I pulled in the driveway and tried to collect myself. The house was dark, so I didn’t think anyone was up. I was so tired of crying. My eyes hurt, my nose was sore, and my throat was dry.
I walked in and turned on the entryway light. It didn’t completely light up the living room, but I could tell that Terri was sitting there waiting for me. She could see me, but I could only see her silhouette. We just looked at each other for a while at first. Not really sure what to say, I was afraid to ask why she waited up, and she was probably afraid to ask why I had been crying. I felt I should at least put her mind at ease, even though it was none of her business.
“Nothing happened tonight.” I didn’t expect her to take my word for it, so when she nodded her acceptance, I was shocked. “You believe me?”
“Have you ever lied to me?” Terri was still sitting on the sofa and hadn’t moved at all.
“No.”
“Then why wouldn’t I believe you?” She finally moved enough to wipe her face. Had she been crying?
I walked towards her. “Terri, I don’t want to fight with you.”
“And I don’t want to lose you, but I’m afraid that’s what’s going to happen. Carl is one giant red flag to me, and I’m scared that you don’t see that.”
I sat next to her. “I do see that and it scares me, too, but I also see how he is with Amy and his sister. Craig never would have been that way towards anyone. It confuses me.”
“There are all different kinds of monsters. What is it about him that draws you to him that Dennis doesn’t have?”
I shook my head. “It’s hard to put into words. Dennis bows down to everything I say. He doesn’t stand up to me at all. He isn’t assertive. I don’t want to be with someone passive. I need someone to take control and stand up for himself.”
“Well, Carl certainly does that.” Terri couldn’t keep the disgust out of her voice.
“I know. He does it too well. If it makes you feel better, I don’t see my happily ever after with Carl.”
Terri shifted towards me. “Is it just sex you want from him? Then I say do it and get it out of your system so you can concentrate on Dennis.”
“I’m afraid that if I do that and it’s as good as I think it’s going to be I won’t be able to walk away.” I sat back on the sofa. “As for Dennis, he is a great guy, and I smile a lot when I’m with him or think about him, but is he enough for me? I don’t want to wake up in five, ten, or twenty years and wonder what else was out there.” I turned my head to her. “Is that a shitty thing to say?”
“No, it’s an honest thing to say. I guess with Mark I never thought about these things.” She shrugged. “I just knew. I thought you would know, too, with Dennis.”
Terri just looked at me. “What?”
She started smiling. “You’ve got quite the smile on your face right now. What are you thinking about?”
I looked away and tried to suppress the smile I didn’t even know I had, but couldn’t. “I just remembered thinking about . . .” I stood up. “It’s stupid, never mind.” I started to walk away, but Terri pulled my hand and made me sit back down.
“No way. You have to tell me what that smile is about.”
“I was thinking about Amy up in bed and me waiting on Carl. Stop frowning. I wondered what it would be like if I had a child upstairs while I was waiting for Dennis to get home.”
Terri’s smile grew and matched mine. “I think you like him. I just wish you would let yourself in on that secret.”
Chapter 8
“Drew, you have a delivery up front.”
“Thanks, Karen.” I got up hoping it was the new educational posters but saw the large vase of flowers. “This must be a mistake.”
Karen looked at the card. “Nope, it’s got your name on it. I wish it had my name, but oh well.”
Karen walked away and I took the card. I smiled thinking they were from Dennis and hoped he had written a love note on the card. They weren’t from him. It was a thank you note from Carl for taking care of Amy. My face fell.
“You don’t like them?” Amy was almost in tears at my side.
I kneeled down to her with a big smile on my face. A fake smile, but I hoped she didn’t notice. “Oh, no, they are beautiful, Amy. I’m just shocked. That’s all. I didn’t expect a thank you for doing something I had a great time doing.”
Amy smiled and wiped her eyes. “Daisy and I helped Dad pick them out. That’s why we were late today. I waited for them all morning. It was hard not to tell you.”
