by Nora Roberts
Another man.
Another man who would slip his arms around her waist, rub his mouth over hers. Hear her breath quicken, feel her bones go soft.
Some faceless son of a bitch who wasn’t good enough for her would turn to her in the night, sink inside her. And smile every goddamn morning because he knew he could do it again.
Christ, Ethan thought, it was making him crazy.
Foolish bumped into his legs, a ratty tennis ball clamped hopefully in his mouth, his tail wagging persuasively. In a habitual move, Ethan tugged the ball free and tossed it. Foolish bounded after it, yapping furiously when Simon darted like a bullet from the left and intercepted.
Ethan only sighed when Simon pranced back, sat, and waited for the game to continue.
It was as good an excuse as any to stay outside, Ethan decided. He would fool with the dogs, go fiddle with his boat, stay out of Grace’s way. If she had wanted to see him, she could have found him.
The dogs worked him around the side yard, and taking pity on the slower, less skilled Foolish, Ethan found a stick to toss along with the ball. It lightened his mood a little to watch them bash into each other, wrestle, fetch, and retrieve.
You could depend on a dog, he thought, giving the ball a higher, harder toss that sent Simon bounding in pursuit. They never asked for more than you could give them.
He didn’t see Grace until he was well around the house. Then he simply stood.
No, one look, one quick glimpse, wasn’t enough. Would never be enough.
The sheet she lifted to the line flapped wetly in the breeze as she pegged it. The sun was on her hair. As he watched, she bent to the basket, took out a pillowcase, gave it a quick snap, then clipped it beside the sheet.
Love flooded into him, swamped him, left him weak and needy. Small details hammered him—the curve of her cheek in profile. Had he ever noticed how elegant her profile was? The way her hair sat on her head, feathered at the back of her neck. Was she letting it grow? The way the trim cuff of her shorts skimmed her thigh. She had such long, smooth thighs.
Foolish rapped his head against Ethan’s leg and snapped him back.
Abruptly nervous, he wiped his hands on his work pants, shifted his feet. It was probably best, he decided, if he just slipped back around the front, went into the house and upstairs. He took the first step back, then pulled up short when she turned. She gave him a long look, one he couldn’t read, then bent to take out another pillowcase.
“Hello, Ethan.”
“Grace.” He tucked his hands in his pockets. It wasn’t often he heard her voice quite so cool.
“It’s foolish to go all the way back around to the front of the house just to avoid me.”
“I was . . . going to check something on the boat.”
“That’s fine. You can do that after I talk to you.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d want to talk to me.” He approached her cautiously. Her tone of voice took the blistering heat right out of the day.
“I tried to talk to you the other night, but you weren’t inclined to listen.” She reached into the basket, apparently unperturbed that she was now hanging his underwear. “Then I needed a little time to myself, to settle everything in my head.”
“And have you?”
“Oh, I think so. First, I should tell you that what you told me about what you went through before you came here shocked me, and it hurt me, and I have nothing but pity for that little boy and rage about what happened to him.” She glanced at him as she secured the next clothespin. “You don’t want to hear that. You don’t want to think that I have feelings about it, that it touched me.”
“No,” he said evenly. “No, I didn’t want it to touch you.”
“Because I’m so fragile. Because I’m so delicate of nature.”
His brows drew together. “Partly. And—”
“So you hoarded that nasty little seed all for yourself,” she went on, calmly working her way down the clothesline. “Even though there’s nothing in or of my life that you don’t know. It’s the way it should be, in your opinion, that I’m an open book and you’re a closed one.”
“No, it wasn’t that. Exactly.”
“What could it have been exactly?” she wondered, but he didn’t think it was a question and wisely formed no answer. “I’ve been thinking about that, Ethan. I’ve been thinking about a number of things. Why don’t we go back a ways first? You like to do things in neat, logical steps. And since you like things to be done your way, we’ll just be neat and logical.”
The dogs, sensing trouble, retreated to the water. Ethan found himself envying them.
“You told me you’ve loved me for years. Years,” she said with such quick fury that he nearly stumbled back. “But you don’t do anything about it. You don’t once, not once, come up to me and ask me if I’d like to spend some time with you. One word from you, one look from you, would have thrilled me. But oh, no, not Ethan Quinn, not with his broody mind and incredible control. You just kept your distance and let me pine over you.”
“I didn’t know you had those kind of feelings for me.”
“Then you’re blind as well as stupid,” she snapped.
His brows drew together. “Stupid?”
“That’s what I said.” Seeing the outrage cross his face was balm to her battered ego. “I would never have looked twice at Jack Casey if you’d given me anything to hope for. But I needed someone to want me, and it sure as hell didn’t appear it was ever going to be you.”
“Now just a damn minute. I’m not to blame for you marrying Jack.”
“No, I take the blame. I take the responsibility, and I don’t regret it because it gave me Aubrey. But I blame you, Ethan.” And those gold-flecked green eyes blazed with it. “I blame you for being too pigheaded to take what you wanted. And you haven’t changed a damn bit.”
