A satisfied hum builds in my chest at the sight of her beautiful eyes up close. They look earthier under the artificial kitchen light, the burst of gold radiating around the pupil more pronounced than I’ve ever seen it before.
The need to have her confide in me overrides everything else for a moment. “Tell me what you’re struggling with.”
This time, even though the shimmer in her eyes loses some of its brightness, her gaze stays locked with mine. “Dyslexia.”
I bend down to her eye level. “Nothing to be ashamed of, you hear me?”
After having met her family, I’m pretty sure I know where her desire to hide it comes from.
“Okay.”
“I mean it.” Her face is only a few inches away, her breath sweet and inviting.
My gaze flickers to her lips.
“I know you do.” She licks her lips. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have told you.”
Fuck.
I’m not sure what’s sexier. Her damn mouth or her trust.
The computer dings behind her, effectively breaking whatever moment we had, as she spins around to look at the screen before quickly shutting the lid.
But I saw the open chat window. A dude called Brandon, asking if they were still on for tonight.
I straighten to my full height and walk over to the fridge to get one of my prepped meals. “Hot date tonight?”
“What?”
I point at the laptop she’s currently shoving in her bag like it offended her. “Brandon.”
Maybe I’m an asshole for calling her out, but I’m too tired for games. And a bit frustrated.
“Oh no.” She shakes her head. “It’s business related.”
“Same business meeting as the other week?”
Her eyes widen before she nods. “Uh . . . actually, yeah.”
I nod like I have a clue what she’s talking about. I’m sure there’s more to it she isn’t telling me, but I believe her when she says it’s only business.
With that, my plans to ask her if she wants to hang out tonight are out the window, but I guess I should be happy. At least it looks like I’ll be able to get an early sleep, after all.
If I’ll be able to stop thinking about her that is. Lately, she seems to be taking over more and more of my brain space, especially when I’m in bed by myself.
The images of her in the shower have been permanently burned into my mind, keeping me from sleep more than I’d like to admit, replaying in my head and making me harder than anything else has in a long time until I take care of business.
I watch her grab her things and pretty much flee the house after our slightly awkward situation, leaving me alone in my exhausted and confused state.
I have no doubt she was telling the truth, but when it comes down to it, why does it matter to me if this Brandon guy was her date for the night?
It’s not like I have any claim on her.
Or is that something I want?
Fifteen
Emilia
Nothing can bring down my mood today. My meeting with Brandon last night went better than expected, and we’ve made huge progress with my music program. Even though I haven’t received an invitation to the audition yet, I still want to get this done. It’s been a dream of mine for several years now, and I’m excited to see it finished soon.
Watching the program come together has been absolutely magical, and I’m more in love with it than before. The thought alone of being able to teach music to any kid with something I created makes me giddy.
Then there’s Jace. So much has happened in the last few days, and I’m still trying to process it all, glad for the distraction. It allows me to push my family matters to the back of my mind, because I’m not ready to deal with that yet.
Things have been a bit awkward between Jace and me, but what did I expect?
In the span of a few days he was subjected to the embarrassing behavior of my family after witnessing my brother-in-law cheat and before watching me practically check out mentally, fleeing from his car.
And all of that after he was the sweetest—not to mention hottest—guy ever, kissing my cheek right before dragging me out of my parents’ house like a personal bodyguard.
Then yesterday he more or less forced me—in a nice way—to confess my learning disability to him, just so he can be super accepting of that too.
Now, he’s home for the rest of the day working out at his gym in the basement, and I might or might not be keeping my eyes on the stairs so I won’t miss when he drags his sweaty—and delectable—ass back up.
It’s a sight I’m exposed to several times a week, and it never gets old.
That brings back that moment in the kitchen last night.
Where I thought he might kiss me.
He was so close that I could smell his minty breath, and I was ready to offer myself to him. I’m not even that desperate, but this man does things to me. Hot, sparking, exciting things.
My phone vibrates, and I startle. A text from Nicole. As if she can sense my inner turmoil.
Nicole: Just checking in. You okay over there? Anything new since we talked yesterday?
It’s been difficult to get together now that we both have busy jobs and Nicole’s with her boyfriend almost every free minute she has. But we promised to talk on the phone or text as often as we can.
Emilia: Not really. No peep from anyone since my mom gave me her disappointment speech in the voicemail she left and Ashley texted me to mind my own business. They’re all acting like I’m the bad guy. Because I just live for the drama.
Nicole: I’m sorry, sweets. They don’t deserve you and clearly don’t know you either if they think that. Never have, never will, so don’t listen to a word they say.
Emilia: Thanks, Nic.
Nicole: Of course, babe. And tell that man of yours he deserves a gold star for what he did. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
My face heats up at the implication.
Emilia: He’s not my man.
Nicole: Sure. Are you blushing yet? ;)
Emilia: Whatever.
Nicole: Thought so. Anyway, I stand by my point. Your family deserved far worse than that. And anyone who stands up for you the way he did is pure gold in my eyes.
