Andrew exchanged a glance with his family and shrugged. He was completely puzzled by Claudia's sudden behavioral change, as were Iain, Maggie and Brian. They all wore the same expressions of bemusement, confused at Claudia's sudden formality after they had all shared such a warm and wonderful Christmas en famille.
"Alright-y then..." Andrew said, drawing out the words, "I guess we'll be going."
He kissed his parents again and shook hands with the Gatess, apologizing for his and Claudia's abrupt departure, quietly promising Maggie he'd call as soon as he figured out what was wrong with Claudia. He got into the car without speaking to her. She stared straight ahead in pointed silence. Andrew could feel the negativity emanating from her in waves. How she could go from being relaxed and content to this block of ice, he didn't know. She had said she hadn't felt up to staying for coffee, but she didn't look ill, precisely. He thought there was something else lurking around under that icy shell, maybe anger... And hurt? He could think of no good reason for either emotion. He decided to wait her out and let her be the first to speak and to explain herself without his prodding.
Claudia was lost in her own thoughts. Feelings she'd thought were long banished welled up again, choking her with their intensity. Seeing her father looking happy and healthy, with his perfect, beautiful wife had made her feel dirty and unworthy. He hadn't wanted her, had discarded her when she was born. Her mother had allowed him to buy his way out of their lives with a monthly stipend that was just barely enough for them to get by on, though he had plenty of money and could have given them much more. Claudia knew that he hadn't thought she or her mother were worth anything more than the pittance he'd given them. Probably even less. Patrick Gates, a disgrace of a human being, had discarded her as though she were so much rubbish and even after years of proving herself worth more, she was the one who felt dirty, gauche and worthless after meeting him face to face?
She seethed with anger that Patrick Gates had gone on with his life as though she didn't exist and at herself for caring what he thought of her. She had allowed him to occupy a huge space in her mind and heart for most of her life. The fact that she didn't know him had mattered little to her when she was a girl. He had never been far from her thoughts; she had made choices based upon what she guessed he might do or of which she thought he would be proud. She had longed for the day when he would sweep in and take her away with him and free her from the unstable, chaotic reality of life with her mother.
She had dreamed that he would be loving and kind. She would live with him and her half-siblings in their big North Shore house. She would go to a private school and wear the ubiquitous neat, tidy school uniform. She would study music with the best teachers in Boston and finally have a decent flute instead of the beat-up old pawnshop version she had played back then. She had thought she would finally feel comfortable, feel a sense of belonging and know that she was in the right place. She had imagined that her life would be easy and virtually carefree with her rightful family, that she would be understood and accepted for who she was. She could be as conservative and responsible as she naturally was without fear of ridicule. Her mother had always delighted in making fun of her because she was organized and logical in her approach to life; she had been told more times than she could count that she was just like her father which was definitely not a compliment in her mother's eyes.
Oh, the foolish, girlish dreams, Claudia thought, more than a little mournfully. All those dreams had never come to fruition, but she had learned how to handle herself and had made a life of which she was very proud. On occasion, though, she confessed to herself, I still wonder what it might have been like to be enfolded into my father's family.
Shaking her head in disgust, Claudia felt anger blaze forth. Patrick Gates had looked her up and down as though he were appraising the worth of a prized calf at auction, going so far as to actually touch her. The bastard. How dare he?! God, I would have liked to slap that leering smirk off of his face... she thought. Then, with perverse pride bordering on glee, she thought, He knew me, though. He knew me. Old Gates is nothing if not intelligent and observant. He knew my name, recognized his stamp on me. I wonder what he was thinking once he realized who I was? Damn it! I shouldn't care what that asshole thinks! He's the one who wanted nothing to do with me. He probably never even gave me a second thought, she thought bitterly, and I cried myself to sleep when I was a little girl, longing for my Daddy.
Andrew finally got tired of waiting her out. "Are you going to tell me what happened back there?"
"What do you mean? I'm tired. That's all."
