Bella grunted and put her hand to her stomach. “I swear if this child doesn’t stop kicking me I’m going to let his daddy raise him.”
Maddie looked at Bella. “You carry a girl.”
“How do you know?” It was uniquely Bella that she didn’t dismiss the thought, just asked if Maddie was sure.
It would be tactless to say she’d seen so many pregnant women over the course of her eighteen years in a whorehouse that she knew how a woman carried. So Maddie just shrugged instead and said, “Some things a woman just knows.”
Bella’s brows lifted, and she made an eloquent motion of her hands. “See? Ya está. When you don’t stop to think about how you are going to be received, you say what is on your mind.”
“A woman should be seen and not heard.”
Bella snorted. “Idiots should be seen and not heard.”
Maddie couldn’t help but flinch any more than Bella could help her immediate apologetic touch on her hand. Bella was always touching. It didn’t bother Maddie so much anymore.
“I am sorry, Maddie. You know I do not think you are an idiot.”
So many did, though. Her glance cut to the path Caden had taken. Bella’s gaze followed hers but she didn’t let go of her hand this time, just gripped it tighter when Maddie tugged.
“Maddie?”
“Yes?”
“Do you believe the truth I always tell?”
Maddie nodded, used to Bella’s grammar. It was actually pretty the way she spoke, clear yet a little off-kilter, like a unique music played beneath the words.
“I believe you.” She tugged at her hand again. Bella gripped tighter.
“Do you believe that I would never do anything to hurt you?”
She nodded again.
“Do you believe I am not conventional?”
Maddie nodded. “I believe all that you tell me. You are a good person. You would never lie.”
Bella snorted. “Good people lie all the time. So do I. I would to save someone I love, but I would not lie to someone I love for no reason.”
Maddie understood that. “Yes.”
Bella shook her head. “I will speak plainly now, in words I want you to hear.”
Maddie grabbed a branch of the tree and braced herself. Only bad things started that way.
Bella took a step around until she faced her, her stomach touching the folds of Maddie’s skirt. Maddie wanted to run and hide, but it didn’t really matter what she wanted. Bella was determined to have her say, and she could see Sam searching for his wife. Soon he would be here. Maddie preferred not to deal too closely with the men of Hell’s Eight. It wasn’t that they were bad men; they were just men, and men made her uncomfortable.
“I’m listening.”
“Forgive me my plain speaking, but you are in love with Caden.”
Maddie flinched, clenching the branch in her hand, the leaves tearing and sending a slightly fruity scent into the air. “A man like that isn’t for me.”
Bella snorted. “He’s a man like any other who needs a woman to love him.”
“He has his pick of women.”
“And you could have your pick of men.”
Maddie shook her head. Only the naive believed that. “I am used goods, fit for the bed and nothing else. No man would want me.”
Bella’s nails dug into her wrist. “You will not speak such words again to me. You are my friend. You were there for that time Sam went away and my dreams were bad. You sat with me and made me tea. You run around this place like you are nothing, doing everything, supporting everyone, making sure that Sally Mae had what she needed for the wedding, organizing, finagling—”
“I am good at trading,” Maddie interrupted.
“Trading, then. But everything you do supports those that you love. You are a strong force in the background making everything possible. You have changed so much here at Hell’s Eight since you have come and yet you see none of this. You see yourself as nothing, as bed sport only.”
Maddie looked away. Bella’s finger under her chin yanked her face back.
“If you want Caden, this thinking needs to stop. You need to believe in who you are. You need to believe in the strength that kept you alive all these years. You need to believe in that part of you that makes you the one woman he smiles at whenever you are near.”
Maddie hated the hope that sprang to life in her chest, hated it yet clung to it.
“You don’t know—”
Bella shook her head. “No. I do not know anything for sure, but I know when you are around Caden you smile, and I know when Caden is around you he smiles. This does not determine the end, but to me it seems a good beginning.”
