by Susanne Beck
Donita’s sigh of relief was audible as the judge bent over the table and, with a flourish of the President signing a détente between two warring third-world countries, inked her Jane Hancock on the document that would send my lover back down into darkness.
* * *
Though no more words passed between us, the look of utter and undying love remained in Ice’s brilliant eyes as the guards, more gently this time, led her out of the room, closing the door behind them.
"What happens now?" I asked Donita after a few moments spent staring at the door in the hopes that it would reopen again and Ice would come back to me.
Closing her briefcase with an authoritative snap, Donita put her arm around my shoulders and gently led me from the room. "That’s something we need to talk about."
"Why don’t I think I’m going to like hearing what you have to say?"
"Most likely because you won’t," she answered honestly.
Together, we walked down the hallway, out of the courthouse and back to the sheltered table out on the lawn, the silence growing pregnant between us.
After we both claimed seats, Donita reached out and grasped my hand. She smiled slightly. "As part of the plea agreement, the prosecution wanted you placed in the Witness Protection Program," she began.
"What? Why?"
"For starters, you’re the only one who can identify Cavallo as Ice’s shooter back in the Bog. And we’re gonna need every shred of evidence we can dig up just to make sure he’s convicted on charges that won’t be overturned somewhere down the line."
"Surely you’ve got more than that one shooting to pin on him."
"Yes, but he’s a snake, and he has an even bigger snake for a lawyer. That man could get Satan off if he wanted to." I thought I heard a grudging admiration in her tone, but when I looked up, her eyes were filled with nothing but revulsion.
"Well, I hope you and everyone else knows that I’m not going to go for that."
She smiled. "No, I know you won’t. It took a bit of doing, but I managed to convince the prosecutor to release you, as it were, into my custody."
"Which means?"
"Which means that it’s my responsibility to make sure you don’t decide to take another midnight stroll over the border, Angel."
I could feel my back stiffen and my teeth clench at her words. "The last time I checked, Donita, I was still an American citizen," I began, my tone as frosty as my lover’s name. "Has something changed that I’m not aware of?"
"No."
"Then why am I under house arrest?"
Donita sighed. "You’re not under house arrest, Angel. If you recall, I’m trying to keep that from happening here."
"How, Donita? And more importantly, why? Since I seem to be the cornerstone upon which this entire house of cards is being built, don’t you think I deserve to know?"
"Angel, I’ve told you about all I can tell you. I’m operating under some pretty severe constraints here. Lawyer-client privilege being the smallest among them."
"Then I guess there isn’t anything else to talk about, is there?" I said, well aware that I was being churlish and not caring one little bit. Standing up, I looked down at her without smiling. "Thanks. I’ll be going now. And don’t worry about me leaving the country. Canada holds nothing for me now."
"Angel, wait," she called before I had gotten more than four steps away.
I stopped, but didn’t turn around.
A bare moment later, her warm presence filled the space at my side. "I’m sorry. I know this hasn’t been easy on you."
"You’re right. It hasn’t." After deliberating for a second, I turned to her. "Donita, I watched the woman I love more than I love anything in this world taken from our home in chains. I’ve spent three months realizing that I never knew what true Hell was until I found myself actually living in it. Every avenue I’ve tried has been a dead end. Every call for help I’ve made has resulted in yet another door being slammed in my face. And then, when I finally think I’m going to get some answers, I find out that not only isn’t the journey going to end, it’s only just beginning. I’m sure you’ll forgive me if that makes me sound a little bitter. I just can’t seem to help myself."
She laid a tentative hand on my shoulder, her eyes warm with compassion. "You have every reason to be bitter, Angel. In fact, I’m surprised that you aren’t taking this worse than you are."
"Well, I’ll admit that buying a gun and going down to the Bog to break Ice out has a certain appeal right now," I admitted.
She laughed softly. "I’m sure it does. Truth be known, it holds a certain amount of appeal for me as well. Even if it isn’t a realistic solution."
