Breathing Black

by Piper Payne

  I’d been waiting for this. Now they knew without a doubt I had the tape. The part that sent fear coursing through my veins was finding out how far they would go to erase those images from my mind.

  “That won’t be necessary. There was nothing of value to me in there anyway. If you would like to clear out the unit I am no longer in need of it.”

  “Oh, um … well … are you sure? There’s a lot of belongings in there. And it looks like you’re prepaid for a while. I’m truly sorry. This has never happened in our facility before. I would hate to lose you as a customer. We will do anything to make it right. I’ve already contacted our insuran—”

  “No apology needed. You can keep the money that’s already been paid. Thanks for contacting me, but I truly would like you to just throw away everything in there. I don’t want or need the storage unit anymore.” I hung up the phone and stood up from the couch. “Thanks for lunch,” I said to Jesse as I walked over to grab my things. “I should get going. I’m just going to grab a taxi. You must have plenty of things you need to do today.”

  “Wait…” he stood abruptly, not wanting me to run out the door like I did before “…I can take you, just let me grab my keys.”

  I agreed to let him drive me home. I was only running in and out. Risky, but I needed my journal. It held important information that would help us plan out our next moves in regards to Aspen—a timeline of my past to help direct my future.

  “So I’ve been thinking … the bag of money, you taking off work for a week, and then hiding out at my place, could only mean that you’re trying to avoid someone.” He looked over at me once we stopped at a red stoplight.

  “What?” I squinted, trying to feign ignorance.

  “You heard me.”

  “I thought we agreed for you to stay out of it,” I said, exhausted.

  “I didn’t agree to shit. Who are you running from?”

  “Who says I’m running?”

  “I’m not a fucking idiot, Larkin. Why won’t you just tell me what’s going on?” He growled, clenching his jaw.

  “Because I don’t want you to get hurt!” I yelled, instantly regretting it.

  “Who would hurt me? Is someone after you … wanting to hurt you?” This time it was him who yelled as he gripped the steering wheel and started driving again when the light turned green. He was trying to silently put the pieces together in his mind.

  “Look, I appreciate everything you’ve done, but please just walk away from this. From me.”

  He pulled up to my building and put the Mustang in park. “I want you to listen to me carefully. I’m not going to let you out of my sight until you tell me what’s going on. Because if I let you out of this car and drive away and something happens to you, I would never be able to live with myself.” His words resonated through me making me feel guilty. All I wanted to do was open up the car door and flee.

  “Let’s just pretend the last couple days never happened and no one will get hurt.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  “Yes … NO … You don’t understand what you’re asking of me. I would never be able to live with myself if something were to happen to YOU. Do you understand that? Please don’t make me tell you.” I opened up the car door, grabbed my things, and started to run inside.

  His car door slammed behind me and the sound of his footsteps tailed mine. I ran up the three flights of stairs, cursing while trying to grab my keys from my purse.

  “Will you just wait a second?” he yelled. By the time I unlocked the four deadbolts and walked inside my living room, Jesse had already followed me inside and shut the door behind him.

  “It’s too late. I’m already involved. I was involved the minute you walked in the door at Charlie’s in those sexy red pants. I was involved when I couldn’t take my eyes off you that entire night, every word I sang was to you. I was involved when you saved my best friend’s life. And I’ve been involved every minute of every day since then, because I can’t get you out of my fucking head!”

  My heart ached at his confession. There was an instant hunger in his hazel eyes, and it took everything I had to push him away, to hurt him so he would leave and not want to come back. “I can’t live with another regret. You’d be a regret. Just leave me alone. Why don’t you go and try to save one of your blonde fuck buddies.”

  Saying the words was like chewing on tinfoil. I could barely do it, especially when he looked like I verbally slapped him across the face. I walked into my bedroom hoping he’d leave, but instead he followed, continuing to argue with me.

  “Bullshit!” He laughed.

  “What?” I said, turning around to face him. What was it going to take to get rid of him?

