by C. L. Stone
“I don’t want to lose it,” I said.
“I’ll keep an eye on you...it...No... I meant you.” He winked at me and then urged me to the door. “Go back to Kota. I’ll get the boxes.”
PREPARATION
The rest of the morning consisted of endless wrapping paper cutting, tape dispenser refilling, and bow selection. I learned a lot under Dr. Green’s tutelage as he gave me some boxes to work on. Still, I wrapped simple, small boxes, while Dr. Green focused on the more complicated items. Each one of his carefully-wrapped gifts ended up as a beautiful paper creation like I’d only seen on television or in magazines.
Kota kept a list of who got what and who was left to shop for. He also put tags on gifts and marked which items were to go to which homes. Some were to go to a particular family’s homes, like the Korba’s or the Morgan’s. Some were for people I didn’t even know: Dr. Green’s colleagues at work, Academy members they were friends with, and family of the boys’ I hadn’t met yet: cousins and aunts and uncles. Most of them got small gifts, candy or other food items unique to Charleston.
The rest were put aside to take to Kota’s house.
“We’ll have our family Christmas there,” Kota said. “It’s tradition.”
Saying it was tradition made me feel special for being included, but also slightly alienated as well since it was my first, and I was unsure of what to expect. Wouldn’t Kota’s mother wonder why I was there with them for Christmas and not with my own family? The Thanksgiving traditions I’d experienced with them had been so surprising and exhausting, too.
Since they’d kept their Christmas plans a surprise, I was prepping myself for another unexpected and crazy day.
By the time we were close to finished wrapping gifts, I’d probably only wrapped a few dozen boxes. Dr. Green had not only wrapped faster, he’d created fancier ribbons. He’d made store-bought bows look like sparkling flowers once he was done with them. Mine paled in comparison, and you could see the drastic differences once they were together.
No wonder everyone sent their gifts to Dr. Green’s to be wrapped. I was embarrassed by the state of mine. I encouraged Dr. Green to make bows for me, to at least cover up the boxes I’d wrapped.
Before we were done, the front door opened and closed, drawing our attention to the still-unwrapped presents. We shifted in front of them, waiting for whoever it was to make an appearance from the foyer.
Mr. Blackbourne turned the bend, followed closely by Victor. Mr. Blackbourne was pristine in his usual crisp gray suit, white shirt, and maroon tie. His steel eyes were shining and vibrant.
Victor seemed a little more relaxed, more curious about what was going on. He wore his regular white Armani shirt and black slacks, the silver medallion—a heart and shield symbol—around his neck. His fire eyes were not quite a blaze, but a simmering fire. With his head high and his unyielding stance, he looked incredibly handsome.
Mr. Blackbourne, however, looked almost as intimidating as when I had first met him, his expression serious and ready to take the lead.
“I was hoping you would still be here,” Mr. Blackbourne said, looking at Dr. Green. He then turned his gaze to Kota and me. “I hope you’re finished.”
“Finished enough,” Dr. Green said. He sat on an empty space on the couch, pushing over a few empty store bags to make room. “I think the rest is mostly up to me.”
Kota had been sitting cross-legged on the carpet in front of the coffee table, using a Sharpie to mark names on tags. He finished what he was writing as he spoke. “I didn’t know you were going to come here. Should we go?”
“We all need to talk for a minute, but we’ll need to decide who should take Miss Sorenson back home,” Mr. Blackbourne said.
“I’ll do it,” both Kota and Victor said at the same time. They looked at each other with sheepish grins.
I shifted to stand front of the television so I could see all of them at once.
“You might want to hear this,” Victor said to Kota. He put his hands in his pockets, his lean arms pressing against his torso, outlining his chest and stomach. “You might even want to stay after.”
“We need to be prepared,” Mr. Blackbourne said as he turned to me. His voice was much like it was in the first week of school when he’d tried to teach me how to hold a violin: sharp and powerful. “Unless you have other plans, we need you to be free New Year’s week. The entire week.”
My heart thundered. “I...” I didn’t mean to stumble, but so many questions came to mind all at once and I was trying to piece together what to ask first. My schedule hadn’t been my own practically since I’d met them. I’d go wherever they wanted me. Why would it change over New Year’s?
“Owen, she knows about the Academy introduction. Why don’t you just tell her what it is?” Dr. Green asked.
“Don’t tell her,” Kota said. “It’s still kind of a Christmas surprise, too.”
“She should be able to prepare for it,” Victor said. “It might be a little unfair otherwise. You don’t even know if she’ll like it.”
“I think she will,” Kota said and looked at me with a smile. “I don’t mean to talk around you. It’s just I don’t want to ruin Christmas.”
I blew out a breath between my lips, wanting to be supportive but unable to really begin when I didn’t know what their surprise was. I started at the beginning. “So, the Academy wants some sort of official introduction the week of the first?” I had to say official because last time they sprung a surprise on me at Thanksgiving, I’d met a lot of Academy people, only I didn’t realize they were Academy until right before I met them. I also didn’t know they were showing me off until after the event.
They’d called it an informal introduction, but apparently I’d passed the test. I imagined next time I’d actually meet them and know their names and see their faces and get to know them as Academy. The idea was intimidating; there were a lot of them.
