by S. R. Watson
“Oh God, baby. Your mouth is amazing. Take me deeper.”
His eyes rolls back as he begins to fuck my mouth slowly. I want him completely undone so I increase my suction while pumping his cock vigorously. I hollow my cheeks and take as much of him as I can until he hits my gag reflex. He smirks at me as he picks up his pace. “I love fucking your mouth, baby. I love it even more that these pretty lips haven’t been around another cock. I’m going to claim every inch of you.” Hearing his daunting promise spurs me to suck him faster. I cup his balls with one hand while jerking him with the other, all without losing suction. Let’s just say my research on the Internet on giving head is paying off. I looked at a few porn sites in preparation for this exact moment and apparently I’m doing it right because he looks as though he’s going to spontaneously combust.
“I’m going to come, baby, so if you don’t want me to do so in your mouth you better stop.”
I answer his warning by increasing my stroke. “Fuck ... ” he yells as he spurts down my throat. The women on the Internet made swallowing look easy. The texture catches me off guard, but I welcome the saltiness of my success. I made him come undone. He pulls me up and immediately his mouth crashes mine. He kisses me wildly as he pulls at my dress. It only takes him seconds to have me completely nude. “Your turn.”
He pushes me down on the bed and spreads my legs before he starts nibbling the apex of my thighs. “You smell so good. It’s making my dick hard again.” He nuzzles my slit with the tip of his nose before flicking his tongue inside my core. He then sucks on my clit as he pushes a finger inside me and I almost buck off the bed. My whole body trembles as the tingling sensation spreads through my pussy. I’m on fire.
“Grayson,” I moan. His lids are hooded.
He stills my movements and inserts a second finger. “Who does this pussy belong to, baby?”
“You,” I answer in earnest. I absolutely, unequivocally want it to be true. He begins to suck and lick me like I am his favorite dessert. The suction on my nub causes my knees to quake. I feel tightening in my belly. My legs tense around his head as I brace myself for the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever had. A quick nip of his teeth pushes me into the abyss of orgasmic pleasure. As I cry out in ecstasy, Grayson trails kisses up my body until we are face to face. He then captures my cries with his mouth on mine. I can taste the remanence of my essence still on his tongue.
“You drive me crazy woman.”
“Ditto.”
“You trust me?”
“Yes.” I don’t know why or how, but I’m definitely owned by this man. He has managed to flip my world on his head and I give him my trust willingly. I just hope I don’t regret it. My subconscious is screaming that I’ve been down this road before and I’ve seen the outcome with my mother, but at this moment I don’t care.
“I want to feel just you again. Just you. I want to bury my naked cock into your hot pussy. I’m clean and I trust you are too. I know we haven’t seen each other’s test results but I trust you. I don’t want there to be any barriers between us. Please say yes.”
I know this is huge. He already admitted he’s never had sex bareback, yet he’s willing to give me another of his firsts.
There are so many sexual firsts for me so I find this reasoning dissolves any hesitations I may have. “Okay,” I whisper.
“Okay?” He gives me a chance to change my mind.
“Yes.” I look him in the eyes and he sees my unhidden lust for him. My eyes are glazed over and my chest heaves as I pant. I feel so wanton. As he enters me slowly, I watch his face contort and his lips separate.
“Shit. You feel so damn good baby. I feel your hot pussy milking me.” He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back. His thrusts are slow and calculated like he is savoring the moment. Every stroke is enslaving and pulls me further under his spell. I don’t want this moment to end either. This dance we are creating feels a lot like making love, unlike the frantic pace he normally sets when we are just fucking. My hands grip his inky black hair as he grinds into me. I can feel the thread of his control unraveling when he begins to push into me harder and his rhythm changes to one that I am accustomed to—back to fucking. We both reach our intended destination of orgasmic effervescence and my limbs go limp in satisfaction. We lie motionless for several moments before he rises to put his jeans back on.
“Stay with me,” I plead.
“That wouldn’t be a good idea, Siobhan.” A flash of sadness appears in his eyes, but vanishes quickly. “We can’t blur the lines. I like what we have and don’t want to ruin it.”
And just like that, the mood has died an arduous death. I’m reminded that this arrangement is temporary. It doesn’t go unnoticed that he just called me Siobhan and not baby. He’s reestablishing the boundaries of our relationship.
“No. You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I slip my mask of indifference back on and head for the shower. When I come out, Grayson has gone to his room.
As I pull out something to sleep in, I question: is this me? Do I really have the ability to have no-strings-attached sex? In theory, it’s a way to experience ultimate pleasure without the hassles of drama and regretful attachments, but I’m beginning to have doubts. I love the way Grayson makes me feel and the small glimpses of himself he sometimes let me see. I don’t want our time to come to an end, but does he feel the same way? Does he return to his room for his own protection not just mine? His parents are divorced, so I wonder whether he was scarred by that experience and doesn’t ever want to replicate it. Perhaps he has experienced something in life that has made him opposed to commitment and relationships in general. After all, he was with Vanessa one week, looking very comfortable with each other, only to be with Meredith the next week. When I’m with him he doesn’t give off the vibes of your typical playboy. Who hurt him? Although my upbringing hasn’t painted the prettiest picture of love and Liam’s philandering act taints it even further, I’m drawn to him and can’t explain it.
