by Jasmine Walt
Come inside, the voice whispered.
I stepped forward instantly, almost as though the movement was not of my own volition. My feet took me through the arch-shaped doorway, and like before, the heavy, carved door silently swung open to admit me. The fading sunlight streaming through the stained glass windows and the skylight set into the top of the domed ceiling illuminated the space, drawing the eye to the enormous white statue that stood in the center of the temple. Resinah towered there, at least thirty feet tall, her form carved of pure white marble. Long hair flowed over slim, but proud, shoulders, and her long robes hinted at a willowy figure as she cradled a book with one arm while she stretched out the other, palm up. A blue-white flame blazed above her palm, and I wondered just how that flame was maintained. Was it a spell that had to constantly be recharged? Or was the flame from Resinah herself?
You ask many questions, child. But few of them are the right ones.
I scowled. “Great,” I muttered. “So now you’re going to criticize me, too?”
A gentle breeze brushed my cheek. Do not sound so petulant. You have many allies. You encountered some of them over the last few days.
That was true. But it was hard to take comfort in that right this second.
“Are you usually so chatty with everyone who comes into your temple?” I asked, genuinely curious.
There was a pause. Had I shocked Resinah with my cheeky question? Maybe I shouldn’t be so snarky. She would be used to awe and worship from the mages, after all.
No, she finally said. But you need my help, and in turn, you will help others when the time comes. That is why I summoned you here.
And here I thought I came of my own will, I wanted to say, but before I could, the breeze picked up. It swirled around me, tugging my curls out of the bun I’d tied them into, and cooling my skin.
Not just my skin, I realized as I closed my eyes. It was cooling me from the inside, too, driving back the ache and calming my raw nerves. After a moment’s hesitation, I bowed to the statue. “Thank you. I appreciate the relief.” How did one address Resinah, anyway? Ma’am? Prophetess? I would have to consult Iannis or Fenris when I got the chance.
The flame in Resinah’s hand seemed to dance a little brighter. “You are welcome.”
“So.” I raked a hand through my freed curls, looking around the temple. “Do I just come here every day for my daily dose, then?”
Soft laughter filled my head. I am not your nursemaid, Sunaya Baine. I only offered you a reprieve. You must use that respite to gain control by yourself.
I resisted the urge to curl my hands into fists. “How am I supposed to do that, exactly? In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been trying to control it for a while now. I’ve been running around as a teenage boy and drinking nasty potions like there’s no tomorrow.”
Masking your symptoms will not solve your problem.
“Then what will?” I stomped on the urge to take the empty flask in my pouch and chuck it at the statue’s head. “With all due respect, your vague statements aren’t exactly helpful.”
Your continued rejection of your mage heritage is a large part of the problem, Resinah’s voice turned cool. If you do not want your shifter instincts to rule your body, you must learn to embrace the other half of your lineage.
“You make it sound like there’s something wrong with my shifter heritage,” I protested. “I’ll have you know that I’ve used my ‘shifter instincts’ to survive for most of my life.”
Shifters are powerful in their own right, Resinah acknowledged, to my surprise. Mages would not have created your race if that were not the case. But you must learn to use both sides of your nature. I watched you today as you were thrown out of the Enforcers Guild, and felt how stricken you were at their rejection. And I watch how you tiptoe around the shifter community, hoping they might accept you, even though you frighten them with your magic. What you have not yet understood, child, is that no one will fully accept you until you accept yourself – neither mages nor enforcers nor your fellow shifters. You must wear your unique heritage with pride and confidence.
“That’s easy for you to say,” I grumbled. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do that with a bounty on my head, though. Strutting around, going – I’m Sunaya Baine, bring it! – isn’t going to do me any favors right now.”
I would never suggest that you strut around arrogantly and invite challenge, Resinah retorted dryly. For now, you must continue to remain disguised a little longer. But be mindful of who you are disguising yourself from, and why. Are you hiding from the Resistance behind that teenage boy? Or from the world?
