“Well, if I ever do get my pub up and running, that's what I'm gonna do for you.”
I started to laugh.
“I'm serious.” He tipped his head at me.
“Cole, you don't have to do that.”
“But it'd be cool to try, right?” His hands were in his pockets, his elbows poking out like wings as he shrugged. “I mean, there's bound to be other people on the planet like you. I'm gonna look into it. You can help me write up a gluten-free menu and we'll go for it.”
“Sounds good.” I nodded with a grin.
Man, it did sound so incredibly good. I would love to help Cole set up his business. His ideas were amazing and it'd be so cool to be a part of it. The fact my insides were buzzing with images of us putting it together enticed me...and then scared me, but I couldn't drop it. The conversation was too much fun, the ideas too alluring to veer away from and for the first time in years, I felt the wings of my heart beating.
We sauntered through Millennium Park, chatting about delicious gluten-free food and how everyday meals could actually be turned gluten-free. We threw menu ideas around and spent that sunny, windy afternoon dreaming without a care.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
ELLA
I forgot reality as I walked home with Cole. It didn't even enter my mind until my feet hit Hyde Park. It was like we'd walked straight into Awkward-ville and our conversation puttered to a stop. Life somehow caught up with me, and I was faced with the truth. No matter how much talking we did, I wouldn't be the one to help Cole build his dreams. That task belonged to another girl; one who wasn't me.
The idea put me in a foul mood, and I spent the rest of the day in my room studying under a rainstorm. David called, all hyper, after the game, asking me to join him for post-match drinks, but I declined, saying I was too tired. I wasn't, but ended up going to bed stupidly early and trying to read. It didn't work, and I spent most of the night in a wallowing stupor.
David was busy studying all day Sunday—what else was new—so I geared up for another lonely day until I noticed Morgan sitting on the couch in her pajamas.
“No Brad today?” I stopped short on my way to the shower.
“Nah.” She wouldn't look up from her book.
My eyes narrowed and I snuck around the couch and plopped down next to her.
“What's up?”
“Nothing.” She shrugged, flicking the page of her magazine and pulling it close to her face so she could study Anna Kendrick's tan-colored heels. “You know, I think they're being way harsh. She looks hot in that dress and check out those shoes.” Morgan pushed the magazine under my nose, but I kept my gaze on her.
“What's up?”
Morgan dropped the magazine with a sigh. “Brad wanted me to sleep over again, and he got all pissy when I declined.”
“Why?”
“Because I think he wants to take things up a notch?”
“Why did you decline?”
“Because I feel like we're practically living together, and that's not how I want to spend my senior year.”
My eyes narrowed as I studied her. “He's falling in love with you and you're not falling in love with him.”
Her sigh was slow and heavy. “We only ever said that this was a college thing. He's from Nebraska, and I don't want to live there. He's got his heart set on moving back home and getting a job near his amazing family, and I...I don't want that.”
“So, did you talk about it?”
“Yeah,” Morgan flicked the magazine to the floor. “He gets it, but he's annoyed and said maybe we should just break up now rather than stringing things along.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I want to keep having fun with him. He's a great guy and he's fun to be around. I guess I don't want to hurt him, which is why I thought it was better to be upfront and honest about how I was feeling.”
Man, she was so much braver than me. I seemed to be staying silent for the exact same reasons. Which was worse?
Wanting to be supportive, I squeezed her shoulder. “You did the right thing.”
“Then why do I feel like shit?”
I stuck out my bottom lip, mimicking her pout. “We need a hit of Jo-Jo.”
Morgan grinned. “Yeah, we really do.”
Jumping from the couch, I grabbed my computer and opened the lid. A few seconds later Jody's Skype phone was ringing.
“Hello, you crazy biatch, why are you calling me this early?”
“Because we missed you.” Morgan and I squished our smiling faces up to the screen and Jody grinned.
“If I didn't love you so much, I'd hate you right now.” She groaned, sitting up and holding her phone up so we could see her clearly. She yawned loudly and then scratched her manic curls. “What are we talking about?”
“Morgan and Brad's failing relationship. Ow!” I rubbed my arm after Morgan's swift punch.
“Would you stop? It's not failing, we just had a little visit to Honest Town last night. It causes friction.”
“Morgs, Brad is so into you and the sex is like super-hot, right? He'll come around.”
“Yeah, I just feel bad. I don't like hurting him and I can see that I am.”
“He's a tough guy, he can take a hit. Besides, it's better that you're open and honest than stringing him along. That'd be crushing.”
I swallowed and picked at my nails as the sisters chatted.
“Maybe he's right and we should break up rather than just going along with this farce. I have no intention of marrying him. I guess it's just nice to have someone around.”
“Being single is not all bad, you know.” Jody's head tipped to the side.
“You're, like, the busiest person on the planet. You don't even have time for a guy anyway.”
“I know, but I'm just saying. You shouldn't be afraid to be alone.”
“You know I'm not, which is why I'm seriously considering what Brad said. Maybe we should end it.”
“But Brad's so nice.” I had to interject. I was such a romantic, and breaking up always gave me the willies.