"Then what is?"
Her shoulders slumped. "None of it, Angel. We’re all between a rock and a hard place here. There’s more going on with Cavallo than you know. Suffice it to say that he has some friends in some very high places and those friends have a vested interest in making sure he doesn’t get caught."
I felt myself relaxing a little, knowing that she was trying her best to tell me things she shouldn’t in the only way she could. "Why Ice, though? Her ‘special skills’ aside, she’s one woman. What can she do that the police, or whoever, can’t?"
"She can get the job done. She knows how he thinks, how he acts, what he’ll do. She’s been where he is and she knows his weaknesses. She’s the best person for the job, to put it as simply as I can."
After thinking on her words for a moment, I nodded. "Can you answer me one more question, though?"
"If I can, Angel."
"Why didn’t you fight it?" I held up a hand as she opened up her mouth to speak. "I know that, no matter how strong of a case you have, there’s always a possibility that the verdict could come back against you. Believe me, no one knows that better. But... even if it did, and even if I was charged and convicted, as horrible as this may sound to you, I’d be happier in prison with her than free without her."
She smiled. "It doesn’t sound horrible, Angel. But it just wouldn’t happen."
"What do you mean?"
Looking down at the ground, she looked to be preparing her words carefully. "Since Ice has been recaptured, Angel, she’s spent twenty-three hours a day in the Hole. Not because she’s done anything wrong, but because she’s considered a huge escape risk."
"That’s inhuman! They can’t just keep her there forever!" I could feel my whole body go numb with the thought of what that would do to her, my mind going back to the last time she’d been kept in the Hole, and the shell of a woman she’d become because of it.
"No, they can’t. If they tried, I’d have so many protestors outside the Bog the warden would think that what happened with Corinne was a little pep rally in comparison." She laid a hand on my arm. "He knows it, too. That’s why, as soon as the trial is over, he wants her transferred out."
"So, even if I was convicted, we wouldn’t be together." When the thought sunk in, I began to realize just why it was that Ice had agreed to the plea bargain. It also helped to explain the returned letters and the rest I’d been suffering through for the past three months.
"I’m afraid not."
"When will I get to see her?"
"I don’t know. Probably not for quite some time." Though her words rang true to my ears, there was some sort of knowledge hidden deep within her eyes that, try as I might, I just couldn’t decipher. And I also knew that she could tell I saw it there. Those same eyes begged me not to ask the question she couldn’t answer.
With a sigh, I relented somewhat. "So, I’ll ask again. What happens now?"
"The most important thing is for you to be kept safe during all this." Her smile was slightly lopsided. "The prosecution may have to answer to the people who want Cavallo’s ass, but I have to answer to Ice. And personally, if something were to go wrong, I’d rather be them than me. They only run the risk of being fired..."
As her voice trailed off, I couldn’t help laughing a little, knowing her words for truth though some small
part of me resented the hell out of the implication that I couldn’t keep myself safe. The rest of me, however, well remembered my last run in with Cavallo’s men and wasn’t too proud to accept help when it was offered.
"I have some friends who are very happy to give you a place to stay for the duration. They’re good people, Angel, and they have a very safe, very secluded ranch south of Tucson in Arizona."
"Arizona?! But that’s..."
Grasping both of my shoulders, Donita looked me dead in the eye. "Cavallo isn’t here, Angel."
"What? What does that have..."
"He’s not here." Once again, those deep chocolate eyes begged me to take what she was saying at face value and to please just have faith in her explanation, poor though it was.
Now, I might not always be the brightest bulb in the bunch, but on occasion, I am known for putting two and two together and coming up with the requisite four. "So, if Cavallo isn’t here," I said, putting the same emphasis on the word, "he just might be somewhere, say, to the southwest of Pittsburgh?"
Her smile was quite knowing. "It’s a big old world out there, Angel. Who knows what little part of it he’s stinking up?"