Emilia: It felt good.
Nicole: It was long overdue.
Emilia: I’m sure my family thinks otherwise.
Nicole: Who cares? Not everything’s about them, and Jace clearly thought the same. Like I said, gold star. I would have done the same a long time ago had you ever taken me to them.
Emilia: I know. Thank you.
Nicole: Always. My break is up. Have a good day, okay? Love you.
Emilia: Love you too.
I smile as Tanner starts humming along to a kids’ music station. He’s also squeezing the heck out of the Play-Doh ball on the dining room table in front of him. Jace ordered a ton of different sets online in a panic when he wasn’t sure which one to buy. Apparently, he thought he could solve the problem by ordering half of what the store had. So cute.
Tanner shoves the plastic mold with his pretend cupcake in my face.
I act as if I’m eating while he giggles. “Mmm, delicious. Thank you.”
“That good, huh?”
That deep voice. That rumble.
Jace is only a few feet away, sneaking up on me like the other times before. I swear that guy’s a freaking ninja.
“Oh my gosh. Could you stop doing that, please?”
He chuckles and wipes his face with the towel hanging around his neck. “I’m not trying to, sorry.”
“Like I believe you.” I grin at him before remembering where we are and what we’re doing. Turning back to Tanner, I collect the leftover pieces of Play-Doh and squeeze them together for him. “Do you want to make a cupcake for Daddy? I bet he’d love one.”
Tanner gazes up at his dad—who gives him a reassuring smile—before nodding. He babbles excitedly and attacks the doughy mass in front of him with a ne
wfound enthusiasm. His tongue pokes out of the corner of his mouth as he shapes and molds, and it might just be the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.
Except when Jace plays with him. Nothing can top that. I bet there isn’t a single woman on earth who could keep her hormones under control when seeing this sexy dad play with his darling son.
There go my thoughts again like so often lately when Jace is around.
I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he walks to the fridge to get an electrolyte drink. He comes back over and gulps down that whole bottle like it’s nothing. I’m mesmerized by the way his Adam’s apple moves with every swallow and the way beads of sweat run steadily down his temples and neck, disappearing behind the collar of his workout shirt.
With his arms on full display, it’s easy to get a good peek at the arrow tattoos on his left bicep. They point downward, and even though I cannot figure out why, I think arrows are my new favorite thing. There’s something about that tattoo that makes me want to trace it over and over. Preferably with my tongue.
I pull my lip into my mouth to keep from groaning at my own ridiculousness, just as Jace pulls out the chair next to his son and winks at me.
I have absolutely no chance to keep heat from flooding my cheeks. Did he see me ogling his arms? Just another thing to add to my things-Jace-Atwood-did-not-need-to-know-about-me list.
Tanner is beside himself with excitement, giggling as he hands his dad his pretend cupcake and Jace generously takes his time to devour it.
After another minute of pretend eating he hands it back to a beaming Tanner before ruffling his hair. Then he leans closer to give his forehead a kiss. “Thanks, buddy. That was the best cupcake I’ve ever had.”
My heart. My poor freaking heart. It never had a chance.
My ovaries seem to be in agreement with that as well.
Tanner’s smile is so wide, his face might split in two soon.
Jace smiles at him and gets up. “Daddy’s going to jump in the shower, okay? But I’ll be back soon.”
Tanner nods, already focused back on his Play-Doh. “Otay.”
Jace and I both freeze, our gazes clashing.
“Was that—?”
“Did he just—?”
We both talk at the same time, neither one of us finishing our sentence.
“Wow.” That’s all I get out, and Jace nods in a daze. “Go. Hurry up.”
I’m not sure why I say it, but he seems to get the urgency because he nods again. If we didn’t just imagine Tanner saying okay, neither one of us wants to miss the possibility of it happening again. Not if we can help it.
Naturally, Tanner doesn’t try to say anything else as we clean up, just in time for Jace to get back to us with a hurried expression.
“Hey, buddy.” He picks him up when Tanner reaches for him. “Did you have fun playing with your Play-Doh?”
Tanner grins and babbles excitedly like he’s telling Jace the most amazing story. By now, Jace is really good at mimicking the excitement, ooh-ing and aah-ing when Tanner expects a reaction.
“You’re good with him, Jace? I’m going to start with dinner.”
Jace looks at me over Tanner’s shoulder and gives me one of his crooked smiles. “Sure.”
Okay then.
At least I know my hormones are still working, because my body is positively tingling in all the right places. From one dang smile. And a sexy arrow tattoo that’s imprinted in my brain.
The open floor plan allows me to watch them in the living room while I’m by the sink, and I do that more often than I probably have a reason for.
It’s why I see Tanner running around and screaming in a high-pitched voice that’s filled with pure joy. My heart bounces around happily in my chest, because it’s so dang adorable. He runs in a circle before launching himself on the couch where Jace sits, ready to play Tanner’s favorite game: tickling.
The squeals and laughter echo around the room, and Tanner does it over and over, never tiring of playing the same game.