Loneliness seeps under the covers as I try to stop thinking about Grayson in the other bedroom. I image his masculine body sprawled out on his bed and I want to go to him. I’ve never been this wanton. Does he feel the same connection? Can I ignore his resistance? I’ll continue this arrangement for now. I hope my heart and my sanity survive when it all ends.
WHEN MORNING ARRIVES, we have breakfast before I head home. Grayson is in a somber mood. I hope I didn’t cross the line last night by asking him to stay with me. This weekend has left me confused. On one hand, the sex was wonderful and I want more of that. Absolutely. On the other hand, I felt bereft at times and lonely. I’m not sure I can handle such mixed emotions frequently.
When I arrive home Jordan is already up, lounging on the sofa. She gives me a knowing smile and gets up to make us tea. “Don’t even think about disappearing to your room. I want all the juicy details. Start with the sex.”
Leave it to her to get straight to the point. “The sex is amazing. He has a dominant nature, and I feel he might be holding back. I don’t think his inner freak has truly been exposed.”
“That’s hot. I love it when a man takes control in the bedroom.”
“Yeah, I like it too.” I don’t share all the specific details of our sexcapades, but do share my doubts about the whole separate bedroom thing.
“Are you starting to have feelings for him?” Jordan stares at me, looking for any indication that I’ve fallen for him.
“I don’t know. I feel something. I like how he makes me feel. It’s indescribable, but I feel a pinch of disappoint when the sex ends and he returns to his room. It feels like our connection is lost. That is, if there is a connection there in the first place. Perhaps I am just deluding myself.”
“Oh, Shiv. You can’t let yourself fall for him. He was honest and upfront. He told you he didn’t want a romantic relationship.” She sighs. “I think you’re vulnerable right now. After the way things ended with Liam, it’s natural to want someone to era
se those feelings. Grayson isn’t the one. If you can’t be objective about what you two have, I recommend you get out now while your heart is still intact.”
I can’t argue with her logic. The bluntness stings, but she’s right. It seems I have a decision to make before next weekend. Do I continue down this path of possible self-destruction or do I stop this madness now and just enjoy the wonderful memories we made? The ringing of my phone brings me back to reality. I don’t take the time to look at who is calling and I immediately regret it. Silence greets me on the other end of the line and once again it’s an unknown caller.
Jordan must see the perturbing look on my face. “Who is it?”
“I don’t know. I keep getting these unknown calls with either silence or heavy breathing on the line.”
“Do you think it is Liam?” I see the concern in her eyes.
“I don’t think he’s that childish. It’s really pissing me off though.” I throw my phone on the sofa in frustration.
“Maybe he just misses you and wants to hear your voice.” The look I give her signals the conversation is over. “Okay, let’s have some tea.”
We have our tea in my room as we surf through Netflix looking for something good to watch. We settle on starting the first season of Nikita since we already finished Vampire Diaries. We make a day of it and order in. It’s nice sharing a day together, just her and me. It feels like old times and our time together brings some normalcy back into my life. Jordan and Liam has been my lifeline—my coping mechanism after my parents’ divorce. The rift between Liam and me upset my plan for the life I’d visualized. Jordan acts as my anchor while I attempt to rebuild a different life.
TODAY’S CLASS FEELS atypical. Liam has taken a seat next to me, but my attention is on Grayson. His professional persona is in place and gone is the sex god who gave me multiple orgasms over the weekend. I want our eyes to meet just once, but he looks over and through me. My eyes gaze over his tailored slacks and crisp button-down shirt. To think I have seen him sans clothes causes a throbbing sensation in my core. I remember his hands on my body and the expert wielding of his tongue. I reminisce on the way his thick cock pounded me into oblivion. I squeeze my legs together in an effort to contain the neediness that’s taking over.
My fantasy is shattered at Liam’s request to borrow a pen. I look at the whiteboard where Grayson is standing and realize I need to be taking notes. My studious efforts do little to suppress my indecent thoughts, but I make it to the end of class. I’m about to gather my things, when Vanessa walks in. She’s wearing a pencil skirt and modest blouse, but the guys in the class still gawk at her obvious sex appeal. Some of the girls stare too, trying to figure out her connection to the professor. Her business attire complements his; they look like they belong together. Their voices are hushed, but I can tell Grayson is preparing to leave with her. I see red and know that it’s unjustifiable.
As I make my way out of the door my eyes meet Vanessa’s briefly. “Siobhan?”
Shit. Double shit. In my fit of blinding jealousy, I forgot Vanessa was unaware of our connection. “Hi,” I say dumbly.
She turns to look at Grayson in irritation. “She’s your student?”
“Not here, Vanessa. I’ll explain later.” He puts his hand on the small of her back to guide her out the class without a scene. All I think about is how he touched me the same way. The intimacy of it is now tainted. Although he says he’s no longer with her, familiar jealousy in her eyes reflects back at me. There’s more to his involvement with her than he’s letting on and now he’s leaving with her. Liam walks up behind me and I shake it off.
