‘Marvellous.’ She smiles. ‘Do me a favour girls and go and find Marge. I fancy one of her delicious teas.’
‘Oh, I can make you one?’ I offer, reaching for the kettle.
She winks at me. ‘No, I fancy one of Marge’s, but thank you.’
The girls skip off to find her where she’d no doubt having a cheeky smoke in the garden. I’ve caught her a few times already.
I steel myself, knowing she wants to talk to me about something away from the prying ears of the girls. Barclay must have told her what a nightmare I am. I hope she’s not here to berate me.
As soon as they’re out of ear shot, she turns to me, her eyes still warm.
‘I wanted to know how my inhospitable son has been treating you?’
I bark out a laugh, but quickly correct myself. I must remember he is her son. She’s probably just being polite.
‘Oh, it’s been fine.’ I busy myself with wiping down the side.
‘Now, now, Ruby,’ she warns with an amused smile. ‘I’d like you to be honest with me. I’m on your side here.’
My side? Not her sons? Well that’s bloody strange. I look her over. She doesn’t seem to be trying to catch me out and she’s got nothing but good vibes coming from her. What have I got to lose anyway? I’m already fired.
‘Well... okay we have had a few disagreements already,’ I begrudgingly admit.
She grins mischievously. ‘I thought so. There’s something in his eyes when he talks about you. Something I haven’t seen before.’
‘Pure irritation?’ I can’t help but ask with a laugh.
‘Oh yes.’ She nods. ‘Don’t get me wrong, he’s always complaining. If not about you then it will be something else. He’s always been cantankerous, but I liked the sound of you. You sound spunky and it’s clear the girls adore you.’
I find myself blushing. How can he have such a charming mother? His dad must be a pig.
She places her hand over mine. ‘I just wanted to let you know that Barclay isn’t a bad man. Sure, he can seem impossible at times, but his heart’s in the right place.’
I smile and shrug. ‘I get it. They’re his kids.’
‘Well, just remember that I’m on your side. If you ever feel like he’s taken things too far I’d like you to call me.’ She slides over her business card. ‘It’s not good for the girls to have a constant stream of nannies. I want you to stay.’
I smile. Shit, how can I tell her that he’s already fired me?
‘Thanks. It means a lot to me.’
She smiles back at me with a crinkled nose, like she’s keeping a secret. ‘Something tells me you’ll be the one that sticks around.’
Oh, how little she knows.
Sunday 8th December
Ruby
Freda didn’t stay long yesterday. She helped us build the gingerbread house but then made her excuses. I decided to book a day at the local ski centre for today. They’re doing a Christmas grotto for the holidays which sounds perfectly festive. This way the girls are guaranteed to play with the white stuff even if we don’t have a white Christmas this year.
We arrive at around three pm, after having a lazy morning in our pyjamas before attending tap class, but it already seems packed, kids screaming with excitement.
They pass me a form where I basically sign away our lives, stating that any accident we have is our own fault and we can’t sue them. I’ve seen these forms handed out at birthday parties. Some parents are mental.
‘She is four, right?’ the young lad asks me, pointing to Lottie, clinging on my hip. She looks adorable, still insisting on the messy bun every day.
‘Err, of course.’ I nod, not wanting to exclude her from anything. ‘Why?’
He shrugs. ‘Just that’s our minimum age for the snow tunnel.’
‘Ah.’ Lottie smiles up at me. I doubt she’ll want to go on it anyway. She’s such a Cautious Cathy.
We hire our snow suits, waterproof gloves, boots and helmets and then we’re led into the play area. Kids are doing snow angels and building snowmen while Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” blasts from the speakers. This is what I’m talking about. Finally, some Christmas cheer.
We get to work building our own snowman, using the props of plastic buttons and fake carrot they’ve given us. It’s crap because they don’t stay in place, but the girls are happy, their little pink cheeks raised in glee. That’s all that matters.
‘Can we go on the Ride the Ringo now?’ Jessica asks, visibly shaking with excitement.