  “I call bullshit! Tell me you feel nothing,” he said, slowly stalking closer to me. “Tell me that you don’t feel this thing between us.” I stumbled as I walked backwards; each step he took toward me had my heart racing until I held my breath with my back pressed up against my bedroom wall. “Tell me that you don’t think about me, that you don’t close your eyes at night and think about what we would be like together. That you haven’t thought about what it would feel like to have me inside you. Tell me that your panties aren’t getting wet right now just thinking about it; and if you can truthfully look me in the eye and tell me you want me to leave and you never want to see me again, I will walk away right now.” My eyes had closed, but I could feel his breath as he whispered the last part in my ear.

  Defiantly, I pushed against his solid chest ready for war or ready for him to do all of the things he promised to do to me with just the look in his eyes.

  I gritted my teeth. “I. Want. You. To—” A panicked look came across Jesse’s face as he pressed his hand over my mouth to prevent me from speaking. I tried to pry it away from my face, but he kept it there forcefully telling me to be quiet.

  “Shhh …” he said with an alarming look on his face. I stared into his eyes, realizing he wasn’t joking and it had nothing to do with what I was about to say.

  He stood there suspiciously looking at my closed bedroom door, his hand still covering my mouth. I could feel the strong muscles in his body alert and tense, and the pulse in his wrist started to speed up as I clung onto him. We stood there frozen and when he was finally about to release his grasp, that was when we heard footsteps walking toward my bedroom and I knew no one, not even June, would be in my apartment right now.

  My eyes widened in horror. It was the flash of fear on my face that ignited the movement. Before I could even blink, Jesse had us closed behind the slatted closet door in my bedroom.

  “See, I told you no one is here!” A male voice argued, my legs buckling beneath me as Robert Ellis, June’s uncle, walked into my bedroom and turned around with his arms up in the air. He was wearing a gray pinstriped suit but looked sloppy with his greasy, thinning hair, an untucked white dress shirt. Angry footsteps followed and at the sight of Franklin Black I lost my ability to breathe.

  “I asked you to do one fucking thing and you failed!” Franklin’s booming voice echoed through my room. “You’ve had since Tuesday night to find her! She couldn’t have just disappeared!”

  “I’ve looked everywhere!” Robert sneered back. “She’s not at work, not with her friends. What do you want me to do, put out an Amber Alert?” he chuckled.

  “What I want is you to find her!” The sound of shattering glass made Jesse and I both flinch. His arms were wrapped around my torso to keep me from falling. Through the slats of the closet door I could see both men in a heated stance as broken pieces of my vanity mirror covered the floor.

  “I have a company to run. I don’t have time to babysit your dead whore’s daughter. This is not my fucking problem.”

  A sinister laugh slowly poured out of Franklin’s mouth. “Not your problem? I think you may have forgotten what was on that tape!” He stepped closer to Robert, now face to face, but Robert didn’t back down.

  “This is your mess! Had I’d known this shit would
haunt me for the rest of my life, I would’ve told you to kill the bitch by yourself and deal with your own goddamn son!” He snarled, lifting his jacket so Franklin could see the gun sticking out of his pocket.

  A loud crack resonated through the room. I covered my mouth, gasping as Franklin slammed his fist into Robert’s chin causing him to fall onto the floor into the pile of shattered glass. Jesse held me tighter, warning me to not move or make a sound.

  “Go back to Aspen, you pedophile piece of shit. I’ll let you know when I’ve found the fucking tape.” Franklin spit on him and then licked his lips as if satisfied with himself.

  “What about Katrina?” Robert protested, standing up wiping the blood from his mouth and shards of glass off his pants. He ignored the spit, letting it slowly slide down his cheek into his collar.

  “I told her father I would leave her out of this. If you accomplish what I asked you to do … who am I to stop you?” he said with a distasteful curled lip.

  I tried to fight Jesse’s restraint so I could leave the closet and murder Robert Ellis myself. I wanted to grab one of the broken, jagged edges of mirror and stab it into his rotted heart, but Jesse wouldn’t let me go.