I’m telling myself I’ll only be watching one more time before I continue cooking.
But this time, Tanner doesn’t quite make it to the couch. He jumps too early, and instead of landing on the couch, he hits the corner of it with his chest and falls back on the floor, immediately starting to cry.
Jace picks him up and softly rubs his back as Tanner takes another deep breath, getting ready for another loud wail.
But the wail never comes, and it takes me a moment to realize that. A cold chill coats my body at the absence as I race around the island, hating the fact that it makes me lose sight of them for even a second. “Jace.”
My feet are heavy, feeling like cement on my body as I drag them forward. “Jace.” I’m yelling now, my heart pounding relentlessly. “Why isn’t he crying anymore?”
When they enter my field of vision again, my heart feels like it’s free-falling, hitting my stomach with such a force that nausea immediately travels up my throat at the sight in front of me.
Tanner’s motionless in Jace’s arms, too still, and I immediately see his limp face. It’s pale, so pale, having lost all its color in seconds. “Oh my gosh. Jace. He isn’t breathing.” My throat feels like it’s swelling, a cold sweat breaking out across my skin.
The words have finally registered with Jace and he pulls Tanner’s body away from him. “Fuck.”
His wild eyes meet mine as he jumps into action and places Tanner on the floor, bending down to press his ear to his nose and mouth.
My chest feels like it’s constricting, a weight pressing on it that’s so heavy, it doesn’t allow me to get the oxygen I need. When I finally reach them, I sink to the floor in a heap.
My hands feel numb as they flutter around, unable to figure out what to do as I watch the scene unfold in front of me. I should know what to do.
Dizziness overtakes my body as spots appear in my vision, and I barely register that I’m back on my feet, racing to the kitchen and my phone at the same time Jace’s yell reaches me.
“Call 9-1-1.”
My hands shake so badly, it takes me several tries to get my phone to work. My brain is racing, still trying to make sense of the situation when the dispatcher comes on the line.
I can barely make out the questions as I explain what happened and rattle off our address, walking back over to Jace to watch with absolute horror as he’s bending over Tanner’s body, giving him CPR.
Tanner’s lifeless body.
With his eyes rolled back in his head, his face now blue.
Sirens sound in the distance as Tanner abruptly starts moving, just to fall back limply again.
He does this several more times before he starts crying.
Jace picks him up and Tanner sobs against his chest.
The sirens get louder and I race to the door, opening it just as the ambulance and police car enter the property, Tanner’s loud wails echoing through the otherwise quiet house.
Sixteen
Jace
This has been, without a doubt, the longest day of my life. We just got back from the pediatrician who said Tanner looks and sounds all good. Just like the EMTs had told us after they were done checking on him. They did a thorough assessment, including hooking him to a defibrillator, but they didn’t think it was necessary to take him to the hospital.
They must have seen the terror on both Em’s and my faces and quickly added that we could take him to the pediatrician if we’d like.
As if that was even a question at that point.
Since I like to be rather safe than sorry, I’m going to set up an appointment with the cardiologist at the children’s hospital to make sure we aren’t missing anything. Considering how suddenly his mom died, extra precautions are the only way to calm my worried mind.
But that’s it. Nothing else, which seems almost comical after the almost-heart attack I suffered only a few hours ago.
It was weird, to say the least, to take a smiling child to the doctor after what
happened. While I retold what happened, reliving the horrible moment when I thought I might have lost Tanner, my son was jumping around like he didn’t have a care in the world.
All the while, I still feel like I just survived a catastrophe.
From what the EMTs and the doctor explained, Tanner had the wind knocked out of him, which isn’t anything abnormal. But instead of continuing to breathe afterwards, his body went into some sort of shock, a breath-holding episode, from experiencing intense pain.
Apparently, this can happen sometimes and is most common with younger children. In most cases, they grow out of it around age four or five. It’s not anything you can control, but rather lie them on their side and simply wait.
Well, shit.
I really hope this won’t happen again, because these last few hours took a good ten years off my life. At least.
And I don’t see that being any different if this ever happens again.
Even now that we’re home, and Tanner is back to his normal self, I still feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience, my limbs weak and shaky.
Em doesn’t seem to fair any better, only putting on a smile when Tanner’s looking at her, but even then it isn’t anywhere near her normal one.
We’re both shaken up.
Since it’s way beyond Tanner’s bedtime, we go through the motions of getting him ready. Em’s been off the clock for hours, but I’m not stupid to point that out. If she wants to stay, she can stay however the hell long she wants. I definitely don’t want her to go, that’s for sure.
What if something happens to Tanner again?
I would have lost my mind had I experienced this accident by myself. Just having her close by, knowing she was right there with me every step of the way, helped me keep my cool enough to not freak the fuck out. At least not more than I did. No matter how much I wanted to.
Thankfully, Tanner doesn’t give us any issues, his exhaustion evident when his eyelids get heavier with each second.
By the time he hits the mattress, he’s passed out.
Fresh Meet Page 12
