by Tia Siren
He was right, of course, and it was something I had been wrestling with since finding out about her condition. On the one hand, I knew that I should have told her the truth. The second that she woke up, I should have told her who she was and what our history was. If I had done that, then maybe I could have even helped her get her memory back. A part of me meant to do exactly that. But when I went into that room and saw her for the first time in a year, I just couldn't.
I had forgotten how beautiful she was. Her dark brown hair, her big green eyes, and that cute little pixie nose. Her athletic body and her bright smile. Every part of her was perfect, and I cringed at the idea of admitting to her that I knew her, that we used to date and that I had broken her heart, as well as my own. So, I didn’t tell her. Instead, I chose to act totally normal, like I would with any patient.
But as I spoke to her and realized the severity of her condition, I came up with an idea.
My original plan, before learning of her amnesia, was to convince her that I had changed and that I still loved her. Well, I couldn't do that anymore, but I could go one step further. I could show her that I had changed. If I could convince her to go on a date with me and show her how great of a guy I was, then there was a chance, albeit a small one, that when her memory came back, she might see it in her heart to forgive me? And that's if her memory ever came back.
It was a long shot, but one I had to take. Second chances didn’t come around very often, and I would have been a fool to ignore it when it did. Unfortunately, when I told him about my plan, Clint didn’t see it in quite the same light as me.
"You're joking?” he asked. “That's dishonest. There's definitely something not right about it."
"How come?" I defended, using the same arguments I had been going over in my mind for the past few hours. "I'm not going to force her to be with me. I'm not lying to her. Not really, anyway. All I'm going to do is ask her to go on a date with me, hopefully, and show her that I have changed."
"And when she gets her memory back?"
"Hopefully, by then, she'll see then that I am different. Look, you remember how it was when we broke up? You were there. You know how much it crushed me. All I want is one more chance, just to tell her how I feel. Well, this is that chance. I may never get another one. That’s why I have to give this a shot, even if it’s not exactly ethical.”
Indeed, Clint had been there for me when Kate and I broke up for good, a year earlier. He was there to console me and tell me that everything would get better. But everything wasn't better. A year had passed, and I still thought about her. She was the only romantic interest that I had ever had and ever wanted. Clint should have known that I would do anything to get her back. I loved her, and love made people do crazy things.
"So, tell me, now. Is it wrong if I don’t tell her that we know each other and we used to date? If you think it is, then I won’t ask her out. But if you think that there is even the smallest gray area, where this is okay, then get out of the way and let me go and ask out the woman of my dreams."
Clint remained where he was for some time, staring at me as he bit the inside of his lip. Finally, he spoke. "Ethically, you should probably tell her that you two know each other. But romantically, I don’t think you’re obligated to tell her about your shared past. Still, you know this has the potential to blow up in your face.”
“I know that,” I said.
“Are you sure? Because all this trying to get her back nonsense is great, but it won’t mean shit when she gets her memories back and finds out that you tricked her.”
“I’m hoping that by then, she’ll have seen that I’m a good guy now. A changed guy. One who truly appreciates her, instead of the guy who thought he’d be better off without her. It’s a risk, but it’s one I have to take. I think it’s a bigger risk if I pass up this opportunity and don’t try to get her back. That would risk me spending the rest of my life without the woman I love.”
Clint shook his head and sighed. “I wish you the best of luck, but I think this is a mistake.” Despite his words of warning, he stepped to the side and let me pass.
I nodded my thanks to him as I walked past and made my way down the hall toward Kate's room. The whole time, I told myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong or dishonest. All I was doing was showing Kate what it was that she saw in me in the first place. And then, if she still had feelings for me, she might see it in her heart to forgive me when her memory came back.
That was what I told myself, anyway. Although in truth, I would be lying if I said there wasn't a small part of me that hoped that her memory never came back.
CHAPTER 4
KATE
The handsome doctor had visited me two more times since the first. Each time he visited me, he was kind in a way that the other nurses and doctors weren't.
They all treated me like some sort of medical experiment. I couldn't even recall one actually using my name to address me. That was a huge point of contention, too, considering that I couldn't even remember my own name. It would have been nice for them to have used it, for my sake at least.
But Dr. Morgan was different. Well, Liam actually. He had asked that I call him Liam, and I was more than happy to grant his request. Both of his visits had been short. Neither one lasted more than a few minutes. But both times, he was so friendly and warm. He called me by my first name and assured me that he would do all he could to make this whole thing as easy for me as possible.
I didn't know if it was normal for doctors to act that way, or if it was just him. I was glad that of all the doctors, he was the one that had chosen to act that way around me.
Apart from how nice he was, he was also stunningly handsome to boot. I know it was a silly thing to concern myself with, considering my state of mind. But I am still a woman, after all, and some instincts can't be forgotten.
The last time he came by, less than an hour ago, it was to tell me that my emergency contact was on their way. Her name was Liana, and that was all that I, or anybody else, knew about her.