She could see Caine and Ace arguing, she assumed about Caden. No doubt Caine didn’t want him to leave. Caine thought he had a lot of power over the men, but her Caden was a stubborn man, and she understood more than Caine that Caden was also a man who needed to make his own way.
“What would you have me do? A knight doesn’t look for a princess among the garbage.”
“My Sam had no use for me when he first met me.”
That Maddie couldn’t believe. “You are Sam’s princess in the tower.”
“I was Sam’s pain in the—” Bella smiled and tapped her behind, leaving the word unsaid. “He thought I was too good for him, that he would only bring me trauma in my life. He denied our love, our attraction and our potential for joy.”
“But you’re together.”
“Yes. We are. But I had to chase that man across half the state and I had to fight for him.”
“You can’t make someone love you. Sally Mae told me this.”
“And Sally Mae is right. But you can stop someone from running away from the way they feel long enough for the truth of their feelings to catch up to them.”
Who did Bella think she was, preaching such hope to the hopeless? She had no right. “Maybe I’m just too stupid to understand such a thing.”
Bella let go of her hand and took a step back. “Maybe you are too stupid to be with a man like Caden, who has everything except the softness he needs. And maybe you are too stupid to know what is right and wrong and how it should be between a man and a woman. And maybe you are just too stupid for a lot of things because you foolishly believe all the wrong people told you.” Bella made a slashing motion with her hand. “But I do not think so. I have seen how you have changed. How you have grown, so when I tell you this, know that I am speaking to Maddie the woman who has become part of Hell’s Eight, not Maddie who sees herself of no value. It is time for you to leave here.” She motioned toward the gate. “Time for you to follow your heart.”
“Why?”
Bella’s expression softened. “Because if you want Caden, Maddie, then you need to do whatever it takes to make him see you and what could be. Something big. And no one can do it for you.”
She turned on her heel.
Maddie stood where she was anchored by her grip on the tree and the weight of the preposterous idea Bella had put forth. “Wait.”
Bella shook her head and raised her hand. “No. It is time for you to make up your mind who you will be.”
Maddie had the insane urge to chase after Bella, to have her tell her what to do, but what was the point? Bella was right. She had decided herself it was time she stopped being a child.
Caden was leaving as if it was nothing to anyone. The man never understood he was missed when he left. Or maybe he didn’t care. Sometimes it was hard to know. Follow her heart, Bella had advised. Did she have the courage to do something that big?
Caden had told her that he wouldn’t leave without seeing her. The anger that hit her was strong. The determination just as strong. She was done being left behind. Every day when she got up, life happened to her. Tomorrow, she was going to happen to her life.
* * *
MADDIE’S TREASURES WERE packed into a saddlebag along with two changes of clothes before dawn even touched the sky. Caden had left an hour earlier. She’
d heard the back-porch step creak as he’d slipped out. Saw the light in the barn. It was time for her to go now, too. Sneaking down the back stairs, she ducked out the same door as Caden, but she avoided the third board on the steps. While no one would protest Caden’s departure, hers would be sure to cause a fuss. Her redbone hound whined and lifted his head. She smiled and made a motion of her hand. He came over immediately. She fed him a piece of meat left over from supper. He wolfed it down and, when another wasn’t forthcoming, drooped his head until the loose folds all but obscured his eyes. He had the look of his father, Boone, but was the despair of Tucker’s pack. Worthless, he’d been named, because while he could track like his father, he wouldn’t bay.
The day Tucker had cut him from the litter, she’d cried for him. When she’d heard his name, that had been the final straw. She’d taken the dog as hers, expecting a protest. No one had said a word. He’d become her “porch hound,” as Tucker called him. She’d tried to change the dog’s name, but he refused to respond to anything else, which just went to prove everything had a meaning to someone, and she had to respect his preference.
It still made her nervous having a friend, even if it was a dog, but there was no going back. Worthless had claimed her as much as she’d claimed him. So far they’d been friends. Tonight, he was going to become her partner. She hoped. Tapping her hip, she beckoned Worthless to her side.
