She stared at him. No emotion showed on her face. She’d developed the mask of an alpha. She’d make a good mate to one. He only hated her method and her reasoning. Something told him it wasn’t one he’d approve of, but as she said, he’d lost the right to judge her.
“I hope whatever it is you’re doing this for is worth it.”
“It is, Nic. It is.”
He nodded, then turned his back on her and slipped inside the house. Memories assaulted him. Not happy ones, but the crippling reminders of the sins he’d committed the day before. Riley’s hurt expression choked him, but so too did Maria’s impassionate one. Riley, he’d spend his life proving to her he loved her.
Maria? He shouldn’t feel anything for her, but he did. He pitied her for whatever drove her to accept the sham of a mating he’d offered. Guilt also plagued him over the shame she’d no doubt feel when she showed up at the circle tonight only to learn he’d left. He pushed it aside. She’d be more humiliated living in a house at the edge of his pack lands with orders not to come anywhere near him. And for what pushed her to accept a male who’d never love her? It wasn’t his fight. He only hoped she found someone willing to shoulder it with her.
Showered and dressed, he stepped back onto the porch. Hannah no longer sat with empty bottles strewn about. He hesitated for a moment. The need to check on her and make sure she was safe beat at him, but the lightening sky pushed the urge aside. His time was running out. He needed off of his pack lands and away from the fate he’d never wanted before his destiny caught up with him.
The drive to Riley’s Sanctuary took longer than he’d expected. The heavy rains had turned the dirt and stone roads leading from his remote house into a mess of mud and deep puddles. If he could guarantee his wolf wouldn’t try to take over, he could’ve shifted. The damn silence from his primal half stopped him.
His wolf might share his body and be joined to his soul, but he didn’t trust him. The animal had its own agenda, one that had nothing to do with love. Ultimately, the man was in charge as God intended. It didn’t mean he’d have an easy time asserting his dictate or ever receive full backing from the beast. He wouldn’t be the first shifter who lived in discontent with the wolf he’d been born with. He doubted he’d be the last either. As long as he had Riley in his life, he didn’t care.
He floored the gas pedal once he reached the paved road. Riley’s Sanctuary came into view. The single car parked on the side of the clinic belonged to one of the other nurses. He’d met her a couple of times when he’d stopped by to visit his dad over the past week, but he’d never asked her name. He hadn’t wanted to associate with anyone while he’d struggled with his fate.
He unlocked the door and made his way across the darkened lobby of the animal hospital to the door leading to the basement. In the hallway outside his dad’s room, he paused to look at the painting of him receiving the spirit of the pack. Anger rushed up. He had no doubt he was making the right choice, but his entire life he’d anticipated the transfer. Maybe not enthusiastically, but he’d felt honored to be born a Kagan. No longer. He wasn’t strong enough. And dammit, for a dominant, that stung.
A growl escaped. The sound of a door opening reached his ears. He didn’t bother turning. The female’s scent announced her presence. The nurse was nearing her fertile cycle. Mated, her presence didn’t torment him. He ignored her, hoping she’d take the hint and leave. The woman had other ideas. She stepped next to him.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
He grunted in answer.
“Riley obsessed for weeks over this particular painting. She wanted it to be perfect.”
He whipped his head to stare at the nurse. “Riley painted that?” He motioned toward the artwork.
She nodded. “Riley’s made many pieces over the past few years, but that’s her best work.”
He glanced from the paintings lining the hall to the one in front of him. “It’s amazing.”
“Some human she’d dated taught her. She picked the hobby up easily, not surprising, really. Our Riley is an amazing person.”
He waited for jealousy to grip him as it had before when he thought of Riley with other males. The emotion didn’t overpower him, however. He couldn’t say he liked the idea of what she’d done while he was gone, but he couldn’t judge her, not when he’d done the same. They’d found their way back to each other. That was all that mattered.
“Yes, she’s an angel.” My angel.
