by Piper Payne
It wasn’t just kissing when it involved giving yourself completely to its depth and meaning. He groaned as one hand slid up my neck and the other pressed against my back urging me to move my hips deeper and stronger.
“It’s always been you …” His voice was raspy and desperate as his tongue slid into mine. I could feel my doubts beginning to fray. For so long he was all I ever wanted, all I ever dreamed about, and now he was here with me. He pulled away with my darkness burning in his eyes. “… and always will be.”
His gaze roamed to my neck as the strap from my top fell off one shoulder. Hand grasping my hair, he pulled my head to the side so he could trace my pounding heartbeat with his lips, heating my skin as he followed my pulse all the way down my neck. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered against my skin.
I smiled, my hands tangling into his perfect dark hair, his mouth biting me softly and then cooling the sting with his lips. I could feel his breath hitch as I moved my hands to his shirt, impatiently trying to unbutton each restricting circle. Our kissing wasn’t soft. It was deep and consuming. A desperate attempt to show one another the heartache we felt from being apart; not just this time, but from every moment since the day we met on the football field.
Rough and manic, I let Landon touch me—his hands in between my legs, his mouth exploring every inch of skin. Staring into his reckless blue eyes, he pressed deep inside of me. I was giving him my body right along with my heart and I wondered how painful it would be when he broke it.
The next morning I awoke with a smile and a yawn until I rolled over to find Landon gone. I opened my bedroom door, looking into the kitchen, only to find June sitting alone drinking a cup of hot chocolate and eating a bowl of kid cereal with bloodshot eyes and smeared mascara from working the nightshift.
“Whoa! Someone totally had really hot sex last night!” I quickly tied my robe, leaning against the doorway as she looked me up and down. “You used a condom right?” Her brows furrowed in concern.
“What the hell kind of questions is that? Of course I did!” She knows how I feel about even the thought of getting pregnant.
“Okay, geez. I was just asking.” Her hands went up in defense. “Is Mr. Mother Trucker in there with you?” she asked, seeing the confusion and disappointment written on my face.
“No,” I said, stumbling into the kitchen, “I didn’t even know he left. He must’ve snuck out.”
“I’m assuming that’s a bad thing,” she said, lifting her shoulders and squinting her eyes.
“I just thought after last night …” I blew a strand of sex hair out of my face. “You know what, I guess I don’t know what I thought. It just wasn’t to wake up alone.”
“Maybe he didn’t want to wake you up after apparently exhausting you from a mind blowing orgasm?” She laughed. “Or maybe he had to go and get all that work done that he’s been talking about.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I twisted my lips in thought.
“Here,” she said, sliding me her mug. “A cup of Ho’ makes everything better.”
After breakfast and a hot shower I practically had my phone glued to my hand just in case Landon decided to text or call. I kept getting sympathetic or maybe judgmental stares from June for the remainder of the afternoon. He finally called me around 1:00 p.m.
“I’m sorry I had to sneak out. There was nothing more I wanted than to wake up with you in my arms.”
“I thought maybe you regretted last night,” I said into the phone wishing there were a cord attached so I could wrap it around my neck.
“Never,” he said adamantly, and I truly believed him. “Larkin, last night was everything to me. I have something I need to talk to you about, can we do dinner Tuesday night?”
“I’d like that.”
“Good, I’ll pick you up. I can’t wait to see you.”
Even though it was only a couple days, Tuesday night still seemed forever away. June and I spent the rest of our Sunday at Max’s place having a horror movie marathon and stuffing our faces with Austin’s famous lasagna. Then on Monday Landon texted me throughout the day while he was in some resort development meetings in Park City. It was hard to decipher through texting, but something was different. A good different, like he wasn’t holding back anymore.
Landon: I can’t wait to see you. I want to taste those amazing lips again.
Larkin: Oh really? What do they taste like?
Landon: Like cinnamon. I want them all to myself.
Larkin: I think we can arrange that.
Landon: Good. There are a few more things I’d like to arrange Tuesday night.
Larkin: Or I could sneak up there … (mischievous grin) I am sure there’s an empty conference room we could find.
Landon: Now I can’t stop picturing those sexy legs spread for me on this desk. I want to be with you, Larkin. Please tell me you feel the same way.
Larkin: That way and more.
Tuesday after I got off work I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the tenth floor. I decided before I went to bed last night I was going to do something that I’d pictured doing since the first day Landon showed up at my office building.
I was beyond nervous as the elevator started to rise. I studied my reflection in the stainless steel elevator doors and rolled my eyes at my sudden vanity. I was wearing sexy emerald lingerie that I splurged on underneath my long black vintage pin skirt and black chiffon blouse. My long brown hair was styled into loose finger waves, and I pulled out my perfume oil and dabbed a little behind my ears before the elevator came to a stop.