She’s so adorable with her little rosy nose. I couldn’t deny her even if I wanted to.
I roll my eyes playfully. ‘Okay, we can go now.’
We que up for the slide and listen while an instructor tells us that you must hold onto the holdalls on the huge rubber rings. I assumed that Lottie won’t want to go on it, but now she’s seen the demonstration she’s begged for us to go on together. How can I say no to that face? These girls have me wrapped round their little fingers.
I’m just about to ask Jessica if she’s nervous, but she’s already jumping on the hoop and sliding off. It strikes me that her confidence has soared in these short few weeks. I love to think I’ve played a small part in that.
I can watch from here as she spins, slips and slides down the course. She makes it to the end safely and gets helped off by a member of staff. She gives me a big thumbs up, beaming with pride. Who knew she was so fearless?
‘Right, our turn,’ I say to Lottie, hoping she’ll change her mind.
I go to sit in the ring and motion for Lottie to go on top of me, when a man stops us.
‘Woah, only one person per rubber ring.’
I scrunch my nose up. ‘What? Well, that’s not safe. She’s only thr...four,’ I quickly correct. ‘She wants to go down with me, don’t you Lottie?’
She smiles shyly, nodding up at the man.
He bites his lip, mulling it over. ‘Okay, but you have to hold onto your mummy.’
Lottie smiles secretly at me, her cheeks reddening, but neither of us correct him. I think she actually likes it, bless her. I get Lottie to climb on top of me so we’re both star fishing the hoop.
‘Hold on tight, baby,’ I whisper into her ear as a fresh swoop of fear clutches at my stomach.
We’re pushed down the slope and go under a small tunnel lit with fairy lights, then we’re out and sliding around a corner so fast we almost fall off. Jesus, this is a kid’s ride?
We skid around a corner and then we’re slung around another corner almost falling off again. This is fucking terrifying for a kid’s ride. Forget Lottie being scared, I’m shitting a brick here. I see the end is near and I thank god. My stomach has fallen out somewhere back around the first bend.
We launch up towards the ‘high five’ board which is basically what stops us. I haven’t had a chance to breathe a sigh of relief before Lottie is emitting an ear piercing scream. My heart feels like it stops, all blood draining from my face and pooling at my feet.
The man runs over and stops us. I lift Lottie up carefully before jumping up and immediately asking her what’s wrong.
‘My arm!’ she cries, tears streaming down her cheeks. ‘My arm!’
Her face is bright red, her eyes wide and panicked. I know it’s bad instantly. Real bad.
‘Shit. We need to see your first aider,’ I shout loudly at the man, who I can’t help but notice is no older than fourteen.
I grab Lottie and lift her up, careful not to touch her arm. Jessica joins us as we run towards the first aid room the boy is pointing at.
‘Help!’ I shout as soon as we’re in the door, apparently scaring the teenage lad who’s sat in there dunking biscuits in his tea. How is this little boy going to help? I probably know more first aid than him. ‘She’s hurt her arm.’
I look down at it and its swollen, quickly turning from red to purple and doubling in size.
‘Lottie, can you move your fingers?’ I ask.
She concen
trates, her little eyes creasing at the corners. A pained sob escapes her mouth, deep from her throat.
‘Right, I’m taking you straight to hospital,’ I announce, already dragging them out of the room. I already know she needs it. I’m just praying to God it’s just a sprain.
Chapter 12
Ruby
It’s not just a sprain. Her wrist is broken. The poor little darling. We’ve worked out that she must have reached out to high five the board and then had it crushed between it and the rubber ring. She’s been given some pain killers which have taken the edge off and now we’re waiting for it to be set in cast.
Every time I look at those gorgeous little chubby fingers, now surrounded by deep purple bruising I can’t help but want to vomit. I caused this.
I’m going to have to call Mr Rothchester. My God, I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of it. If he hadn’t fired me already, I know without a shadow of a doubt he would now.