He turned his back on the woman and slipped inside his dad’s room. Nicholas Kagan, the alpha of the Kagan pack, didn’t wake. He lay under a thin blanket, tubes running from his arms and monitors beeping behind him. Thinner with lines on his face and bags under his eyes, he’d aged severely over the past few days. Nic knew it was common for shifters in his dad’s situation. It didn’t make seeing the evidence of his disintegrating body and soul any more bearable.
Nic’s wolf whined, the first peep he’d heard from the beast since the night before. He used a metaphysical hand and stroked the animal. It was the most comfort he could offer. They both understood what the deterioration of his dad’s condition meant—either he’d stopped fighting to stay alive or the infection had done it for him. Either way, the male who’d helped create him and guided the Kagan pack through a trip to the new world, wars and unbelievable advances in technology would soon die.
Today would be the last they spoke.
Nic squeezed his eyes shut. They burned. He waited a moment for the sensation to pass, knowing his dad wouldn’t want to see tears pricking his son’s eyes, especially with the news he’d come to deliver.
He dragged a chair over to the bed and straddled it. “Dad?”
Hazel eyes focused on him after several seconds of blinking. “Is it time for the transfer?”
Nic shook his head. “No. It’s just after dawn. I needed to speak with you, though.”
“About what?”
Nic held his dad’s gaze and told him the truth he should’ve admitted to years ago. “I love Riley.” He waited for a reaction. Got none. He cleared his throat. “And four years ago, I tried mating her.”
“Your wolf stopped you.” No condemnation. No shock.
Nic nodded. “Yes, and I left knowing I wouldn’t have been able to stay away.”
“Or stop yourself from trying to mate her again and again, hoping to convince your wolf she was worth a piece of your soul.”
Nic leaned forward. “You knew?”
“I suspected but never wanted to learn you’d taken the same path I had.” His dad grabbed Nic’s hand in a surprisingly strong grip. “You need to send Riley away. She can’t be on our pack lands tomorrow. She’ll die. Don’t believe what your mate tells you. She might say she’s okay with you keeping a lover, but she won’t be able to help herself. It’s all about instincts, you understand?”
Nic stared at his dad and saw the truth written on his anguished face, but had to be sure. “Mom killed your true mate, didn’t she?”
“Yes, and I despised her for it. She promised me a lifetime with Agatha, only your mother deemed my true mate should only live a night.” His dad curled his hands into fists. “I understood she couldn’t control her wolf, but it didn’t make it right, nor did I ever forgive her for it.”
Nic had been five when she’d died. He didn’t have too many memories of her, save one. “You slept in separate bedrooms.”
His dad snorted. “Yeah. Don’t get me wrong. I spent time in your mother’s bed every night, but the only woman I slept with was Agatha.” He dropped his head on the pillow. “Soon, I’ll see her again.”
“I’m not following the path you did.” Nic waited for his dad’s narrowed eyes to meet his. “I won’t accept the spirit of our pack. I’m leaving with Riley. I plan on living out her life and following her to the grave.”
A long moment passed before his dad asked, “What of
our pack? Their safety and happiness is more important than its alpha’s wants. If it hadn’t have been for my responsibility to the pack spirit, I too would’ve joined my Agatha in heaven years ago.”
“I am grateful for your endurance and sacrifice, but I’m not strong enough to do the same. Sean will accept the spirt wolf. He will continue the Kagan legacy.” Nic hoped, at least.
Silence stretched. Finally, his dad leaned forward. “I want him to challenge me. Please, son, I want to leave this world with honor and go to Agatha with a clean conscience knowing I did what was right for my pack. She’ll be waiting for me. I know she will. True mates always find their way back to each other.” A small smile flitted across his face. “She’ll make my afterlife a living hell, though. I deserve it, but I’ll spend my eternity groveling at her feet for one of her kisses.”
Nic covered his dad’s hand. “Sean would be honored.” And he would no matter how much it hurt to strike the blow that ended Nicholas Kagan’s life. Nic knew Sean too well.
