“Can we see him?” I ask.
“Of course, he’s already asked about both of you.”
My feet can’t move fast enough. I don’t even bother to knock, I just walk right in. I rush toward the bed. He can’t turn to face me so I approach him and slowly lean in to him. I want to kiss him so bad but I’m afraid to hurt him so I just run my finger across his lips. I smile at him, and he gives me one in return.
“Hey baby,” he whispers.
“Hey you.” I can’t manage to say more. I already feel my eyes welling up with tears.
“Hey man, you scared the living shit out of us,” Brian says jokingly. I know he’s trying to lighten the mood, but I’m really not up to it.
“Lola, don’t cry. The doctor said that I’ll be fine; I’ll just need some therapy. You could be my physical therapist you know.” He smiles at me and raises his eyebrows up and down.
“It’s not funny, Nolan. This shit is serious and you’re taking it as a joke. You could’ve been paralyzed.”
“I’m sorry, you’re right. I’m just trying to show you that I’m ok, that’s all. I didn’t mean to upset you. I hate seeing you this way.”
“Me? I hate seeing you this way.” Brian’s arms wrap around my waist and he places his chin on my shoulder.
“Lola, you’re cold, I can feel you shivering.” He’s right, I’m freezing, but it warms my heart knowing that Nolan is still Nolan and he’s alive and breathing.
“I’m fine.”
“I told you we should’ve gone to get you some dry clothes, you’re going to get sick.”
“I’m fine!”
“Aw, Lola, you got all wet for me?” Nolan jokes, but I’m not in the mood for humor.
“Ok Nolan, I will let you get some rest. Besides, I have a session with Dion tomorrow and it’s past midnight so I better get home,” I say in a harsh tone.
“I’m sorry, Lola, I really am just trying to stay positive about this. Don’t be mad at me.” I lean towards him and gently place a kiss on his lips.
“I know.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too.”
“Hey man, take care of her.”
“I always do.” Brian places his hand on the small of my back to lead me toward the door.
I hand my keys over to Brian; I can’t drive home. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. As much as I try to stay awake, the heaviness of my body submits to the darkness and I fall asleep.
I wake up to the sound of tapping. I squint my eyes to block the light out. My eyes are so heavy I roll over and cover my head with my blanket. I barely got any sleep last night worrying about Nolan. Suddenly, the comforter is yanked off me.
“What the hell!” I yell as I scramble up. I see Dion giving me his drag queen bitch face. Shit, not good.
“Sleeping beauty, you have five minutes to get dressed, get downstairs, and get ready to dance,” he says as he looks at his watch and proceeds to walk out of my room.
I scramble out of bed and go to my dresser to get my dance gear. Ripping my pajamas from my body, I put on a leotard and grab my ballet slippers from the floor. Running out of my room, I grab my iPod from the dresser. Dion is not up for any more of my slacking, and that is what I have been doing all this past month. I can’t seem to get the choreography right. I have all the steps down. I have danced until I can’t stand, but he still says I am missing the soul.
“Stretch at the bar and get ready to burn in twenty,” Dion says, extending his hand toward me so I can give him my iPod. He connects it to the speakers. The music starts and so do I. I stretch for twenty minutes as he instructed and I feel my body already tiring. My muscles are burning and I only skipped one day of training.
The music changes to the sound that my heart beats to. I have to get this right. My future depends on me nailing this performance. The due date to turn in our video samples is just around the corner and in order to get an actual live interview and audition, the video has to be killer. I can’t have any distractions anymore. I mentally chastise myself, even as Nolan’s accident is what is preoccupying my mind as of now.
I have been dancing already for about two hours when my phone dings, signaling a text message. I stop and run toward my phone. Dion rolls his eyes and walks toward his. He hates for me to bring my cell phone into the studio, but I know he let me today because of Nolan.
Nolan: I am busting out of this joint in twenty. Told you I’m ok. All tests came back ok.
Me: Thank the Lord. In practice with Queen D. See ya later. XOXO
Nolan: LOL. TTYL babe.
I walk back to the center of the room and start from the beginning.
“Stretch your working leg out, Lola.” I stretch my leg until I feel like it is coming out of the socket.
“Arch your back.” I feel like a pretzel.
“Really, that’s the turn you want to do?” No, but that’s the only way my body wants to turn.
“Where is the passion?” If I knew, you wouldn’t be asking.
I never voice any comments to Dion. He is the best of the best, and I know he is doing me a great favor in helping me out. But really, why does it have to be so hard for me to do this? This is what I want, what I have been training to do since I was four.
I see Dion walking toward me through the mirror. Uh oh. I know he is going to let me have it.
“Seeing you is like seeing a leaf blowing in the wind: no direction, no notion of where it is going to land. I know you have what it takes, Lola. I have seen it, and that’s why I’m here. Anyone can dance to a beat, but there are those that are the beat, the soul of the music. What do you want to be, Lola?”
“The soul,” I say quietly.
“Then show me. Start again. Show me how bad you want to join the World Dance Academy. Un, deux, trois! From the top!” HHHe yells and goes to his side of the floor.
