by LK Shaw
After leaving my sister’s house, I headed to Sully’s Place. When I was in Afghanistan, I’d met Lance Corporal Richard “Sully” Sullivan. During the five months we’d been stationed together, I learned that he and his family owned a local pub here in Pinegrove. After Sully was discharged from the Marines three years ago, he came home to help his father run the place. Late last year, his father finally retired, and Sully took over the business.
As I entered the pub, the scent of barley, yeast, and hops wafted through the air. The lights were dim, but bright enough to cast light on the tables spread out through the open area. There were already some guys at the pool tables in the back of the room, and guitar riffs echoed throughout the place from the jukebox in the corner. Sully stood at the giant bar, wiping down rocks glasses before stacking them behind the counter, but he tipped his head in greeting.
“Maxwell, what brings you in?” he greeted me, tossing the towel down to reach out and shake my hand as I settled onto the bar stool.
“I heard this place had the best Reubens and beer in town.”
“Well, what do you know? That just happens to be today’s special.”
As he started pouring me a beer from the tap, Sully tossed out to the waitress walking by, “Lucy, will you get my man here a Reuben, please?”
“Sure thing, boss,” she responded without stopping.
Sully turned back and studied me. “Now, you want to tell me what really brought you here? I thought today was one of your ‘Casey’ days?”
“How did you know?” I was truly curious, because it wasn’t like I’d given Sully my schedule.
He set my beer on a napkin in front of me and crossed his arms. “Dude, you talk about her constantly. Casey this. Casey that. I know you go over there Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. Although, I was beginning to wonder if you were just making her up since you’ve never brought her in to visit. I mean, considering how often you bring her name up.”
I flipped him off. “She doesn’t like strangers.”
Sully held up his hands in mock defeat. “Hey, whatever, bro. I’m just wondering why you’re here and not there.”
“Are you putting on your bartender slash therapist hat now?” I said after a long draw from my cold beer.
“No. This is me asking as a friend, Philip. I’ve known you a long time, and I know something is bugging you.”
I started to speak, but the waitress, Lucy, brought out my food. Once she was gone, I focused on Sully.
“The most basic answer is we had a disagreement, and I’m not sure how to fix it. It’s complicated.”
“I don’t know. I don’t think women are that complicated at all. They want someone to love them and tell them they’re always right. As long as you do that, then you shouldn’t have any problems.”
I just stared at Sully. “Seriously? That’s your summation of women?”
He just shrugged. “It’s always worked for me. All my exes still adore me. We stay in contact, and we’re friendly. That should tell you something.”
I could just shake my head, because I didn’t really know what else to say. “Whatever works for you, I guess. But, you know, Sully, you’re also a forty-year old bachelor who hasn’t been in a relationship for longer than three months. That should tell you something.”
Sully gave me his thousand-watt smile that seemed to bring all the women to their knees. “What can I say? I just haven’t met the right woman yet. Speaking of the right woman. Whatever happened between you and yours, you need to fix. Because I want to meet her.”
“Casey is not my woman. And you say I need to fix it like it’s my fault. You don’t even know what happened.”
“Doesn’t matter what happened. Whatever it was, it was your fault. Now, let’s get you another beer and you can tell me what you did so I can help you win her back.”
11
CASEY
When Josie first called to tell me that Philip had called in “sick”, I’d been devastated. But, after a while, I realized I should have expected it. I knew Philip. He’d blame himself for what happened, even though we both knew my panic attack wasn’t his fault. That blame lay solely on my father and Mr. Childress’ heads. Philip and I were too good of friends for him to let this come between us. In the meantime, Josie was on her way over.
I spent the afternoon working and studying so it helped to take my mind off things. I got so wrapped up in my work, I didn’t hear Josie come in.
“Hello, hello!”
“Oh my god, you scared the crap out of me.” I swiveled around in my chair, hand to my chest to try and calm my racing heart.
“Sorry,” she said with a sheepish grin. “How you doing?”
“Well, let’s see, my best friend is avoiding me at the moment, so how do you think I’m doing?”
“What makes you think Philip is avoiding you?” Josie asked as she moved to sit on the chaise lounge.
I knew there was no way around it. I was going to have to spill my guts. “When we went on our date the other night, he brought me flowers, took me out to a fancy dinner, and we danced under the stars. It was the best night of my life. Except, when we got back to my house, I might have had a small panic attack, which freaked him out.”
I knew I was leaving a few things out, but I hoped Josie wouldn’t pick up on it.
“And what brought on this attack? I mean something had to have happened.” Her tone was cautiously curious.
Crap.
“Well, we might have been fooling around a little bit. He said something, and it triggered a memory. Hence, the freak out. First mine, then his.”
Josie shoulders sagged. “Oh, Casey, I’m so sorry. I should have known it was something like that. I mean, in all the years I’ve known Philip, I can’t remember a time he’s ever actually been sick. I mean, not that I know him that well, but well enough that I should have found it odd for him to call in.”
I shrugged with a small hmph. “Until he decides to stop avoiding me, there’s not much I can do. He can’t avoid me forever. He can’t, right?”