“He is, and like Jody said, the sex is...mmmmm.” Morgan licked her upper lip and lightly bit down on her tongue.
I grimaced and slapped her arm. “Gross.”
“Oh please, like you can talk, Ella Simmons. You've totally been getting it on with David.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Last Saturday morning. A little love-fest in David's room.”
“Oooo - tell me more!” Jody leaned toward the camera.
“I don't...” I frowned, feeling my blood run cold. How the hell did Morgan know about that?
She squeezed my arm. “Why do you think Cole wanted to borrow my noise-canceling headphones?” My mouth went dry while Morgan tittered. “He heard you guys going for it, and he said it was kind of off-putting. I didn't think David got you hot like that.”
He didn't.
I slumped back against the couch. “It wasn't him who got me hot.”
The girls both gasped in unison, making me freeze. Did I just say that out loud? Kill me now.
I looked at their goldfish expressions and covered my face with my hands.
“Was it Cole?” Morgan asked.
“No!” My head shot up. I glared at Morgan.
“What?”
“We're just friends.” My heart was slamming so hard into my chest, I thought it might bounce onto the coffee table.
“Okay.” Morgan didn't believe me.
“I—”
“So, who's getting you all steamed up then?” I looked to Jody. Her eyebrow was quirked high, ready for the gossip and I knew I had to spill. With a soft groan, I ran two hands through my hair. “A guy in the shower.”
“What?” They both practically screeched the word, and I had to raise my hands just to get them to shut up.
“It's not like that. My first day here, I went and had a shower and started singing, and he joined in from the other side of the wall.”
“What were you singing?” Jody's eyes were bright fairy lights.
“A little Ella Fitz and some Louis Armstrong.”
“Oh my gosh, and he knew it!”
“Yeah, like perfectly. We sung ‘Cheek to Cheek’ and then went straight into ‘Can't Take That Away From Me.’”
“No way, he's like your destiny.”
“He's not my destiny, Jody. He's just some guy with a really...sexy voice that... that...”
“Gives you fever,” Jody sang for me.
I looked at her, my forehead wrinkling. “Yeah.”
Morgan's smile was on full beam as she wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “Ella Bella likes a new fella.” She giggled. “You have to find him.”
“I can't! Come on, you guys, I'm with David! I already feel guilty enough that I was fantasizing about the mystery man while I was having sex with my boyfriend. This is bad! I have to get him out of my head!”
The girls' silence was unnerving. I looked between them.
“I do. I can't pursue this. David is... David's a good guy.”
“Yes, he is.” Jody nodded.
“But he isn't the only man you ever have to be in love with,” Morgan spoke softly.
I clenched my teeth and breathed in through my nose. “He's my boyfriend, Morgan. He's got plans. He wants to get married. It's all mapped out.”
“He's got plans. He wants to get married. Shouldn't you be saying we in those sentences?”
I hated Morgan for challenging me on this, but I couldn't look away from her tender expression.
“He's been good to me. He says he'll be lost without me. I make him happy and he deserves my loyalty,” I whispered. “I might never find shower guy. Or he might be a horrible person who just happens to have a great singing voice.”
“Or he might be the perfect match for you.” Jody's eyes were still dancing, her hope making me want to believe her.
“That's not the point, Jody. I might never find him. This campus is huge; there are thousands of people here. I'm not about to start searching for something that is just this implausible, romantic dream.”
“But you love romance.”
“I am practical enough to know it only exists in movies.”
“No you're not. You want it. You've just been settling.”
“David is not settling.” I pointed at the screen. “He’s a good catch.”
“We're not denying that, Ella.” Morgan rubbed my shoulder. “But is he the best catch for you? That's all we're saying.”
I pulled away from her.
“You have to admit that it's kind of creepy to be dreaming about another guy when you're with David,” Jody said.
I threw my hands in the air with a huff. “What, so I just break up with him on the off-chance I might meet shower guy?”
“No, you break up with him because he's not right for you anymore.”
“He's fine for me. I mean, sure, he doesn't physically affect me like shower guy, but a good relationship should not be based on sex.”
“True.” Morgan nodded. “It should be based on two people who love each other and want the same things out of life.” Her smile faltered. “Which is why I should probably be breaking up with Brad.”
My face bunched with sympathy. I squeezed Morgan's shoulder. “You don't have to do that. You love him.”
“I do. I really care about him, but we're not heading in the same direction.” She shrugged and then looked me square in the face. “Just like you and David.”
My eyes filled with tears. I slashed them away as they fell, my voice wobbling. “Morgan, you do what feels right for you, and I'll do what's right for me.” I sniffed. “David's a good guy.”
“You said that,” Jody mumbled.
“His direction is my direction. He can make me...he's a good person.” I pointed between them, hating their sad smiles.
“It's okay to be on your own, Ella.” Morgan captured my hand in hers.
“It's not...That's not what...”
“Sweetie, you need to stop being so afraid of your own company. Being alone will not kill you.”