The note and IOU she’d written crinkled in her pocket. Flower was a sweet little mare that Tucker had trained for her. She had a gentle way about her and not a mean bone in her body. Maddie trusted her as she trusted no human. No matter how valuable the horse was, Maddie couldn’t choose another. And not only because her riding skills weren’t that good. She needed things around her right now in which she had faith. She might have decided to happen to her life, but that didn’t mean she had any confidence she could pull it off.
Flower nickered as Maddie approached her stall. She opened the door, her hands shaking. She patted the mare’s neck and took a breath. The only other time she’d taken her destiny into her own hands was when she’d bolted after Tracker out the door of that whorehouse. She still didn’t know what had made her do it, but once done, there’d been no going back. She’d been prepared to beg the big man, but he’d turned and looked at her, appearing so dark and alien she’d almost reconsidered, then with a nod he’d held out his hand. She’d taken it full of fear, only to find beneath that harsh exterior was a good man.
He’d been looking for his Ari then, sympathy for her plight no doubt driving him to collect discarded women along the way. Tracker had brought her home to Hell’s Eight the way he brought many others. Giving them a place to heal. Most had left after a month or two. Moving on. She’d stayed. She hadn’t had any other place to go and she’d been afraid to start over. Or so she’d thought. Truth was, she’d just been slow to be ready.
She looked beyond the open stable door to the fading night beyond. But that was all changing. “We’re going adventuring, Flower.”
She snubbed the little horse to the hitching post and fetched her tack. Worthless flopped by the post. “Caden thinks he can just break a promise to me, but he can’t,” she told the hound. He rolled his big brown eyes at her.
Thanks to Caden’s relentless instruction, she made short work of saddling and bridling the little mare. At the time she’d wanted to curse him, but now, when time was critical, she appreciated every tedious lesson. She couldn’t afford to let Caden get too far ahead of her. She took the IOU out of her pocket and stuck it on a nail jutting out of the post. Stealing a horse was a hanging offense. She wanted to be sure the Hell’s Eight knew she was only borrowing Flower. Over the IOU she put the note she’d written to Tia and Bella. It was short and to the point. A thank-you and a simple I’ve decided to live my life. As an afterthought she’d added, Please, don’t worry. She hoped she’d spelled everything right.
It was a novel thought that someone would worry about her. She smiled. Taking control of her life was working. She now had friends.
Looping the leash around Worthless’s neck, she tied the other end around the saddle horn. His silent tracking was going to work for her. The last thing she needed was for Caden to know she was following until they were too far out for him to send her back.
She took one last look around. Here she was safe. Beyond the door, her life waited. For a minute she hesitated. Worthless whined and stood. She nodded. “You’re right. It’s time to go.”
She swung up into the saddle, her skirt settling around the pants Caden had purchased for her when he’d noticed how she’d been sore after that first time riding. She hadn’t had pantaloons and she’d been too embarrassed to tell anybody. She’d fretted for days he’d tell and she’d be embarrassed. So much had embarrassed her back then. Gathering up the reins, she sighed. She’d felt so lacking amid the confidence of the Hell’s Eight women. But that had been her own silliness, as Bella would put it.
Then, a few days after that first riding lesson, Caden had handed her a box and told her to open it in private. Her first thoughts had been shameful. Thinking he’d bought her scandalous womanly things, and it had been with great trepidation she’d placed the box on her bed. When she’d opened it, she’d cried. Stupid, silly tears. He’d bought her ugly man-pants to wear under her skirts. Made of soft wool and thick enough so her thighs wouldn’t chafe. She’d lost her heart to him right then, though it took her weeks to identify what that skip of a beat had meant.
She loved those damn pants. Loved that damn man. And now she was planning on loving her damn life. So much had changed around her in the past year. So much had changed within her. She’d gone from a scared child who hid in make-believe to a woman who was learning to live. It was exciting. It was energizing. It was as scary as all get-out. Patting Flower on the shoulder and smiling at the eagerly waiting Worthless, Maddie urged the mare forward. Worthless fell in beside.
