“You’re also known for being untrustworthy,” I growl.
“That too.” Valfor has the audacity to sound amused.
“At Mammon’s request, after your birth, Llughnassad, I was the one who gifted you an advantage—buried in your darker magical abilities,” he explains to her.
“This should be good,” she says under her breath.
“Oh, it is.” He winks at her.
“Which is?” she directs to Valfor.
“The devil in the dark that sleeps in your blood,” he replies quietly. “Mammon knew that your mother’s white magic would be a controlling force within you. Your father understood, all too well, that given Litha’s divine spirit, and her coven’s protectiveness of your white magic, you would turn your back on your dark bloodline, as you have. Given how powerful your dark magic would become, that knowledge unsettled him.”
“What does he care?” she challenges.
“You are Mammon’s only heir,” I state. “And power inspires greed.”
Nassa exhales slowly next to me, the weight of her gaze on the side of my face.
“After your birth, Mammon came to me,” he continues. “He asked that I enhance your magic by giving you a panache and taste for darkness. A switch. To be turned on, to help you embrace the darkness. A charm, which I’ve embedded in your bloodline so it would flow and beat in your heart. While your coven has your soul, darkness has your heart.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nassa touch and play with her ring.
“The coven spelled your ring to protect you from my advantage after sensing it in your bloodline,” Valfor points out. “They even went so far as to place you in the care of a witch babysitter who dabbles in the dark arts, in the event you went all . . . demon spawn.”
Her face falls as realization dawns. “Branna,” she surmises, and sucks in a breath. “And that is why my uncle hates me? Once the charm activates the advantage, I’ll inherit my father’s position within the realm, and all the power that comes with it, instead of him?”
“Stupidity isn’t one of your flaws,” Valfor compliments.
“And Gage?”
At the sound of my name, my heart thuds against my chest.
“None of their efforts protected you from him.” Valfor’s eyes meet mine.
“You knew all this?” she accuses in an even tone.
Bracing for her anger, I twist and face her. “Through the years, Valfor told me stories of Mammon’s daughter, and that he relished how powerful she’d become in the demonic realms if the charm was triggered. The night you and I met, I’d started to piece together who you were, and what it meant,” I admit. “Valfor confirmed it.”
“You didn’t even know me back then—not well. We’d only shared that one night,” she points out. “If you never expected to see me again, then why save me with a soul tie?”
Her question makes it hard to breathe. “I felt like . . . I owed it to you.”
She glares at me. “You owed it to me?”
“For leaving . . . as I did.” I choose my words carefully.
With a humorless laugh, she shakes her head. “I should slap the shit out of you.”
“My existence was over anyway. Camilla was dead.” She flinches at my words. “To soul tie with you was effortless. A way to help, so that you wouldn’t be triggered.”
“It was reckless.”
“Why?”
“What if I had triggered?”
“My lion spirit wouldn’t allow it.” I shrug. “It’s a divine protector thing.”
I watch her eyes search mine. “You’re such a fucking liar. You were secular when we met, not divine. Not part of the Spiritual Assembly, Gallagher. You hadn’t picked a side.”
She’s right. I am lying. I liked her. More than I cared to admit. And because she breathed life back into me, selfishly I didn’t want to lose her too. I knew the only way to save her would be to soul tie with my protector spirit. Even if she never knew I did it.
“Gage may not have been divine,” Valfor interjects. “But in sacrificing his spirit to protect your soul, he became so. Your soul tie with a divine protector will always prevent you from being triggered, even after his death. It is unbreakable, unlike a mate bond.”
“You weren’t ever supposed to know.” I sigh. “The only reason you do is because we needed to realm jump in stone state, to enter the demonic realm and find the treaty.”
The emerald in her eyes deepens as she stands and paces, working through everything. Valfor and I watch in silence. After a long time, she stops and stares at me.
Nassa crosses her arms. “Now I know why you agreed to be the Paris leader, and align with the Spiritual Assembly after being so deeply against it for so long. It wasn’t because of Asher. It was because you had already given over your lion spirit to the divine, with the sacrifice of the soul tie. For me.” She takes one step toward me. “This explains why Mammon gave up the location of the peace treaty so easily. He sensed the soul tie between us and knew you’d come to Valfor, given he was the demon who created it.”
Valfor shifts and says, “I’m sure that Mammon had hoped I would dissolve the soul tie at your request, once you knew. Allowing the charm to trigger your darker powers.”
“Can that be done?” she asks me.
Inhaling through my nose, I dip my chin in confirmation that it can. “Death won’t break it. And I can’t untie it. But the dark soul can request a dissolution of the link.”
She takes a step closer, lowering her voice. “It’s why Branna hates you, right? She has no idea about the soul tie. She just sees your darkness and my attraction to it. She thinks you are going to flip the demonic switch . . .” She trails off and rolls her eyes. “That’s what she meant.” With a sigh, she takes the final step to me, bending down so she can look into my eyes. “This is what you meant when you said that parts of you were reborn—why we were able to stone state together—our spiritual link works like a mate link.”
My eyes search hers. “Yes,” I barely whisper.
She tilts her head. “Why did you do this? Why sacrifice yourself?”
