by Edie Claire
Haley chilled at the thought of a bear rummaging around mere feet from her bed, but she figured Ben was probably kidding. Wasn’t he?
And no, I’m not kidding. From the look of the tracks, I’d say it was a large male. Wish I’d been around to see him. If he does ever come back, I’ll be sure to pass on your regards.
How is Fred? You should be feeling her moving around about now. (Do not tell anyone I know that.) I hope she passed her tests and that her parents have gotten their act together. You deserve that peace of mind, at least, as you dig your way out from under that avalanche. My own workload will be easing up soon, which means I’ll finally get to make that trek through Denali with my buddy Andy. Last year we waited until mid September and got snowed out. This year I’m determined to catch a glimpse of some gray wolves. I’ll give them your regards, too.
Haley pictured Ben and his friend trekking deep into the backcountry of Denali National Park, pitching a tent on the cold ground and stringing their food up in a tree to keep the carnivores out. He sounded like he was going to Disneyland. She was certain she’d be scared to death.
Now, about your leaving Alaska early. I was promised two more days to turn you from the dark side, and I didn’t get them. Now that we’re penpals, I figure I have another shot. So, please enjoy the enclosed educational materials, which will accompany each installment at no additional charge.
As for my mysteriously reduced August rent, I thank you for the gesture. It was completely unnecessary, since I always invite women who knock on my door at 4:30am to use my shower. But I appreciate the thought.
Haley grinned to herself. She knew that Ben took pride in living within his means, which she respected. But she was glad he hadn’t refused her offering, which she considered to be fair compensation for his tour-guiding, car-hauling, linen-loaning, shower-sharing, and chauffeur services. She wondered, briefly, if he were the kind of man who would chafe at having a significant other make more money than he did. Somehow, she doubted it.
Last but not least on the agenda, here is your quiz for Bear Awareness 101. You didn’t really think I would forget, did you?
1. You are hiking on a state park trail and come across a moose carcass. What should you do?
Haley laughed out loud. He hadn’t said a thing about moose carcasses. At least, she didn’t think he had. She read through the other nine questions and couldn’t answer a single one of them. But answer them she would. Maybe he’d give points for creativity. She was still chuckling to herself as she came to his signature, which was crammed diagonally in the bottom corner of the otherwise filled up second page.
Equally appropriate closing,
Ben
She hugged the papers to her chest a moment, enjoying the thrill of actually feeling happy again. He missed her. He wanted to write. Whatever the future held for them, it was better than no connection at all.
She glanced down at the folded magazine clipping and opened it tentatively. It was an article about the lingering effects of PCBs in mother orcas and the high death rates of their calves. She scanned through it quickly, then folded it up again.
Her elation dimmed. Ben had never made any secret of his distaste for her job, but his comments on the topic were always light-hearted and never judgmental of her as a person. How much did it really matter to him? Maintaining a friendship with someone you disagreed with professionally was one thing. But what if she and Ben were romantically involved? Could she make him understand she really wasn’t the enemy… or would she forever have to walk on eggshells?
A frown crossed her previously glowing face. Sharing her life with a man, if she ever chose to do so, would mean sharing all of herself. Maybe some couples could manage the total separation of their work and personal lives, but she didn’t want to live like that. Her work was too consuming; she would be withholding too much. It was no fluke of statistics that nearly all the partners in her firm were divorced. But what was the alternative? Marrying a co-worker?
Haley shuddered. She wadded the article up into a ball and tossed it into her waste can. The last thing she wanted to think about right now was PCBs. There was no reason to get ahead of herself. All that mattered was that Ben wanted her in his life.
I miss you terribly, too.
Haley’s smile returned as she opened the letter and began to reread it.
“Knock, knock!” a cheerful voice cried from the hallway. “Haley? Are you there? My hands are full.”
Haley stashed the letter in a pocket. “Just a sec!” She rose and opened the door to Micah, who bustled in with a casserole dish in her hands and two shopping bags slung over her wrists.