I exited the elevator and stepped onto the tenth floor. My black consignment store heels clicked along the marble flooring as I walked into the lobby. I took in my surroundings and it was everything I expected it to be—luxury. I’d seen the cars the people on the tenth floor drove, the ones that got the covered parking. I didn’t want to overanalyze the fact that I didn’t belong up here. I was like a grocery store coin machine ring sitting in a Tiffany’s box. The day I sent back all of the stuff, I’d been lucky enough to chase down Landon’s receptionist before she got into the elevator. I dumped the box in her hands and told her she could keep it if she wanted. I hoped I would see her again since at least it would be a familiar face, but the reception desk was empty. I stood there uncomfortably waiting for someone to greet me.
After a few minutes I decided to hell with waiting and started walking back toward the large office suites that wrapped around the top floor in a U shape; each one had a view of either the mountains or the city. As I passed each office, the doors and blinds were either closed or someone was on a business call. Suddenly I regretted this whole idea. My luck he’d be in some important meeting that I’d awkwardly interrupt. I started to psych myself out by picturing all of the embarrassing things that could go wrong. As I was about to turn around to leave I heard someone’s footsteps heading toward me so I ducked around the corner and spotted Landon’s office.
Mr. Landon Black. His nameplate was shiny gold. I hurried and peeked into Landon’s window and let myself inside, closing the door and office blinds. Holy shit. This is not what I had in mind. I covered my mouth and laughed. What did they call this? Ah yes, crazy stupid love. I needed an intervention.
No one was in his office, but his lights were still on. I walked toward his desk noticing a fresh cup of coffee so it seemed like he should be back any moment. I shook my hands out that I’d been clenching and took a deep breath. Well I was here; I might as well do what I came here to do. I couldn’t wait to see him and I started getting butterflies as I pictured how this little surprise would turn out. I’d never done anything like this.
I walked around for a moment admiring everything in his office; I could picture him in his suit and tie, sitting at his massive mahogany desk, confident and respected. A large glass-framed photograph of the Rocky Mountains hung on the wall. I walked closer and realized it was an original signed by Ansel Adams. In the center of his office a large replica of the resort
he’d been working on sat on a table. Behind that was a shelf that was almost completely bare except for a 5x7 framed photo. It looked like he hadn’t quite moved all of his stuff in, that or he wasn’t planning on staying long. I walked over to the shelf and picked up the picture of Landon’s family: Landon, his brother Patrick, and his parents. I stared at the photo remembering the high school version of Landon who made my heart race every time I caught a glimpse of him at school. His brother was handsome; same dark hair and blue eyes but was thinner and a tiny bit shorter. They looked like such a happy family; it made me sad that images could be so deceiving.
I set the photo down and went and sat on the edge of his desk crossing my knees, waiting for him to come back, but the longer I sat there the sillier I felt. Okay, maybe it would be sexier in his chair. I sat down in his plush, leather office chair and adjusted my top, unbuttoning a few buttons, and then propped my legs up on his desk, crossing them at the ankle, letting my skirt rise up enough to see the lace of my stockings. Okay, this just felt silly too, but I was too excited to care.
“Mr. Black.” Landon’s intercom beeped scaring the shit out of me. “Ms. Ashley Monroe is here to see you. She says it’s urgent. Should I send her back?”
This was when my flight instinct kicked in, but I couldn’t do a damn thing about it because it took entirely too long for my body to respond to my brain. I just sat there unable to move, repeating her name. What did the receptionist just say? Ashley Monroe? By the time my feet finally started listening to my screaming brain, I heard loud voices arguing and walking toward the office. I grabbed my purse and ran to the only door in his office other than the one I knew she would be at. I crashed inside the dark room and shut the door behind me, clinging to my purse like a life raft.
A half second later I heard his office door fly open. “Excuse me, you can’t just walk in here! I’m going to have to call security! Mr. Black will be back momentarily, but you need to wait for him in the lobby.”
“Do you even know who the fuck you’re talking to?” Ashley’s voice was calm. “I’m Mr. Black’s fiancée, so I suggest if you want to keep your pathetic little phone job, you go back to your desk, sit down, and shut the fuck up.” I heard the receptionist inhale a sharp breath at Ashley’s words letting the door slam behind her as she left.
I stood there frozen with my heart thrashing around in my chest. I could hear her pacing around his office, opening and slamming drawers. Then I heard her flop down on the couch right next to the door I was hiding behind. “Ugh! This is ridiculous!” she bitched as she pressed a few buttons on her phone and it began to ring.
“Hey, Ash!” A bubbly voice came blaring over the speaker. “Did you finally make it to Utah?”
“Ugh, Rebecca! Not so loud! I have you on speaker. I don’t want my phone to smudge my foundation, so talk quieter and try to sound less annoying, will you?”
“He’s not even there?” she said in an obedient hushed tone.
“No …” she whined. “Daddy is going to kill him if this wedding I’ve been planning for three goddamn years doesn’t happen this summer.”
“Maybe he’s just getting cold feet?” Rebecca said sympathetically.
“He broke up with me Sunday morning over the phone! Over. The. Phone. What does he think I am going to do, just sit here and let him break up with me?” she shrieked. “I know it’s not cold feet. Landon’s always had a soft spot for mutts. Larkin was an ugly loser in high school. I feel sorry Landon even has to put up this facade. I mean does this girl really think someone like him would fall for her?” She huffed into the phone. “I’m pretty sure I heard that she used to sleep with her mom’s fuck buddies after she was done with them.”
