The Accidental Human

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The Accidental Human Page 28

by Dakota Cassidy


  Nina looked at Marty.

  Wanda watched Nina look at Marty—it was unfocused, definitely blurry, but she watched beneath hooded eyelids.

  Wanda slugged back another gulp from the amber-filled bottle, holding out her hand to Nina. “C’mere. Ssssssit wif me.” She patted the bed. “Riiiiiggght here.”

  Nina took her hand and sat with care next to her, grabbing the bottle when Wanda let go of it in favor of planting her two hands on either side of Nina’s face. “Yer my frieeennnd. I lub you. Yu got a baaad potty mouf, but I sssstil lubs you. So be a gooood friend and”—she hiccupped—“annnnd bite meeee. ’K? Issseassssy—just bite.” She snapped her teeth at Nina and giggled while trying to find Marty in the swirling vortex her room had become, but it made her stomach lurch to attempt to focus her eyes on anything. So she closed them and called to her instead. “Maaaaaarrrtyy!”

  “Yes, sweetie?”

  Wanda patted the other side of the bed where Marty came to sit by her. “I lu—lu-luuubs you, toooo, Martyyyy. I didn’t alwayssss like you. In the beggiinning when I meet—met you—you were obsess—ob—sess—”

  “Obsessed, Wanda,” Nina finished for her.

  She waved a finger in the air. “Yeaaaaahhhh, thass it. But you got much nicccer. I think the dog is gooood for you. Not Muffff—yoooou know, the head dog.”

  A tear slid down Marty’s cheek. “I think so, too, Wanda.” She stroked a hand over Wanda’s forehead, light as a feather. “Look, are you really sure? You can’t change this if we do it. Well, I guess you can if Nina turns you. According to Heath, anyway.”

  Nina scoffed. “Don’t even remind me, Marty—even if I’d never risk fucking up a whole clan of vampires, don’t think there isn’t still a part of me that wishes Greg and I could do the human thing together. I’m not sure I’d want to spend any part of my life without my man—even if I could be human again. I love Greg. I love my life. I don’t want to hunt down his sire’s sire’s sire—or whatever the fuck it takes to be turned back.”

  “But if I turn you,” Marty said, whispering low in Wanda’s ears, “there’s definitely no going back.”

  Wanda’d open her eyes to give Marty the stare she’d learned from Heath, but she was afraid she’d yark if she did. “I’m suuuure. Very, very, very, very, veeee-rr—yyy sure.”

  Marty’s nod was solemn and sure. “Okay, then. Just close your eyes, honey. When you wake up, everything will be okay.”

  Marty leaned forward while Nina clung to Wanda’s hand. Wanda kept thinking she ought to tell Marty to hurry up and get it over with, but her lips just wouldn’t cooperate. They were like thick slabs of meat.

  And then she was somewhere lovely.

  Big, fluffy white clouds drifted into one another like slow motion bumper cars.

  The temperature was just right. Not too cold, not too hot.

  And Barbra Streisand music played in soft, dulcet tones.

  Shiny.

  CHAPTER 18

  Wanda felt Marty lift the old blanket her mother had made her and look under it, running her hands over her legs. “Nothing. No hair. No outward sign of any even minute changes. It’s not working! Oh, holy fuck, what’ve we done, Nina?”

  Wanda drifted, on a soft, puffy cloud of contentment. Yet she could hear Nina and Marty—see them from an almost smoky, sort of out of body haze, doing what they did best. Fight. And what did who do, that required a holy fuck?

  Nina’s tone was typically gruff and impatient. “We don’t know it’s not working, you moron. Don’t you remember how it was with us? We both woke up the next day with symptoms, not two minutes after it happened, dipshit. Jesus, stop panicking. Let it simmer or whatever the fuck it’s supposed to do.”

  “This isn’t two minutes, Nina. It’s two hours. We should have gotten help from Keegan and Greg. Maybe I did it wrong?”

  Nina snorted. “Yeahhhh, that woulda worked out just fine. Greg would shit a bat if he knew what I was doing right now. That strict no biting rule applies to me, too, ya know. I could be shunned from my own man’s clan for this. But you know what? I don’t give a flip. I’d dare Greg to tell me I can’t do what I want to do, and I want to keep Wanda here with me—with us.”