It was a strange feeling, knowing I was about to meet someone who could potentially be my best friend. Someone who I couldn't even picture in my mind. Heck, she might be my sister for all I know. I just hoped that she could tell me a little more about myself. I had been awake for two days, and all I knew about myself was my name. And that was literally it.
I don't really know what I was expecting from Liana, but it definitely wasn't what I got. Liana burst into my room like a whirlwind, and it took me all of two seconds to deduce what kind of personality she possessed. Loud, over the top, and in your face. She had big, bushy blonde hair, even bigger blue eyes, and a smile that seemed to stretch from ear to ear.
"Oh, my God!" she screamed, the moment that she spotted me. She had very long limbs, too, taking only a few steps to reach me. And the moment that she did, her long, spindly arms wrapped themselves around my body and pulled me in for a tight hug. "Two days! Two whole days! Do you know how worried I was!"
"Ah, hi," I managed, my head peeking out from under her arms.
I didn't recognize her at all, but I was able to guess from her over enthusiastic greeting that she was Liana and that she knew me.
"Oh, hell, I forgot," she said, letting go me. "You don't remember. You have no idea who I am, do you?"
I shook my head, trying to look as apologetic as possible.
"You poor thing!" She threw herself on me again. "I'm Liana. We're best friends! Best friends forever, in fact. I can't believe this. This is tragic!" She held her hand up to her head in dramatic fashion.
I got the immediate sense that Liana was a little bit of a drama queen. I rather enjoyed watching her, though. She was entertaining. Even though I couldn’t remember much of anything, Liana felt like the kind of person I could be friends with.
"So, we're friends then?" I asked. "For how long?
"Only six months," she said, letting me go again. "But it feels like years. At least, to me it does, anyway. And I'm sure to you,
it will, too. Trust me. A few hours with me, and those memories will come pouring back to you!"
"And how do I know you?" I asked, hiding my disappointment at the short amount of time that I had known Liana for.
I was hoping that she would say we had been friends for years. Since childhood even. At least then, she might have been able to fill me in on some of my past.
"Oh, we work together. Well, not together so to speak. But for the same company."
"And what is it that I do, exactly?" I asked curiously. I knew that I liked writing. It was literally the only hint of a memory that I had. I prayed that Liana would confirm that my job was within that wheelhouse.
She slapped her palm to her head. "Right, of course, you don’t remember. We're both—"
"Ah, I see Liana found the room, okay?" Dr. Morgan interrupted as he sauntered into the room.
Every time I saw him, I did a double take. It may have been the white doctor’s coat, or it may have been the fact that he stood well over six feet tall, and it may also have been his square chin and dark eyes, but my god he was good looking. And, judging by the look on Liana's face when she spotted him, she evidently agreed with me.
"Why, hello," she cooed, the moment her eyes landed on him. “I'm, oh, you already know my name." She giggled to herself. "But what's yours? I don't believe I've had the pleasure of making your acquaintance just yet." She held her hand out for him to take, which he did.
"I'm Dr. Morgan, but you can call me Liam," he said in that deep voice of his. "I wanted to stop by and see how everything was going in here?" He looked back and forth from Liana to me when he asked the question.
I shrugged. "It's—"
"It's all going amazingly," Liana cut in. "Me and Kate, here, were just getting reacquainted, in fact."
"That's good to hear," he answered, looking over her shoulder at me. As he did, he made sure to offer me a smile, which I returned gratefully. "And how are you feeling? Anything coming back to—"
"Not yet," Liana again cut in. "But I'll keep working at it and let you do your thing. Actually, how about I give you my number, and that way, you can get in touch with me if you have any questions." She reached into her handbag and pulled out a small card, which she pressed into Liam’s hand.
"Thanks," Liam said, sounding nonplussed as he took the card and slipped it into his pocket. To my relief, he didn't seem too excited over the prospect of getting the card. It looked like he just took it so he didn't seem rude.
He moved closer to my bed and gazed down at me. "I was hoping that you might let Kate answer a few questions, herself? She is the one with the amnesia, after all."
"Ah," Liana said, hanging her head as she stepped to the side. Funnily enough, despite her most obvious flirting with Liam, I actually liked her. She had a positive energy that was hard to ignore, and I sensed that whether I got my memory back or not, the two of us were going to remain friends.
"I'm okay," I said, smiling a thank you at Liam. "I still don't remember anything, though. Even my name. I only know that because you told me."
"Well, that's why I'm here actually," he began. As he spoke, his eyes darted toward the door and then back to me. It gave me the distinct impression that whatever he had to say to me, he wasn't looking forward to it.
"Go on," I urged.
"Well, some of the other doctors think it might be a good idea if I take you to the ICU, so you can see the man that you were in the car crash with. They seem to think that seeing him might jog your memory. I want you to know that I'm against the idea. He's still banged up, and seeing him might be difficult."
"I'll do it," I cut in. "I want to see him." And I did, too.
I had no idea who he was or what my relation to him was, but I hoped that the doctors’ theories might be correct, and seeing him might do something to my memory. I was desperate to try anything at this stage.
We left Liana behind in my hospital room. She tried to insist that she come along, but Liam was adamant that she stay behind. He claimed that the ICU wasn't a zoo for people to just take a walk around in.