“Eeeewww!” A disgusted voice echoed into the office.
“Yeah, I know.” She scoffed. “Franklin reassured me that the wedding would still happen. That Landon wasn’t thinking very clearly. Apparently he called Franklin Sunday morning and told him he was done working for him. He’s seriously losing it! He said he would finish the Park City project he started but was done after that. Can you believe him? He’s throwing away millions if not billions of dollars! Over what, some trailer trash pussy?”
“You’re jumping to conclusions. You don’t even know if she has anything to do with it. If she’s as gross as you make her sound, Landon would never touch her.”
“Yeah, well, since he’s moved to Salt Lake he’s been acting completely different, and now it’s all making sense. Every time he comes back to Aspen I feel more distance. The last time we tried to have sex he couldn’t even get hard. Which is not like him at all, and it’s also screwing up my plans.” Ashley huffed.
“Your idiotic plan of getting pregnant by poking holes in his condoms? I can’t believe you did that. He’d kill you if he ever found out.”
“He’s not going to and don’t act all high and mighty, Righteous Rebecca. You’re the one who has abortions like it’s a trip to the spa,” she barked. “Just promise me you won’t tell anyone about this. If word got out that he broke off our engagement, I would be completely humiliated. Franklin already has me working on a few things so it’s only a matter of time before Landon comes to his senses and comes crawling back.”
I hadn’t noticed but my trembling knees had given out and I was crumpled on the ground. I silently gasped for air as violent cries left my chest. The tears streaming down my cheeks had completely soaked my face as I sat there blindly in the dark. This wasn’t real. None of this was real. I couldn’t even comprehend everything Ashley said. I wanted to run out there and make her stop. I wanted her to take it all back, every single word. When I heard Landon enter the room all I could do was sit there. I had nowhere to run, nowhere to escape. So I sat there, slowly dying inside with each word that was said.
“Ashley, what are you doing here?” He sounded furious.
“Hi, baby,” she said sweetly before hanging up on Rebecca. “I just didn’t like our last conversation on the phone and wanted to come and talk to you in person.” I could hear her move off of the couch to walk over to him.
“Why did you fly out here? I thought I explained everything on the phone. It’s over between us.” His footsteps were hard as he walked away.
“I know you say that now, but I also know every groom gets a little cold feet when it starts getting close to their wedding day. It’s okay for you to feel this way. I can give you a little time if you need, or maybe we should go away somewhere. Let’s take a vacation. You’re father said you already booked the jet.” Her tone of voice was condescending, like she was talking to a child.
“I can’t do this anymore. It’s over. It’s been over for a long time now. I’m sorry that you flew all the way out here, but I am going to tell you the same things I said Sunday morning.”
“You’re sorry?” Ashley’s voice changed to pure salt. “You’re sorry that you’ve wasted a chunk of my life, or you’re sorry that you’re cheating on me with some ugly loser whose mom was a drug addict whore?” she yelled and stomped her foot.
“Don’t EVER talk about her that way again!” he said sternly. His footsteps loudly paced the room. “You’ve talked to my father, I see.”
I heard her pout and her voice changed back to sweetness. “Baby, I’m not the enemy here. I love you. We’ve been together too long to let something like this come between us. I understand that you had a family obligation to attend to. Your father explained everything. I just wish you’d told me the truth from the beginning and I could’ve helped you. What do you think is going to happen when she finds out you’ve been using her for your father? That you’ve been playing her? I know that you’ve finally found the location to her storage unit. Steal the key from her and go get whatever it is your father’s been looking for so we can all move on with our lives. I’m sure she’s so desperate to be with you, if you asked her, she would give it to you on a silver platter.”
“Get out!” he demanded.
“Landon, don’t be mad at me. I just want wha
t’s best for us. Let me help you end this charade. All I want is for you to come back to Aspen and we can start over and pretend like you never left. You’re making impulsive decisions that could jeopardize your future and everything you’ve worked so hard for.” I could hear her move right next to him. “We were happy, right? Let me make you feel better.” Her voice purred, becoming more seductive. “I know you love me. We’re so good together. Let me get on my knees right now and show you how much I love you. Let me make you remember how good I can feel.”
Holding my breath, I waited for something to stop what was about to happen on the other side of the door. It took all my will power not to rip off my own ears. My body took over and with frantic hands I crawled around on the floor trying to feel my surroundings, until realizing I was in a small bathroom. I felt the cool porcelain, and as quietly as I could started dry heaving into the toilet, purging myself of the pain. I couldn’t cry anymore because I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t breathe because I wanted to die. I wanted the panic that’d taken over my body to seize my lungs and finish the goddamn job! Clinging to my chest that started to constrict even tighter than before, I didn’t fight it. I begged for it. I pleaded for the punishment.
Buckling to the floor, I closed my tear-streaked eyes. My lungs and my limbs began to tingle from the lack of air. My last thought I had before I slipped into a fog was the last thing Landon said to me on Saturday night.
“Larkin?”
“Hmmm?” I mumbled into his neck. His arms were wrapped around my completely sated and naked body.
