outfit approached to take our order.
Conscious that my jeans had become noticeably tighter than usual in the past couple of weeks, I was tempted to opt for a salad. Due to Edward consuming a larger part of my life, contentment played a bigger role. Eating out had become a regular occurrence. But fine dining did not equate to healthy dining. Minuscule portions of meat on a bed of creamy sauce and copious amounts of good wine, was deceivingly weight gaining. I'd even stopped my jogging regime around the living room, figuring that the amount of sex we had would burn off more calories than weightlifting tins of baked beans. Sadly it seemed this was not the case. My hips and bottom continued to grow.
I'd explained to Edward only the previous evening that it had left me with one of two options; eat less or have more sex. Unsurprisingly he found the latter the most ideal solution.
'May I take your order please?' the lion man asked in an Eastern European accent.
I studied the menu one final time. The salad came with grilled chicken and mango relish. It sounded very refreshing. I looked up at the waiter and pointed to my selection.
'I'll have the 12oz steak and chips please' I said politely, avoiding Edward's smirk and my conscience repeatedly screaming the word salad in my head. The waiter looked from me to Maddie.
'And for your daughter?' he enquired.
Maddie looked up in confusion, her bottom lip trembling.
'She's not my mummy. She's my daddy's friend' she said in a stroppy voice.
My eyes caught Edward's and he looked away embarrassed. Anguished and dejected, I lowered my gaze, feeling crestfallen as Edward ignored the comment and provided the waiter with the remaining orders.
The waiter finished writing the remainder of instructions as I sat quietly, not wishing to say something I would later regret. Aware of my vulnerability, Edward reached under the table to squeeze my leg reassuringly. Jerking myself away from his touch, he looked at me in surprise, his eyes imploring me to communicate my thoughts.
A rush of emotion and questions swamped me. Why hadn’t he taken the opportunity to squeeze my leg in front of Maddi
e? Why did he only want to do it now that it wasn't a visible gesture? Not once throughout the day had he kissed me in his usual display of affection, or even held my hand. I couldn’t help but feel I was being treated as the 'other woman'. Except in this case Edward didn’t have a wife. I let out a long, painful sigh.
Aside from Maddie's occasional chatter about the day's sightings at the Tower, we ate the meal in relative silence. At one point Edward tried to joke with me but I purposely set my steely stare on him. It would take more than humour to win me over.
The roaring lion sounds and tweeting of exotic birds began to grate on my nerves and I was relieved when Edward paid the bill and suggested we walk back to the parking facility.
Maddie could barely keep her eyes open by the time we arrived at Edward's car to begin the journey back to his. Keeping my eyes fixed firmly ahead on the road, I ignored Edward's repeated glances of concern in my direction, getting intense satisfaction from his anxiousness. As Maddie finally succumbed to her tiredness, gentle snores sounded from the back seat.
'What’s up with you today?' Edward whispered in a questioning tone, purposefully keeping his voice low so as not to wake Maddie.
'This isn't the time or the place Edward' I said in an angry whisper; nodding my head towards Maddie.
Edwards’s forehead furrowed as he looked at me in genuine surprise.
‘Babe, come on, don’t be like that. I don’t know why you’re angry at me. I thought today was a success?' he replied, voice cracking. The car approached his apartment block. The leaded security gate in front of us began to open automatically, giving way for us to continue downwards into the underground parking base.
Trying to keep my fears burrowed, I kept my tone neutral.
'Today was a success in terms of Maddie enjoying herself' I said, looking down at my hands and studying my nails. 'But I'm disappointed in you, Edward.' The car was suddenly saturated with the artificial light of the overhead halogens. Edward pulled forward into his allocated space and switched off the engine looking at me in complete surprise.
'You're disappointed in me? But why?' he asked with a genuine note of exasperation in his barely audible voice.
A small sleepy sneeze came from the back seat making us both look around. Maddie opened her tired eyes and yawned.
Edward locked eyes with mine with an unsaid plea to wait until we were indoors to continue the conversation. Shrugging my agreement, I watched as he opened the back seat door.
'We're home Maddie; let’s get you inside darling.' Picking up Maddie in his arms, much to her delight, I was left to follow behind them as I collected my belongings and made my way into the lift.
A feeling of anguish surrounded me as we exited the lift. The atmosphere between Edward and I wasn't good. Stepping into his apartment, I closed the door behind us as the onset of tears began to prickle against my eyes.
CHAPTER FORTY ONE
'What happened to you?' Ronnie said studying my face with concern. Without the shield of my over sized sunglasses, my puffy tear stained face and eyes were obvious for all to see.
'I really don't want to talk about it' I said dismissively, walking across to my desk and turning on my computer.
Today's bakery delight was a chocolate Florentine. I swallowed back the fresh wave of tears threatening to engulf me, and concentrated on the delicate layer of chocolate covering the sticky muesli base. The way I was feeling, it would be demolished in one mouthful. There was no longer any point worrying about my weight. I was single. No man to keep up appearances for or to worry about. Edward and I were over.
Ronnie shook his head at my lack of engagement in conversation and walked into his office, muttering to himself. Avoiding glancing in his direction, I sank lower into my swivel chair and stared listlessly at the radiator. How could it be possible to function adeptly with my heart shattered into one thousand tiny pieces? A gaping, empty void that had been so filled with love and hope only days previous.