Haley took the casserole dish from her sister and set it on the table. “What did you bring me?” she asked cheerfully, lifting the lid and taking a sniff.
Micah closed the door and joined her. “Polish bigos and kluski,” she answered. “It’s a new recipe I found online.”
“It smells wonderful,” Haley enthused. “Are you going to stay and eat with me?” When her sister didn’t answer for a moment, she looked up to see Micah staring at her oddly. “What?” she asked.
Micah continued her appraisal. “Nothing,” she said unconvincingly.
“Well, excuse me if I go ahead and dig in,” Haley exclaimed, grabbing some utensils and a napkin and taking a seat. “I’m starving!”
Micah put away the groceries she’d brought, then sat down at the table herself.
Haley looked up many mouthfuls later to catch her sister with a knowing smile. “What?!” she repeated.
Micah’s blue eyes sparkled. “Something’s happened to you,” she proclaimed. “Your face is glowing and your appetite is back. You haven’t been hungry for weeks, much less starving. What gives?”
Haley felt her face redden. Was she really so obvious? Transparency was a major liability in her business. She never had any trouble keeping her game face on at work, but perhaps that was because work was a game. Keeping her personal feelings from people she cared about was trickier.
“Can’t a pregnant woman be hungry once in a while? This is really good!” She started to rise. “I think I’ll squirt some hot sauce in it.”
Micah waved her back down into her chair. “I’ll get it. You keep eating.” She opened the refrigerator and handed Haley the hot sauce.
Haley seasoned up the casserole and dug back in, keeping her face in her plate. She knew she was still being stared at. But she really was hungry.
Micah rose and began to tidy up the kitchen.
“Would you stop?” Haley protested good-naturedly. “You’re going to spoil me rotten, and then where will I be when you’re tied up with a newborn? I’ll be calling you at six in the morning complaining that I can’t find the paper towels!”
“Well, I’ll be up anyway, won’t I?” Micah tossed back, moving out into the living room. “Besides, I’ve already enlisted Mom to spoil you then. I hope you don’t think we plan on deserting you while you’re recovering.”
Haley looked up, distressed. “Mom? Seriously?”
Micah chuckled. “She has been in neglect mode for a while now, hasn’t she?”
Haley made no response. They had all rejoiced when the amniocentesis results came back normal and Micah and Tim had reunited. But having the family drama wrap up so neatly had left Michelle at loose ends. She had taken off soon afterwards to visit a college friend in Florida, and last the girls had heard the two friends were hanging out in a timeshare in Bermuda.
“She’s bound to cycle back around to smothering by then,” Micah teased. Her face turned suddenly wistful. “Tim and I don’t want any help with the baby. No recovery necessary for me, so no excuses. We’re going to dive right in and figure everything out for ourselves.” She smiled at Haley. “And we’re going to make sure you stay spoiled, too.”
Micah bent over to straighten the pillows on Haley’s couch. She froze in place a moment, then straightened with a jerk. “Haley Olson!” she exclaimed sharply.
Haley’s
heartbeat quickened as she observed the mangled Express Mail folder in her sister’s hands. “What?”
“You know perfectly well what?!” Micah chastised, descending on her in three strides. “How could I have been so stupid? This explains everything!”
Haley pretended ignorance. “Excuse me?”
“Oh, knock it off!” Micah ordered, dropping into a chair beside her and slapping the mailer on the table between them. “No wonder you’ve been moping around all this time! And I thought you just liked the scenery in Alaska. Why didn’t you tell me you met a guy?”
Haley swallowed. She should have known Micah could add two and two. She was an accountant, after all.
“I…” she stammered, suddenly embarrassed. “I didn’t want to talk about it. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see him again.”
“But now he’s written you?” Micah pressed. “And that’s why you’re so happy?”
Haley put down her fork. There was no point in keeping her sister in the dark. She had thought that keeping Ben a secret would protect her heart somehow, but she realized suddenly just how very much she did want to talk about him — to describe the color of his hair and the effect of his dimples, even just to say his name out loud. Perhaps if she had shared her experience with Micah from the beginning, it would never have felt so surreal.