"Now, I want you to keep in mind that this isn't exactly a very nice place to be," he warned as we approached the ICU. "Some of the people in there are in pretty bad shape. It’s best to just focus on the guy you came in here with. Although, he’s not looking great, either.”
"It's fine," I assured him. "I can handle it."
Whether he believed me or not, he still saw fit to take my hand as we entered the room. As he did, a pulse shot through my arm, and my knees momentarily weakened before I regained control of myself. His hand was warm and comforting, and there was just something right about holding it.
If he noticed anything, he didn't give any indication as he led me through the ICU. True to his word, it wasn't the nicest place to go for a walk. Every single person in there was hooked up to machines of all kinds. The mood in the place was somber.
"Here we are," he finally said as we reached the end of the room.
I hadn't even been paying attention. I’d been so preoccupied with the other patients in the room. When I saw the man that we had stopped next to, I let out a soft gasp.
His arms and legs were wrapped in fiberglass casts, and they were propped up on pillows. Most of the rest of him was wrapped in bandages, but the bits of skin that I could see were bruised dark purple. Half of his face was visible, although it looked a little swollen.
I didn’t recognize him. Not even a little. I didn’t know if it was just the amnesia or if it was his wrecked state. Either way, the sight of him triggered nothing in my blank slate of a brain. He might as well be a total stranger to me.
"Anything?" Liam asked.
I shook my head. “Nothing. Sorry.”
"I would have been surprised. I'm sure he's seen better days." He sounded bitter when he said it, and I wondered why. It was almost like he hated the guy.
"Is there any indication to how I might have known him?" I asked. My voice was a whisper as if I were worried that I might wake him up.
Liam shook his head to this question. "Nothing. But does it matter? He had more vodka in his blood than a Russian soldier and enough cocaine to cripple a pony. The fact that he was driving anyone around in that state means you're probably better off not remembering him."
I looked up at Liam who was still shaking his head. I could tell that he was actually mad, almost furious, at the very idea that this man was driving drunk and high at the wheel with me beside him. I felt an amazing rush of gratitude toward Liam in that moment. I couldn't believe that a relative stranger, as he was, cared so much for me.
I don't know why I did it. Looking back on it, it may have been a little forward. But as we both stood there, looking down at the man that almost killed me, I reached across and took Liam's hand in mine again. He didn't seem put off by the action or even surprised. Instead, he gave my hand a squeeze.
In that moment, I didn't even mind that I had no memory. I felt safe in a way I hadn't since I had woken up.
CHAPTER 5
LIAM
So far, everything had been going exactly as planned.
My first fear was that I might actually know Liana. I knew most of Kate's old friends and feared that her emergency contact would be someone that I had crossed paths with before. But, to my relief, they had only been friends a short while. I had dodged that bullet.
My second fear was that seeing the man who she was in the car crash with might jog her memory. The idea for her to see him wasn't mine, by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I had argued against it. But I knew my resistance wasn’t based on my medical opinion. It was based on my personal opinions.
Once I realized that I dropped my arguments against the plan. As much as I wanted to get Kate back, I wasn’t going to jeopardize her recovery for my own personal agenda. Not telling her that we used to date was a little white lie, easily justifiable in my mind. Actively sabotaging her medical treatment was a line I refused to cross.
But I was stil
l nervous when I took her to see the guy in ICU. I had to hold my breath as I watched her study the broken man who had nearly killed her. But again, another bullet was firmly dodged as she failed to remember anything about him.
But it wasn't these two factors that made my plan seem like such a sure thing. It was the way that Kate was warming up to me that made me positively tingle with excitement. Every time I went into her room to check on her, I could distinctly see those big green eyes light up.
I knew her pretty well. The way that her voice rose when she spoke to me and the way that she subconsciously fidgeted with her hands when she answered my questions, spoke volumes to me. I knew that I was getting to her.
And then she took my hand. I had never concentrated so hard on trying to appear normal than when her hand wrapped itself in mine in the ICU. I hadn't seen it coming at all. How could I have? One second, I was looking with disdain at the man who had nearly killed her, and the next, she was wrapping her warm little hand in mine. It made my damn knees shake.
It was because of all these factors that I felt confident enough to enact the next phase of my plan. It was the most important, but if done properly, it would all but ensure that my plan to make Kate fall in love with me again was a sure thing.
As I arrived at the room that Kate was occupying, I was about to knock and announce my presence, but I paused at the last minute. When my eyes fell on her, I had to take that moment for what it was and not disturb it for as long as possible.
Lying in her bed and staring out the window, Kate looked absolutely beautiful. I mean, she always did, but somehow, right then and there, she looked even more so. It was night time, so the only light in the room came from the parking garage. It seemed to bathe her in its glow, making her appear almost angelic.
Her brown hair flowed down to her chest, which still managed to look ample despite the gown she had to wear. And her eyes were so sad. She wasn't crying, but I could see that she was on the verge. But it was an enchanting kind of sadness, somehow making her look even more beautiful.