  After Franklin left, calling his driver to take him to the airport, Robert decided to pleasure himself in my bedroom. One hand clenched around himself, and in the other, a wooden picture frame June had given me one Easter with her own words engraved into it. I’ll defiantly love you until our hands grow cold. Clasped together in truce, in dance, in comfort, or in prayer. Soft or crooked. Strong or weak. It’s your hands I’ll be holding when we’re finally set free. I love you.

  With his back hunched only feet in front of us Jesse covered my ears, tucking my head into his chest so I couldn’t see or hear Robert vigorously jacking himself off to June’s and my very first picture together. Fifteen years old with adolescent acne and bodies that were awkwardly trying to fill a B cup bra. Once he finished, he cleaned himself up with one of my T-shirts then closed the door and left.

  We waited for what seemed like an eternity. I clung to Jesse, trembling in humiliation, fear, and repulsion, hiding in the corner of my closet. Eventually Jesse opened the closet door, searched the entire apartment, then came back to help me out of my hiding spot.

  “It’s okay. Shhh … it’s going to be okay.” He wrapped me in his arms, causing every crippling emotion to finally pour out of me. I sobbed uncontrollably, bellowing and gasping.

  “They’re gone, angel, they’re gone.” Jesse held me, rocking my instability, whispering comfort into my ear, calming the rage inside. I hated that I was grateful he was here with me. I felt selfish for needing him so badly.

  “I want you to grab everything you need and you’re going to come back and stay with me.”

  I knew this wasn’t up for negotiation, his voice stern yet calm. I’d do anything he told me to do right now because I wasn’t confident in my own decision-making skills. The thought of them finding me, or Robert finding June, made me sick inside. The more what ifs I started thinking about, past and present, made me question everything I was doing.

  I nodded my head in agreement, grabbed two large bags, and started throwing all of June’s and my stuff in there; I didn’t know how long it would be before I came back.

  As we drove I called everyone to let them know what’d happened. Everyone planned on meeting at the hospital in the next twenty minutes. I hadn’t explained anything to Jesse yet; I wanted to give him time to process what he’d just seen. That, and I was a chicken.

  As we pulled up to the hospital June was waiting for us, pacing like a caged animal near the emergency entrance. “Oh my God, I’m so glad you’re okay!” She ran up and hugged me as soon as I got out of the car, her hot tears moistening my cheek. “I can’t believe he was in our house!” she sobbed. I smoothed her hair with my hands as she clutched on to me. It was my turn to be strong.

  As soon as June saw Jesse she let me go and ran over to him giving him an overbearing hug. “Thank you! Thank you so much! I know she’s a pain in the ass, but I can’t lose her. She’s all I have.” Her voice trembled along with her lips. She let him go, brushing her hands on her pastel pink scrubs trying to compose herself.

  “I’m not going to let anything happen to her,” he spoke valiantly, like he could protect me from the damage that will undoubtedly be done.

  Austin and Max walked up seconds later and June quickly led us inside to a private meeting area so we could talk. As we walked inside the room all I could picture was this was the place doctors take their patients’ families to let them know they’ve died. I shuddered at the thought as I shut the door.

  “Before anyone starts, please let me speak.” I suddenly got nervous, not because what I was about to say, but because Jesse was standing there in the room about to hear how fucked-up everything truly was. “I’m going to find Franklin tomorrow, then this can all be finished. I’ll go and give him what he wants.” My stomached felt nauseous. “If Robert would’ve gotten to June and … and …” I choked out my words not able to finish my sentence.

  “Franklin’s not just going to let you walk away, Larkin! He knows you’ve watched the tape and he’ll kill you because of it!” Max shrieked.

  “Max is right. We need to keep planning,” Austin spoke calmly, raising his hands up in a hushing motion trying to calm Max’s hysteria. “None of us are going to let you go alone, Larkin. We need to wait it out a few more days. We’ll make sure our plan works. They won’t get away with this.” The reassurance Austin was trying to portray in his voice was weak. He was nervous. All of us were nervous.