Her voice faded, the breeze caressing my skin along with it, before I could answer. She had gone. Alone now, I sat on the floor of the temple and stared up at her statue, pondering the words she’d left me with and wondering if maybe, just maybe, she was right.
9
I woke to the sound of footsteps rustling in the grass and cracked an eyelid open to see who had intruded upon my space. I’d fallen asleep in the grass outside Resinah’s temple, disguised as a female mage, after thinking long and hard about what she’d advised. Eventually, I’d come to the conclusion that she was right, and not just for the reasons she’d spoken of. How could I master my powers, powers that required such incredible self-control, if I remained a slave to my body? Iannis would never respect me, nor would the rest of the mage community, and I might never be given full access to my powers. Even if nothing ever came of the attraction between the Chief Mage and me, I needed to get a handle on my urges for the sake of my own future.
As though my dreams had conjured him, Iannis was right there, staring down at me. His violet eyes glowed in the darkness, reflecting the nearly full moon that shone above our heads. Desire bloomed low in my belly as I inhaled his scent… but it wasn’t as bad as I expected to be. In fact, the sensation was almost normal, rather than hormonally enhanced, even when I released my illusion and assumed my real form.
Maybe there was something to this ‘getting in touch with your inner mage’ thing.
“You didn’t come back to the Palace,” he said softly as he lowered himself down on the ground next to me. “I was worried.”
Pleasure glowed in my chest at the concern in his voice, and I smiled. “I was talking with Resinah,” I said, gesturing toward the temple with my right hand.
Iannis arched a brow. “Talking with her? Or to her?”
“With her.” I raised my own brows as his eyes widened. “Why? You got a problem with that?”
“No,” he said carefully, turning to look back at the temple himself. “It’s just…rare…for her to hold a conversation for any length of time.”
“She mentioned that,” I mused, tilting my head to look up at the clouds. “But she gave a reason for her interest.”
“And what reason was that?”
“That’s between me and her.” I waggled my eyebrows, but despite my levity, I was serious. The conversation I’d had with Resinah had felt sacred, and I didn’t think it was meant for other ears.
Iannis gave me a questioning look, but he didn’t press further. “Why didn’t you come back to the Palace, then, when you were done?”
I shrugged, then stretched myself out on the grass again. “I was comfortable here. I came to the temple because I needed some help controlling my heat, and after I was done talking with Resinah, I didn’t feel ready to go back yet.”
“I see.” Iannis’s eyes darkened, and he reached out to touch my cheek. “Was Resinah able to help you?”
My breath stuttered as his thumb caressed my skin, which was still sensitive – the heat was still there, after all, regardless of whether I could control it.
“She was,” I said, and I was proud that my voice remained steady. “I’m reasonably sure that I’ll be able to prevent myself from pouncing on every desirable male who walks by.”
“Even me?” Iannis asked, grabbing my wrists. The next thing I knew, he’d rolled himself on top of me, pre
ssing me into the soft dirt. I gasped as his hard, muscular body molded against my softer curves – even the naked kiss we’d shared in the river hadn’t felt quite this intimate.
“Especially you,” I whispered. “You’re the very last person I should be falling into bed with right now.”
“Well, I’m done with waiting. I want you,” Iannis said, his voice rough with need. He bent his head so that his dark, cherry-wood hair formed a curtain around his face, blocking out the world. Warm breath fanned across my cheeks as he spoke. “I’ve almost lost you more times than I’d like to consider, and after I heard about the fire…” He closed his eyes, a pained look crossing his handsome, oblong face. And when he opened them again, they burned with iridescent flames. “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep taking you for granted, as if you’ll always be here, waiting until I’m ready, when you could be taken from me at any time.”
“W-what are you saying?” I was trembling now with the effort of beating back the hope rising in my chest. I wanted so much to believe he was ready to accept me, but I couldn’t, not until the actual words came out of his mouth.
“I’m saying that I love you, Sunaya. And I want you to be mine, and only mine.”