“You were too young—”
She used both hands, and all the force of her temper went into the shove. “Oh, shut up. You had your say. Now I’m having mine.”
In the kitchen, Seth’s eyes went hot. He made a dash for the door, only to be brought up short by Anna, who was eavesdropping as hard as she could.
“No, you don’t.”
“He yelled at her.”
“She’s yelling, too.”
“He’s fighting with her. I’m going to stop him.”
Anna cocked her head. “Does she look like she needs any help?”
His mouth set, Seth glared through the screen. Then reconsidered when he saw Grace shove Ethan back a full step. “I guess not.”
“She can handle him.” Amused, she gave Seth a scrubbing pat on the top of the head. “How come you don’t leap to my defense when Cam and I argue?”
“Because he’s afraid of you.”
Anna rolled her tongue into her cheek, enjoying the idea. “Oh, really?”
“Half afraid, anyway,” Seth said with a grin. “He never knows what you’ll do. And besides, you guys like to argue.”
“Observant little brat, aren’t you?”
He shrugged, cheerful now. “I see what I see.”
“And know what you know.” Laughing, she edged closer to the door with him, hoping for a better view.
“Let’s move to the next step, Ethan.” Grace shoved the empty basket out of her way with her foot. “Fast-forward a few years. Think you can keep up?”
He took a long breath because he didn’t want to yell at her again. “You’re pissing me off, Grace.”
“Good. I mean to, and I hate to fail at something I’m working on.”
He wasn’t sure which emotion came out on top, annoyance or bafflement. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Ethan. Let’s see—could it be the fact that you think I’m some brainless, helpless female? Yes, you know . . .” She jabbed her index finger into his chest like a drill into wood. “I bet that’s just what’s gotten into me.”
“I don’t think you’re brainless.”
&nb
sp; “Oh, just helpless, then.” Even as he opened his mouth she was rolling over him. “Do you think a helpless woman can do what I’ve been doing the last few years? Do you think—what was it you called me once—delicate, like your mama’s good china. I’m not china!” she exploded. “I’m good solid stoneware, the kind you can drop and it rattles around on the floor. It doesn’t shatter. You have to work to break good stoneware, Ethan, and I’m not broken yet.”
She punched a finger into his chest again, darkly pleased when his eyes flashed a warning. “I wasn’t so helpless when I got you into my bed, was I? Which is just where I wanted you.”
“You didn’t get me anywhere.”
“Hell, I didn’t. And you’re brainless if you think differently. I reeled you in like a goddamn rockfish.”
It gave her pleasure, oh, such vivid pleasure, to see both fury and frustration race over his face. “If you think a statement like that flatters either of us—”
“I’m not trying to flatter you. I’m telling you straight out, I wanted you and I went after you. If I’d left the matter up to you, we’d have been pinching each other’s butts in a nursing home.”
“Jesus, Grace.”
“Just be quiet.” There was no stopping now, whatever the consequences, not with this roaring sea crashing in her head. “You just think about that, Ethan Quinn. You give that some good long thought and don’t you dare call me fragile again.”
He gave her a slow nod. “It’s not the word that’s coming to mind at the moment.”
“Good. I haven’t needed you or anyone to help me build a decent life for my baby. I used muscle, and I used guts to do what needed to be done, so don’t you tell me I’m china.”
“You wouldn’t have had to do it all alone if you weren’t too damn proud to settle things with your father.”
The truth of that put a hitch in her step. But she balled her fists and rushed on. “We’re talking about you and me. You say you love me, Ethan, but you don’t for one minute understand me.”
“I’m starting to agree with that,” he muttered.
“You’ve got some ego-ridden male idea in your head that I need to be taken care of, protected, coddled—when what I need is to be needed and respected and loved. And you’d know that if you paid attention. You ask yourself this, Ethan, who seduced whom? Who said ‘I love you’ first. Who proposed marriage? Are you so nearsighted you can’t see I’ve had to take every step first with you?”
“You make it sound like you’ve been leading me by the nose, Grace. I don’t care for that.”
“I couldn’t lead you by the nose if I jabbed a fish hook in it. You go exactly where you want to go, Ethan, but you can be so infuriatingly slow. I love that about you, and I admire it, and now I understand it more. You had a terrible period in your life when you had no control, now you take care not to lose it. But you can slip from control into stubbornness in one short step, and that’s just what you’ve done.”
“I’m not being stubborn. I’m being right.”
“Right? It’s right for two people to love each other and not build a life out of it? It’s right to pay all your life for what someone else did to you when you were too young to defend yourself against it? Is it right for you to say you can’t and won’t marry me because you’re . . . stained and you made some ridiculous promise to yourself never to have a family of your own?”
It sounded off when she said it like that. It sounded . . . stupid. “It’s the way it is.”
“Because you say so.”
“I told you how it is, Grace. I gave you the choice.”
Her jaw hurt from clenching it. “People like to say they’ve given somebody a choice when what they’re really saying is ‘do this my way.’ I don’t like your way, Ethan. Your way only takes into account what was and doesn’t add what is, or what could be. You think I don’t know what you expected? You’d take your stand and sweet, delicate Grace would just fall in line.”