I licked a tear running past my mouth. “It nearly did, Morgan. I don't ever want to be that fifteen-year-old kid again. You have no idea how terrified I was. You and Jody...and David kept me sane. I can't just walk away from that.”
“You're a different person now.” She squeezed my hands. “You've grown up. You've changed.”
“Ella.” Jody captured my attention, forcing me to look at the screen. “You don't owe any of us anything, but you do owe it to yourself to figure out what you want and then go after that thing.”
I nodded with a weak smile, appreciating her words, but she still didn't get it. She was motivated, driven by the bright lights of Broadway. She'd make it one day too; I could already see her billboard at Times Square. But I wasn't like that. I didn't have the drive and determination of these two women. All I wanted was to never feel as vulnerable as I did waiting in that police station for a social worker to come and collect me.
I wanted safety and David gave me that.
An image of Cole flashed through my mind, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
That could never be an option.
No. David. I had to stick with David. We’d be happy together. Things would work out fine. Sure, he didn't get my body zinging like shower man, and he didn't make me heart flutter the way Cole seemed to, but that didn't matter. We had something solid and dependable...and besides, leaving him would break his heart, and I couldn't live with that.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
COLE
“Shit,” I mumbled, flicking the spilled beer off my hand and reaching for a towel. Mumbling another apology, I grabbed a fresh glass and pulled a new beer for the customer. He took it with a grin and headed to his table.
Quigg's was busy tonight but not crammed. A solo artist played very mellow tunes on her guitar. Her smoky voice created a nice, soft ambience and the patrons were matching the mood. People often wanted chilled-out music on a Sunday night; with work the next day, they weren’t after hype.
I usually liked this tone, but tonight I felt restless and could have used some kick-ass Chaos to get the blood pumping. Yesterday with Ella had been freaking awesome. She was so easy to talk to and she liked my dream. We chatted as if we were planning it together, and I finally got a taste of what Nina and Malachi constantly tried to sell me. I wanted it. I wanted to fall in love and build my dream with someone.
I hated that I'd fallen, but I had. No matter how much I wanted to fight it, I was ready for that next step in my life. It made me feel weak and frustrated...mostly because the girl I wanted to do all this stuff with was unavailable. I couldn't muscle in on my best friend's relationship, although I did have my doubts about whether they were right for each other.
Was I just thinking that because I didn't want them together anymore?
I pictured Ella's face as I asked her about her dreams and shook my head.
No, I was right on some level. I was pretty confident of that.
“Excuse me!”
I glanced down the bar and spotted a sexy brunette trying to get my attention. I pasted on a grin and walked toward her.
“What can I get ya?”
“Just a house wine, please.”
“Red or white?”
“Red, of course.” Her smile was slow and sensual, and I took a second to admire it. She was pretty damn hot. I glanced back over my shoulder as I stepped toward the wine glasses, wondering if I should have been checking her ID, but she looked older than college. She had a sophistication and confidence to her that made me think she was in her late twenties. Her ample breasts were tucked neatly into a tight purple shirt. It was a tantalizing piece of material that made my traitorous body respond immediately.
Clearing my throat, I reached for a clean glass, trying to distract myself by thinking of something other than the curve of her milky white breasts, but the only thing my mind could conjure was the cur
ve of another pair of soft breasts that belonged to a songbird. I had imagined what she looked like so many times. She had several different faces and forms. I could never pinpoint which one matched her voice the best. My fears of a limbless, toothless, bald girl had vanished over time, and I had now come to the crazy conclusion that if I ever did meet her, I'd be undone.
Uncorking a fresh bottle of red, I poured it into the glass, making sure I didn't dribble any over the sides. It pissed me off that I would never be undone by shower girl, because she didn't want to meet me. No, she was in love with someone else, and that poor guy didn't deserve my muscling in on that relationship either.
All I wanted was a girl and all I had was nothing.
Placing the glass gently in front of Ms. Brown Eyes, I told her the price and she handed me a twenty, her dark orbs assessing me with a smile.
“I'm Trisha.” She held the note out to me.
I grabbed the bill and tried to pull it from her grasp, but she held it steady.
“Cole,” I said with a grin.
She let the money go, her teeth brushing her bottom lip. I swallowed, stepping back to the cash register and depositing the cash.
Damn. She would be one hell of a distraction tonight. Maybe I needed it. I hadn't had sex in weeks, and I needed to release a little tension.
Stepping back to her end of the bar, I pressed my hands against the shiny wood and smiled. “So, Trisha, what do you do?”
*****
I caught the slightly-tipsy woman to my side, laughing with her as she stumbled out of Quigg's door. I could feel Nina's eyes burning holes through the back of my head, but I ignored her. I'd done most of the clean-up while Trisha waited on the barstool for me. Nina had tried to kick her out twice, but I'd stood up for the paralegal; I had plans with her tonight.
“Where do you live?” I stopped to hail a cab while she told me her address.
We slipped into the back, and before I'd even gotten the door closed, she was on me. Her lips and tongue explored my face, no doubt getting burned by my evening stubble. She didn't seem to mind; her strong fingers held my head to hers as my hands roamed her body. Damn, she felt good.
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