by Susanne Beck
I’ll admit it was heavenly for me as well, at first. While looking at the women, I pictured Ice’s long, naked body cutting through the sparkling water with the ease of a born athlete.
I pictured her climbing the ladder with sinuous grace, water rolling off her in sparkling sheets.
I pictured the smile that would cross her face as she saw me standing by the edge of the pool, waiting.
I pictured three dozen other naked women clustering around the bronze-limbed goddess who was my lover, blocking her from my view and touching her in all the places currently denied to me.
I blinked.
Then coughed.
Amazing how one woman’s heaven could so easily become another’s private hell.
As the car completed its entrance onto the ranch, the poolside view was mercifully cut off from my line of vision and I let out a deep breath of relief with the loss of it. After pulling to a complete stop, Rio turned off the engine and was out of the car so fast, I wondered briefly if she’d been sitting on a hornet’s nest, or something equally unpleasant.
Probably just the company she was forced to keep, I told myself with a mental shrug. I could hardly fault her for it, after all, since I was feeling the same way myself.
I got out of the car just in time to see her all but swallowed up by a group of cooing women. Watching her back straighten and her shoulders broaden under all the compassionate attention she was receiving, I—quite uncharitably—wondered what tale of her injuries she was conjuring to earn such fawning responses.
Enough, Angel. Bitterness isn’t one of your more charming assets, so just stick it back in the festering pit it came from and leave it there, alright?
My jaw set with newfound resolution, I reached behind the front seat and popped the trunk, then went around to the back to retrieve my luggage, setting each piece carefully down on the immaculate driveway, then doing the same for Corinne’s bags.
Having lost what passed for our hostess, I was at a loss for what to do next.
"Think it’d be considered impolite if we just burst right in and announced ourselves?" I asked Corinne as I continued to stare after Rio and her admirers.
"I don’t think that will be necessary, Angel."
I looked up just in time to see a woman come out from the house. She was dressed in faded jeans, a white shirt and dark leather vest, her face shaded by the wide brim of a white Stetson perched comfortably over her long, dark hair.
Squinting into the bright sunlight, I put a hand above my eyes, trying to see her more clearly and place the feeling of familiarity that washed over me as she walked toward the two of us.
"Welcome to Akalan, Angel."
It was the voice that did it. Even more than the respectful touch to the brim of the hat, or the smile which made the woman’s features suddenly recognizable.
"Montana?" I asked, so far beyond stunned that I couldn’t even see it from where I was standing. "Is that really you?"
"In the flesh," she said, grinning. "It’s good to see you again. You’ve changed since I saw you last."
Feeling tears well up in my eyes, I reached out and embraced her tightly, pleased when she didn’t stiffen or pull away. In my joy, I’d forgotten about her natural reserve, so much like my lover’s that it almost hurt to hug her.
"God, it’s good to see you," I said, finally pulling away and wiping my eyes with the heel of my hand. "Why are you here?"
At her laughter, I blushed, realizing a bit belatedly exactly how my question sounded.
"I mean... I thought you were in Montana?"
"I was, until three weeks ago," she replied, sharing a warm embrace with Corinne.
"What happened three weeks ago?"
"I received a call from a lawyer who expounded on the joys of wintering in the warmth and sunshine of Arizona."
"Donita?"
"None other. And, since the alternative was another winter spent up to my neck in snow, I allowed myself to see the wisdom of her words, and here I am."
"You came here for me, didn’t you," I said, as another piece of the puzzle fell neatly into place.
"I won’t deny that was a factor in my decision."
"But your home..."
Smiling, she held up a hand. "Akalan is as much my home as the ranch in Montana, Angel. Or even the one in the hills of western Pennsylvania. Where I am at any given point in time doesn’t much matter. What I can do and who I can help, however, does."
"But..."
Her smile broadened. "Look around you, Angel. What do you see?"