“You know he’s not like that. He’ll take a few days to calm down, and then he’ll be back. I’m not saying things won’t be awkward between you, but he’ll be here. Just give him some time.”
I nodded.
Josie rose from the chair. “Have you eaten?”
I glanced at the clock and couldn’t believe the time. “No, but you know, ice cream sounds good right about now actually.”
She waved me back into my seat. “Stay there, I’ll go get it.”
While she was in the kitchen, I saved my work and then shut down my computer. I’d just finished putting a client portfolio away when I heard her footsteps.
“Can I ask you something? It’s just something I’ve been thinking about more and more lately. Especially after you told me what you wanted Philip’s help to do,” Josie asked as she walked back into the living room, two bowls in hand.
She handed me one and plopped on the other end of the couch, careful not to spill hers.
“Of course.”
She finished swallowing her spoonful of dark chocolate and marshmallow ice cream before she spoke again.
“Do you ever resent me? Because I didn’t get you away from Dad sooner? You know…after.”
“You mean after Mr. Childress raped me? You can say it, Josie. I’m not going to lose it on you. It happened, and I’ve learned to deal with it, my date with Philip notwithstanding.” I took a bite of my ice cream even as she flinched.
“You were fourteen years old, Casey. It had been going on for almost a year before I even knew what was happening. And then, for me to leave you with Dad for the next eight years.” Her voice broke, but she cleared her throat and gathered her composure.
“Josie, you didn’t just leave me with Dad. He forced you out. Disowned you. And you were the one who killed Mr. Childress. How could I ever resent you? I’m actually envious. Do you know how many times I wished that man dead? You saved me. Both then and
when you got me out of Dad’s house. Even if he seemed shocked, I think Dad knew you were using your knowledge of computers to keep tabs on him. He might not have realized the extent of your hacking skills and how much evidence you’d actually acquired over the years to put him away, but still, he knew. Which is why after Mr. Childress was dead, Dad left me alone. It’s why I didn’t have any more of his “friends” visit me in my bedroom. Dad realized what you were capable of doing. I think he was afraid of you.”
“I’ve just worried all this time. I mean, what if I’d been able to get you out sooner? Hell, what if I’d have been able to stop it sooner. Maybe you wouldn’t need Philip to help you get over the memories. Maybe you’d already be married with babies right now. I feel so guilty sometimes.”
I quickly set down my bowl and reached out to hug Josie tight.
“You have nothing to feel guilty about. Bad things happen in life. That will never change. It’s how we react and cope with the bad things that matter. I’m okay. I swear. Philip and I will be okay. He’ll come around eventually. And, well, if he doesn’t, then I’ll figure something else out. In the meantime, I’m going to give him his space. The more I try to push, the more he’s going to push back. Now, let’s finish our ice cream, and I want you to tell me all about this new case you’re working on. Babysitting a senator’s diva daughter hell-bent on partying her life away? Sounds juicy.”
Josie and I spent the rest of the afternoon chatting and having sister time. I hadn’t lied when I said I was giving Philip his space. But I’d only let it happen for so long.
12
PHILIP
Four days. That was how long it took Casey before she’d started blowing up my phone with text messages. To be honest, it was about two days later than I expected her to start. It was my fault for not manning up sooner.
8:58 a.m. Casey: You’ve been “sick” long enough, Philip. I expect to see you tomorrow.
10:21 a.m. Casey: Stop being such a baby and text me back.
12:47 p.m.Casey: I’m not going to stop texting you, so you might as well respond.
3:01 p.m. Casey: Dang it, Philip, stop ignoring me.
5:16 p.m. Casey: You’re a jerk
7:33 p.m.Casey: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean jerk. I meant asshole.
I snorted at the last one. She must really be pissed, because I’m pretty sure this was the first time Casey had ever cussed. I hadn’t intentionally been ignoring her though. Well, technically. After the debacle on Tuesday night, I might have been avoiding her, but I hadn’t been ignoring her. I’d worked late at the club last night so I slept in. Then, I had Pippa’s gymnastics meet in the afternoon, followed by chauffeuring Molly to a sleep over, because Clarissa and Larry had another date night. By then, it was time for me to head back into work. It was now three a.m., and I didn’t think it was a great idea to return her messages.
I’d just closed the front door when my message alert sounded. Tempted to ignore it, I quickly glanced at the screen. Even though I shouldn’t have been, I was shocked as hell that it was another text from Casey.
3:03 a.m. Casey: It’s your fault I’m still awake. I’m pretty sure you should be off work by now, so text me. Now, damn it.
Knowing it was time to stop avoiding her, I texted back.
3:05 a.m. Me: Go to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.
I waited, wondering if she was going to be agreeable or stubborn.
3:07 a.m. Casey: Fine. Don’t be late.
Agreeable then.
3:08 a.m. Casey: You know I’m super pissed at you, right? We’re going to be sitting down for an extremely long talk when you get here. This is your warning.
Or not.
3:10 a.m. Me: Long talk. Got it. Go. To. Bed.
After ten minutes passed, I knew she’d finally listened. I took a quick, hot shower and crawled into bed. I was both dreading and anticipating our conversation later this afternoon.