"Come on, Claudia! You weren't the least bit 'tired'," he stressed the word, "until you met Paddy and Pam Gates. So what's up?"
In that instant, Claudia decided she wouldn't tell Andrew that Gates was her father. Instead, she snapped back at him, "Did you somehow miss the way that jerk looked at me? The way he sized me up? I know his type. He'd love to dally with someone like me! You know, sample a little taste of the dark, forbidden fruit and run his hands all over my smooth, dark skin... I'm surprised he didn't open my mouth to see if my teeth were sound!"
"You're being ridiculous, Claudia," he said with exaggerated patience. "Paddy didn't mean anything by it. You're the first girl I've brought home; the first one any of the family has ever met. He cares about me and wants to see me happy. Of course he'd be interested in you."
"No, Andrew. He couldn't care less about me – other than what I'm like in bed!" she sneered, stung anew by the realization that Andrew truly did have a meaningful relationship with Patrick Gates. "He looked at me as though I were a piece of meat! I kept waiting for him to ask you if you'd gotten a fair price for me, if I was a dirty, sexy girl in the sack and whether or not I do windows and floors into the bargain! I know men like him, Andrew."
"Whoa, Claudia! I've known Paddy Gates my whole life and there isn't a racist bone in his body. So you're dead wrong about that!" he wasn't shouting, though the intensity with which he spoke drove the words into her mind as though he had yelled them.
Claudia scoffed and shook her head. What a cruel quirk of fate that she had fallen in love with a man who had known her father his whole life when she herself had never laid eyes on him in the flesh. Anger and bitterness sat like scum on top of the stew of emotions boiling through her.
"Andrew. Listen," she paused, trying for a calm tone. "Speaking solely as a woman, I don't expect you to know what it feels like to be objectified by a man. Speaking as aBlack woman, I definitely don't expect you to know what it is like for a man like Gates to undress you with his eyes, fantasizing about your exotic 'otherness', while he's deciding how little money he can get away with offering you for a fuck! Don't forget who I am, who my mother is, Andrew! I grew up around men like that – I know them when I see them!"
"Touché. I can't know what that's like for you. But I think you're wrong about Paddy. 'Speaking solely as a man'," he said in a slightly mocking tone, "you're damned right that if I saw you on the street, I'd be looking at you. In case you haven't noticed, you're freaking gorgeous! And you'd better believe I'd imagine what you looked like naked; I'd imagine what you'd be like in bed. I'd be wondering what kind of guy you go for and whether or not I stood a chance with you! Because guess what? That's what guys do! It's got nothing to do with wanting to buy you or what color your skin is! I think you're overreacting and totally misreading this whole situation!"
Claudia conceded to herself that he was right about the nature of guys in general. However, she hadn't misread Gates's reaction to her. At first, he had looked at her proprietarily and then when he'd realized who she was, with scorn and suspicion. Now that she'd had a bit of time to think about it, she wondered if he had ever told his wife about her. Maybe he was afraid that she would expose him...
At the moment, she didn't really have the time to reflect on her father's reaction to being brought face to face with her. She needed to handle Andrew with a deft and sure hand. He mustn't know that Gates was her father.
It would be far better if she managed to distance herself from Andrew gradually – again – until there was nothing left between them. She wouldn't be able to contain her hurt when his parents sided with Gates, and against her, when they found out her parentage. They would inevitably find out; of that she was certain. And Andrew, being as close as he was to his parents – and apparently to Gates as well - would side with them. Those types always stuck together, she thought bitterly. She would be left alone and feeling the fool. No!She would not allow herself to be placed in a position to be hurt because Andrew and his family rejected her.
"Andrew," she said, ice dripping from her voice. "Why can't you just accept the fact that your 'great friend' Paddy Gates is a complete jerk?!"
"Because he isn't!"
"You're blind, Andrew, you can't see the man for what he is. Maybe deep down inside, you're just like him and hearing the truth about him hits too close to home," she taunted.
"And you're a bitch," Andrew retorted.