“Well, I’m glad you didn’t. I love surprises.” I hugged her. “Thank you so much.” I stood up and picked up the flowers. “Let’s put them up for everyone to see.”
Amy helped me pick out the best place for the flowers to sit so everyone that came in could see what a great job she did picking them out. I probably shouldn’t have gushed about them as much, but she was so heartbroken when she saw my true reaction.
Everyone saw the flowers when they came in all right—including Dennis. “Whoa. That’s a fancy bouquet. Who’s the lucky lady?” He kissed my cheek.
“It’s nothing. Let’s go. I’ve got everything I need.” I was trying to get him out before Carl came in to pick up Amy. I knew he would be there to talk about the flowers, and I wanted him to see that I left without them. I couldn’t get Dennis out in time. My face fell for the second time today.
“What’s wrong?” He started rubbing my back.
“Nothing. We just need to go.”
“Aren’t you going to take your flowers?” Carl stood a little too close behind me. “I thought Amy and I could take you to dinner and thank you properly for taking care of her last night.”
Dennis tensed the second he realized that this was the same guy who tried to send the wine over. I think he also figured out that Carl was the same guy who put the marks on my neck.
I continued to look Dennis in the eye and answered Carl without turning around. “The flowers were unnecessary, and they are staying here for Amy’s benefit, not mine. Dinner and any other thanks are not necessary, either.” I finally turned to look at him, but stood closer to Dennis, and he put his arm around my waist. “Your sister was sick and incapable of taking care of Amy. Nothing else to it.”
Carl clearly noticed Dennis’s arm. “I see.” He looked back up to me. “Maybe a rain check then.”
I looked at Dennis again. He still hadn’t taken his eyes off Carl. Something in his stare sent shivers through me. I was finally seeing what I had wanted to see all along. As curious as I was to what he would do, I didn’t want him to cause a scene at the center.
I turned in his arms to face him and touched his face to get his attention. “Can we go now?”
Dennis smiled and kissed my nose. “Ready when you are.”
I heard Amy cry when I left with Dennis, and that broke my heart.
~*~
I was distracted all throughout dinner, remembering the look Dennis gave Carl. Every time I blinked, I could see the cold, predatory stare. I hadn’t thought the man in front of me was capable of such a stare. It was mindboggling.
The sound Amy made when I left was also ringing in my ears. I needed to distance myself from her, but that was next to impossible being at the center together for nine hours every day. I stopped rubbing her back after I realized it was something she associated with her mother, but I couldn’t stop teaching her.
“Drew, is everything all right?” Dennis was looking at me. “I asked if you wanted dessert or if you wanted to go back to my place for coffee.”
Those eyes that told Carl to back off flashed in front of me again, and I told him I would prefer coffee. The last thing I wanted was coffee, but it was the only option he gave me that included going back to his house. I wasn’t sure if he read my mind or not, but I liked the smile that crept up on his face.
We were kissing before he got the door unlocked, which only delayed our entry into the private setting we desperately wanted. Dennis finally opened the door,
and he kicked it shut again once we got through.
“Do you really want coffee?”
“Unless that’s the nickname you gave your friend here,” I grabbed the bulge in his pants, “no.”
He chuckled as he walked me back to his bedroom, kissing my neck the entire way. I had only seen the living room the few times that I had been here and was trying to look around as he led me to the bed.
“Are you that enthralled by my decorating style? I’ll have to give you the number of my decorator.”
I pulled back and looked him in the eye. “You paid someone to do this? You really should get your money back.” It wasn’t the worst bedroom I’d ever seen, but it was clearly a mismatch of furniture and décor—what there was of it anyway. The blue on the comforter didn’t match the blue in the pillows, which didn’t match the blue in the curtains.