  Ohhhh, Nina loved her. Wanda’s heart tugged at the notion. She’d always known it. Nina had said it, but that she was admitting it so freely as of late made her mentally smile. And then realization swiftly followed. No matter what—if whatever was happening left her alive and kicking—she had this moment to throw back in her face.

  Score.

  Marty’s face softened, big tears welling in her blue eyes. “Oh, Ninnnnnaaaa. You love us. If we weren’t sure before, I’d say this cinches the deal.”

  Exactly, Wanda agreed with soundless approval.

  Nina nudged Marty’s shoulder with her fist. “Shut the fuck up, Marty. Yeah, I love you and without Wanda as part of this set of sicko triplets we’ve apparently become, I don’t want to get up at night. Okay? Now just be quiet for once in your life and let’s see what happens.”

  Yeah. Some quiet time would be nice,Wanda thought—though she couldn’t speak the words. She drifted once more to that dark place, the place where she could shut everyone and everything out and cling to her cloud of calm.

  An hour later, according to the alarm clock on Wanda’s nightstand, Nina gave Marty a scathing glance from her seat on the chair beside the bed Wanda lay on, rousing her from the haven of the dark place. “Jesus Christ, Marty. Leave it to you to screw this up. How hard can it be to bite someone? No wonder you were such a piss-poor werewolf to begin with.”

  Hoo boy. Now what? Try as she might, Wanda couldn’t move her lips, and that meant Nina and Marty were going to have to work on their problem-solving skills alone—together. Again, hoo boy.

  She saw Marty instantly pop up from the opposite side of the bed. “You watch yourself, Nina Statleon! I did exactly what I read on the Internet. It isn’t like I go around biting people, you heathen. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m not supposed to sink my canines into anyone according to pack law either. So I didn’t get the information booklet that comes with the class on how to turn someone into a werewolf. It’s bad enough that if this works we’re going to have some splainin’ to do to our men, but you’re not making it any easier by telling me I’ve done it wrong.” How odd that now Marty’s position had become that of Nina’s just two hours ago.

  “Well, you have, you tard,” Nina said plainly.

  “We don’t know that, you, you, bloodsucker. Stop being so impatient and just wait it out.”

  Wrong? They’d done something wrong? Leave it to the two of them to wreak havoc when left to their own devices. But once more, Wanda found she didn’t care. Wherever she was, it was totally rad. The nag in her belly was completely gone and the worry of her life coming to an end, inconsequential.

  TWO more hours later, after the beginning of a marathon of What Not to Wear, Nina was clearly eggshell fragile from Wanda’s vantage point. “If you don’t turn this shit off, Marty, I’ll beat you to death with the remote.”

  But I loooove What Not to Wear, Wanda protested in her mind.

  “Don’t tell me you don’t like it, Nina. I saw a flicker of a smile when Clinton threw all that girl’s clothes away and Carmindy made her eyes pop with just a little shading of her eyeliner. Besides, I thought it’d be good karma. Wanda loves this show. Maybe if she hears it while the change is happening, it’ll lift her spirits.”

  It has. She’s lifted, Wanda confirmed Marty’s statement without speaking a word.

  “She’s not comatose, doofus. She’s snockered. Like passed out. We don’t even know if the change has happened. All I do know is, I can smell her breath from here, and it’s rank.”

  Wanda watched Marty bite the inside of her cheek from some surreal dreamlike place she could float in and out of at will. Uh-oh. Marty was going to waffle—Wanda knew Marty well enough to know that Nina could create self-doubt in her like Bill Gates had created Microsoft. “Oh
, God. It isn’t working, is it? Jesus Christ, Nina. What the fuck have we done?”

  Waffling complete.

  Nina’s face went angry. Go figure. “I didn’t do a goddamned thing. You did it, and frigged it up to boot—which is nothing less than I’d expect.”

  Marty gasped on a wheeze, her eyes narrowing. “You. Did. Not.”

  Nina cackled. “Yeah, yeah I did, Princess.”

  “How dare you accuse me of something so mean, Nina Statleon!”

  And it was on,Wanda thought, and she was helpless to stop the two of them from ripping each other apart. Immobile in this odd state of “who gives a shit?”