“Ready or not, here we come.”
CHAPTER THREE
MADDIE’S SENSE OF adventure took a rapid downhill spiral. It wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be to follow Caden’s trail. Worthless would first pick up and then lose the scent. And frankly, she couldn’t tell the difference. Flower didn’t always want to go where Worthless went, she couldn’t see what she was doing, and that damn breeze rustling the leaves kept whispering in her ears little words of warning. Go back. Go back. But she was tired of going back, so she plunged on, letting her mind drift so worry wouldn’t eat her alive, trusting Worth to get her where she needed to go.
Flower stumbled, tossing Maddie about in the saddle. She grabbed the horn. The mare tossed her head and took two steps back. Worthless whined at the end of the leash as he was pulled off the scent. Lifting her head, she saw immediately why the horse stopped. An overgrown, impenetrable bramble thicket was just sitting there where she needed to go. Darn! She’d have to go around.
The dog whined again, straining toward the thicket as she tugged on the leash.
“We don’t have a choice,” she snapped at the animal. She immediately regretted the harshness. It wasn’t Worth’s fault that she was confused. She just hadn’t expected everything to look so similar in the dark. She had no idea where she was. Flower tossed her head again. No doubt she wanted to be safely home in her stall. Maddie had a sense of day coming, but not much sun got through the thickness of the trees. Worth whined again, straining to the left. There was a slight hole in the thicket there, but it certainly wasn’t big enough for the horse. Wrapping the leash around her wrist, she pulled him back. She sat deeper in the saddle and looked around. In all directions, she saw trees. If she didn’t know better, she’d say the same tree just repeated itself. She didn’t even know if she could find her way home from here. She had no choice but to go forward. She’d just have to take the chance that she could find the trail again. And the discouraging thought came to her that if she and her horse couldn’t pass through here, neither could Caden, which only left one question: What exac
tly had the dog been following?
“You were supposed to follow Caden,” she told Worth. He looked up at her, tongue lolling, panting slightly. No doubt he was thirsty. She was, too. The mare nickered. Poor Flower was probably thirstier than them all. Maddie reached for her canteen only to discover it gone. It’d fallen off somewhere along the way. Tears burned behind her eyelids. She took another breath, closing her eyes as the panic started deep within. She was lost with no water. Going back was no more possible than going forward. Her great adventure was a disaster. She should have just stayed at Hell’s Eight.
The buzzing started at the edges of her mind. Holding her breath, she reached for her calm place, picturing in her mind the pond at her home outside of Carson City. It was so easy to summon the image this time, to imagine she felt the breeze upon her face. In the summer it was so pretty with the shade of the trees spreading out over the water and the clover sprinkling the shore like a smile. The breeze off the water felt so good on those hot summer days. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and imagined until she could feel the sun on her face, smell the damp earth, hear the soft rustle of the summer breeze through the trees, feel it caress her face and shoulders.
She did love summer days. There was something so hopeful about them that made a body feel as light as a feather. There was nothing she loved more than sitting by her pond, and if she were lucky, with a book to read. She did love to read, and Mrs. Cabel, the schoolteacher, occasionally allowed her to take a book from her library so long as she treated it with respect. She always treated those books with respect. They were her treat, her escape into another world.
But something was wrong. This time of day, the shade was always on the right side of the pond, providing a more comfortable place to sit. It’d be the perfect place for a picnic. She guided Flower to the right. The dog whined and went along. She crossed the rocky surface of the stream. The horse stumbled, jostling her. She shook her head, chuckling. She always tripped over that big stone in the middle. It was so easy to lose track of time here on the sunny side of the pond. In her mind’s eye she reached her spot, smoothed her skirts as she sat on the blanket, leaned back against the tree and just let the cares of the day fade away. She loved it here by the pond.
Caden's Vow Page 3