Faith has always been somewhat of an elusive enemy to me. Just when I think I have it in my grasp, just when I think I’ve been rewarded for having it, it slips away yet again, leaving me damning myself for being foolish enough to believe in its existence in the first place.
And now I was being asked to grasp hold of it again.
Or maybe not. Faith is one animal. Belief, however, is another. And even if I didn’t believe in Donita—which I did, my belief in Ice, even after everything that had happened since her capture, remained absolutely bedrock.
And I knew, with every fiber of my being, that while Donita might be saying the words to me, Ice was the one pulling the strings.
So, in the end, the choice was a simple one. The mountain was high, but I knew without doubt that there would be a safety net well able to cushion the fall should I choose to damn the height and take the leap. And with that knowledge, I did the only thing I could do. The only thing my heart and soul would allow me to.
I believed.
Donita must have seen it in my eyes, or in the set of my jaw, because she smiled and squeezed my hand. "You’re a very special woman, Angel."
"Yeah, well, that’s not always the gift people make it out to be. I have doubts too, just like anyone else."
"I know, Angel," she replied. "And I know it’s hard. If there was anything more I could do to make it easier on you, I would. I hope you know that."
"I do know that, Donita. Believe me, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here talking to you right now." After a beat of silence, I released her hand and looked up at her. "Arizona, huh?"
"Arizona."
The way she grinned at me, I got the feeling that a little time spent in warmth and perpetual sunshine just might not be such a bad idea after all.
* * *
"She’s... big," I commented to my lawyer as we watched a woman the size of a small mountain make her way from the large sedan parked at the courthouse curb to the table we were currently occupying. Of obvious Native American ancestry, she had a long fall of deep black hair which ended below her waist, deep copper skin covered with intricate tattoos, intense almond eyes more black than a storm-tossed night, and the body of a female Arnold Schwarzenegger, pre-heart attack. Massive arms thick with muscle eased out from a sleeveless flannel, swinging easily with every step she took. Legs as solid and as huge as full-grown oaks strained the seams of well-worn jeans.
Staring at her as she approached, I was forced to admit the true inadequacy of my words. To call the woman simply ‘big’ was akin to calling my lover ‘pretty’. True? Yes. But hardly fitting the grandeur of the sight presented.
Before Donita could respond, if indeed she was even planning to, the woman stopped a foot or so in front of us both, all but filling up my vision with her sheer size. The two of us stood, Donita’s smile warm and welcoming. "Angel, I’d like to introduce you to my friend, Rio. Rio, this is Angel."
Mirroring Donita’s expression, I held out a hand. "Hello, Rio. It’s nice to meet you."
The reverse, however, was quite obviously untrue.
It was almost as if I were meeting Mouse or Derby for the first time back in the Bog, such was the chill that wrapped itself around my body as she looked at me. Her flat, black eyes held not even the faintest flicker of warmth, and her expression told me in no uncertain terms that she had assessed me carefully and found me wanting.
The woman who exited the Bog, however, was so changed from the one who entered it as to be a different person entirely. And that woman had changed even more during the last year. Instead of looking down and away as I might have once upon a time, I met her stare, look for look, feeling nothing more than a vague disquiet as the seconds blended slowly into minutes.
It was Donita who finally halted the standoff by stepping in between the two of us and laying a hand on my arm while looking at Rio. "Are the bags packed?"
"They’re in the trunk."
"Everything’s ready, then?"
"Yeah."
"Thanks. We’ll be along in a minute."
"Fine."
And with that, she turned on her heel and started back the way she had come.
"If that’s a taste of things to come, Donita, I think I’ll take my chances with Cavallo," I half-whispered as Rio took up a stance beside the car and stared out into the light traffic as if daring someone to hit her.
"I’m... not sure what’s wrong with her, Angel. Normally, she’s one of the sweetest people I know."
"Maybe she has something against green-eyed blondes."