Following her gentle request, I looked around, then back to her, eyebrows raised, not sure exactly where she was leading.
"No answer? I’ll tell you what I see, then." I watched, fascinated, as her dark eyes scanned the grounds, missing nothing. "Where some might look and see only empty, arid desert and... yes, beautiful women..."
"Beautiful naked women," Corinne corrected from beside me.
"Point taken," Montana replied, smirking slightly. "I see hope, Angel. Simple as that."
"Hope for what?" I asked, honestly curious. While I liked and very much respected Montana, I knew her far less than the other Amazons who had befriended me. Part of the reason, of course, was that she was released so soon into my own sentence. And the rest, as I believe I’ve already mentioned, was due to her own reserved, quiet nature.
"Hope for the future. Hope for the community. Hope for safety, security, friendship." Her broad shoulders lifted in a shrug. "Hope as individual as the woman who wields it." When her gaze returned to me, it was soft with compassion and caring, yet bright with the passion of her convictions. "Above all else, Angel, this ranch is a place where hope is born and nurtured. Women come here from all walks of life. Many are bruised and battered, either emotionally or physically. Sometimes both. They aren’t as much running to us as they are running away from the lives they’ve lived before. Communities like this offer a sense of safety, of protection, and belonging that can help to start healing in women with nowhere else to turn."
"It sounds wonderful," I said, completely taken with her vision.
"It can be. It can also be rough, dirty and thankless. But it’s a job I wouldn’t trade for any in the world."
"With these perks, I don’t see why you ever would," Corinne remarked, frankly ogling a pair of scantily dressed women as they strolled past, arm in arm. They grinned back at her, waggling their fingers in invitation. "Oh yes, I’m going to love it here."
Montana laughed, something I’d never heard her do before, and I found myself charmed by the musical sweetness of it. "It’s good to see you again, Corinne. You’ll certainly liven this place up." Laying a hand on each of our shoulders, she gently guided us toward the house, our bags in hand. "Let’s get you settled in and then we can talk more, alright?"
"You can talk," Corinne said. "I find myself in sudden and dire need of a refreshing swim."
"Or a cold shower, " I joked.
"Just you wait, you sorry excuse for an angel. One day, sooner than you might expect, you’ll reach my age. And believe you me, I intend to be around long enough to see just what happens when you do."
Throwing back my head, I laughed, feeling better than I had in months. Was this what you had in mind when you set this up, Ice?
Then I laughed harder, though at myself.
Of course it was. Ice never did anything without a reason.
While I might have been safe in any one of several places, it was here where I could truly feel the beauty of hope once again.
Thank you, my love.
* * *
In direct and no-doubt deliberate contrast to the sunny warmth of the outside world, the interior of the house was cool, quiet and dim, courtesy of the heavy blinds which hung over the tinted windows and seemed to possess the added benefit of muting sound as well as light.
The living-room was huge and sunken, with heavily varnished bare wood floors and several large, comfortable-looking couches set up around a spectacula
r entertainment center which would have looked comfortable even in a movie theater.
Behind the living-room, bordered by an open rail, the kitchen stood. Its chrome appliances gleamed in the mellow, recessed lighting; appliances which looked large enough to hold and cook food enough to feed the hungry stomachs of an entire army and then some.
The dining room was to the left of the kitchen, dominated by a truly mammoth table with more than a dozen chairs drawn up tight against it, gently pressing against the shining, dark wood.
Long, dark hallways branched off to the left and right of the living-room, and it was to the right that we were directed by Montana, following her into the cool dimness and passing by quite a number of closed doors on our way. My room was last on the left, Corinne’s directly across from it on the right. The bathroom finished out the hall and had within it several stalls and at least two large showers that I could see, rather like a bathroom one would see in a college dormitory, I imagined.
While Corinne made a beeline for said bathroom, I entered the room that was to be mine for the duration of this newest adventure, taking in the neat, simple furnishings and pleasing earth tones with a satisfied eye. "This is wonderful, Montana. Thank you."
