I took my time cleaning the blood from her body and her hair. By the time I finished bathing her she was completely healed. My wounds were still tender and would take several days before completely healing. The air was warm so I carried her still wet and dripping body into the cabin and laid her on the bed. I’d sent one of the females from my Bastet pride to the cabin the day I left to have them ready it for our stay. I could tell they’d taken the time to make sure everything a newly bonded couple would need would be at our disposal. They put the very best silk sheets the pride had in its possession on the bed and had vases of fresh flowers throughout the room. In addition I could see from the open cupboards that they took the time to line the shelves with plenty of food. They were filled to the brim with fresh fruits, breads and smoked meat.
The moment I released Laura from my arms she curled herself into a fetal position and tightly closed her eyes. I felt waves of fear and shame pouring off of her. I could see her shoulders bouncing slightly and I would almost bet if I rolled her over I would see wetness on her face. I moved quickly away from the bed and left the cabin. Laura’s emotions were killing me. I was so confused and had no idea what to say or do.
I just didn’t understand why she was so sad. I could feel sorrow and despair coming off of her. I would never have forced her to submit if I would have known she would have been so devastated. No one likes being beaten in a fight but it’s not the end of the world. Nothing has really changed between us. For gods sakes she’s still the same woman and I’m still the man. Doesn’t she know she is meant to be the love of my life? Her happiness means more than mine. I stared at Laura for a few minutes and did my best to make sense of it. In desperation I said
“Laura, I’m sorry honey. Please don’t hate me. I just couldn’t let you win. You understand when a challenge is given our beasts fight to win. I never want to hurt you. It’s killing me to see you this sad. Please Laura let’s just put this behind us.”
I wouldn’t have thought it was possible but she managed to curl herself into an even tighter ball. I let out a sigh of frustration and said
“Fine! Stay angry if it makes you happier! I don’t know what else I could have done. Nothing I do ever seems to be right with you. I was hoping that we could be happy together. I was desperate and even thought the fight would finally help. You have a warrior inside of you and I can appreciate that. I love that you have spunk and am proud to be your mate but damn it Laura fighting isn’t everything. Your acting like losing was a death sentence.”
I looked at her to see if anything I said was sinking in. She kept her back to me and never even flinched. It was clear she intended to carry on with her sulking for quite a while. I just hoped she didn’t try that no eating crap again. I was going to have to find a way to get through to Laura and make her want to fight for herself. It seemed like she took defeat to heart. In some ways it seemed so out of character. There was the Laura that was strong with a belly full of fire. Then there was the scared little Laura that hit and ran from problems constantly ready to give up.
Given the choice I would take the spitfire any day. I loved Laura’s attitude she was the kind of female that could bring value to the relationship. She was smart and intelligent and also had years of tactical training. I loved that she was my equal and superior at the same time. I knew we would fill in each others weaknesses. Together we would be stronger than our parts.
I wasn’t crazy about this side of Laura. This was the same Laura that had retreated and hid when I rejected her. The Laura that allowed herself to wilt away to bones and dried skin. The weak, wimpy side the expected someone else would come along and fix all of her problems. The Laura that preferred to run and hide when things got tough. This Laura was not my favorite at all. She was just a mess of emotions and nerves.
“You win Laura. I’m going out to bath. I have no intention of coming back for a while. Feel free to eat something while I’m gone. We are official mates now so everything in the place is yours too. I bet if you check in the dresser you will find your own clothes. I had them brought here from Rena’s.”
I heard her sniff and catch a sob before it made too much sound. Then I just somehow knew she didn’t plan on eating anything. In fact I was almost certain she had decided to starve herself into oblivion again. I became enraged at the idea. I hated that she acted like this. Where was the strong woman that I was falling in love with? I was so angry my words came out between my clenched teeth
“Don’t even think about retreating into yourself again. You like to act tough all the time how about learning to be tough. You didn’t like that my cat beat your wolf. Well I don’t like that you constantly try to push me down. Even this behavior is just another form of manipulation. You didn’t get your way so now you’re going to sulk. Why must it always be one or the other with you? We could be perfect together. I know it just like I know the sun will rise every single day. If you would just open your eyes and let go of your preconceived notions you would know it too.
I could be your strength and you could be mine. We would be stronger together than we are apart. Instead of always trying to manipulate me. Even now I can feel you sorrow and defeat. I know you think I will dominate you and take away your freedom. You couldn’t be more wrong! I don’t want your blind commitment. I want to be partners, Laura. You would have known that if you would have just tried to talk to me. My ears work I swear to god! You always want to take the easy way out. You have such a fear of words. I don’t know how your father managed to screw up your emotions so bad but if he wasn’t dead already I would probably kill him”
I stomped and trudged my way back to the lake and viciously scrubbed my own body. I ached all over and again had to give it to Laura and her fighting abilities. That scrawny wolf put up one hell of fight. I understood why Laura was always so sassy that wolf of hers has a lot of heart. I heard my cat purr inside of me. He was very pleased our mate was such a fighter. He loved that she would be a difficult opponent for others. When the fight started I wasn’t even sure if I would win. In fact I am positive if Laura had chosen to fight for dominance in her vampire form she would have won. My cat might have been physically stronger and larger than her wolf but I’ve seen her moves as a vampire and I doubt that my strength would be much of a match. Typically vampires are stronger than Bastet even a Leo.
