“Nothing’s wrong.” She sighed, and I thought she was going to tell me, but she didn’t. “Can we have a girls’ night out, but stay in at your place?”
“Of course we can. That sounds like fun. Maybe this weekend?”
“I can’t. I’ve got extra hours this weekend. I was thinking sometime next week.” Terri sounded upset, and as much as I wanted to know what was wrong, I didn’t want to pressure her and add to her stress.
“Sure. Just let me know what night and I’ll be here. We’ll talk for as long as you want.”
“Thanks. So I take it you guys are back together again?”
“Yeah.” I knew Terri was upset, but I couldn’t keep the smile out of my voice.
“Well, at least that’s one thing that’s going right.” Terri’s voice lacked more than just a smile—it lacked Terri. I’d get what was wrong out of her, even if I had to give her a taste of her own medicine and sit on her.
Chapter 17
“You seem a little happier today than you have been lately.” Joseph looked really pleased to see me and hadn’t even picked up the notepad yet. “Let’s keep this lighter mood and talk about the good things today. What’s the reason for that big smile you have?”
“Well, first I need to talk about a few heavier things, but obviously, they’ve worked out. I just want to give you some background. A lot happened while you were out of town.” Joseph nodded as I caught him up on the fight with Deb, the confrontation with Carl, and the makeup with Dennis. I could tell he was concerned with a few things I’d said.
“I know I said we would keep it light, but do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
“Tell me a little more about forgetting you moved out.”
“Well, I just kept thinking I wanted to go home, and home, for so long, was with Terri and Mark. When I pictured home, it was my room there with them. I didn’t even think about my apartment.”
He nodded and wrote something on his notepad. “What did you feel when you saw the interview with Craig? You haven’t even seen a picture of him in years, and you were faced with a live picture including the sound of his voice at the place you least expected it.”
“I didn’t watch the interview, and I was too shocked to think about Craig. I was hurt that Dennis even agreed to watch it. It wasn’t until I got to the car that Craig actually registered.” I watched him write something else down, and I became a little paranoid. “What about that do you need to put on paper?”
Joseph finished his writing and balanced the notepad on his knee. “I was trying to figure out what it meant when you didn’t go to your apartment. You have flashbacks that concern me, and then add to it forgetting you moved out. I just needed to make sure it wasn’t something I should be concerned about.”
“Are you?”
“No. I think seeing and hearing Craig scared you and you went to the two people who have always protected you from him. I’m not exactly sure you forgot you moved out. You were just running to safety.” Joseph picked up the notepad again. “Let’s talk about Carl.”
I rolled my eyes. “Do we have to?”
Joseph smiled. “It will be quick, I promise. How do you feel now that you’ve severed that friendship?”
“I feel as if he’s no longer pinning me to that desk. This weight has been lifted, and I don’t even hide from him anymore.”
“I’m not sure what happened for you to make that decision.” Joseph looked directly at me. “Is there anything you’re not telling me?”
“No. I talked with Rachael, Dennis’s younger sister, and she made me think about a few things.”
Joseph raised his eyebrows when I didn’t continue. “Such as?”
I took a deep breath. “Even when talking with you about the sex I’d had with Carl, I would always say that it just happened. She didn’t buy that. She called me out and made me realize I was just making excuses.” I looked out the window. I couldn’t look at Joseph when I made these confessions. “I wanted him because he reminded me so much of Craig. He gave me the familiar rush I’d always felt with Craig.”
“You didn’t feel the same rush with Dennis?”
I looked back to Joseph. “Honestly, the rush I was starting to feel with Dennis wasn’t all sexual, and it terrified me.”
Joseph looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”
I smiled again. “I finally know what it means to be in love and to be loved. Craig never loved me, and I certainly didn’t love him. Carl was good at convincing me to think I wanted or needed him, but I don’t think I would have ever loved him, either.”
He smiled and I rolled my eyes. He knew exactly what I meant. He just wanted me to say it. “I think that’s really great, Drew. So when do I get to meet Dennis?”