Dennis sat on the bed and just started laughing. He was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his face. I looked at him with confusion clearly on my face. It took him a minute to calm down. He shook his head and chuckled again. “I wasn’t serious about the decorator, but it’s nice to know you won’t be asking for my opinion when we buy a house together.”
I smiled. I liked the thought of us buying a house together. Taking him by surprise, I pushed Dennis on the bed and straddled him. “Oh, don’t you think you’re going to get out of it. I’ll ask your opinion and drive you crazy picking the opposite of what you like.”
He easily flipped me on my back and held my hands above my head. “Then I’ll pick the one that I hate, and you’ll be forced to choose the one I like.”
He bent down and kissed me and all laughter stopped immediately. In the back of my mind, I thought about texting Terri to let her know not to wait up, but she knew I was with Dennis, and she probably would be ecstatic if I didn’t make it home. It didn’t take long for me to forget about Terri.
Dennis pulled my shirt over my head, and I quickly helped him. He started kissing my collarbone as I unbuttoned his shirt. I loved the feel of his chest. I started getting acquainted with the muscles on his back when he touched my belly. I froze.
“What happened?” Dennis’s voice held too much concern. I wanted to hear passion and heat, not concern for what happened a long time ago.
“Don’t.” I tried to push his hand away as he traced my scars. “Please, stop.”
Dennis stopped staring at the scars and looked up at me. “What happened to you?”
I tried to sit up and he reluctantly let me. I grabbed my shirt and he took it from me. “Give me my shirt and take me home please.”
“Drew, don’t hide from me. What happened?”
I stood up. “Fine. I’ll call a cab and maybe the ride will be free if I take off the bra, too.” I started for the door, but he grabbed my elbow to swing me around.
~*~
“I told you I didn’t want a fucking kid, and now you’re all fat and sore. We can’t even have sex anymore. What good are you to me?”
Craig was livid that I couldn’t have sex for ten days straight. I was seven months pregnant and already spotting because of the stress living with him caused. Terri begged me to leave. She begged me to come live with her, but I knew he would follow me there, and I didn’t want that on her. She had her own baby to worry about.
“If you would go to the doctor’s office with me, you would know that I can’t have sex. It’s not safe right now. Please, just calm down.”
“I can’t calm down when I’m this frustrated. I’ve never gone this long without sex before. Maybe I’ll just leave and find someone else to bring home tonight. You can sleep on the couch.”
“If that’s what you want.” If he did follow through with that, I would be packing while he was on the prowl.
“You’re pathetic. You don’t even want to try to stop me.”
“If it will give me a little peace and quiet for a night, I’ll take it.” Craig grabbed my hair and pulled me up off the sofa. “Ow, Craig, stop it!”
He yanked me out the door. I yelled the entire way down the hallway, but he wouldn’t stop until he got to the top of the stairs. “You want to leave me so badly? Leave then.” He pushed me down the flight of stairs.
“Craig!” I tried to grab him, tried to grab the railing, but I couldn’t catch a hold of anything. I tumbled all the way down, and the only thing running through my mind was my baby. I tried to hug myself to protect it, but the force of hitting each step as I went down was too much to keep my arms around me. I landed at the bottom in pain and shock.
Craig slowly and quietly came walking down after me. I couldn’t move. I wanted to run. I wanted to protect whatever chance I had at keeping my baby safe but couldn’t get off the floor. He stood above me and slowly squatted next to my face. “Maybe next time when I say I don’t want a fucking kid, you’ll listen.” He stood up and kicked my belly as hard as he could. I passed out.
~*~
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t stand. I felt arms around me, picking me up. I heard someone telling me it was going to be okay, and all I could do was feel my belly—my flat belly. It was as if I had lost my baby all over again.
I woke up in bed, but not my own. I looked around, and there were all different shades of blue. I smiled thinking we had finally made love, and then I remembered reliving the hell I went through four years ago. I sat up.
“Hey,” Terri was at my side in an instant. “How are you doing?”
I was trying to catch my breath. “What are you doing here?”