"My pleasure, Angel. I’m glad you like it." She watched quietly as I placed my luggage at the foot of the neatly made double bed. "I can leave you alone to unpack and get settled, or we can go back into the living-room and talk a little more. It’s your choice."
"The unpacking can wait," I announced, grinning. "My million and one questions can’t."
She returned my smile. "Talk it is. C’mon. I’m sure Corinne will catch up to us when she’s ready."
"If she doesn’t make good on her threat to start an orgy at the pool," I replied, only half in jest. The look on Corinne’s face as she took in the sights reminded me of nothing so much as a young child with his face pressed tight against a candy-store window.
"Without a doubt, Corinne is a treasure. She’ll likely have more admirers than even she can handle by the end of the day."
"That’d be a first."
Laughing, she looped a casual arm around my own and guided me back down the long, cool hallway until it broadened out into the main living area of the house. "Make yourself comfortable on one of the couches. I’ll get us something to drink."
Slipping into the cool comfort of one of the long couches, I leaned back against the soft fabric and closed my eyes, enjoying a brief moment of respite in an otherwise hectic day. When I opened them again, Montana was standing before me, hands wrapped around two tall glasses filled with liquid, lemons and lots of ice.
She handed one of the drinks down to me, then joined me on the couch, taking a sip of her own beverage and looking inquiringly at me. "Lemon water," she explained. "It’s the drink of choice down here. And pretty refreshing, as well."
As I took a tentative sip, I could feel my eyes widen in surprise. Montana wasn’t kidding. "It’s delicious!"
"Yup."
"Just lemons in water, huh? What’ll they think of next?"
"Well, they’ve already thought of lemonade."
"True."
After a brief moment of silence, I looked over at her. "So, this ranch is a sort of shelter for battered women?"
"It serves that purpose on occasion, yes. But it serves several others as well."
"Such as?" I hoped I wasn’t sounding too interrogatory with my questions. My curiosity has the oddest way of showing itself sometimes.
She didn’t appear to be offended, though. "Some women use this ranch as a retreat; a temporary refuge, if you will, from the stresses of their everyday lives. For others, it’s a permanent home; a separatist community where they can live their lives mostly free from the influence of males."
She smiled. "We’re pretty self sufficient here, as you may have already guessed. The house is on Reservation land, deeded to us by the Yaqui. We grow our own produce and sell the surplus either to the Reservation or to the surrounding towns, which in turn gives us enough money to pay our utility bills, food, sundries, and the like. Every woman who comes here, no matter the reason, is expected to lend her aid to the community in the best way she can. In return, she receives free lodging and food, and, if needed, help with other expenses as they occur."
"Are children allowed?"
"No. If we hear of a woman in need who has children, we help her find assistance elsewhere. All the ranches are for adult women only."
I nodded, sipping my water and listening to the quiet hum of the air conditioner as it cycled on. "Are there any other Amazons here?" I asked softly, somehow loathe to disturb the tranquility of the silent house.
"Besides us, you mean?" she asked, grinning.
Looking down, I blushed a little. In all truth, I’d forgotten I was, in fact, an Amazon. It wasn’t really something which came up in daily conversation outside of prison, and as that part of my life started to slip away into the past, some of my memories apparently had as well. "Yeah, besides us."
"Well... there’s Rio, who you’ve already met..."
I turned to her, eyes wide. "Rio? Rio’s an Amazon?"
"You say that like it’s a bad thing... ?"
"Oh! No! No, not at all. Really. I was just... surprised."
Her expression turned serious. "Is there a problem, Angel?"
"No problem. Really." I tried a broad smile on for size, then winced at how poorly it fit.
Montana’s eyes narrowed. "Angel..."
"Really. It’s just .a difference of opinion, that’s all. Nothing to worry about."
"A difference of opinion about what." It wasn’t a question, and I knew it.