I clench my jaw. “I’d have sacrificed anything to the universe, to save you.”
Her eyes glisten with tears. “Why me?”
I watch a single tear slide out of her right eye, tracing it with my gaze as it slowly crawls down her cheek. I brush it away with the back of my hand. I’m unsure how to answer her. The truth is, she is the opposite of everything I had with Camilla. When she kissed me that night, she brought me back to life. She makes breathing and living hurt less. Every moment with her reminds me that not all my morals are damned.
She refuses to allow my dark demons to drag me into hell.
And in return, I refuse to let her soul be dragged down into it either.
Nassa is my salvation—my light.
“You changed the game. You saved me, when I couldn’t save myself.”
18
Soul Tie
GAGE
My fingers dig harder into soft skin as warm lips slide over mine. Confusion mixed with awareness has me opening my eyes. At the same time, Nassa’s open and meet mine. Damn her. She must’ve leaned in and kissed me in Valfor’s den, ending our realm jump.
I lean back a little and notice that we’re back in my stone state bed, in the chamber in France. Without speaking, she sits on my lap, looking at me like she wants to both kiss and smack me. I brace myself for her slap. I’m accustomed to it at this point.
“You brought me to Valfor, knowing he was untrustworthy.”
“Why would I do that?” I challenge.
“You knew he would tell me,” she surmises. “You wanted him to.”
Too exhausted to argue, I fall quiet.
Once again, she’s right.
It was time she knew the truth.
“You’re afraid. Of us. The soul tie. Our ability to stone state. You wanted him to tell me—for me to know, so that I’d be pissed off and hate you. Well, guess
what? I don’t.”
“You should hate me.” As much as I want to stare into her eyes, I drop my gaze, unable to look at her. “It was only supposed to be a moment,” I force out, my voice hoarse.
Nassa grabs my face with her palms, examining it like she’s looking for cuts or bruises, before her gaze searches mine for answers to all her unspoken questions.
“Just one,” I continue. “A moment where I could get lost in someone else and forget my pain. In that one moment, you save me from the memories that find me in the dark. You tore my world apart. Wrecked me. And with one kiss, you changed everything.”
Her eyes half close as she leans in. “Moments can be life-changing, not fleeting.”
“I didn’t want life-changing,” I argue with little effort. “I wanted fleeting.”
“If that’s true,” she whispers, “then why the sacrifice to protect my soul?”
“You saw a part of me that no one else has ever seen. Not even Camilla,” I manage. “And you accepted it. All of it. No questions asked. You just accepted me, completely.”
“What you did—” She takes in a steady breath. “Saving me, it was fucking reckless.”
Arching an eyebrow, I smirk. “Some might say it was thoughtful and chivalrous.”
“I was never in danger of allowing the darkness inside of me to take over. I’ve always been able to control it,” she exhales. “Give me some credit here. Giving up your choices, to ensure that I wouldn’t ever tumble into the darkness, was—”
Overwhelmed with the need for her to stop talking, I press my mouth to hers. Taking my time, I enjoy the feel of her lips as they glide over mine. Just when I feel her begin to relax, I pull away a bit and slowly run my tongue over her lower lip, encouraging her to open up for me. As she does, she fists my shirt, pulling me closer, as if she can’t get enough and never will. I take her mouth again, hard. Devouring her. When I dip my tongue into her mouth, tasting her, she opens wider, asking more of me. And for the first time in a long time, I’m not hesitant to give. I give her everything she wants and demands.
Neither one of us is fighting for dominance or control; we’re just existing in the moment. A moment where there is only Nassa and me. Nothing and no one else exists.
At the thought, I realize I should feel guilt. I don’t. All I feel is complete surrender as she wakes up my heart. The feel of her warm hands on my skin makes me feel more and more alive. Emotion shudders through my body with each freeing touch. It’s like, with each caress, she brings me back to life. Forcing my heart to beat. Instead of dragging her deeper into my darkness, her possessive touch is releasing me. The more she touches, the deeper I sink into her and let go. Aching to be closer to her, I kiss her deeper. Harder.
Nassa’s fingertips curl around the hem of my shirt, lifting it inch by inch as her nails caress my bare stomach. Leaning away, I take in a harsh breath and yank off my shirt, tossing it to the side as I grab her face and slam my mouth against hers again. Needing to breathe her in. Warm hands slide over my bare shoulders as my walls come tumbling down. They don’t even put up a fight as I let her in, breaking all my rules.
Needing air, she pulls away, panting. I grab her shirt and yank it up, pulling it over her body as she lifts her hands and lets me. I slide my hands behind her back and unclasp her bra, removing it before I lean down and trace one of her nipples with my tongue and suck, my tongue flicking against her pink skin.
“Gage.” Her sultry voice says my name like a prayer and I’m gone.
I pick her up by her ass and flip us, laying her down on the bed so I can hover above her. I stare down into her bright, green eyes. The Celtic cross on my necklace dangles before dropping, settling in the middle of her chest. Swallowing at the sight, I lift one hand and slide it down her neck and over her collarbone, then flatten my palm over the pendant, pressing it, and her, down into the bed. Silently telling her that everything I am is now everything she is. I may not be able to mark her with a mate mark, but I can certainly leave an imprint on her of my pendant, as a way of claiming her.