“His name is Ben Parker,” she began, knowing that it wouldn’t be necessary to tell Micah how she felt about him. She could hear the answer to that question quite clearly in her own voice. “He’s a boat captain and an oceanographer, and he travels across the Pacific twice a year, following the whales. He’s intelligent and sweet and he has a wicked sense of humor just like mine. He’s also tall and redheaded and freakin’ drop-dead gorgeous.” She paused a moment, sliding down in her chair and staring wistfully at the crumpled mailer. “And the reason I’m so happy is because I just found out he misses me as much as I miss him, and he wants to keep on communicating.” A furtive smile crossed her face. “We’re going to be penpals.”
Micah made no response. After a moment, Haley looked up at her. She was shocked to see her sister’s face turn ashen. Her eyes were watery and her lower lip trembled.
“Oh, my God, Haley,” Micah said miserably, her voice barely a whisper. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” Haley demanded, sitting up.
Micah leaned forward and put her hand on Haley’s arm. “It’s all my fault,” she explained, her voice quavering. “I’ve waited so long for you to fall in love. I’ve wanted it for you so badly. But all those guys… Just, none of them were ever even close to what you deserved!”
Haley was still baffled. “What are you talking about?”
Micah rose. “For God’s sake, Haley!” she cried. “He sounds absolutely perfect for you! And now you’re pregnant, because of me! You’re so happy because you have a penpal? You should be sailing off with this man, just like you always dreamed! And because of me, you’re in this impossibly awkward—” she began to pace. “Does he know? What did he say about it?”
Haley gave her head a shake. Who was this woman and what had she done with Haley’s predictably childish, self-absorbed twin sister? “I don’t—” she stammered, not sure which question to answer first. “I mean, we’re not at that point yet. I was only with the man for five days. We’re still just friends, technically.”
“Oh, don’t give me that!” Micah scoffed. “You’re obviously in love with him!”
“Yes,” Haley admitted easily, “but nothing happened. I never even kissed him!”
Micah’s frown deepened further. “Well, why the hell not?”
“Because—” Haley broke off. Because it wouldn’t have stopped there. “Because I’m not free at the moment, obviously,” she finished. “And he lives thousands of miles away and I didn’t want to start something I couldn’t finish. And what do you mean ‘like I always dreamed?’”
Micah looked back at her with disbelief. “What you always used to say, every time Mom took us out to play on the beach! You would stare out over the water with this faraway look on your face, and you’d say how when you grew up, you were going to jump on one of the big boats and see what was on the other side of the water. You wanted to sail all around the world and never come back again.” She stared back at Haley accusingly. “Don’t you remember that?”
Haley’s eyebrows lifted. “No.”
Micah rolled her eyes. “Of course you wouldn’t. For you, every time was just another day at the beach. For me, it was one of my greatest childhood fears. I couldn’t understand why you wanted to go so far away. The whole idea scared me to death. One day I told you that you couldn’t go because I refused to go with you, and you laughed and said it didn’t matter, that you’d go without me. And I was so upset I cried.”
Haley blew out a breath. Had she really said that? The scene did sound hauntingly familiar. And all too plausible.
“I ran to Mom and pitched a fit,” Micah continued, “and she told you that you were being mean and that of course I could go along with you wherever you went.”
Haley chuckled wryly. “Of course she did.”
Micah sighed and sat down again. “Mom was wrong to say that,” she conceded, her eyes begging her sister for forgiveness. “You have every right to sail away, Haley. With whoever you want. I’m just really, really sorry about the timing. If you fell in love with this guy in five days without ever even kissing him…” She shook her head in frustration. “My God, don’t let him go! Hang onto him.”
“I’m trying,” Haley admitted, ashamed at the sudden quiver in her own voice.
“Does he know?” Micah repeated.
Haley nodded. “He figured out that I was pregnant before I could tell him, actually. My feelings for him were so obvious… he was totally confused.”