  “Forget it,” Nina said with harsh resolve. “I’ll fix this.”

  She decided to return to the dark place in her mind instead of watching her friends fight when there wasn’t a bloody thing she could do about it. It was easy to let go, turn away from their bickering—so she did. Wherever she was, it was tres fabu.

  But abruptly Wanda felt the bed sag toward her. She felt hair graze her cheek, and then, she felt nothing.

  Which was abso-fucking-lutely delightful.

  Nina pressed Speed Dial on her phone, clicking the button to put it on speaker, giving Marty the look. “Marty, we are so fucked. Do you know what this means?” The panic was clear in her voice and growing sharper with each ring of Greg’s cell. “He’s going to kill meeee—” Greg picked up in the middle of her statement.

  “Nina? Where the hell are you? I’ve been trying to call you for hours. In fact, woman, I was just about to tap into that freaky-deaky dark place called your mind and summon you home. Now what’s going on?”

  “Um, vampire?” Nina’s worried eyes looked to Marty, who reached out a hand to her. Nina grabbed it and tightened her grip.

  “Yes, dear?”

  Marty took a deep breath as Nina spoke into the phone. “We have a problem and before you go getting all hinky with me, let me just explain. It’s Wanda. Do you remember what I told you the other day?”

  Greg’s voice went soft, consoling. “I do, honey. Is that where you’ve been? Is she okay? Do you need me, babe? Should I be there with you?”

  Nina rolled her eyes and then clenched them shut. “Oh, you should be here, punkin’—but not because anything’s wrong, per se.Well, wait,” she rushed onward, her words stringing together. “I take that back. Something’s wrong, but it isn’t Wanda’s health per se . . .” Marty shook her head vehemently at Nina, giving her the “Omigod, don’t even fucking think it” look. “Okay, scratch that. It sort of is about her health—”

  A loud crash against the door they’d locked Wanda behind downstairs in her basement made them both whip around and head to the top of the stairs. The wood, old and warped, though thick and heavy, began to bow.

  “What the hell was that?” Greg hollered into the room.

  Nina shuffled her feet in a nervous dance, her sneakers squeaking on the floor. “You need to come, and you need to come now, honey! I’m at Wanda’s. And hurry the fuck up. Get your wings a whirrin’!” Nina clicked the phone off before Greg could respond.

  She cast another glance at Marty.

  A glance rife with panic.

  Marty looked to the door at the bottom of the stairs, leading to the basement.

  Nina ran a hand through her long hair. “Dude—we’re fucked. You’d better call Keegan, Marty Flaherty—I’ll be damned if I’ll take the fall for this alone!”

  Marty snatched her cell phone from the end table and pressed Speed Dial. Snarling, angry howls in the background made her fingers tremble. Heavy breathing accompanied the wet, slurpy intakes of harsh breaths.

  Keegan answered on the second ring. “Marty? Where the hell are you? Jesus, woman! How hard is it to call me and tell me where you are?”

  Marty put the phone on speaker.There was no use in hiding the direness of their situation. “Sugarplum?”

  “Dumpling . . .” His voice was wary.

  “Where—are—you?” she ground the words out.

  His voice filled the room, gruff and husky. “On my way to Wanda’s. The only thing I could figure was something happened and she needed you. I figured it had to be bad because I haven’t heard from you in over eight hours. I didn’t want to disturb girl time, but then I began to worry. Is she—Is it time?”

  Each woman heard the hesitance in Keegan’s voice. The hesitance to say the word dying. “Welllll, not exactly.” Marty heard the first splinter of the wooden door frame to the basement cracking. “How far away are you?” she yelped.

  “About ten minutes and what the hell was that?”

  “Goood, hubby! That’s very, very good. Get here fast—like now!”

  “Mar—”

  Marty clicked the phone off and threw it on the couch like it was on fire.

  Nina ran to the top of the steps and looked down. Marty was right behind her, smacking into her with a thud. Nina clenched her teeth. “Do you see what you’ve done? Shit, shit, shit!”

  “Meeeee?” Marty crowed. “This didn’t happen until after you bit her, you pain in my ass. Always yelling at me. Always complaining. If you’d have just left well enough alone. It was you who thought I didn’t do it right. And don’t you forget it, missy!”