“Um, I don’t ever plan on bringing him here.”
“Drew, we’ve talked about this.”
“And I’ve said no. I don’t want him to know anything about this side of my life. He knows enough.”
“You can’t move on from the past if you hide it from your future.”
“I’m not hiding it. He just doesn’t need to be aware of how messed up things were.” I was quickly losing the smile I went in there with.
“Do you think he’ll stop loving you?”
“Who would blame him? I was weak and allowed things to happen that any normal person would have said no to.” I started to raise my voice. “Look how he reacted to Carl.”
Joseph lowered his voice in an attempt to calm me. “You are normal, Drew. You just got caught up in something and didn’t know that it was okay to say no.”
“Well, I’m saying no to Dennis ever coming here.” I looked at the clock and noticed our time was almost up. I stood up and collected my things. “I really like you, Joseph. I do, and if I had met you any other way, you would have met Dennis by now. I just don’t like the girl that was with Craig, and I don’t ever want Dennis to meet her. I just want him to love the woman I am trying to be today.”
I stood by the door and waited for Joseph to dismiss me. I don’t know why I didn’t just walk out, but somehow that seemed rude, and the last thing I wanted to do was disrespect Joseph. He’d helped me so much, and I still needed him. I just needed him to let this go. After he looked at me for what seemed like forever, he nodded his head. “I’ll see you next week, Drew.”
~*~
Gloria was holding a family dinner, and I was expected to be there. I told her that I was a little uncomfortable going since Deb and I still didn’t get along. She agreed that there would be tension, but said that I was part of the family and that Deb was going to have to learn how to behave. Dennis wasn’t helping matters. He refused to speak to her until she apologized to me. That was never going to happen.
I agreed to go to get Dennis talking to his sister again. I didn’t see any reason for him to stop talking to his family. I looked in the mirror for the hundredth time, and Dennis came up behind me. “You look great, but you looked great three outfits ago. Come on. It’s just the family. You’ve already met them.”
“I just don’t want to give anyone any reason to pick me apart.”
“For what you’re wearing?” Dennis shook his head. “They’re just clothes.”
“They’re not just clothes. I don’t want to be too casual or too formal, and then I don’t want to look too virginal or too slutty.” Dennis obviously had no clue what I was talking about. I walked over to the other outfits I had tried on and held each one up. “Jeans and a T-shirt are too casual. This dress is way too formal. Then that outfit was too tight and low cut. It looked as if I would be trying to sleep with every man there, and this one,” I pointed at myself wearing relaxed jeans with a cream colored-sweater, “makes me look as if I’m in junior high.”
Dennis smiled and came up to me. “I understand what you’re saying, but really, this outfit is good. You may look innocent for my family as long as I’m the only one that knows there’s nothing innocent about you.” Den
nis started kissing my neck.
~*~
“Why did you do that?” I was stunned, standing in the middle of our suddenly empty apartment. I had finally agreed to host another party, even though the first one I agreed to wasn’t something I wanted to repeat. The party was just getting started, and he had taken me to the bedroom. He said that it would be more exciting if we knew there were people out in our living room who could hear how great we were together. I guess I should have considered myself lucky that he at least shut the bedroom door.
“I told you I was going to end it if you kept flirting with everyone here.” Craig opened a bottle of vodka and started drinking from it.
“Craig, I wasn’t flirting with anyone. These are your friends. You know them.” I reluctantly started cleaning up. I’d been having a great time at the party since I could actually attend this one, and I didn’t want it to stop.
“Of course I know them. That’s how I know it was time to end it before you started parading men to our bedroom.” He kept drinking.
“I wasn’t going to take anyone to the bedroom this time—including you. They were just innocent conversations.” I turned my back to him to pick up the discarded cups on the counter and ignored Craig’s heavy drinking.