He kissed me then, a tender, passionate claiming that completely shredded my control. Hunger clawed at me, making me ravenous as I kissed him back, nipping at his lower lip and snarling at his restraint. He only laughed, a low, teasing sound as he pinned me to the ground, his hands still wrapped around my wrists. I could have bucked him off, could have broken his grip, but strangely, I didn’t want to. I was okay with him having some control.
Maybe I’m not a total animal after all.
His tongue slid into my mouth, deepening the kiss, and he shifted his hips, nudging my legs apart so he could rest between them. I clamped my legs around his lean waist, pulling him tighter to me, and moaned as his arousal pressed against me, right where I needed it. He groaned low in his throat as he rocked himself into me, once, then twice, and then, suddenly, his hands were no longer wrapped around my wrists. He was moving lower, trailing kisses along my jaw, down my neck, to my collarbone…
“Yes,” I moaned when he nipped the sensitive spot where my neck and shoulder met. His tongue laved across the tiny wound, sending another flash of heat through me. “Iannis…” I trailed off, forgetting what I was going to say as his hands slid beneath my shirt, pushing the fabric up as he trailed kisses along my abdomen.
An explosion shook the air, and we shot upright, twisting in the direction of the sound. My eyes widened in horror at a plume of smoke rising in the northern half of the city, far too close to the Palace.
“Bloody hell!” Iannis jumped to his feet, fury etched into the lines of his face. “Do they never stop?”
“Fuck,” I muttered, pulling my shirt down as I got to my feet as well. I was starting to see flames too, licking at the night air as smoke continued to billow. What was the Resistance up to now?
“I need to go.” Iannis turned back to me, and the regret in his eyes was clear as he reached for my hand. “They’ll pay dearly for interrupting us – I wish there were more time.”
“Go.” I squeezed his hand, then grabbed his face and pulled him to me for one more kiss. It felt so good to be able to do that, to be able to reach for him without the fear of rejection shadowing me at every turn. “There are more important things to deal with right now,” I added, my voice a little ragged. Inside, I felt like howling.
“Indeed.” His eyes glowed with desire and frustration as he pulled away. “We’re not finished here, Sunaya. I promise you that.”
And then, he was gone in a rush of wind, his feet taking him faster than even I could hope to follow, as he went to save a people who seemed determined to hate him.
10
Ditching the bike completely, I shifted into beast form, then ran down the hill to catch up with Iannis and find out what was behind the explosion. It felt good to run free, my paws pounding against the pavement on the Firegate Bridge as the wind ruffled my black fur, which helped hide me under the cover of darkness.
Nevertheless, as soon as I was close to the site of the explosion, I shifted back into human form, cloaking myself in the disguise of my pimply teenage boy. Standing near the airship yard with other gawkers, I watched a group of mages fight a monstrous-looking conflagration that appeared to have already destroyed a number of airships. The fire had spread to the neighborhoods on either side of the yard, and I suspected that the explosion must have been large enough to jettison flaming debris into those sections of Maintown.
Even through the smoke and gloom stinging my eyes, I managed to pick out Iannis amongst the group of mages fighting the fire. His hands were lifted skyward, eyes closed, face tight with concentration. Though I couldn’t be certain, it looked like Iannis and the two mages next to him were standing in some kind of circle.
The air shifted, becoming thick with moisture, and I glanced up as lightning flashed across the sky. To my surprise, huge black clouds had gathered out of nowhere, blocking out the moonlight completely. Thunder boomed just a moment later, then the clouds opened up, sending down a deluge of rain.
“Shit,” I muttered, ducking for cover beneath a tree planted on the sidewalk that had miraculously managed not to catch fire. But it didn’t help much – I was soaked in seconds, the rain so intense I could barely see through it. Beneath the roar of the downpour, I heard the hiss of steam as the water snuffed out the fire, and shouts from the mages as well. Something about treating the wounded and canvassing the neighborhood to assess damage.