Stung by Andrew's harsh words, Claudia sucked in a quick breath. And here we have the beginning of the end, she thought. Even though Andrew didn't know what Gates meant to her, her father was driving a wedge between them. She knew she should be glad, that this would make severing their relationship easier, but she couldn't help feeling angry and sad that her father would ruin her one chance at happiness. Recovering quickly from Andrew's insult, she said,
"Oohh, what a great display of respect for women. Hmm," she mockingly considered, tapping her chin with the forefinger of one hand. "That comment makes me think you're a lot more like Gates than you'd like to believe..."
Andrew made a rude snort of disbelief that she would say such a thing and then said, "Patrick Gates is a fine man. I could certainly do a lot worse if I were like him."
Claudia ignored him and focused her attentions inward. When she thought of how hard she had tried to make a good first impression with Maggie and Iain, she felt incredibly dumb. She'd obsessed over her clothing, the gifts she'd chosen for them and had even doubted her own ability to interact with them in a way that was acceptable to them. As though they were something special, she scoffed to herself.Actually... They were special. They were Andrew's parents and she had wanted to impress them and had wanted them to see that she and Andrew were well-suited for one another.
She was heartbroken to think that she had come so close to realizing true happiness only to have it yanked out from under her. She had made the foolish mistake of thinking that she and Andrew had a future together. The whole deal: the white wedding, the kids, the house with the white picket fence. And unbeknownst to her, Andrew had literally grown up with her father, had spent vacations, holidays and countless other occasions with him. He knew her half-siblings and she had never laid eyes on them. Wretchedly, she predicted that Andrew would defend Gates to the bitter end and would surely feel more loyalty to the man accepted and loved by the Conals as a member of the family than he would for her.
They endured the rest of the drive to Boston with angry silence thick between them. Claudia continued to mentally flagellate herself with a litany of would have's and should have's. Damn it! She had landed herself in the very position she had always tried to avoid. She had ceded power to Andrew; he held her future in his hands, though he didn't realize it. She had been bewitched and besotted, had relaxed her guard, allowed herself to finally feel, allowed him to matter to her. Now he had the power to destroy her.
The knowledge that Andrew had grown up with her father made her feel sick; she wanted to get away from him as fast as possible. She knew that it was jealousy that made her gorge rise. She was most definitely jealous and resentful of the role he had played in her father's life, a role that rightfully should have been hers. She didn't know what to say or how to act with Andrew now; looking at him was a cruel reminder of how different they were. He'd had everything she had coveted while growing up. Including the love of her father. She didn't know what would happen once they reached her apartment. I hope he doesn't want to spend the night. I don't think I could stand it if he wanted to make love... she worried sadly. I'll just ask him to leave, she thought, surely he'd have no objection if I told him I was tired or not feeling well. It's my house after all – only I decide who I want to entertain!
To her surprise, Andrew headed for his place upon exiting the highway for the surface streets of the city. Claudia bristled in her seat, even less sure how to handle him now.
"Andrew, please take me to my place."
"No."
"Do you honestly believe that your refusal to take me home will stop me from going?" she asked incredulously.
"I can be just as stubborn as you. So... Yes, I do think you won't be going home," he answered flatly.
"You... you... Ass!" she shot back. How dare he even think that he could control her!I'll fix him, she thought, puffed up with righteous anger, I'll grab my things and be walking home as soon as the car stops... I'll be gone before he even realizes it... The bastard!
Andrew pulled into the garage of his building and got out of the car. Claudia jumped out of the passenger side before he could come around and open the door for her as he customarily did. He gave her a long, speaking look as he rounded the back end of the car and found that she had already alighted. Shaking his head, he turned, opened the trunk and began removing their belongings. Claudia stepped right up and began grabbing for her bags.
"I think I'll just walk home now," she said coolly, trying to balance the garment bag that held her party dress, the doggie bag of Christmas leftovers Maggie had given her, her purse and overnight case. The few blocks to her apartment would seem interminable with all the stuff she carried.