  The panic on Nina’s face was in every pale line—in her dark, dark eyes, in the thin set of her usually full lips. “I just don’t get it, Marty! What the fuck did we do to her?”

  Marty covered her mouth to keep from gasping her terror. “I don’t know. I only know if one of these men don’t show up soon, she’s going to get out—and if you thought we were fucked before . . .”

  Nina puffed her cheeks out. “I don’t know if I can hold her off, Marty.We’re always bullshittin’ about how tough we are, but she’s ten times as strong as us. You saw her—she was . . . she was . . .” Nina shook her head, still unable to believe what had happened—what they’d seen. “If you hadn’t had that rawhide bone of Muffin’s in your purse to distract her, I don’t know what the hell we would have done. And you can’t help—you’re pregnant. If I let something happen to you, Keegan’ll rip me apart!”

  The snarling stopped for a moment. Blessed silence greeted their ears.

  Marty let a breath escape from between her lips.

  Nina rolled her head on her neck.

  And then Wanda, snarling, hairier than any werewolf either of them had seen during a shift, wild-eyed, and drooling hatred from her canines, shot through the basement door like she’d been hurled from a cannon.

  CHAPTER 19

  “Oh, sir! Thank the heavens you’re home,” Archibald exclaimed, his worry evident on his face.

  Heath’s expression immediately held concern. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  Archibald held up a blue cellophane-wrapped package. “I will admit, I’m very concerned. Miss Wanda dropped this off earlier for you while you were at that meeting with the man-fiend Linda, and she seemed very distracted. My advice would be to go to her immediately.”

  He took the lumpy package from Arch, throwing it on the counter and tearing open the cellophane.

  Heath paused only for a moment, and then he was a flurry of motion, throwing his jacket back on. “I gotta go, Arch, but I’ll call you later. And don’t worry. Everything’s going to be fine.”

  He took one last glance at the package.

  And then he understood.

  Completely.

  GREG burst through the front door first, Keegan came up short right behind him to find Nina with one leg securely wrapped around what was once Wanda’s human head, her grip white knuckled, on Wanda’s now-fuzzy ears. Marty sat on top of her, dangling a raw pork chop over her snarling, dripping teeth.

  Greg was the first to speak. “Ladies.”

  Keegan’s eyes narrowed. “So I see we have a problem.”

  Nina grunted, gripping a snarling, seething Wanda tighter, fighting to keep her in check. “Gregori Statleon, if you don’t bring your vampire ass over here this fucking second and help
me hold her down, I swear to Christ, there’ll be no more ‘poor lost maiden in a snowstorm in the Swiss Alps who needs a big, brawny mountain man to save her’ night for you, buddy!”

  Marty dropped the pork chop to the floor. “You. Do. Not.”

  Nina’s face contorted. “Shut the fuck up, Marty. Greg, help me!”

  Greg sauntered over to twist his neck and look down at Nina. “But honey, you look like you have a pretty good grip on things. You’re always talking tough—I’d think a little ole thing like whatever the hell this is would be no big deal. So what is this?”

  “Marty Flaherty!” Keegan thundered, standing beside Greg to give Marty a hard stare. “Your input? Please, punkin’.”

  Marty sobbed. “I don’t know what happened. I swear, Keegan.”

  “Tell me exactly what you two have been doing. Now, Marty,” Keegan ordered.

  Wanda struggled beneath Nina. Frothy foam dripped from her mouth. Her eyes, always so calm and sapphire blue, gleamed with wicked, hateful intent.

  Marty’s chest heaved as Wanda reared up, but Nina managed to pin her back down while Marty repositioned herself on Wanda’s back end. “Okay, it went like this.You two know what’s going on with Wanda. She’s dying—dying, Keegan! Do you know what it’s like to know we can save her and not do a damned thing? And Wanda didn’t want us to do anything. She said we were messing with fate. She refused to allow us to turn her, but then, well, then she fell in love with Heath, right, honey?” She looked down at Wanda, addressing her as if she were still in her right mind. “Our Wanda fell in love, didn’t you?” she cooed as though she were talking to Muffin, reaching out to stroke a hand over her fur until Wanda snapped at her with a succinct chomp of the air. “Stop that right now, Wanda Schwartz!”

 

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