“I didn’t expect you to fall in line.”
“Then crawl off, wounded, and pine after you for the rest of my life. You’re getting neither. I’ll give you a choice this time, Ethan. You straighten yourself out, you go on and think things through for the next eon or two, then you let me know what conclusions you’ve come to. Because my stand is this. It’s marriage or it’s nothing. I’ll be damned if I’ll spend the rest of my life pining over you. I can live without you.” She tossed back her head. “Let’s see if you’re man enough to live without me.”
She whirled around and stalked off, leaving him fuming.
“Upstairs,” Anna hissed at Seth. “He’s coming inside. Now it’s my turn.”
“Are you going to yell at him, too?”
“Maybe.”
“I want to watch.”
“Not this time.” She all but shoved him out of the room. “Upstairs. I mean it.”
“Hell.” He stomped to the stairs, waited a moment, then slipped back down the hallway.
Anna was pouring herself a homey cup of coffee when Ethan slammed the back door. Part of her wanted to go over and give him a big, sympathetic hug. He looked so miserably unhappy and confused. But the way she figured it, there were times when it was best all around to kick a good man when he was down.
“Want some?”
He flicked a glance at her and kept walking. “No, thanks.”
“Hold it.” She smiled sweetly when he stopped, when she all but saw the jittery waves of impatience shimmering around him. “I need to talk to you for a minute.”
“I’m about talked out for the day.”
“That’s all right.” Deliberately she pulled a chair out from the table. “You sit down and I’ll talk.”
Women, Ethan decided as he dropped into the chair, were the bane of his existence. “I guess I’ll take the coffee, then.”
“All right.” She poured him a mug, brought him a spoon so he could dump his customary heaps of sugar into it. She sat, folded her hands neatly, and continued to smile.
“You stupid jerk.”
“Oh, Jesus.” He rubbed his hands over his face, left them there. “Not another one.”
“I’m going to make it easy on you at first. I’ll ask a question, you answer. Are you in love with Grace?”
“Yes, but—”
“No qualifications.” Anna cut him off. “The answer is yes. Is Grace in love with you?”
“Hard to say just now.” He shifted his hand to nurse the point on his chest where she’d all but bored a hole in him.
“The answer is yes,” Anna said coolly. “Are you both single, otherwise unattached adults?”
He could feel himself sinking into a sulk, and detested it. “Yeah—so?”
“Just laying the groundwork, gathering the facts. Grace has a child, correct?”
“You know damn well—”
“Correct.” Anna lifted her cup, took a sip of coffee. “Do you have feelings of affection for Aubrey?”
“Of course I do. I love her. Who wouldn’t?”
“And does she have feelings of affection for you?”
“Sure. What—”
“Wonderful. We’ve established the emotions of the parties involved. Now let’s move on to stability. You have a profession, and a new business. You appear to be a man with skill, who’s willing to work and has the capability of earning a good living. Have you incurred any large, outstanding debts you believe you’ll have difficulty meeting?”
“For God’s sake!”
“No offense intended,” she said brightly. “I’m simply approaching this matter the way I assume you would, calmly, patiently, step by tedious step.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Seems to me people are having major problems with how I do things lately.”
“I love the way you do things.” She reached across the table and gave his tense hand an affectionate squeeze. “I love you, Ethan. It’s wonderful for me to have a big brother at this stage of my life.”
He shifted in his chair. He w
as touched by the obvious sincerity in her eyes, but he had a feeling she was tenderizing him in preparation for the roasting to come. “I don’t know what’s going on around here.”
“I think you’ll figure it out. So, we’ll say you’re financially sound. Grace, as we know, is well capable of earning a living. You own your own home, and a one-third share in this one. Shelter certainly isn’t an issue. So, we’ll move on. Do you believe in the institution of marriage?”
He knew a trick question when he heard one. “It works for some people. Doesn’t work for others.”
“No, no, do you believe in the institution itself? Yes or no.”
“Yes, but—”
“Then why the hell aren’t you down on one knee with a ring in your big, clumsy hand, begging the woman you love to give your fat head another chance?”
“I’m a patient man,” Ethan said slowly, “but I’m getting tired of insults.”
“Don’t you dare get out of that chair,” she warned when he started to scrape it back. “I swear I’ll belt you. God knows I want to.”
“That’s another thing that’s going around.” He subsided only because it seemed easier to get it all over with at once. “Go ahead then, say what you have to say.”
“You think I don’t understand. You think I can’t relate to what’s eating you up inside. You’re wrong. I was raped when I was twelve years old.”
Shock jolted his heart, pain squeezed his soul. “Jesus, Anna! Jesus, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Now you do. Does it change me, Ethan? Aren’t I the same person I was thirty seconds ago?” She reached for his hand again, held it this time. “I know what it is to be helpless and terrified and want to die. And I know what it is to make something of your life, despite that. And I know what it is to have that horror in you always. No matter how much you’ve learned, no matter how much you’ve come to accept it and know it was never, ever your fault.”