"No. Not at all. She’s a little reserved at times, yes, but..."
"Reserved?! I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Donita, but that woman makes Ice seem like a regular Chatty Kathy!"
With a somewhat rueful smile, she turned to face me. "Just give her a little time to get to know you, Angel. She really is a good person, and before you know it, she’ll be joining your fan club just like everyone else who meets you."
"I don’t need fans, Donita. What I need right now is someone who doesn’t look at me as if I’m something they just stepped in on the sidewalk. Believe me, I have no desire to find myself being scraped off the bottom of her shoe somewhere."
"That’ll never happen, Angel. I promise. Please, just give it a chance?"
After a moment, I shrugged. "Why not? Worse comes to worst, I still have Corinne and her magic teakettle on my side."
Laughing, Donita threw her arms around me and pulled me close, kissing me on the cheek. "You’re one in a million, Angel," she whispered into my ear. "And Ice is one hell of a lucky woman."
"You just remind her of that when you see her again," I said, only half-joking. Giving her a final hug, I pulled away. "Thanks, my friend. Although it might not seem like it right now, I really do appreciate everything you’ve done. I don’t know where Ice or I would be without you."
"It’s my pleasure," she replied, her dark eyes sparkling. "You just be careful and stay safe, alright?"
"Will do."
"Let’s go then."
Side by side, we walked over to the huge silver sedan, a car that might have been all the rage prior to the oil crisis, but was now, in these days of streamlining, big enough to qualify for its own Congressman. Though I had no wish to be treated like a passenger in a taxi, Rio’s body language spelled out explicitly that I was either going to ride in the back with Corinne, or be forced to brush up on my hitchhiking skills if I ever intended to see Arizona.
Never having hitchhiked, I wisely opted for the former and slid into the back of the gigantic car with alacrity, pulling my feet in quickly lest they be amputated by a swiftly slammed door. "Service with a snarl," I remarked softly to Corinne as I tried to adjust clothing rucked up into uncomfortable crevices by my abrupt entry into the car.
"So I noticed. This behavior is
rather unlike her."
I turned round eyes to her. "You know her?"
"Indeed I do."
Which, of course, could mean only one thing. "The Bog, right?"
"It’s not as if I’ve been making friends and influencing people anywhere else, Angel," Corrine replied, nudging me a bit. "Not for the past forty-some-odd years, at any rate."
"Please don’t tell me I have another Derby on my hands," I moaned.
Corinne snorted. "As if Ice would allow someone like that within a hundred miles of you."
My reply was abruptly silenced as the driver’s side door opened and Rio slid her massive bulk behind the wheel. Nary a word was passed between us as, with a roar of the engine and the squeal of rubber against road, I found myself moving forward into yet another unknown future. Only this time, the miles weren’t leading me into a future ripe with almost limitless, wonderful possibilities. They, rather, were leading me away from the only possibility I wanted—needed—in my life.
Ice.
It took every single atom of waning strength I possessed not to jump across the seat and wrestle the wheel away from the behemoth babysitter I’d so recently—and reluctantly—acquired. Even the thought of what my face would look like after I failed miserably in the attempt didn’t sway me.
The remembered look in Ice’s eyes as she silently asked me to have faith did the trick, however, and with fists clenched and jaw set, I slumped back against the worn, soft leather of the back seat and watched through weary, saddened eyes as the miles sped by.
* * *
Somewhere about three hours later, by my inadequate reckoning, too many nights of too little sleep combined with the soothing sway of the big car and made my eyelids grow heavy and drooping, the way they used to when I was a young child riding in the back of my father’s station wagon.
With that strange clairvoyance she always seemed to possess, Corinne read my mind like one of her precious library books and, giving me a warm grin, patted her lap. Well past the point of playing dentist to a gifted stallion, I took her up on her invitation without a second’s passing. Letting the comforting scent of her fill my senses, I felt myself drifting off into what I hoped would be a peaceful slumber.