The music starts up again. I run through the first eight counts with no mistakes, but it’s still not great. As I start the next count, I feel a calm wash over me, and I go through every jump, twist, and turn like it is coming out of my veins. I feel myself become the notes in the music. I go through the whole dance sequence without any more problems. I can feel the music leaving goose bumps on my skin. It is flawless. I end on the floor curled up in the fetal position marking the end of the dance. I look up and see tears coming down his face.
“Lola, this is what I mean.” He cries as he claps his hands making his way towards me, extending his arms to help me up, and bringing me into a hug.
“I don’t know what happened, I just felt different. The song spoke to me,” I say, still stunned. I have always known I’m good, but this was prima ballerina status.
I am so caught up in the euphoria that I’m not aware of the clapping coming from the patio doors. I turn to see Luka standing there, clapping, dressed in jeans and a dark t-shirt.
“God, that was awesome. I came in a little late but that was…WOW. You don’t do anything half way, Lola,” He says, as I blush a little.
“What are you doing here? Who let you in?” I ask.
“Well, I came to see if you want to come help me at the track, and your grandmother said I could just walk over. She said to come through the patio since the studio door is always locked.”
“No. Lola can’t get injured. She is not allowed on the track until after she masters this dance. Sorry, stud she can’t help you,” Dion says. I can see the appreciation in Dion’s eyes too. Luka is hot, there’s no doubt about it. I did promise, to stay off the track. I have been lucky so far, but with the deadline for the videos and auditions coming up, I can’t take any chances, no matter how bad I want to say yes.
“I’m sorry Luka, Dion is right. I can’t risk getting hurt,” I say. “Besides, I said I would think about it. You coming here is not me thinking about it.”
“I promise to keep you safe and every part of your deli- body intact,” he says as he runs his gaze down my body. Was he going to say delicious body? I realize I
am only wearing my leotard; I hadn’t bothered with any shorts or my tutu. I feel the heat of his gaze leaving tracks on my body. I stare at him as he meets my eyes again. Time stops and I can feel my breath coming in short gasps.
“Well, awkward. I think you are getting there, Lola. See you tomorrow and bring your A game,” Dion says as he moves away and walks out of the room. Well, I think that’s what he does; since I haven’t taken my gaze from Luka.
“So, I guess I’m wasting my time, huh, asking you for help?”
“Look it is not that I don’t want to help you, but I have a lot riding on this audition. I know that your training is important too, but you need to ask someone else. I’ll help you look for the right person.” I feel bad for not helping, but heaven forbid something happened; Dion would die, not to mention my grandmother.
“No, it’s cool. Hey, how is your boyfriend after that nasty hit last night?”
“He is doing well. They are releasing him today. But, he is not my boyfriend.”
“Well, that’s not what I saw the other day, but then again I did see you kiss two different guys too. Are you a player?”
“Think what you want. You already know the answer to that,” I say as I make my way toward my towel and water bottle. I see a long crew neck sweater that has a college logo thrown on the floor. I sweep it up and put it on, grateful for some clothes other than the leotard, which basically looks like a bathing suit. I have worn two pieces before in front of other people, but for some reason standing here in just that has made me feel naked.
I turn and he is just staring at me. I feel icky and smelly. I just want him gone. I am so not impressing anyone.
“You can go now if you have nothing else to say or do.”
“Oh, there are things I want to do, but I think two is already a crowd.” I glare at him as he turns to leave. I see him give me a half wave over his shoulder. I stare at his very sexy back. His back is just as hot as the rest of his body. I shake myself out of the trance I’ve fallen into and make my way to the kitchen. I am starving. I skipped breakfast and lunch, and it’s already time for dinner.
I walk in and Abuelita is already at the stove making dinner. God, it smells so good. I’m happy that she still makes homemade dinner for just the two of us, even when my parents are away. Do I miss them? No, not really. My mother used to be here all the time when I was younger, but once I turned fifteen I told her it was okay if she wanted to leave me here and travel with my father. She did short trips here and there at first, but once she realized that Abuelita and I had this down, she left for months at a time. My father is rarely here for long, but I love him anyway. He is always a call or video chat away, so I don’t miss him. He is always here for the important moments of my life, anyway.
“Hi, Abuelita.” I walk over to her and place a kiss on the back of her head. She is the tiniest person I know standing at four feet and nine inches.
“Hi, princesa. Did Dion make you work up an appetite? You know I hate it when you skip meals. You would be all skin and bones if he had his way.”
“Abuelita, you know I have to have a strict diet, and I am not skin and bones, thanks to you. I lose five pounds, and you make me gain ten. What are we having for dinner?”
“Chicken and rice. I thought you might need some comfort food with the scare you had yesterday. How is Nolan?” she asks as she moves to grab the plates and spoons from the drawers.
“He texted me earlier and said all the tests came back good, and they let him go home.” I take the dishes from her and set the table.
“Where is the young nice man that came to see you earlier?”
“He left, had things to do.”
“He is very handsome, don’t you think?” she asks as she spoons the chicken and rice into a bowl and sits with me at the bar.
“You think? If you like the mouth-watering, beautiful bad boys, then yeah he might be okay,” I say with a knowing gleam in my eyes.