“Good. I’ll have the protectors guard me, form a wall around me until I get into the circle. Whatever needs to be done. And you better love Riley every damn day. Tell her. Show her. Don’t ever let her feel unwanted, no matter what time does to her body.”
A tear slipped free. Nic didn’t bother wiping it away. They’d passed some point tonight. No longer shifters, they were men…no more, no less. “Of course. It’s her soul I love, not just her body.”
His dad nodded, then looked expectantly at him. “And Hannah?”
“I’ll do my best for her.”
“That’s all I ask. She’ll figure out her own way. She’s a smart girl.”
Nic half considered telling him about the crazy plan she had, but didn’t. There was no point in worrying his dad when Nic didn’t even know the details. Besides, neither of them could stop her. “I need to go, Dad. Riley’s waiting for me.”
“Okay. Good-bye, son.”
Nic wrapped his arms around his dad and held him for a long moment. “Bye, Dad.”
With that, he turned and walked away. No other words were necessary.
Chapter Nineteen
Riley knew the moment she woke Nic had left her. Sadness rushed up, and the first sob thickened her throat. She fought it. Deep breaths cleared the tightness and eased the burn behind her eyelids. There was no room for the crippling emotion.
Nic loved her.
Strength and determination replaced the doubt that had plagued her for years. Nic’s actions and unspoken words told the truth. She also suspected the depth of his commitment. He’d follow her to the grave. It wasn’t an outcome she wanted for either of them. She prayed it wouldn’t come to that. Yet…it was the fate they’d share if he were human too. A lifetime—that was all she had to give any man. She had chosen Nic to be the one she wanted to grow old with.
She sat up. A yellow piece of paper caught her attention. She snatched the note from her nightstand and read. A smile spread. And he’s chosen me.
Her breathing quickened, and her heart swelled. More tears filled her eyes, happy ones. She hopped from the bed, grabbed her cell and dialed Hannah.
“Did you talk to the shifter couples for me?” Riley asked before Hannah could say hello.
“Yes. I talked to them yesterday and asked all the questions on your list, but I don’t know how it’ll help you. You need to focus on winning Nic’s wolf, and time is running out.”
Riley ground her teeth. “Which is why you set me up yesterday.”
“Of course. You need to trigger Nic’s instincts, and there’s only one way you can.”
She curled her fingers into a fist. “By making him feel protective of me.”
“Exactly. If he saw you cry—”
“Whatever, Hannah.” Riley blew out a rough breath. Arguing with Nic’s stubborn sister only wasted time. “I don’t want to talk about what I walked in on yesterday. Did you get the details of the infertility treatments the couples tried?”
“Yes. Come over, and I’ll give them to you.”
“No need. Just answer one question.” Riley licked her lips. Her whole plan hinged on it. “Did the shifter female’s eggs die when removed from her body?”
“No, but her human mate’s seed wasn’t able to penetrate the egg.”
Riley’s heart beat faster. “What about donor shifter sperm? Did they try that?”
“Yes. It was partially successful, but the embryo didn’t implant. I have the list of everything they tried.” Hannah’s sigh sounded overly loud. “I can email it to you, but I don’t know what good it’ll do. From the looks of it, they tried everything.”
Her stomach knotted. She hoped not everything. “Please do. Thank you, Hannah.”
Riley ended the call and opened her email program. The moment Hannah’s name popped up, Riley clicked on the message. She read through the details. Her heart raced.
No, not everything. She jumped to her feet and did a little dance.
All the traditional methods were tried, but the one that mimicked a natural conception hadn’t been utilized. She wasn’t surprised. Gamete Intra-Fallopian Transfer or GIFT wasn’t common, but it should work—biologically speaking.
If a shifter’s donated egg and Nic’s sperm were inserted into her Fallopian Tube during the night of the full moon, conception and implantation would occur naturally. It would essentially turn her into a surrogate. Of course, like the other procedures the human-shifter couples had attempted, it might not work, but it was worth a shot. She just needed to find a mated shifter female willing to give Riley her eggs.