“Correct,” Mr. Blackbourne said. He smoothed out the front of his gray jacket and then unbuttoned it, only to re-button it again. He stopped himself and then put his hands at his sides. “This isn’t just an introduction, however. This is to identify your potential for getting into the Academy.”
“Do we have to do that part?” Kota asked. “And so soon?”
“If she gets more involved with us, she’ll have to,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “Besides, she’s expressed interest. I don’t think we’d be able to mask her potential from them.”
“But she doesn’t know what she’s getting herself into,” Kota said. He turned to look at me. “I know we’ve talked about it before, and you said you wanted to, but there're more complications than you realize. Especially with you...”
“Which is what the Introduction is all about,” Mr. Blackbourne said, turning to me. “You’ll learn the details and can then make your own decision. However, we have something more important to worry about other than your future Academy career at this moment. We’re facing a delicate issue.” He turned back to Kota. “The Academy may…no. I don’t want any illusion here. They will want to try her out with other teams. And not just for a week. Most likely, they’ll insist on asking her to join another team soon after the week is over and continue with them.”
“I don’t want another team,” I said, straightening my shoulders and standing taller. “Can’t I just tell them I want to stay?”
The others smiled, even Mr. Blackbourne, for a second. He collected himself quickly and turned toward the dining room adjacent to the living room and then turned back. “The problem is, they’ll request it very early on. Not accepting a trial with another team, not being willing to at least listen to their suggestions, might make them think you are unwilling to listen to their direction at all. As well, they’ll want to know why you’re so connected with us. They’ll want solid reasons.”
I shared a look with Victor. He frowned, and the fire in his eyes was low. He didn’t like this. Neither did I.
I suspected this was part of why
the plan was so important. It was why we were still trying to figure it out, even at this preliminary stage. The problem was, Kota wasn’t ready. I wasn’t sure the others were ready, either. Nathan hadn’t spoken to me about it, even though the others said he knew about it. Silas was unsure, and waiting for direction from the others. Most of the time, North seemed steady in his belief that it would work, but on occasion, he seemed to second guess. Usually, that was because I was unsure about the idea. But that he could have doubts made me wonder if he was confident at all.
I was on the fence. As much as I wanted to believe it could work, I still felt guilty about it, even if I faked my courage for the others like Mr. Blackbourne had suggested.
“Because she likes us—that’s a solid reason,” Kota said. “But you’re right, it may not be enough.” He removed his glasses and with his other hand, pinched at the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. “See, this is one of the many reasons why I didn’t want her getting this interested. She can still help us and be around us without being in the Academy.”
Mr. Blackbourne shook his head. “You can’t control another person’s interest, Mr. Lee. If she is interested, which she says she is, then she should be allowed to explore her options. All of them. On the other hand, they could just as easily ask us to give her space—because of the dangerous assignments we pick up—to keep her safe.”
“I’m not totally against that idea,” Kota said. He put his glasses back on, his green eyes filled with a new determination. He looked at and spoke to me. “You wouldn’t have to go. You just wouldn’t have to be as involved as you are now. It’s not just for you. It’s for us, too. We’re not ready.”
“Ready or not, they are asking for her,” Mr. Blackbourne said.
“Then maybe she should be busy that week,” Dr. Green said quietly.
Mr. Blackbourne turned to me. “It might be tempting,” he said. “You do have a choice, but I don’t think keeping you from it is the best solution.”
My heart was in my throat as I stood quietly, staring at all the gifts I’d helped to put together, suddenly disinterested in it all. With all the secrets and Academy rules, where I stood and would stand in the future was unclear. I wanted to listen to all of their concerns without interrupting. I was trying to do what they taught me: to hear them all out, and to get the full scope of what I’d be facing, before offering my own opinion. “Would it hurt anything?” I asked.
“It would give us more time,” Dr. Green said. “Maybe we should wait another year.”
“I can’t believe you’d suggest that, Doc,” Victor said. “You don’t think she should join?”
“I don’t like when there’s a risk of us losing her to another team,” Dr. Green said, his voice getting stronger. His eyes went wide and his shoulders pulled back. “The odds aren’t good for us right now. Why can’t we just pause for the time being? Keep her where she is? There’s no harm in it.”
Mr. Blackbourne frowned, a small dip of his lips that made my already nervous heart drop into my stomach. “We can’t keep her in limbo.” He turned to me, his steel eyes flashing. “Miss Sorenson, are you comfortable where you are?”
There was so much behind his question. “I can be if it’s necessary,” I said, wanting to be sensitive to Kota and Dr. Green. Clearly the rule about boys and girls not being allowed on the same team was what they were concerned about. It was already causing a rift between them. If we weren’t ready, then that was fine. It didn’t deter my desire to stay with them.
“Waiting until later won’t hurt. But I do want to stay with our team. I was told it was a choice. If that’s true, then why would they force me into another team?”