I’m worried he’s going to say I’m a danger to the girls and ask me to leave now. The thought of the girls having Christmas without me has a dull aching sadness attacking my heart I’ve never felt before. Maybe what I’m scared of is me being without them.
A nurse agrees to sit with the girls while I go outside to make the call. I swallow down the fear bubbling up my oesophagus. You can do this. It was an accident. You didn’t do this on purpose. Not that he’ll care. Tears prick at the back of my eyes. Be brave, Ruby, be brave.
It rings four times. I pray that he’s in a meeting and I’ll get to leave a voicemail.
‘Hello?’
No such luck.
‘Hi, Mr Rothchester,’ I squeak. I don’t even recognise my own voice. ‘It’s Ruby.’
‘Yes?’ he asks, obviously pissed I’ve disturbed him at work.
‘It’s... it’s...’ I clear my throat and pray for my tongue to stop wobbling. ‘It’s Lottie. I mean, Charlotte. She’s... she’s had an accident,’ I stutter.
Silence greets me. ‘Is she okay?’ he asks on a pained whisper.
‘She’s broken her arm,’ I blurt out, needing to tell the truth as quickly as possible. ‘We’re at the hospital now.’
He’s quiet for a few moments, enough to wonder if he’s putting out a hit on me.
‘Jesus fucking Christ, Ruby,’ he says, sounding more exhausted than angry. ‘Which hospital?’
I give him the details and then he hangs up.
Well that went just as expected. Probably wants to wait until he sees me to fully berate me.
I go back in and hold Lottie’s other hand while her arm is set in cast. She’s so brave. Her little hazel eyes fill with tears, but she forces a smile at me. I try to stay strong in front of the girls, but a traitorous tear sneaks out. I quickly wipe it away, but not before Jessica’s seen it.
‘It’s okay,’ she says, like someone far older than her years, rubbing my shoulder. ‘It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident. Daddy will understand.’ Even she doesn’t sound convinced.
‘I don’t know if he will,’ I admit, with a fake little laugh. ‘But you don’t need to worry about that.’
‘I’ll tell Daddy it was my fault,’ Lottie says bravely. ‘Don’t worry, Ruby.’
What has it come to when the girls are comforting me?
We’re ready a lot sooner than I thought we’d be.
‘It looks like we’re going to be home before Daddy,’ I say as brightly as I can. I can’t wait to get her home so I can look after her properly.
We’re just walking out of the main doors when we spot him. He jumps out of the taxi and rushes in. He sees us straight away. His tie is dragged down and that vein on his forehead is throbbing. Never a good sign.
‘Charlotte!’ he calls, as if it physically hurts. He lands on his knees in front of her. ‘How are you?’ He looks at her cast arm, pushing back the hair from her face. ‘My poor, baby.’
Is it possible for your throat to tremble in fear? Because I think mine is.
‘It wasn’t Ruby’s fault,’ Jessica says quickly, her eyes pleading.
He doesn’t look at me. Instead he smiles tightly and says, ‘We’ll talk about it later.’
The girls seem happy that daddy isn’t going off on one. They’re not old enough to realise that he’s so fuming he can’t speak to me in a public place. He can’t even look at me. I damaged one of his girls. Of course he’s going to kill me. He just needs a quiet place with no witnesses.
In a way it’s worse not knowing when he’s going to turn and show his beastly rage. The anticipation is killing me.
We drive back to the house in silence. He ignores me, as I ignore him, getting the girls ready for bed and tucked in. I reassure the girls again that it’ll all be fine before kissing them goodnight.
I take a deep breath as I close Jessica’s bedroom door. Time to face the music. I walk downstairs, my body now physically shaking. I knock three raps on his office door.
‘Come in,’ he says sternly.
One more deep breath. It’s going to be fine, Ruby. Yes, he’ll be upset, but he’ll get over it. Oh, who am I kidding?
He’s sat behind his desk, no doubt a power play from him. I stand against the door, wanting as much distance between us as possible.
‘What the hell happened, Ruby?’ he asks, more exasperated than furious. It’s scarier. Much scarier.