Well, she also needed Nic’s wolf to accept her, something that might never happen. If she allowed the thought to take hold, it’d cripple her.
One obstacle at a time.
She dialed Jenna.
“Hello?” Jenna’s sleepy voice filled the line.
“I’m sorry to wake you, but I need to talk to you.”
“What’s wrong?” Worry laced Jenna’s alert response.
“Nothing. Everything might finally be all right. Will you come to the house?”
“Of course. I’ll be there in five.”
Jenna clicked off, and Riley ran to the bathroom. A quick shower later, she paced the length of her living room. After what seemed like forever, the door opened. Jenna walked in, hair in tangles and concern etched on her features. She rushed forward.
“Talk to me, Riley. What’s happened?”
Riley caught her bottom lip between her teeth. She’d been so caught up in her excitement she hadn’t given any consideration on how to approach the subject of her relationship with Nic. She blew out a breath and gave Jenna the truth. “Nic and I love each other. He tried mating me four years ago. His wolf stopped him.”
“Oh, hon. I’m sorry.” Jenna laid her hand over Riley’s arm.
Riley blinked more tears away. “No, don’t pity me. Help me.”
“I can’t. You need to leave the pack. Nic’s mate—”
“Is going to be me.” Riley raised her chin. “I think I’ve found a way to fool biology and give Nic an heir.”
Jenna shook her head. “That’s impossible. If you’re thinking some kind of fertility treatment, it won’t work. Human eggs and shifter sperm aren’t compatible.”
“I know. Just listen to me.” Riley explained her plan, then turned imploring eyes on her friend. “I know it might not work. I also know it won’t matter unless Nic’s wolf accepts me, but…”
“But?”
Riley took her friend’s hand and squeezed it tight. “If Nic did mate me, I’d need a mated shifter female willing to give me her eggs.”
Jenna held her gaze. “You’re asking for mine.”
“Yes.”
Jenna pulled her hand free and walked toward into the kitchen. Riley followed. Jenna crossed the room, stopping in fr
ont of the patio door. An endless moment passed while she stared at the quiet background before she sighed. “If Sean is willing, I’ll do it.”
Riley went to her and wrapped her arms around Jenna’s torso. “Thank you, Jenna. You’ve given me hope.”
“I don’t know if it’ll be enough.”
“You’re right. I need Nic to take a chance on me.”
Jenna glanced over her shoulder. “Not Nic. His wolf.”
Riley sighed. It all came back to the animal spirit sharing Nic’s body, and she was once more left with the same question—how could she win over a primal wolf who considered love unnecessary?
She turned away. “You’re right, and I don’t have an answer.”
All she could do was love both Nic and his wolf. She had nothing else to offer them.
Nic paused in the doorway to Sean’s house and waited for his wolf to surface. The animal had to know what Nic planned. Yet, it remained silent. It had all morning except for when it whined in his dad’s presence. Did the beast finally understand what length Nic would go to in order to love Riley? He wouldn’t know until he tried to finish mating her, but hope rose. He let the feeling strengthen him and entered Sean’s home.
“I’m in the living room,” Sean called out.
Nic walked toward it and found his friend, dressed in khakis and a button-down shirt, on the sofa. A computer sat on his lap and several folders were scattered on the seat next to him. In his outside life, Sean was the face behind Kagan Industries, a conglomerate of companies owned by the Kagan pack and run by humans. Every couple of decades, a new shifter took over as the contact position that toured the business and sat in on video conferences with buyers and clients.
There were other pack members who’d taken positions in accounting and human resources, but all those jobs were easily completed via computer. The electronic world had helped the shifter community as much as it had hurt them.
Sean motioned to the recliner. “Sit and talk to me. You look troubled.”
Nic hadn’t bothered guarding his expression. What was the point? Sean knew too much of Nic’s personal issues to begin with. Soon, Sean would know everything.
Bridged by Love Page 16