“You want to grab a coffee?”
“Really? You want to go to the same place where you shattered my heart with your infidelity?” I ask harshly. He winces and I know I’m taking my anger out on him.
“Sorry. You’re right. We can have lunch in the cafeteria if you want.” He looks remorseful, but I can’t. Grayson’s departure with Vanessa, coupled with the reminder of his behavior with Heather, makes my stomach roll with contempt.
“Not today, Liam. It’s too soon. I’m going to grab something from the vending machine and head to my next class.” I can’t look at him. I’m afraid he’ll see my disdain has less to do with him and more for our professor.
“Okay, Shiv. Whatever you need. If you need time, I can give you that.” He grabs my hand and I almost lose it. I pull away and clench my fist.
“Liam, if you want us to work on rebuilding our friendship, you have to stop making inferences toward something more. It makes me uncomfortable.”
“Sorry. It’s just so hard. My fuck-up crushes me everyday.”
“Bye, Liam.” His constant apologies are not as effective as he intends. My heart is beating wildly as I try to tame my anger. Blame it on my red hair, but I’m incensed. Grayson seemed so indifferent and condescending toward me. Yet with Vanessa there was familiarity, gentle affection. In comparison, Liam seems clumsy and boyish and I’m so irritated by the conflicting emotions running through my brain. His touch just made it worse. He has a long way to go to mend that bridge.
I attend my remaining two classes on autopilot. I wonder what Grayson and Vanessa are up to. Maybe he took her to lunch before banging her senseless. Ha. Maybe his true reasoning for limiting our arrangement to the weekend is so it doesn’t conflict with his weekday arrangement with her. Bastard. Damn I’m so stupid. I turn off the do not disturb function on my phone and see that I’ve a missed text from Grayson
Grayson: It’s not what you think. I am not involved with Vanessa. Give me a chance to explain when I call you later.
How cliché. It’s not what you think. Isn’t that the line all guys deliver when they’ve been busted with their hands in the cookie jar? And didn’t he ask Vanessa to give him a chance to explain as well? What game is he playing? I can’t wait for him to call so I can let him have it.
If he wants multiple fuck buddies he needs to be clear on the terms. This “I don’t share” bullshit will not be one-sided. If he wants to dabble, that option will be open to me as well—that’s if we continue this damn arrangement. I’m fired up. I walk into our condo and the smell of chocolate cookies wafts in the air. Jordan is running around the kitchen like a mad woman. The island is filled with fruit and cheese platters as well as my favorite Mediterranean rice balls.
“What is all this?” My mouth waters for the delicious looking appetizers.
“The girls are coming over for watermelon margaritas and a little girl time. The snacks are just to hold us over until dinner.”
Great. Company coming over to crowd my space is exactly what the doctor ordered after a day like today—not. I don’t want to ruin Jordan’s fun after she’s made all these preparations so I put a smile on my face and pretend it’s the best plan ever. “Okay. Let me get changed into something more comfortable and I’ll help with the margaritas.” At least there will be alcohol involved. And to think I never use to drink—now the numbing effect is my savior. I don’t want to hear another lecture from Jordan so I’ll keep today’s events to myself. My phone rings and I answer it quickly, anxious to hear from Grayson. Instead I hear heavy breathing and I scream before hanging up. The phone rings again and I’m ready to let this sick fuck have it.
“What the fuck do you want, ass wipe?”
“Hello to you too, Siobhan,” Grayson says with underlying humor in his tone. “Should I call you at a later time?”
“No. I thought you were my unknown caller who keeps calling me and holding the phone,” I huff.
“Surely you must have caller ID. Just decline any calls that are unknown.”
Duh. I don’t say that though. “You’re right. I’ll do that.”
“About today. Vanessa came to meet me for a business lunch. She works in my father’s company as a senior marketing research analyst. She needed insight on an acquisition we’re looking at. She was surprised to find out you were my student. The fact that I omitted that is causing her to be
suspicious of our involvement. I tried to dissuade these thoughts, but I don’t know how successful I was.”
“So you are not sleeping with her?” I can’t believe we’re having this conversation again.
“I think you and I both know I don’t sleep with women. I fuck, but no, our relationship is strictly platonic.” He pauses before questioning my intentions. “You are not having second thoughts, are you? I told you I didn’t want a relationship, but that doesn’t negate the fact that we are bound by exclusivity while this arrangement is in place.”
I don’t dare tell him I’m starting to develop feelings for him. I don’t know how long I can continue as is, but for right now, I’ll take what he’s offering. I can’t deny the sex is earth-shattering. Unparalleled. I might as well use this break from relationships to explore my sexuality. “Fine, but I won’t share you either. No weekday arrangements for you.”
“What?” It takes a second before he comprehends my insinuation. “You think I have another arrangement with someone else? Baby, I enjoy the delayed gratification. I save all my pent-up sexual energy to unleash on you once the weekend arrives.”
Oh my. What do you say to that? “Well, that’s good to know.”
He chuckles at my obvious loss for words. “Would you like to meet me for dinner tonight?”
“Delayed gratification, huh?”