“They don’t force anything, sweetheart,” Victor said. He came over, stood close and wrapped an arm around me, squeezing me in a side hug. “You always have a choice. Sometimes, though, to be honest, they have a way of making us see things in a different light that gets us to try out new things. Sometimes that’s a new team.” He turned to look at the others. “That’s not always a bad thing, either. She’s not going to disappear into a black hole, even if she does choose to join another team. If in the end, if she wants to, how can we stop her?”
That wasn’t really what I wanted, I knew that. I’d grown too close to them to ever consider leaving them. I’d simply have to prove it to them and to the Academy somehow. That was much harder to do when I didn’t know what was ahead of me. Couldn’t I just say flat out from the start that I preferred to stay with them?
The guys were quiet.
“She doesn’t know she has options,” Kota finally said. “Or what they are. What we risk is their influence when she has no idea what she can negotiate.”
“Which is why it’s important that she does go,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “Perhaps now more than ever. She’ll learn what she can do, even if she says she’s not ready yet to join completely. It will at least give her what she needs to make an informed decision.”
Kota stood, frowning. “There’s a greater chance they’ll place her somewhere else, or they’ll ask her to leave. Or they could ask us to leave her alone and send in another team. She’s too nice to say no, even if she might be unhappy. That’s what I’m trying to prevent.”
“I’ll just tell them I don’t want to,” I said, more quietly than I’d intended.
He looked at me. “I know you—a little at least—and you’d do anything to help other people, even if it means leaving us behind. It may not be the wrong decision when you’re presented with it.” He turned his eyes back to Mr. Blackbourne, standing tall, his shoulders back. “But is it wrong to hold off the question when we have so little to offer to Sang right now? They see us as a troubled team with a tough job--and she’s in the middle of it. We offer more danger than actual protection and any opportunity for learning at the moment. I’m not sure how to convince them we need her, and that she should stay.”
“They’ll do anything to keep her, once they know her,” Mr. Blackbourne said, his tone low.
Kota pressed his lips together, his eyes narrowing at Mr. Blackbourne. He said nothing, just continued frowning.
As the two of them looked at each other, I was grateful Victor was there. I breathed in his moss and berry scent for strength but found myself wanting to bury my head into his shoulder for comfort rather than say anything. I wanted to get Kota and the others to believe that, whatever happened, I wanted to stay with them.
This talk of changing teams frightened me most of all; what could the Academy offer me that would lure me away from them?
“I want to stay with you,” I said into the quiet room. Victor reached for my hand, squeezing it encouragingly as I continued. “If that means I have to skip the introduction this time, I’ll do so. But if we go through with it, I’ll tell them from the start...”
Mr. Blackbourne cut me off. “You should listen to your options first,” he said, but then bowed his head in a clear apology. “Believe me, I’m just as eager to get you on our team, Miss Sorenson. But you should wait until the end of the week. Let them introduce you to other people. Giving them a chance to show you some options may be just enough to demonstrate to them that you’re at least willing to listen and consider alternatives. By the end of it, you’ll have to make some sort of decision.” He sighed. “The truth is, the offer might be very hard to ignore.”
An offer. That’s the result they were worried about. The Academy provides so much for the guys, I knew that. What offer would the Academy provide for me that would convince me to leave the boys to stay on a girl team?
They didn’t have to say it because suddenly I was aware of the real fear. It wasn’t my decision to make right now. It was the offer they feared. At the end, when the Academy saw me and talked to me, they’d give me choices. I couldn’t predict what it would be.
Mr. Blackbourne looked again at Kota intently. “But we also have to be ready with our position if she says she wishes to stay. So we all need to be ready to tell them we want her in, without
hesitation.”
Kota was still frowning. “I suppose I don’t have much choice if they want to invite her into the Academy. It’s the worst time for her to join with us.”
I gritted my teeth and then released Victor’s hand to step forward to look firmly at the others. “If all I have to do is wait until the end to say I want to stay with the team, then I’ll keep quiet and do as they ask until the end.”
“You’ll be provided the opportunity during a final review,” Mr. Blackbourne said. His face was calm, but his eyes betrayed a flicker of worry behind the gray.
That flicker added to the doubt in my heart. I didn’t want to believe that I’d choose any other group. Their questioning my loyalty hurt in a way. If they didn’t really believe in us as a group, then would the Academy see that and think I’d be better off somewhere else?
Victor took my elbow, holding me comfortingly. The fire in his eyes settled on Mr. Blackbourne. “As long as she’s aware, she can at least prepare herself for that moment. If you’re not going to tell her anything else in advance, then you shouldn’t scare her with any more. The introduction into the Academy shouldn’t be scary. You’ll make her think they’re all bad guys not willing to listen.”
The rest of them nodded in tense agreement. I swallowed, unsure about all of this. Their concerns and doubts now slipped into my heart.
Maybe I didn’t have to be afraid of the Academy, as they did good things for other people, but what I did fear was if they shined the light too brightly on us and discovered secrets we weren’t ready to reveal. Maybe they’d call us out for being silly and unrealistic, planning an impossible outcome. Maybe they’d try to shut us down.
The answer was up to me. But because I was new and, as Kota said, too nice, they weren’t sure I’d be able to convince the Academy I really wanted to stay with them. At the end, I would have to face the Academy and stand firm, telling them I didn’t want to leave them, no matter the cost.