When my alarm started buzzing, I sleepily rolled over and slammed the off button. Reluctantly, I rolled out of bed, knowing I couldn’t put off seeing Casey any longer. I was actually surprised she hadn’t already started texting me. I grabbed a quick bite to eat, stopped at the grocery for a few things I figured she might need, and made my way to her house.
I knocked sharply before letting myself in. As expected, Casey stood in the middle of the living room, arms crossed, tapping her toes. Knowing she’d follow me, I walked into the kitchen to put the groceries away. I heard her footsteps, but she continued to remain silent. A silence I knew wouldn’t last much longer. I faced Casey, leaned against the counter, and mimicked her pose, minus the foot tapping.
She glared at me, but as petty as it seemed, I was going to wait her out. She had been ready to ream me out last night, so I was going to let her get it out of her system.
“I’m waiting for you to apologize,” she said snippily.
My brows rose in surprise. “Apologize? For what?”
“Do I really need to go through the list?”
“Apparently you do.”
She huffed and began ticking off my various alleged offenses on her fingers. “You took off the other night without even talking about what happened. Then, you faked being sick for days just so you could continue not speaking to me. You ignored every single text message I sent you yesterday. Do I need to go on?”
“There’s more? Because I thought you were pretty thorough there. Then again, I’m sure if you thought really hard, you could find some other thing to be pissed off at me about.”
“Don’t be flippant, Philip. I’m already irritated enough with you.”
Casey was adorable with her little pout. Plus, her crossed arms pushed her boobs up nicely. Add in the heaving chest to her perturbed attitude, and I was mildly turned on. If she could read my mind, it would be one more tick of her fingers. So, I acted the repentant. She was right though. There was a lot I needed to apologize for.
“Well, I’m here now. You want to talk, let’s talk.”
She seemed flustered for a moment before gathering her composure. I don’t think she expected me to be quite so direct. But she obviously had a lot to get off her chest.
“Can we sit?”
“Lead the way.” I gestured toward the living room.
Casey took her regular spot on the couch, legs curled underneath her, while I sat in the chair opposite, ankle crossed over opposite knee. I sensed her disappointment that I hadn’t occupied the other end of the sofa. She fidgeted a bit, her hand smoothing her hair, as she plucked at a fabric pill on the arm of the couch.
She cleared her throat before speaking. “You made me cuss.”
That was the first thing she was gonna bust my balls about? I guess it was better than talking about what had happened on Tuesday night. Although I’m sure she was just getting started.
I nodded solemnly. “So I did.”
“I don’t remember ever cussing before. Ever. So you have to realize how mad I am at you, especially since you completely ignored me yesterday. Which is why you need to apologize.”
Fine. Sometimes you had to pick your battles. I was saving my battling for the next conversation. “I’m sorry I made you cuss, Casey. And for the record, I didn’t intentionally ignore you yesterday. I was on Uncle duty.”
She narrowed her eyes and studied me while I tried not to squirm under her regard. Seemingly satisfied with what she saw, she nodded primly. “Oh. Well, thank you for apologizing anyway.” She paused for breath before continuing. “Now that we have that out of the way, we need to talk about earlier this week. You really hurt me, Philip.”
I inwardly flinched. “I know. I moved too quickly, and it was entirely my fault.”
Casey shook her head. “Don’t be dense. You know that’s not it at all. You hurt me by walking out. I know you said we’d do things your way, but if I remember correctly, you also told me that if you did anything to scare me, we’d re-evaluate. Well, I’m pretty sure there was no re-evaluating the situation. You declared we were
done and that was that. You didn’t bother to take my feelings into consideration, which was extremely selfish. I’ve had far too many selfish people in my life. My mother, my father. It can’t work that way Philip. I have to have a say in this too. Especially because I’m sure this won’t be the first, or last, hiccup.”
Damn, I hated that she was right. It hadn’t been fair of me, but she didn’t understand what it had done to me to see her completely crawl inside herself. She hadn’t even been in that room the moments after those stupid words escaped me. She’d completely checked out, and it had scared the shit out of me. I’d panicked. My stomach had dropped, bile had risen to my throat, and my heartbeat had pounded in my ears. It was one of the worst moments in my life.
“You’re right. It was more about me than you. It was difficult, to say the least, seeing you like that though. You want me to take your feelings into consideration, but you also have to do the same for mine. I’ve seen a lot of things in my life, Casey. I’ve been to war and have seen things that haunt my nightmares. However, none of them destroyed me like Tuesday night did. I apologize that I left the way I did, but at that moment, it was the only thing I could do.”
Her expression was slightly shame-faced. “I guess I didn’t look at it that way. It seems as though I should be apologizing to you as well then. I’m sorry. You’re my best friend, Philip. We should be able to talk about these things. There’s only so much I can talk to Josie about, you know.”
Now I moved from the chair and slid onto the couch next to her, taking her hand in mine. It was so small, and she trembled a little at my touch. “It might take me a few days to calm down, but no matter what happens between us, you can always talk to me Casey. Always. Even when I’m an asshole.”