The sun was sinking low in the sky and my stomach was rumbling in hunger. I was trying to decide if it was better to sleep in the nude near the lake or go back inside for another round of emotional warfare with Laura. I was emotionally exhausted and decided despite how much I wanted things to work out I needed a little time to gather my strength so I sat back down on the sanding embankment and closed my eyes.
CHAPTER 25
Laura’s POV
I’m not sure exactly how long I stayed on the bed with my body curled in a tight little ball. My wolf and I both heard his words and were still trying to process them. It should have been easy for us. We could touch his soul and immediately know the truth of his words. We felt his emotions and knew that our behavior had once again caused him pain.
I let the tears fall the moment Jeremy walked out the cabin. The more I cried and thought about Jeremy’s words to me the more I realized I was at fault yet again. I was ashamed of what I allowed myself to become. I was nothing more than a bully. I pretended that I was strong always forcing others to accept and respect me, all the while forgetting how to respect myself and others. I placed all my value on physical strength and fighting capabilities.
Jeremy’s words reminded me of the truth. Being a leader and an alpha was more than just physical strength. It required intelligence, kindness, generosity and most importantly an inner strength to do what was right. My dad always did the right thing even if it had a negative effect on him. He always said being an alpha meant sacrificing for the good of the pack.
That is where both my wolf and I failed time and time again. I always put myself first. I tended to be very selfish and consumed with my
own needs and wants. I know that I even trivialize others concerns. Maybe my father and my brother Nathan saw that even when I was younger. Maybe they were afraid that if I became physically stronger and a better warrior I would turn into the monster that my grandfather Madison was.
My grandfather was a real beast. He’d been so hungry for power and domination; Using and abusing everyone and anyone to get what I wanted. My grandfather was said to have been a phenomenal warrior but he went down in history as one of the worst alphas. He killed other alpha’s just to get their land and power. He rejected his true mate because she was an omega in the pack. He tortured his chosen mate and abused his strength and power with his pack members. He even killed his Luna, my dad’s mom. Then he tried to kill my dad. My grandfather was drunk on power. It was never enough. He always wanted more and more.
I was different than my siblings and never cared for the relationship my mom, dad and uncle Nik shared. So instead of looking for the things I liked about them I was always running and finding the things I disliked. So much so that after a while I just assumed my mate would have the worst of all their qualities and even worse I was afraid I would become my mom.
I loved my mom but she always looked to my dad or uncle Nik to make her decisions for her. She was physically strong but always deferred to the men in her life. I felt like my mom liked to please others and never asked for anything that she wanted for herself. She spent her life at a man’s beck and call. She could have been a great leader and made a difference in the world instead the only thing she really ever did was love my dad then after he died my uncle Nik. I wanted, no I needed more than that. I just couldn’t bear the thought that a man would define who I was.
I wanted to be a leader like my dad. He’d been a great Alpha and our pack thrived under his rule. My dad helped to change so many things for the better of all wolves. He was loving father and never punished us without cause. I have so many wonderful memories of my dad from when I was a child.
Our problems began when I got older and wanted to help run the pack. My dad however didn’t think females should be taxed with pack matters. He thought we belonged barefoot and pregnant at home. I know he loved and respected my mother but he hurt me. I wanted more than to sit home cooking and cleaning. I started to resent his treatment of me. Eventually I resented the treatment of all male wolves to female wolves. Females are much more than dolls and sex toys. We could have done so much more for the pack. I could have done so much more but he never let me.
My uncle Nik on the other hand believed in full equality of the sexes. He always encouraged me and my mother to do and try anything we wanted. He insisted that our vampire side made us capable of achieving anything our heart desired. He pointed to strong women like Ena and Ada. I however had a hard time respecting him and his strength. It was hard to believe a man that allowed himself to be used like a dirty rug.
My uncle Nikoli was great with my mom and always encouraged her to do what made her happy. But sometimes I couldn’t understand how he could stand on the sidelines and watch my mother share her life with my dad for so many years. She was his beloved yet he allowed another man to mate and breed with my mom. My Uncle Nik never argued and always took the crappy side of the stick. He was powerful yet unassuming, gentle and quick to aid others. He was a pushover and I felt sorry for him.
I never really wanted to find my significant other in a beast. I prayed that I wouldn’t be matched with another wolf. I knew a male wolf could never accept the warrior side of me. Honestly I had always hoped that I would be matched with a human so I could be the one who dominated our relationship. I would have the physical strength to keep us both safe and the added wisdom given my years of life. Turns out the longer I’ve lived the stupider I've become.