I should help, I thought miserably. I should be out there, tending to the wounded and stopping the fire. I might not be well trained, but I have power, and I should be able to use it to help others. But I couldn’t very well go among them, using my magic as a teenage boy.
And why shouldn’t you? a voice in my head murmured, one that sounded suspiciously like Resinah’s. You may not be able to appear to them as Sunaya Baine, but that doesn’t mean you can’t appear at all.
Right. I dredged up an image of a female mage in my mind, then changed my illusion to match it. The rain was beginning to dissipate, now that it had done its job, so I waited until it was gone, then used my magic to dry myself so that I didn’t look like a drowned rat.
Now that the downpour was no longer deafening my ears, I could hear cries and sobs from the neighborhood on my side of the airship yard. I headed in that direction at a trot, since it would look very out of character for a mage to run at my full speed, and turned left into an alley of brownstones that had seen better days. Because their structures weren’t made out of wood, the houses had mostly resisted the fire, but yards had been badly burned, and smoke billowed out of broken windows from inside a couple of places.
“Sir,” I called, approaching a family of four huddling outside one of the burning houses. “Are you all right? Is anyone left inside?”
The man I’d addressed turned to me, coughing badly and swaying on his feet. His face was pale and smudged with soot, and he was cradling a child in his arms. “We’ve got everyone out, but Alis is badly hurt,” he rasped. “Do you think you can help her?”
He lifted the child, and it was then that I noticed a bad burn on her right shoulder. She was lolling in his arms, unconscious, which was probably the only reason she wasn’t screaming – second-degree burns were no joke, as I had cause to know.
“Yes, I can help her,” I began, but then the man erupted into a desperate coughing fit.
“Hireld!” his wife cried, grabbing him by the arm to support him, but he was too heavy. Quickly, I stepped in and took the child from his arms before he lost his grip on her and went tumbling to the ground.
“Take her,” I ordered, shoving the girl into her mother’s arms. “I need to see to him first.
“But Alis –”
“Mom.” The son, a boy of about thirteen, spoke firmly. “Dad’s inhaled a lot of smoke. He might die if she doesn’t help him.”
“All right.” The woman took her daughter, and I knelt in the grass, pulling the man’s head into my lap. My fingers against his throat told me he had a pulse, but it was weak and erratic, and I didn’t know how long he would be able to hold on.
“Okay.” I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I had only healed someone once before, under Fenris’s direction, and it hadn’t been a full healing, just enough to revive the man so he could talk to me. I had no idea if I could actually do this, but I would be damned if I would sit here and let this man die.
Closing my eyes, I placed my hands over the man’s chest, and visualized my magic flowing into him. I tried to think of what Iannis had done when he’d healed my torn fingers, of how he’d formed a sort of circuit between us, drawing my pain into him as he pushed magic into me.
Suddenly, I gasped, my lungs burning, aching, full of toxic smoke. As the pain grew worse, the flow of magic from my body to his steadily increased, until I became terrified that he would drain me of everything I had. Heart thundering in my chest, I tried to pull back. But it was too late. Somehow, the man’s body had latched onto the thread of my magic with a vice-like grip, and it wasn’t letting go.
As I struggled to regain control, a pair of strong hands settled on my shoulders. I gasped at the sensation of another consciousness inside me – Iannis. He’d done this once before, when we’d had to defuse the bomb under the bridge, and I’d been too scared and unsure to wield the necessary magic myself.
“Breathe,” I heard Iannis’s steadying voice say, and I exhaled, realizing I’d been holding my breath. “Let me take care of it.”
I took in a slow, steady breath of air, then relaxed and let him guide the magic. The pain left me, and I realized that he was taking it instead, pulling the man’s wound into him as he pushed life and energy into the hurting body on the ground. Iannis had told Captain Galling that he was one of the best healers in the country, and I realized that had to mean he had an extraordinary pain threshold. How much had he already suffered during the times he had brought me back from death’s door?