I sighed, slumping into the seat. "I wish I knew."
"Did she say something? Do something?"
"Honestly, Montana, it’s nothing to worry about. I’m sorry I said what I did. I’m sure Rio’s an excellent Amazon. We just... we just didn’t hit it off, I suppose. But that’s alright. Not everyone has to like one another. I’m ok with that. Honestly." I held my free hand up to show my sincerity.
"I’ll have a talk with her."
"No! Please! Please, don’t do that. She didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m sure everything will work itself out, eventually."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
After a long, assessing moment, she finally nodded, albeit reluctantly, I thought. "Alright. But if I see anything out of order, I will speak to her."
"Okay. Thank you."
As we lapsed into silence once again, I found myself looking around the house’s interior, admiring the southwestern color scheme and the simple wall hangings which added color to the bone-white walls. "You must have to sell a lot of oranges to pay the mortgage on this place," I said in an attempt to steer the conversation into other, safer waters.
Her gentle laugh told me I’d succeeded. "I don’t think the entire state of Arizona could produce that much citrus, Angel. No, this house was willed to me by the mother of a young woman I helped while in the Bog."
"Really?"
"Mm hm. The girl was very sweet, and kind. And quite beautiful as well." A melancholy smile spread itself over Montana’s features. "She was such an innocent when she first arrived, like so many of them are."
"Like I was."
"Yes. You remind me of her, somewhat. She was arrested for possession. A short sentence, but as you know, in the Bog, even a month can seem like an eternity, especially if spent in the ill graces of some of the women there."
I nodded, not quite managing to suppress the shudder that came with my own memories of my first weeks in prison.
"When we finally managed to get in and pick up the pieces, I wasn’t really sure how much was left. But she surprised me." Her smile was now proud. "She surprised all of us. The adversity made her stronger, and by the time she left us, it was as if a new woman had stepped out of the shell of the old."
"Where is she now?" I asked, sensing a sad ending, but needing to know.
"
Dead. She returned here to be with her mother, and they were both killed in a car accident some years ago."
"I’m so sorry to hear that," I said, laying a hand atop hers.
"So was I." The sad smile returned.
"You loved her."
After a long moment, she nodded. "Yes I did. Very much."
"I’m sorry," I said again, at a loss. I wanted to hug her, but wasn’t sure if she’d accept such a gesture from me. Instead, I settled for squeezing her hand harder, pleased when she looked at me, thanks in her eyes.
"I’m sorry for your loss as well, Angel," she said, finally. "I was quite pleased when I heard that you and Ice had made it into Canada. I had hoped that you had finally found your dreams."
It was my turn to smile sadly. "We did. For awhile. Before Cavallo came in and started the whole avalanche." I sighed as the pain, a constant companion, settled itself on my shoulders once again, all the more heavy for the temporary respite. "I know it’s been three months, but it still feels so unreal, you know? Like a dream, almost. Or a nightmare." I shook my head. "Most mornings, I still find myself waking up expecting to still be in the cabin, Ice sleeping next to me. And it’s like I lose her all over again every time I do wake up. It makes me not want to go to sleep."
"I can understand that."
"Yeah. I guess you can." I absently wiped the tear rolling down my cheek.
"What happened to the woman who turned her in?"
"Ruby?" I laughed mirthlessly. "God, what a screw up. I find myself wanting to hate her. But I can’t. No matter how much I try, I just can’t. She acted out of love for me." I felt my fist curl and slam down on the forgiving cushion. "If I had only told her the truth in the beginning, none of this would ever have happened."
"You don’t know that, Angel. For all you know, telling the truth would only have meant a sooner ending. Sometimes people see with their eyes and not with their hearts. Your friend might have meant well, but she didn’t take the time to look beyond what she thought was the surface. You can’t take all the blame for this upon yourself. It does no good."
"Maybe not," I replied, looking down at my lap.