My life was in pieces. Again. Only this time much worse. My best friend was the other side of the world and I had an imminent hotel launch to attend. There was no escaping the reality of my situation. I had no time to be heartbroken.
My mind had over processed the last twenty four hours of events. I was no longer certain of anything. Everything within me felt numb. Although the pain of losing Edward hadn’t yet hit me, the waves of hysteria were already drawing close.
I could still picture his confusion as I'd tried to explain my dismay and hurt at being referred to as his friend. Not understanding, he'd repeatedly told me that Maddie was just a child and he didn’t want to confuse her. He hadn’t meant to offend me; he simply didn’t want to introduce any woman as a girlfriend until he knew that person was going to be in his life for the long term. My heart had ached at those words. They said everything I had put my faith into. He didn’t see a future in us. To Edward, I was simply Miss Right-Now.
In a tear-fuelled frenzy I had shouted at him, all the while him pleading with me to stop over reacting. He had tried to calm me, cuddling me, soothing me. And I had almost given in to him, been on the brink of wondering if I’d overreacted; if the pain in my throat at the thought of losing him was really necessary? If the pain that my heart was being torn from me, was really real? And then he'd said the three words I’d waited so long to hear. I love you. Please don't go. I love you.
All of the perfect, happy moments we'd spent together in which he could have chosen to say those words, passed before my eyes. Moments in passion, in embrace, in laughter and even those in peaceful silence. Instead, he'd chosen to use them at a time I was feeling hurt and vulnerable. He'd used them like a hunter uses a net to catch his prey. The special words I'd envisioned bringing us closer, were the last words I had heard from Edward before I had turned and walked out of his door and out of his life.
The countless calls and visits that had followed in the last twelve hours had done little to lift my spirits. In my mind, we were over. It didn’t matter how many times he apologised or how many flowers he bought. The damage had been done. And I had not over-reacted as he was so fond of saying.
'Morning' Sam said happily as she swung herself through the entrance door, bringing with her a blast of cool air.
Mustering 'Good morning', I picked up my Florentine and took a mouthful, crunching purposefully.
Sam eyed me peculiarly as she took off her blue raincoat and sat down. The raincoat was new and hideous. I'd seen similar things advertised in raunchy magazines, totally inappropriate for office wear. Ronnie wouldn't be impressed once he saw it.
'Good weekend?' Sam asked tentatively.
Why couldn’t everybody leave me alone today? Even my sleep state hadn’t allowed me any grace. Dreams of Edward and I on a sailing boat, in an ocean of orange water had plagued me. Waking at dawn in a tearful sweat, I had spent the next hour looking at online dream interpretations. It didn’t help to learn that orange water represented attack and deceit, whilst a boat could possibly mean war. Adding these things together amounted to Edward and I at war because of deceit. Strangely apt given the circumstances.
'Fine; ignore me then' Sam said sulkily as her phone began to ring. I continued staring at my screen not daring to look in her direction. My eyes were brimming with tears.
How could I have been so certain that Edward was 'the one'? My only hope now was that he was 'the one' before 'the one'. I couldn’t begin to imagine meeting somebody new and having to go through the uncertainty of the early stages again. For what? My heart to be crushed for a third time? I had thought I’d found that special soul mate in Edward and now it was over.
'Lizzie, it's Mr McIntyre' Sam called across to me, mispronouncing the surname. I groaned. Mr McIntyre was a nightmare client that appeared to get kicks out of ringing me regularly to look into random destinations. I was convinced he didn’t have any friends. To date, he hadn’t proceeded with booking any of his requested trips. Perhaps that’s what would become of me now Edward was no longer i
n my life. I'd be forced to spend my days ringing travel agents to get my social fix.
'OK' I muttered, pressing the button on my handset to pick up the call. Just over twenty six minutes later I had a provisional reservation for one Mr McIntyre on a round trip to Machu Pichu.
Considering only last week he'd had his heart set on an all inclusive ski trip in St Moritz, I knew it was highly likely I had wasted twenty six minutes of my life on someone with no intention of booking. Bizarrely, I felt gratitude towards him for the distraction.
Lunchtime came around quicker than I anticipated. Daring to take a peek at my mobile which I’d left on silent mode, my stomach jumped into my throat at the site of the three missed calls and one voice message. All from Edward.
Gingerly pressing the voicemail button, I closed my eyes and hugged my knees up to my chest as Edward's familiar voice came through the earpiece.
'Lizzie, come on babe; please stop ignoring me. Let's meet and talk through this. I miss you. Call me when you get this.'
Tears made their way down my face as a lump formed in my throat. I wanted to call him so much. I wanted to allow the dispute to pass over my head. Pretend that nothing had ever happened. Yet I wasn't one of those women anymore. The type of woman that the likes of Will and Edward could easily walkover, wrong and expect to forgive and forget. I had to prove to Edward that I wouldn’t accept that behaviour.
Ending the call, I wiped my eyes conscious that Sam or Ronnie could walk into the small kitchenette at any moment. I wasn't ready to share my news yet. The sympathetic looks and words of encouragement would do little to help my situation.