“Innocent!” Craig slammed the bottle on the counter in front of me and I jumped. He took the garbage bag from me and shoved me to the floor. “There’s nothing innocent about you!” He dumped the half-full garbage bag on me. “Trash is what you are.” He kneeled down to me and sniffed. “You stink. Don’t come to bed until this place shines and you’ve scrubbed your filthy body.”
~*~
I was shaking on the floor, and it took me a minute to realize that it was Dennis talking to me and holding me and that Craig was nowhere around. “You’re okay now. It’s just you and me.” He was sitting on the floor with me and pulled me further into his arms. “It’s okay.”
He held me as I cried until I calmed down. I had to get myself together. I didn’t want to be late for Gloria’s dinner and give Deb another reason to hate me. I started to get up.
“Whoa. Where do you think you’re going?”
“We need to go. I don’t want to be late.” I pushed Dennis harder until he let me up. “Let me touch up my makeup, and I’ll be ready in five minutes.”
“Drew, we don’t have to go.”
I turned to him. “Don’t make me beg you. I want to go.”
He agreed to go, but I could tell on the silent ride to his parents that he wasn’t happy about it. There were a lot of cars there, but I didn’t see Deb’s. Maybe she was running late, or better yet, not coming at all. I smoothed down my sweater and jeans as we walked up to the door and Dennis laughed. He took my shaky hands and kissed them.
“Don’t be so nervous. You look great, and my family loves you almost as much as I do.”
I looked at our joined hands and spoke softly. “The silent treatment on the way over didn’t help.”
“You’re right.” Dennis sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried, and I don’t want anything to happen that makes you uncomfortable.”
The door flew open before Dennis finished talking, and Rachael launched herself at us. Dennis and I both flinched as she wrapped her arms around us. “I love you guys. You are so cute!” She started tugging on us. “Come on. Deb’s husband is here this time. I swear she’ll behave.”
We were pulled through the door and I finally looked around. I was too preoccupied to realize that I was at Gloria’s home. I vaguely remembered the wraparound porch that I walked up on outside. I’d have to remember to look around when I went out again. If the outside was anything like the inside, it was immaculate. You could tell that it was an older house that had been renovated and that they’d kept the older feel, but everything looked brand new.
The house was split down the middle with one long hallway. There were doors leading to several rooms, and towards the end was the staircase to go upstairs. The dining room was directly to the left and the kitchen was a little further down the hall, also on the left. Almost everyone was talking in the living room on the right. The room was so large that there were two doors you could use to enter.
Dennis leaned over and whispered to me. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I just can’t get over how big the room is.”
Dennis’s father came up behind me. “We knocked down a wall.” He walked around us to the bar and poured himself a drink. He offered me one, but I declined. I didn’t think alcohol would be a good idea to add to my anxiety. “Gloria wants lots of grandkids, and if these kids of ours ever get busy, we hope to fill this room with them.”
“Dad!” Everyone groaned, but Dennis. I turned and raised my eyebrows. He just shrugged.
“Hey, if I’m going to hear it from your mother, you are going to hear it from me.” Dennis Sr. winked at me as he left the room again.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Drew.” I was approached by someone who I assumed was Deb’s husband. I’d met everyone else there. He didn’t look like someone whom I would’ve pictured Deb with. I wasn’t really sure what that guy would look like, but this guy was tall with thinning light brown hair. His handshake was firm, but he wasn’t muscular like Dennis or Rick. He was decent looking, but way more average than I would have pictured her with. “I’m Tom, Deb’s husband.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” I shook his hand and then wrapped my arm around Dennis. I didn’t feel threatened, but I was still nervous. I could only imagine the things Deb had said to her husband after what she’d told the rest of the family.
Gloria came in and looked completely surprised and thrilled that I was there. “Now, don’t everyone hog Drew. I need her.” She came over and took my hand, pulling me with her. I looked back at Dennis and he just shrugged. I caught Deb’s glare as I walked by, but her husband looked at her, and she stopped immediately.