  “None of you should even be involved in this. I can’t let you pay for my mother’s mistakes. Please let me deal with it alone.” I brought my hands together pleading, desperate for them to understand.

  “Lark, don’t fight us on this.” Max adjusted his glasses so he could stare at me. He’d calmed down, but the stubbornness in his stature told me he was willing to argue the entire night if I didn’t agree with them. Even when I looked over at Jesse, I could tell it was all non-negotiable.

  “Plus,” June interjected, “I may have found something that could incriminate my uncle and put him behind bars. I could save who knows how many girls from the same fate he bestowed upon me. I’m scared if things get fishy or people start getting arrested before I can get my hands on this so-called evidence I won’t get my chance.”

  “But what if one of us gets hurt in the meantime?” I pleaded.

  “We just need to be more careful. I need until Thursday. This evidence is coming from my cousin Melissa. She’s my only hope. He did this to her too. His own daughter! I’ve been begging her, but she’s scared to come forward. She says there’s proof of what he did to us. I don’t know how or what, but if something happens before I get her to give it to me, I may never find out!”

  I knew I had no choice. I could never tell June no, to finally be able to rid herself of the evil that had plagued her life. I wanted this for her more than I wanted it for myself.

  “We’re back to the same damn discussion at the recording studio! What now?” I shouted. “Franklin knows where we work, knows where we live, what are we supposed to do until then?”

  “June is going to stay with me. I live right next to the hospital. I can take her to and from work. I won’t let her out of my sight otherwise. You and Max will just have to cover me if I’m late to the station.”

  Max stood up, mumbling as he bit into his nails, “There’s been nothing suspicious at my place so far.”

  I looked over at Jesse and could see everything sinking in. I felt disgusted and ashamed with myself. I showed up on this guy’s doorstep without considering the danger I was putting him in, and now he was knee-deep in the shit called my life.

  “Larkin will stay with me,” Jesse said calmly. I looked over at him like he was crazy, wide eyed and glaring. Did he not just hear everything that was going on? It didn’t matter how much I protested, everyone agreed with this ex
cept for me.

  The drive back to Jesse’s house was silent. Once inside he threw his keys on the coffee table, grabbed a beer out of the fridge, and then sat down on his couch, stressfully shoving his hands through his hair while staring down at the floor.

  I took a deep breath and sat across from him ready to plead my case. I’d never opened up to someone like this before—a non-emotional dissection of why he should run like hell. I had no idea how he would take what I was about to say, so I just cleared my throat and went for it.

  “Just hear me out before you decide if you want me to stay here, okay? Obviously, you know I feel like it’s a terrible idea, and by the incident at my apartment I shouldn’t have to explain why.”

  “Larkin, nothing is going to change my mind, so just spit out what you’re going to say.” He looked up at me with a hollowed expression. He’d held himself back at my apartment. I could feel every muscle in his body being forced to cooperate, hands forming fists, jaw clenched, trying not to let his anger and instinct bring him out of the closet and cause Robert and Franklin physical harm.

  With that said I told him everything. I wanted him to see my life for what it was. Ugly.

  I described my stomach churning childhood, everything about my mom, and all of the details of her death. I also told him how I met June and the sordid details of her uncle Robert.

  “June and I had planned to run away the day I found my mother dead, but after that I ended up having to stay. It messed me up with this distorted perception that I had to make things right. I tried to get the police to investigate her death because I knew she’d been murdered, but it only put a target on my back. I was asking too many questions and starting to piss people off. I was attacked one night leaving work, an attempt at scaring me that worked like a charm. I was left bloody with broken ribs, black eyes, and half of my tongue bit off from a punch to the jaw. A police officer showed up before I called 9-1-1 and planted drugs on me. He told me if I didn’t leave town he’d arrest me for possession and use of a controlled substance and make sure I got charged with felony drug charges with the intent to distribute. “Drug deal gone bad. Like mother like daughter,” he said. “No one will believe you, so run while you can.”