The reverence in her face as she looks up at me is enough to bring me to my knees and beg for forgiveness for all the horrible shit I’ve done in my life. Beneath me she tilts her head and takes my face in her hands. Her thumbs caress my cheeks and a she gives me a familiar desire-filled glare. I can sense her thoughts running wild as she tries to calm her breathing and figure out what the hell I’m doing. What this all means. I don’t know.
I kiss her again, devouring her mouth so she’ll stop thinking. With each stroke of her lips, I lose more restraint, more control. More of who I used to be, accepting who I am.
Pulling my lips away, I pant across her lips, “All I want to do is let go.”
At my words, she bites down on her bottom lip and her face flushes. Her hands slide down my face, over my necklace, down my chest and stomach, landing on the button of my pants. Holding my eyes, she flicks the button open and begins to push my pants down.
In a trance, I let her pull them down to my thighs. With one hand, she presses her palm to my chest and very slowly guides me back. Sitting back, I remove both my pants and my boxers, along with my socks, before my eyes meet hers again.
Nassa unbuttons her jeans and slides them and her panties down. Impatiently, I grab the bottom and yank them the rest of the way off, hurling them into the pile of our clothing before I crawl back over her body and lower myself so there is only a sliver of space between us. Her hair is fanned out around her on my pillows. Her hard nipples peek up at me. I’ve never seen her look as beautiful as she does now in my stone state bed.
Resting all my weight on one arm, I take my free hand and place it back on her collarbone, allowing my pendant to fall back onto her skin. She sucks in a breath as my face and body get closer to hers. Never breaking our intense gaze, I slowly slide my hand down her body, softly kissing the corner of her lips. Her breathing hitches with each kiss.
“I warned you, buttercup. Told you that I had nothing left to give. That I couldn’t be loved,” I ramble. “You kept pushing. And pushing. Why wouldn’t you just fucking listen?”
“Well.” She exhales huskily. “I’ve never been very good at listening.”
Chest heaving, I stare down at her and smirk. “No shit.”
She smiles back and I run my nose lightly up the side of her face, causing her to shiver under me. Her response has me wanting her more than I ever have. The feel of her skin against mine, combined with the way she’s looking at me, has me spiraling out of control.
Anxiety spreads over me, shouting at me to let her go, to push her away.
To pull her closer.
Once we do this, there will be no going back.
This is not like all the other times we’ve fucked or been intimate. Right now, we’re in my stone state bed, with a spiritual soul tie, which makes everything real. This will make us more. I’ve known this day was coming since the moment I met her.
But being in this moment, with her, now . . .
“Tell me what you want,” I growl against her lips, then kiss them lightly.
I need her to tell me this is okay, because when she does, I know it’s going to destroy us both. Everything about this situation is going to backfire and screw us over in the end.
Resisting the urge to close her eyes, she looks into mine. “I want to be yours.”
I drop my forehead to hers again and exhale. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Nassa responds by arching into me, challenging me, beckoning me, even though we both know that there will only be more sadness and pain when it is all over. When I lose my heart all over again. Even so, my body aches with a primal, raw need as I slowly take her lips and her hands reach between us. Her warm fingers brush over me, and I release a groan as she tries to wrap her fingers completely around me, guiding me to her.
I hiss out a curse at her touch. After this is over, I will pay for my sins, knowing, without question, I don’t deserve her. I never will. Look
ing down into her gaze, as she brings me to her opening, I lick my lips in anticipation.
My body lowers and I take her head in between my hands, holding it still. No matter how many times she reassures me that she isn’t going to disappear, I still tighten my grip on either side of her head, terrified that she will. I press my chest to hers, my pendant digging into our skin, and with that knowledge, everything begins falling down around me, collapsing. All the darkness and walls that I constructed to keep her at bay, to keep everyone away, dissolve and come crumbling down around me, hard and fast.
I lick my lips, still tasting her, knowing I am about to do something selfish.
The darkness begins to recede.
In its place, desperation grows.
Tears threaten, and my eyes sting as she guides the tip of me inside her. I try to get my emotions under control and with a slow, measured shift, I slide into her completely.
Both of us still, staring at one another.
As if we’re waiting for the world to implode.
Her hands come up to my face and gently wipe away the tears that are now falling.
“Tell me why you really did it,” she whispers.
“If I lose you—” My voice catches. “I want to know where your soul is going.”
More tears fall.
Bitter tears.
Grieving tears.
“You’re not going to lose me,” she assures me.
“I can’t link to your soul, protect it. This—” I sniff in. “This is my way of protecting you.” I swallow the hard lump in my throat. “Of lo—” I stop right before she kisses me.
I revel in the feel of her lips against mine. Filled with hope and desire. Each kiss a promise of love. Of protection. And safety. I grip the sides of her face with my hands and deepen the kiss, pushing deeper into her, showing her the only way I know how that this thing between us is real. That she is the only good thing in my life. That she matters.
Dark Paradise: A Revelation Series Novel (The Revelation Series Book 6) Page 15