“Dennis got scared.” Terri smiled. “I have to say,” she looked around the room, “I like where this was headed.” She sat next to me on the bed. “I don’t like how it ended up. Will you tell me what happened?”
I rubbed my face with my hands. I’m pretty sure my makeup looked like hell anyway. “He kept touching the scars from surgery.” My hand went to my belly. “He kept pressing me to tell him what happened, and when I tried to leave, he grabbed me.”
“That’s when you had a flashback?” Terri adjusted herself on the bed. “Okay. Do you think you can tell him what happened?”
I leaned back on the headboard, shaking my head. “No way, I can’t talk about it tonight.”
“I won’t make you.” Dennis was in the doorway. “I’d still like it if you stayed and let me hold you.”
Terri smiled as she got off the bed. “I brought a change of clothes for tomorrow and a few other things you’ll need to get ready for work.”
“Terri.”
She turned to Dennis. “Can we have a minute, please?” She waited for him to leave, shutting the door behind him, and she sat back on the bed. “Drew, I think this is the strength you need. I think this is the strength you crave. You just don’t know this kind of strength yet. Let him be strong for you tonight.”
I nodded my head. I listened as she talked to Dennis outside the bedroom door. Dennis sounded too concerned to be strong to me. “Is she going to be okay?”
“Yes, she’s fine. Just let her tell you when she’s ready. Your being here for her tonight will be a big step in the right direction, but don’t push too hard. You know she’ll call me if you do.”
“I feel really bad for pushing her earlier. I won’t push again.” I could hear the guilt in his voice.
I decided to slide into bed before he came in. I wanted to look as if I had fallen asleep, even though I knew he wouldn’t believe it. Maybe he would pretend with me. I had my eyes closed, but knew he was in the room when I heard the door shut. I heard him walk around the bed, and I heard him undress. I hoped that he was still wearing something.
I felt the bed dip next to me and had to fight not to roll to him. It didn’t matter because the second the covers were around him, his arms went around me. “Sleep if you’re tired, but I’m here if you want to talk.”
It was a long time before I could talk. I wanted to sleep, wanted to forget about it, but my mind wouldn’t let me. The longer Dennis lay there holding m
e, the more it melted the wall I put up. I started talking before I even realized I was going to.
“The neighbors tried to get to me, but he was too fast.” His grip tightened when I started talking. “Then they were all in shock when he pushed me down the stairs. I don’t blame any of them. A couple of guys ran after him and held him until the police came.”
“So the scars are from internal injuries from the fall?” Dennis’s voice was soft and comforting.
I turned in his arms to face him. “I was seven months pregnant. He killed the baby and almost killed me in the process.” It was hard to hear his sharp intake of air, but I continued before I lost my nerve. “I was in the hospital for a long time, but I think it was more to make sure I didn’t hurt myself. I sure wanted to. Terri was there every day. I tried to get her to go home. Trevor wasn’t quite a year at that time, and she needed to be with him.”
“Terri’s a good woman.”
“Mark came up when he could, but I think he was reliving what happened to his sister, so it was too difficult for him to be there.”
“Why did he do it?”
“He never wanted kids. He had told me a hundred times, and when I told him the antibiotic would possibly affect the pill, he didn’t believe me. Well, I was right.” I started rubbing my hand up and down his arm, feeling the muscles. Terri had said that Dennis was strong enough. I just need something to remind me of that.
“Where is he now?”
“He’s in prison. It didn’t take much for him to make a deal. He had all of those witnesses at the apartment that he couldn’t refute, and there was no good excuse to knock your girlfriend down the stairs to kill your baby.”
“I’m sorry, Drew. I didn’t know. I thought maybe it was a car accident or something, but I had no idea you went through such hell.” He pulled me closer, and I wrapped my arms around him.
“I’m sorry I freaked out on you.”
Striving for Normal (Striving Series) Page 9