"I don't think so. Give me some of that," he said, reaching out to relieve her of some of what she carried.
"No, Andrew! I want to go home. I... I can't be with you right now!" panic tinged her voice.
"That's good, Claudia. Run away from the fact that we had an argument... You're good at running and hiding, aren't you?" he taunted.
"Goddamn it, Andrew! That's not fair!"
"It's not fair, either, that you're trying to make a federal case out of a simple misunderstanding – tarring and feathering Paddy before you've had a chance to know him! You're overreacting to this whole situation. You act as though you've been mortally wounded!"
"Maybe I have been!" she retorted through gritted teeth, because she felt she had been wounded. At the very least, an old, deep wound had been reopened. She needed to be alone so that she could try to construct a protective barrier over it in order to prevent further injury.
"Don't be ridiculous. You are driving me crazy with this 'woe is me' routine!" Fed up, he threw the things he'd been gathering back into the trunk. He then reached out and grabbed all of the items she held in her hands, threw them haphazardly on top of the heap and slammed the trunk shut.
"What are you doing? My purse is in there – my house keys!" Claudia spluttered, outraged.
"Go inside," Andrew said, pointing to the door that led to the lobby.
"No! Give. Me. My. Things. Now!" she gritted out, stomping her foot for emphasis.
Grabbing her by her upper arm, Andrew yanked her into motion. His grip was firm, but not at all painful until Claudia tried to jerk herself free.
"Ow, you're hurting me!"
"No, I'm not. Stop trying to fight me and it won't hurt. You won't win," his demeanor was implacable, as was his hold on her arm.
Claudia gave an extra pull on her arm just to see if she could break away, but found she couldn't. She winced as she felt his hard fingers tighten on her arm. She yanked at her arm again and dug her heels in, using her weight as leverage against him.
"Let me go!" she ground out furiously. "You don't own me – you can't just drag me around like a dog on a leash!"
Despite her frantic attempts to get free, Andrew held on to her with ridiculous ease.
Looking pointedly at the hold he had on her arm, he said, "I beg to differ. Besides, I may n
ot own you now, but after tonight... You will be mine – lock, stock and barrel."
Chapter Seven
"I may not own you now, but after tonight... You will be mine – lock, stock and barrel," Andrew had said just before dragging her the remaining few feet to the vestibule that led to the lobby of his building.
Claudia was stunned, had no ready response to his words and thus let herself be pulled along by him. What had he meant? What was he planning? She knew that Andrew's temper could be formidable when fully aroused. She had heard him flay the skin off of his agent once and had offered thanks heavenward that she hadn't been the recipient of the sharp edge of his angry tongue. She didn't think she would be so lucky this time.
They were through the lobby door and inside the elevator before she knew it. They endured the elevator ride in silence, Andrew's fingers still wrapped around her arm. Claudia's mind raced, wondering what he had meant by what he'd said. ...after tonight, you'll be mine lock, stock and barrel. A shiver, an odd mixture of foreboding and excitement, ran up and down her spine when she replayed the words in her mind.
They reached his floor and stepped out into the hallway. When they reached the door to his apartment, she yanked experimentally on her arm. He let go of her, but only because he had to fit his key into the lock and he gave her a look to let her know just that. Now that they were on his floor, Claudia knew that she was as good as trapped, because the elevator required a resident's key in order to be operated, and in any case, she couldn't go home because her house keys were locked in the trunk of Andrew's car. She had thought of hailing a taxi and fleeing to Fifi's house, but Fifi was out of town. Her purse was in Andrew's trunk, too; she didn't have so much as a nickel in her pockets to pay a taxi fare.
Having unlocked and opened the door, Andrew gestured her inside with a grand sweep of his hand that dripped sarcasm. Claudia stalked in, took off her coat and draped it over the arm of the couch. Pacing back and forth furiously, she narrowed her eyes and said,
The Seduction Of Claudia Page 14