“I’m not the greatest in the kitchen, Gloria.”
She waved her hand at me and winked. “Everything is mostly ready. I just wanted you to myself for a minute. How are things with DJ?”
“They’re fine.” I couldn’t stop smiling, not that I wanted to. It’s just that I got embarrassed when people smiled back as if they were in on a secret.
“Good, good. I like hearing that.” She started stirring whatever was in the pots. “Did you tell him about Carl?”
“Yes. He isn’t convinced that Carl is going to give up, but I think he feels better that I’ve cut ties on my side of it.”
Gloria turned around and looked at me. “I agree. A man like Carl doesn’t always listen, but we’ll take care of him.” She turned back to the stove.
I was a little uncomfortable talking about Carl with her. He was my problem and was a problem I started. I didn’t need her to run interference, no matter how much I would like the help. “Are you sure I can’t do anything?”
“Nope, it’s all taken care of.”
“Can I ask you something?” I wasn’t sure if I should or not, but I had to take the opportunity while I could. “What’s the deal with Deb’s husband?”
She didn’t turn around and stirred the pots again. “He’s a polite man.”
“Okay.” I got the feeling it was a touchy subject, so I didn’t ask any more.
Gloria turned around and sighed. “Deb was our first child. We were a little stricter with her than the others. I’ll admit that. I would see kids misbehaving in class all the time. I said my child would never act like that. Well, Deb acts out now as an adult instead. It’s my fault she married Tom.”
“You can’t blame yourself for whom she fell in love with.”
“That would be true if she were actually in love with him.” She waved her hand again. “I don’t want to talk about Deb and Tom. This is a joyous occasion.” I gave her a puzzled look. “You and DJ, of course.”
I couldn’t believe the party was for us. “It’s not as if we’re engaged or anything.”
“Not yet.” She winked again as she went
to tell everyone dinner was ready. I covered my face and shook my head.
Rachael did most of the talking while Rick teased her during almost every story. You could tell those two were the troublemakers of the bunch. I’d heard stories of the pranks they’d pulled and would have to keep my eyes open around them.
I kept glancing toward Deb and Tom and noticed they were whispering and in their own conversation, barely listening to anything anyone else had to say. Dennis could have announced that I was pregnant and we were getting married, and it still wouldn’t have fazed them. I caught Rachael’s eye and she noticed, too.
Deb offered to get dessert, and Rachael stood up quickly to help her. Tom took the time to compliment Gloria on the meal. Gloria was right; he was polite. It was taking a little too long for them to come back with dessert, so Gloria stood to excuse herself to help. She sat down as soon as she heard Deb yell. “It’s none of your Goddamn business!”
Deb burst through the door with Rachael on her heels. “Deb, come on. Just talk to me.”
Grabbing her purse, Deb turned to her husband. “We’re leaving.”
“But . . .” He slowly stood, but you could tell he wanted to say something.
“Not now. We’re going.” Deb stormed out.
Tom stood there looking at everyone. I grabbed Dennis’s hand under the table. “I’m sorry everyone. Gloria, again it was amazing.” She bowed her head in thanks, and he took off after Deb.
“What the hell was that about?” Rick, as usual, was the first to speak and break the tension.
Rachael slowly sat down and crossed her arms. “Deb should really be the one to tell you guys.”
Gloria leaned forward and placed her hand on Rachael’s arm. “Just tell me if I need to do something.”
“I don’t think she’ll listen.” Rachael took her mother’s hand. “You know how stubborn she is. She’s not in any danger, Mom.” Gloria visibly looked relieved and didn’t press Rachael for more.
It was quiet during dessert with everyone lost in their thoughts. Rachael didn’t really eat her dessert and excused herself to her room. I gave her a few minutes, but followed her. After she helped me see the truth about Carl, I had to see if I could help her. I heard her talking softly and didn’t want to intrude. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to help. Call me back if you want to talk. I love you, Deb.”
Striving for Normal (Striving Series) Page 21