“Well, of course he was,” Micah said bitterly. “He had to wonder why you weren’t with the baby’s father.” She covered her face with her hands. “I’ve been so incredibly selfish, Haley. I never even thought about this. You haven’t dated anybody seriously in years, and nine months didn’t seem that long. But I should have thought about it. About how strange it would be to try to get close to a man when—” She cut herself off. “How did he take it?”
Haley smiled a little. “As well as could humanly be expected,” she answered. “He really is a wonderful guy.”
Micah’s blue eyes sparkled through her tears. “I can see that.” She grabbed a tissue and wiped her face. “So, how did you leave it with him?”
“Badly, at first,” Haley confessed. “I thought it would be kinder to let him go. Turns out I couldn’t hack it. I missed him too much. So now, like I said, we’re penpals. No promises either way.” She tried to smile at Micah, but to her dismay, heard herself sniffle instead. “I can’t ask him not to date other women. It wouldn’t be fair. All I can do is be the best damn friend he ever had and hope he’s still available next February.”
Micah’s hand closed over Haley’s and gave it a squeeze. “I owe you everything,” she said quietly. “We’ll figure this out somehow, I promise. And I’ll do absolutely anything I can to help make it happen.”
“Thank you,” Haley replied genuinely. “But there really isn’t anything you can do.”
Micah’s blue eyes flashed with fire. A determined, righteous fire that struck a tiny chord of anxiety in the depths of Haley’s heart.
“We’ll see about that,” Micah retorted.
Chapter 23
“Well, will you look at this?” Jenna said suggestively, plucking an envelope from the stack of mail she was carrying and dropping it onto the kitchen table in front of Ben. “It’s from that mysterious Harvey Olson person. Again.”
Ben kept his eyes on his cereal bowl. Crap. He knew this was coming. The worst part of dealing with his sisters was that they were all so damned smart. Ever since he’d returned to the Parker family headquarters he’d tried to be “helpful” and get the mail himself. But it didn’t arrive consistently, and he
couldn’t be walking out to the street every five minutes all day long. “Oh?” he muttered, allowing himself only a brief glance at the letter before returning his attention to his cereal. What he wanted to do was snatch the letter up, haul it back to his room, and rip it open immediately.
“So who’s Harvey Olson?” Jenna continued, slipping into a chair opposite and leaning forward toward him, her elbows on the table. She had just put her kids on the bus and was still in her bathrobe.
Ben sighed internally and looked up at her. His second oldest sister, better known in the family as “the drama queen,” was also a redhead. They were the only two in the family, and people always said they looked alike. As a child, Ben had resented the comparison, but by adolescence he grew to appreciate it. Even first thing in the morning and without makeup, Jenna was a strikingly beautiful woman.
“Just a friend of mine from Alaska,” he answered with a shrug.
“This letter is from California,” Jenna pointed out. “A rather ritzy part of California, I might add. Does your friend own a yacht, by any chance?”
Ben shrugged again. “Do you have any more bananas?”
“You ate the last one yesterday,” Jenna retorted impatiently. “Does he live in Alaska or California?”
“Why do you care?” Ben replied, only to wince at the defensive tone of his voice. He was blowing this. “I’m sorry I ate all the bananas. I’ll buy more this afternoon.”
Jenna’s eyes rolled. “I don’t care about the damn bananas. You know we love having you here — it’s your idea to pay for your own food in the first place. You’re avoiding the subject.”
“What subject?” Ben said lightly. His parents had sold the house they’d all grown up in to Jenna and her husband two years ago. It worked out for everyone because his parents wanted to downsize to a low-maintenance carriage home and Jenna needed a larger spread for her family of five. Jenna was more than happy to carry on the tradition of hosting holiday gatherings and housing visiting relatives, and she insisted that her kids would pitch a fit if Ben stayed anywhere but with them. They had plenty of room, and the tradition of having Uncle Ben take the kids trick-or-treating on his last day in Seattle was — next to the candy, of course — the highlight of their Halloween.