If I had just stopped assuming I would have realized Jeremy had the best qualities of those I loved and none of their disadvantages. He was clearly a good leader and expected me to be his equal partner in caring for our Bastet pride. He believed females could benefit the pride in many ways. He was also a great father and if we could have cubs or pups together he would want to be the primary caretaker leaving me to be an enforcer or whatever else my heart desired.
Jeremy was the kind of guy that would put my needs and wants in front of his own. But unlike my uncle Nik he refused to be a dirty rug. He would call me on my crap if my wants were selfish or unjustified. He would demand the respect and honor he also deserved. Jeremy was perfect for me. There was a reason we shared two halves of a soul.
I pulled myself together and got myself off the bed. I went to the bathroom and cleaned off my face. I briefly considered dressing then remembered that Bastet tend to wear minimal clothing. Jeremy had already seen all there was to me it was silly to dress just to join my mate. I would need to learn to overcome my modesty at some point. Now was as good as ever. Then I push my shoulders back and left the cabin with one thing in mind. It was time for me to grow up and put the past behind me. Jeremy was my future and the only thing standing between me and happiness as my own foolish self-importance.
I saw Jeremy lying with his eyes closed on the sandy beach in front of the lake he bathed me in earlier. I knew he not only heard but smelled my approach. I felt his soul reach out and brush up against mine. Jeremy was feeling confused and hopeful at the same time. Part of him was wishing that my presence was an indicator that I was ready to move on. He was right.
“I’m sorry Jeremy. I have been such a fool. I have sabotaged our relationship since the beginning. I was so afraid of being mated even before you came into my life. I was never like the rest of my family.” I paused looking for more words to say when he sat up and held his arms out to me and said
“Shut up Laura and come here. I know I said we needed words but right now I need you in my arms more than I need to hear your words.”
I rushed into Jeremy's arms and threw my own around him. Our lips met and my world exploded. The warmth and feel of my tiger mate set my body on fire. My soul tingled with life and my stomach felt like a million tiny little fireflies took flight. I felt his hands roaming over me and moaned in pleasure.
Jeremy's kisses were driving me insane. My body tingled and my brain was going numb with pleasure. I was incapable of thinking clearly. All I knew is I wanted him to… I needed him to... Oh god I just had to have him complete me. I heard my voice begging him. Then I felt him pull me in his arms as he lifted us off the ground and carried us back to the cabin.
Moments later I felt the soft silky sheets beneath my bare body. The silkiness of the sheets only served to increase my desire. I wanted my mate wrapped around me and completely inside. Jeremy bent down and licked at the mark he’d placed on my body earlier in the day and I felt my body buck in pleasure. The fire flies in my belly turned to lava. I felt the heat of both my desire and his melt its way from my stomach to my core. I screamed in pure bliss as my tiger mate entered me and joined us as one again.
CHAPTER 26
Laura's POV
"Laura honey don't you want to get out of bed and have some breakfast?"
I kept my eyes tightly closed and tried to pretend I was sleeping. I knew I wasn't fooling his excellent ears but what the heck it was fun.
"Come on babe, we are going to have to head back this morning. Have some breakfast then we can head to the lake and get washed up."
I found myself peeking out from under the sheet and looking at Jeremy. He was still naked and was placing two plates on the table. I watched as he rooted through the food on the shelf then placed some dried meat and veggies on the plate. Jeremy paused for a moment looked over at me with his amazing smile. He was too fast for me to snap my eyes shut and pretend to be sleeping so instead I gave him one of my best come hither smiles. I watched his chest muscles flex and found myself deciding that eating food wasn't what I was in the mood for.
I launched myself from the bed and into his arms. I knew I took Jeremy unexpectedly but he easily caught and held onto me. I firmly wrapped my legs around h
is hips then smashed my lips to his. I knew that all thoughts of eating food were forgotten only seconds after our tongues collided with each other. It was two hours later before we finally both climbed out of bed again and we sat down at the table to eat our breakfast. After all our activity both of us were starving. We tore in with gusto and silently shoved handful after handful of food into our mouths. With each chew I found myself thinking about how much had changed and everything that happened in the past twelve hours.
I was glad that I attacked Jeremy and that he kicked my wolf's butt. I was also really happy that I finally managed to pull my head out of the sand and faced the music. I had been my own worst enemy and it was my own stupidity and ego that had caused all the problems between Jeremy and me. None of my fears were even remotely grounded in reality. We talked for hours then we made love twice. Then we talked some more and finally fell asleep entwined in each others arms. We put into words all the things our souls had already shared with each other. I verbalized everything leaving no stone unturned. I forced myself to say out loud all of my deepest fears and where they came from.
Shredded Bonds, a Blood Ties Novel, Book 4 Page 13