“Was he here to court you?”
I almost choke on my food, wanting to laugh. “Court, Abuelita really? No one says that anymore. And no he wants me to help him with his time out on the track.”
“Ah. A biker boy.” She hates that I’m in a male dominated sport. I hate that Dion has made me promise to stay off the track until after the audition, and since I have been a bit off my dance I promise even when I feel like one of my lungs collapsed. I think I will never be able a complete full breath until I’m on my bike again. I think he wants to make me quit indefinitely, but yeah that is not happening. I’ll be a prima ballerina smelling like exhaust, because I will never stop going to the track after this “vacation.”
“Yes, a biker boy. Besides, I don’t think that he sees me like that. He has all the girls at campus drooling like puppies after him.”
“There’s no worse blind person than the one that doesn’t want to see. That boy might say he is here for one reason, but the way he says your name tells me he is here for another.”
“Let me get this straight, you read a hidden meaning in the way he says my name?” Humph. I continue to eat my food. Grandma’s chicken and rice is to die for. My comfort food has always been Mexican food; it warms my heart every time.
I get up, pick up my dishes, and take them to the sink. I clean them and put them in the dishwasher. I kiss my abuelita before I go up to my room and take a hot shower. I change into some yoga pants and a sweater. I grab my keys and iPod and leave the house. I need some fresh air with Nolan’s injury, Dion making me work harder than ever before and on top of all that, the way Luka’s gaze made me burn in a different way. I need some peace.
I arrive at the track and make my way to the hills. I love it out here. The smell of dirt and the clear starry night make it my favorite place on earth. I take a deep breath but it still feels shallow, since I should be on my bike.
Stupid Dion and his promises.
I can hear all the crickets in the distance. I stomped my way to the top of the hill, I walk down to the other side and lay down on the slope. I put on my headphones and start my playlist. I can almost see beyond the stars, it so clear out tonight. I am thankful that Nolan’s accident was minor. I know how he worries about his performance and taking the school to the championships weighs heavily on his shoulders. He is pushed the same way Dion is pushing me to the brink of extinction, but I have only one person riding my ass whereas Nolan has the entire town. I don’t want to even think about Luka. Is it wrong to be sleeping with two guys, yet thinking about a third? Where’s Dr. Phil when you need him? The way he looks at me makes me breathless. Why can’t I get him out of my head?
Just as I’m thinking about him, I see something fly over me, startling me. I rise up as a motorbike goes over my head. I scream; I can’t help it. The rider looks down and he wipes out. Ouch. I get up and run toward the fallen rider. My heart is in my throat. I yank my headphones out.
“I’m so sorry, are you ok?” I say to the rider who is starting to remove his helmet.
“Are you fucking trying to kill me?” he screams into my face. Luka.
“No, I thought I was all alone. It is midnight,” I say, once I reach him.
“Didn’t you hear the motor?” He asks as he gets up.
“No, I was listening to music.” I say as I motion to my headphones.
He picks up his bike, kicking the stand to set it down. He starts to examine it. Gosh, I would be more pissed if it had happened to me. He is being too quiet and it is freaking me out.
“Hey…” I say nervously, getting closer to the bike. “Is it ok?”
He holds up his hand, telling me to wait. I start to look for any leaks or broken spokes.
“Yes, but I think that now you owe something. After all, I could’ve died.”
“Dramatic much? But I guess. What do you want?” A little of my spunk is coming back. I see him come toward me circling around me like he did his bike, examining me. “Don’t get any ideas buddy.”
He comes toward me, angling for my face. I
swallow hard. My stomach starts hurting like there is something there. I feel my skin break into a sweat. He is getting closer, and I see him lick his lips. I don’t want this, but I can’t move away. I feel frozen to the ground. Maybe my body is going into shock since I almost caused a death. Yeah, now I’m being dramatic. He leans in closer and just before his delicious kissable lips are about to join mine, they move toward my ear.
“Train with me,” he whispers, causing goose bumps to break out on my skin. I shiver. “Cold?” I shake my head. “No to the first part or no you are not cold?” He asks with a smirk on his lips. He knows what he is doing to me. He smells fresh, mixed with some motor oil. Motor boys smell divine.
“Huh,” I whisper back, looking at him. Now I get why 99.9% of the female population at our school are salivating after him.
“Good. See ya tomorrow. Be here by four pm since I have a date later that evening. Don’t be late,” he says as he walks back to his bike, swinging his long leg over. He turns on the bike and takes off.
Wait. What the hell just happened? I just saw his lips moving. I didn’t hear a thing since I was daydreaming about his lips. Dammit. I will ask him tomorrow in school. It’s not like I won’t see him in every single class.
I see Luka in the parking lot the very next day surrounded by motor hoes. They always hang out at the track, trying to get on the arm of any of the bikers that practice there. I can barely tolerate them here at school and they get skankier once the bell rings at three o’clock. The bikers in this town are small time motocross racers. Luka is on a different level; he could actually be something big. He was already proving it before he moved here. I see Kelly leeching herself to his arm. Ugh. Skank. I walk up near him and his groupie circle, but not too close I don’t want to catch anything.
Dirty Chaos Page 7