‘We went on this ride at the snow centre. I think she must have reached out to touch the high five wall and it got crushed by the hoop.’
‘Why the hell was she on a ride like that by herself?’ he demands, his forehead marred with wrinkles.
‘She wasn’t. I was with her. Only... well, the guy did warn that it was only supposed to be one person at a time. Only...’
‘Only...?’ he encourages, his eyebrows raised, his full lips pursed.
I blow out a breath and flop down onto the spare chair across from him. I think it’ll be safer.
‘I’d lied. I said she was four so she could ride it in the first place. So yeah, it’s basically completely my fault. I take full responsibility. But nothing you say to me will make me feel worse than I already do.’
He sighs. ‘It’s okay.’
My eyes dart from side to side. It’s okay? Of all the things I was waiting for him to say it definitely wasn’t “okay”. Is he playing with me?
‘It’s not okay,’ I disagree, apparently wanting an argument. ‘I broke your baby’s arm. I’m a disgusting human being who shouldn’t be allowed around children.’
He sighs and leans forward, clasping his hands together on the desk.
‘Look, Ruby. I was furious when I first heard, but when I saw you, I realised that you felt just as sick about it as I did.’
I burst into tears, no longer able to contain my damn of emotions.
‘I do feel sick about it,’ I say between sobs. ‘I can’t believe it happened, that it’s all my fault. I can’t believe I was so reckless.’
He raises an eyebrow. ‘Let’s not be too dramatic. You were hardly letting her play in traffic. It was an accident.’
I sigh and shrug, wiping my weeping nose with the back of my hand. ‘Look, I’ll be out of your hair by the new year. I think you’re right. I’m not best suited to this position.’
He nods, his features serious. ‘Fine.’
I stand up, dismissing myself. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go cry into my pillow or max out my credit card. Whichever comes first.’ I turn to leave, wishing I could truly run away.
‘Oh, and Ruby?’
I tense my shoulders and turn to hear his last words.
‘You can call me Barclay.’
Huh?
‘Really?’ I shrill, a ridiculous giggle escaping my lips.
He smirks at me. ‘It seems only fair, seeing as how I use your first name.’
God, he’s weird.
Barclay
I can’t believe my baby got harmed. When I first got the call from Ruby my whole world felt like it was falling apart.
I was storming out when my mum spotted me and attempted to calm me down. Told me that she’d met Ruby and how she’d had her fair few scrapes with me when I was younger.
It just got me madder if I’m honest, but then the moment I laid eyes on Ruby in that hospital hallway I knew I couldn’t make her feel any worse than she already did. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. For all her craziness, she really does seem to genuinely care for my girls. Far more than any nanny before her.
I suppose whereas I think she’s stubborn and pig headed to stay until after Christmas she thinks she just doing what’s best for the girls. I’m starting to worry at their reaction of her leaving.
I mean, she broke Charlotte’s wrist today and yet Charlotte still looks at her as if the sun shines out of her arse. Trust my girls to fall for someone with the exact opposite personality to their father.
I can’t pretend it didn’t hurt when she agreed she’d it best to leave by the new year.
I don’t know what’s come over me, whether it just be because she cried (I’ve never been good with crying women) or seeing my girls falling for her, but for a moment I actually wished she’d fight to stay.
Chapter 13
Monday 9th December
Ruby
Breakfast was tense, which seems to be a running theme in this house. Barclay—I’m not going to get used to that—ignored me when we saw each other in the kitchen. I tried my best to pretend I didn’t notice. If I look into his eyes, I know I’ll get another whole flash of guilt. It wasn’t bad enough getting fired, now I’ve gone and fucked the reference too.
He can’t hate me that much though, can he? Of course he can. You maimed his child. I barely slept a wink thinking about it. Either way, the girls seem happy that I’m still here.
After breakfast I decide to distract them from the horror that was yesterday by presenting them with the photo of their mum. I put it into an old frame of mine. Jessica was over the moon.
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